Chris

I’m trying here. That’s big for me. At least I’m doing that, which is more than I can say for my wife. She’s been shooting daggers at me all evening. It only got better after Koren and Joey got here because she’s got to put up an even bigger front. Though, I can tell from the looks she’s getting from Kate and Koren, they’re not buying the act.

We’ve been fine up until a few months ago. That’s when I discovered the text messages from some guy named Ben on her phone. Turns out Ben is a single dad from our kids’ school. Ben’s kid is in the same Kindergarten class as our daughter, Madisen. Our son, Noah, is in second grade and as far as I know, no dad from his class is texting my wife.

Liv admitted to me she and Ben started talking on a field trip to the zoo once. I guess Ben’s wife is lazy or something and won’t go get a job and Liv felt that it was her duty to confide in Ben and let him know that I, too, was also out of work. That’s sort of true. I work as a studio singer in Nashville and haven’t had much success the last six months.

We’ve been trying to fix things but I think I’m giving up. I’m just not too keen on wanting to be in a marriage with someone who seems to have already checked out.

We’ve finished dinner and everyone’s tired and lounging in the living room. JC and Kate are both cuddled together on the couch in their typical lovey-dovey fashion. Koren is sitting on Joey’s lap while he aimlessly tries to find us a movie on the OnDemand. And Liv and me are sitting on the complete opposite side of the room from one another, both in disgust at the couples around us.

I think it makes me mad because we were the first to hook up out of everyone in college and now we’re gonna be the first to get divorced if things keep going the way they are.

“Dude, why do you look like you’re ready to punch something?”

Leave it to Joey to call me out on something. It’s then that I notice I’ve got a scowl on my face and immediately shake myself out of it.

“Huh? Nothing. I’m just…thinking.” I clear my throat and look over at the TV. “So are we watching something or what?”

“I vote ‘what’.” Kate yawns and stands to her feet. “C’mon girls, let’s get some wine and go talk out on the porch.”

I watch as Liv glances up at Kate and then shakes her head. “No, I think I’m going to bed.” She stands to her feet and Kate and Koren look at her almost in disbelief.

“It’s only nine, Livvy.” Koren states and looks at her phone. “Plus, I’m on California time and I’m wide awake. We only get til Monday morning together. Come on!”

Liv sighs and I can tell she would rather just go upstairs and forget it all. If she goes outside, she’ll have to admit her secret and I know she already feels like Kate and Koren both have perfect marriages. At least compared to ours they do.

“Fine.” She relents and follows them outside.

“Ok, man, what’s going on.” JC doesn’t even wait five seconds before the girls are outside. “You two have been acting weird.”

I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather forget it. I’d rather make a joke about how JC’s hair is greying at the edges and Joey’s beard is thinning. Then, they could counter back at me about how much weight I’ve put on or something. Anything other than talking about marital issues.

“I think we’re both sad about being here.” That was partially true. Lance had been my roommate. I was the one who’d walked in the room and found him hanging in the closet. I still shudder when I think about that.

“Yeah, we all are.” Joey nods and looks out towards the back porch where the girls are. Joey was Lance’s best friend next to Kate. Lance was more fun when Joey had been around. Usually, he kept to himself, too shy to approach the opposite sex, unless approached first. Kate had tried countless times to set him up, but ultimately had failed.

“I told you, it just didn’t work out.” Lance told Kate again for what seemed liked the thousandth time that night.

“I don’t get it, Bass. She was all about going out with you!” Kate was persistent. She wasn’t going to give up until Lance told her what really had happened on his date.

“Babe, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Sometimes things just don’t work out.” JC pulled on her arm, reaching for the pitcher of beer in front of him at the same time. “Remember you and Justin?”

Kate rolled her eyes and finally leaned back into the booth. “That was two years ago and it might have worked out if he hadn’t been so full of himself.”

“What do you mean it ‘might have’?” JC raised an eyebrow and Kate realized what she’d just said.

“You know what I mean! It didn’t. I’m with you. End of story.” She leaned over and kissed his lips, then turned back to Lance. “Fine. You can be all sneaky and not say anything, but you know Gina’s going to tell me either way why she suddenly decided you weren’t good enough or whatever. I don’t buy your story, Bass.”

“Kate, let it go!” Lance was getting agitated and slammed his glass on the table. Kate jumped and bit her lower lip.

“I’m sorry, Lance. I was just…kidding.” She trailed off and got quiet. None of us had ever seen Lance so irritated before. He usually was calm and cool and when a date had gone bad, he’d brush it off but he always told us why. This time, it had been like pulling teeth to get him to say anything.

At that moment, Justin walked up to our table with two girls on each arm. I could hear Joey groan next to me under his breath.

“Just came over to say hello.” Justin was grinning from ear to ear. The girls on either side were young. They had to have been brand new freshmen if not from the local high school.

“Who are your friends?” Liv asked, eyeing them as if they were little bugs she wanted to step on.

“This is Alex.” Justin nodded to the girl on his right, who had flaming red hair and dark brown lip liner. “And this is Emily.” The girl on his left had a short brown bob and earrings that touched her shoulders. They were both dressed as if he’d picked them up at the strip club down the street.

“Nice to meet you.” Koren was wary as she spoke, eyeing them up and down.

“Alex and Emily. Hi. I’m Kate.” Kate reached across the table and with the most fake of smiles shook both their hands.

“Hi.” They both spoke so softly we could barely hear them over the music.

“Are you guys students at Presley?” JC asked and the girls nodded together.

“We met in Economics.” Justin put his arm around both of them. “And now we’re headed over to Jack’s Place for some dancing.” Jack’s Place was the club across the street from our bar.
“Have fun.” I called to them as they turned around. Justin glanced back at us and flashed a smile.

“That’s disgusting.” Liv folded her arms across her chest and leaned against me. “Two? And how old are they? Sixteen?”

“Not to mention I don’t think Alex is wearing anything under that shirt that she’s trying to pass off as a dress.” Kate leaned over to watch them exit the bar.

“Really?” Joey snapped his head back to get one more glance.

“Stop!” Koren pulled him back to his seat. “I know you’re not serious! Those girls looked like little tramps.”

It was then that I noticed Lance looking down at his beer with a sad expression across his face. Kate noticed, too, and touched his arm.

“What?” She asked him and Lance quickly perked up.

“Nothing. I, um, I think I tried to talk to one of those girls last week and they blew me off.” Lance answered and sipped his beer.

“Well, good!” Liv snorted. “You don’t want a slut for a girlfriend anyway, Lance. You can do much better.”

“We’ll find you someone.” Kate patted his hand and tried to reassure him.

“Yeah.” Lance cleared his throat and poured himself another beer.

We got back to the dorm after two the next morning. Lance had been quieter than usual and immediately changed out of his clothes and plopped down on his bed.

“You still upset about that date, man? Or about Kate being so damn insistent?” I threw my shirt on the floor and sat down on my bed that faced his.

“Nah. Just…nothing. I’m tired.” Lance lied down and rolled to his side.

“These girls you go out with are all friends of Kate’s. Maybe you should go talk to that bartender chick next time. She was definitely looking at you tonight.” That was a lie but I wanted to make my friend feel better. Not to mention, he needed to learn how to approach girls without Kate in the way. Sometimes I felt that she was a hindrance because she was always around whenever he met new women.

“Maybe.” Lance yawned and then was silent. I figured he’d fallen asleep and tried to do the same.

“Did he ever actually date anyone?” Joey asks, and I realize he and JC have been having an entire conversation about Lance while I was off in la la land.

“Lance? I mean, yeah. He went on a few dates. Cara Busby. Remember her?” JC recalls and looks over at me. “You remember her, Chris. She was the one you said was in his bed. The only girl in his bed you ever saw, right?”

I chuckle and nod. “Yeah. But they hadn’t slept together. She was drunk and he brought her back to let her sleep it off. I’m pretty sure he slept on the floor that night.”

“He didn’t get with Cara? I thought for sure they were sleeping together.” Joey finished off the last of his Shock Top.

“I don’t know if they ever did. They could have. You could ask Kate. She always seemed to know what he was doing.” I feel somewhat bitter as I spit out that last bit. I like Kate but she was always, always up in our room, even after she started dating JC. I looked over at him. “You didn’t care that they spent that much time together?”

JC shrugs. “I trusted Kate. I still do. She and Lance weren’t your typical best friends. They had this connection and it had nothing to do with sexual attraction. You can just kind of tell when a girl’s not being honest and Kate was always honest about her and Lance.”

“Whatever, man. It was weird to me.” I mutter and look outside at the girls who are huddled together in a circle, a bottle of wine between them.

“You just hated it cause you and Liv couldn’t ever have sex in your room.” Joey teases me and I throw a pillow off the couch at him.

“No, I hated it because I couldn’t study in peace!” That’s a bold face lie and both guys know it. I never studied once in school. I still don’t know how I managed to pass any of my classes because I was always out partying or trying to sleep off whatever I’d drank the night before.

“Study. Yeah. Cause that’s what you did.” JC scoffs and shakes his head. “You think maybe you’re bitter cause Lance never told you stuff that he told Kate?”

“Shouldn’t you be asking yourself that?” It’s out before I can stop it.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” JC shoots back and edges toward the end of the couch.

“Come on, C. You know Kate told Lance everything before she told you. Hell, I don’t know how you’re not bitter that he knew you were having a baby before you did!” I wait for JC to respond and I can see the anger starting to build on his face.

“Kate and Lance were best friends. You know that!”

“Dude, all I’m saying is that she was always talking to him. I mean, you don’t think it’s weird that you found out about the baby after he did? I’d be pissed as hell if Liv had done that.”

“Well, that’s the difference in me and you. I didn’t care if she told Lance first. Why should that even matter? Lance is gone and if she hadn’t told him, he would’ve died without knowing and that might have killed her spirit even more.” JC is raising his voice at me now.

“It should matter. You guys were engaged. And she was spending a hell of a lot more time with him than she was with you.” I raise my voice to match his.

“Why the fuck does that even matter so much to you? What did Kate ever do to you that pisses you off so much?” JC has asked a great question. I just wish I knew the answer. There was just something about Kate I’ve never really cared for and I don’t know what it is.

“C’mon, guys, cool it.” Joey tries breaking the ice, something he and I are usually able to do without a problem. “Let’s not cause anymore drama than there already is.”

“She knew something.” I say before JC has a chance to speak. “She knew something about him.”

“What? That he cheated on his Music History exam? Everyone knows that.” JC walks into the kitchen to throw out his beer bottle.

“No. She knew something else. You can ask her. She’s not going to tell you.” I look down at my hands and don’t look back up.

“And how can you be so sure?” JC asks from the kitchen.

“Call it a hunch.” I retort. “I’m going to bed. This has been a great first night.” I’m being completely sarcastic and I don’t care. Suddenly all I want is to be away from both Joey and JC.

Liv

They know something’s wrong. Both of them can tell. We’ve been beating around the bush since being outside with our bottle of wine. The conversation has gone from our kids to Koren’s latest real estate success story and now we’re talking about anything but Lance and the obvious tension I know Chris and I have created.

And then, it comes.

“So, what is it?” Kate asks, almost without skipping a beat in conversation.

“What?” I ask and circle the rim of my wine glass with my finger.

“Don’t fuck with us. What happened with you and Chris?” Koren places her wine glass down and folds her arms across her chest. “We’re waiting. And frankly, it’s probably a good idea if you just come out and tell us and know that neither of us judge you.”

“She’s right.” Kate agrees and waits for me to speak.

“I, well, I sort of had an…affair.” I realize it’s the first time I’ve told anyone outside of my counselor in Nashville. It’s easier than I thought but also feels as though a huge gavel will come down on my head at any minute.

“You slept with someone?” Koren gasps and then covers her mouth. “Sorry. That’s not how that was supposed to come out.”

I shake my head. “No. It was more emotional than anything else. It was text messages. A few times we said what we’d like to do if we were alone but I always stopped it before it could go any further.”

The girls are silent and don’t say anything for what feels to me like hours. I know it’s only been seconds, though.

“Um, so, does Chris know?” Kate finally asks.

I nod. “Yeah. He found the texts while I was in the shower once. We had a huge fight. We’re in counseling now but I don’t think he really wants to go on with the marriage.” Tears are streaming down my face and I let them fall. “I love him but things changed so much, you know? He hasn’t worked in months and lied to me about that. He’d go out like he was going to work and then go chill in a café all day. His agent called the house once looking for him and let it slip that he’d finally found Chris a job. It all came out then.”

“Had you already started the affair?” Koren asks.

“Well, yeah. It had been going on for a few weeks by then.” I find it hard to look at my friends in the eye so I just keep my head down. “I don’t know if the guys know now or not. But please don’t say anything.”

“We won’t.” Koren assures me.

“It looks like Chris isn’t even in there, anyway.” Kate is looking in the house where JC and Joey look as if they are deep in discussion.

“He’s probably in bed. He’s a party pooper these days.” I stand to my feet with my wine glass. “I’m going inside. We’ll talk more about it later, okay?”

Kate and Koren get up and the three of us hug each other. I’m reminded of a similar hug we shared many years ago.

“It’s gonna be okay.” I was doing my best to be the comforter, a role I found I was good at in college.

“He’s dead, Livvy!” Kate was sobbing and it was hard to understand her muffled cries. “Why didn’t he tell us he was so miserable?”

“You know how he was.” Koren lifted her head from my shoulder and wiped her eyes. “He always kept stuff in.”

“I don’t understand.” Kate pulled away from us and looked over at the police who were speaking with Chris in front of the dorm. “Do you think Chris knew anything?”

“Kate, if anyone knew anything it was you.” I reminded her. “You’re his best friend.”

Kate could only shake her head. “I swear, Liv. The last time I saw him he was telling me what an awesome mom I was going to be and that I had nothing to worry about when I told Josh.”

Chris came over to us, still shaken up. He grabbed me in a hug and for the first time in four years, bursts into tears on my shoulder. I’d never seen him cry like that. Then again, it’s not that often one of your best friends commits suicide and you’re the one that finds him.

Justin

If I’m honest, I’ve lost touch with all of the people I’m supposed to be having this long weekend with in 24 hours. I was growing out of the friendship before we even left college.

But I can put on a front.

The truth is, they all bug me.

Kate whines.

Koren brags.

Liv sulks.

Joey’s a pushover.

Chris isn’t funny.

JC is a know-it-all.

I put up with it for four years and after graduation, I tried to fall off their grid.

But Kate goes to whatever extremes she can to find her friends. She kept up with me on Facebook. And five years ago when we had this stupid reunion, she begged me to come. I relented and did.

Besides, we never finished what we started nineteen years ago.