Justin

Trace is killing me right now.

People think that since I’m the famous one I must be the real mover and shaker, the one pulling the strings. Well, these people fatally underestimate Trace. We’re on break while they change the lighting and he’s wasted no time. He’s pulled out his iPad and is pitching our clothing line to the supermodel playing my love interest as she gets her make up retouched. It’s a smart move. Anything she agreed to would need to be properly booked and negotiated through her agency, but getting on her good side now will probably make her more willing to do the job. He’s a shark, man, but I kind of love it.

Probably a good thing it’s him. After the Felicity incident I’m not sure she’d be as receptive to me. It’s embarrassing, to be honest. I wasn’t expecting it to be so personal. I did expect something, which was why I neglected to tell her in the first place, but not this.

It was a given that Felicity might get jealous of any love interest in any of my videos. She may not care what (or who) I do when we’re in our ‘off’ periods but when she’s around she doesn’t accept even imagined competition. I also knew she’d probably come across Millie before since they both come from that set. As I understand it there’s some kind of snobbery about the blue bloods versus the Park Avenue princesses, so I also figured she might be a little annoyed.

What I didn’t know was that there’s some raging feud. I prepared for manageable irritation and got steaming fury.

The comical thing is that it’s a one sided feud. Millie is almost indifferent to Felicity – doesn’t like her, but doesn’t waste attention on her either. That’s probably what’s driving her so crazy. She’s taken every shot she can. She’s done her best to make the girl feel uncomfortable while we’re shooting, keeping herself ostentatiously in sight and staring her down. She’s only wasting her own energy because Millie doesn’t care.

I do care because it reflects badly on me. This is my set and I want things to be professional. If Millie was at all inhibited by her it would be detrimental to the video and I can’t have that.

It makes me wonder why I’m still with the woman. Trace is totally unfair about her, acts like she’s a bitch (she’s not, just real in charge and real particular about what she wants), but I can’t blame him for not getting it. It’s always been on and off, never committed on either side. She’s very demanding, especially for someone who’s so flaky about drifting in and out of my life, but… I can’t explain it. Even though we have nothing in common and it would never go anywhere, I have a feeling we’ll keep separating and coming back together until one or the other suddenly meets somebody serious. We have fun together. Chemistry’s a friggin’ weird thing, and I have it with her.

Of course when I explained that to Trace he said and I quote: ‘cyanide is chemistry but that doesn’t make it a good idea to do shots of the fucking stuff.’ Smart ass.

Finally I managed to get her out of the way by pulling the fake concerned act. I laid it on thick about how boring hanging around is for her and how much I appreciated her support but I thought she deserved to relax instead. She’s gone to the spa at the hotel. I had to get her a driver but it’s money well spent. Things are easier. And hey, I might be able to talk to my co-star without getting punished for it later.

Which I would like to do. She’s an interesting story, darling of the British upper class social scene until her father publicly and messily cut her off age nineteen. There’s got to be some shit behind that, I’d love to hear it (I’m nosy, what can I say?). She’s then made it in the modelling industry on her own and is now a big name and wealthy in her own right. I respect that - takes some grit after being kicked out like that.

My semi-girlfriend describes her as a stuck up bitch. So far I don’t think she is, but I can see how people could get that impression. She seems like the kind of person who needs to talk to you a little bit before she loosens up. Kind of an introvert. She’s a few years younger than me, twenty seven, but she seems pretty together. She’s been fine to work with – maybe a little detached or aloof, but no ego. This is in contrast to all reports I got but obviously Felicity’s biased.

After our little debate with Beth earlier about why so many people go for her, I think I’ve decided it’s the eyes. They remind me of Elvis. It’s that stare. No matter how laid-back the expression there’s still this natural intensity.

And… okay, it’s shallow, but it helps that she’s beautiful. Obviously even supermodels don’t roll out of bed looking like supermodels, but when she walked in without her make up or hair she still looked nice. She has this classic English Rose face. She’s all long legs, glossy blonde hair and these very light blue eyes.

The interactions I’ve had with her are pretty basic, but even from them there’s something I can’t put my finger on. Once you get over the snooty accent (seriously, she sounds like a caricature), she seems like a nice girl… but you can’t be sure. There’s a guarded quality about her; it’s like she’s not letting you see much of who you’re really talking to.

At the same time though she doesn’t come off as shy. She’s so casually confident I think you could throw rocks at her head and they’d bounce off, but it’s not obnoxious. It’s hard to explain. There’s no getting away from the air of privilege about her but she still comes off like a human being. She’s nice to the crew. I guess rather than being that irritating ‘I love myself’ kind of confidence it’s more that she’s at ease with what she’s doing.

Like the cool girl in school that you didn’t dare approach - not because she was mean but because you got around her and felt gauche, like a total dork.

All in all she’s exactly the kind of character who makes me look twice - one I can’t immediately get a handle on. I’m good at people reading and being unreadable is the fastest way to make me curious. But I better stop analysing so much because she’s just come over to sit next to me.

“So your friend’s quite the business man,” she says lightly.

“Sorry, has he been bugging you?”

“Not at all.” She waves a manicured hand. Every movement is soft with her. It makes me wonder if she ever trained for ballet. “Was interesting, actually, he’s got a good eye for branding.”

“As his business partner I’m relieved,” I joke.

“Though I didn’t come to talk to you about that, I actually wanted to ask you a favour.”

Really? Intriguing. “Sure.”

“It’s… well, I know this sounds silly but Matthew’s just shown me the story boards for the next scenes and I hadn’t been aware of either of them. I’m a bit concerned.”

I take a sip of my water. I don’t need it, I’m not thirsty, but it’s a way to buy myself a few seconds to compose myself without making it obvious. (Handy tip for potential conflict situations – lets you think a few moves ahead of the conversation).

“What’s up?”

“It’s just that when they originally sent me the concepts they hadn’t mentioned the scene and I’m a little bit nervous. I’m sorry to cause any trouble but would it be alright with you if I asked Matthew to clear the set? It is your video and I didn’t want to ask without discussing it with you.”

Okay, now I really don’t understand why Felicity has such a beef with her. The human being I’m speaking to and the human being she describes cannot be the same person. She has a perfectly reasonable request. Yet instead of just making it like she’s perfectly entitled to do, she’s made a point to come talk to me first.

This is all very considerate and respectful and not even a little bit evil personified.

“Sure, of course. Whatever you need to make you more comfortable, alright?”

“Thanks, you’re a legend.” She gives me a relieved smile.

“I’m sorry if we didn’t brief you properly before.”

“Oh no, these things are always evolving. You have to expect changes on the day.” She shakes her head, messy waves falling prettily around her face as she does so. “I just get a bit nervous with these fight scenes.”

Fight scenes? Oh. That’s interesting… I assumed she meant the love scene.

The concept of the video is Phantom of the Opera meets broken down fairytale. She’s the heroine running away from this dark guy (me) in her tattered white gown before coming across this mysterious stranger (also me). In the scenes we’re shooting next there will be one where she’s struggling to get away from the bad me and another where she’s getting hot and heavy with the good me. They’re going to filter the colours to make it all dark and gothic to go with the song (which is about a character who’s wrestling with his inner demon). It should look awesome once it’s done, though the challenge is making sure it stays edgy rather than slipping into cheesy.

Still, I would’ve assumed it was making out with me that made her uncomfortable. Obviously when acting is part of your job you get on with it, but love scenes are awkward to shoot. You have to get up close and intimate with somebody you barely know. You have to do it in front of a bored audience with people yelling at you about how to move your body. I don’t know how the result ever winds up looking hot because the process sure as hell isn’t.

“Well, is there anything we can watch out for when we block it that’ll make you feel better?” I ask. “It’s important to me that you feel safe and I’m not crossing any of your boundaries.”

“Honestly, you even saying that makes me feel ten times better.” It makes me glad to hear her say that, I want her to feel reassured. “Though if we could just… I kind of hate anything constricting my neck.”

That surprises me. One of her most famous billboards was her and a guy in an elevator where he kind of holds her against the wall by her neck. It was a sexy thing, they’re clearly in the throes of passion (I guess the idea is that the perfume made her irresistible?) but if she’s got a thing about that area I’m guessing that was a pretty shitty day at work.

“No problem. I think they choreographed the fight for us anyway but I can make sure there’s never anything like that.”

“I repeat, you are a legend. Thanks Justin.”

It makes me wonder what she’s had to put up with in the past if a simple act of basic respect qualifies me as a legend. Or maybe it’s just some weird British hyperbole.