Justin and I returned to the stage a few minutes later after I turned down all of his advances and pleas to forget about dancing and stay locked away with him. Much to the dismay of all the guys I made them run through the whole show, repeating any song where they even faltered slightly on a step. By the time we were done all the guys were tired and complaining that they only had time to grab a quick bite to eat before they had to do the show. I had security hold off on opening the doors so we could practice longer and literally as soon as we were off the stage the crowd started to file into the arena. Justin and I both passed on dinner seeing how at this point we were pretty much on a twenty four hour coke binge and neither of us felt like eating. I noticed the look of disapproval J.C. was giving us but decided to ignore it and any feelings of guilt until he could at least talk to me.
The rest of the guys were starting to filter back into the dressing room just as Justin and I decided to another line before the show. Chris knew I partied with Justin sometimes, and for the most part let it go because he was one to join us every once in a while and really couldn’t say anything, but the look on his face when he entered the room was enough to turn my stomach as the coke started to drip down the back of my throat and I took a couple huge gulps of water trying to calm myself down.
“Madi really?” Chris asked quietly as J.C. watched me intently and Joey and Lance busied themselves with changing.
“It’s just because I didn’t sleep last night….” I trailed off quietly refusing to make eye contact with anyone, “I just need to get through this show.”
Justin noticed the tension in the room and immediately wrapped his arm around me pulling me close and kissing my temple, “Leave her alone Chris, she’s fine.”
“Neither of you are fine, you’ve both done enough blow today to kill a horse.” J.C. snapped turning everyone’s attention to him.
“J.C.” Justin warned feeling me tense up against his side.
“What? It’s true!” J.C. exclaimed throwing his hands up.
“Can we talk?” Justin asked through a clenched jaw as he stood up and pushed J.C. out the door and slammed it behind him as they disappeared down the hall.
“Madi this has to stop, you’re no longer having fun you’re depending on it.” Chris said quietly as he sat down on the couch beside me.
“I know.” I choked out as I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. Chris frowned and instantly pulled me into a comforting hug.
“I don’t know what’s going on but you need to talk to J.C. and figure it out.” Chris whispered into my ear as I pulled back from the hug and looked at him with wide eyes.
“How’d…” I started not sure what to say because I wasn’t sure what Chris actually knew.
“You two never fight and you’ve barely looked at each other all day. I don’t know what you’re fighting about but you need to talk to him about it instead of this.” Chris urged as I nodded slightly.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me.” I whispered out shaking my head bitterly.
“Why? What’s going on?” Chris asked exasperated not used to being out of the loop.
“He’s upset about the coke.” I shrugged not wanting to go into any further detail.
“And you thought more coke was going to get him to talk to you?” Chris asked with raised eyebrows.
“No, I don’t know.” I sighed confused myself and not sure what I was actually doing.
“It stops now and you will talk to J.C.” Chris said sternly and I just nodded not sure what else to do or say.
Justin and J.C. made their way back into the room in time to change and head out to the stage, barely looking at each other the whole time. They put their all into the show and it was amazing but as soon as it was over and we made our way to the bus J.C. took a quick shower and headed to his bunk without a word to either of us. I showered next and went to lay down while I waited for Justin. I was completely exhausted but wide awake at the same time and knew that what should have been a short sleep filled ride to Cleveland was actually going to be a long restless night.
“You okay?” Justin asked softly as he made his way into the room and crawled into bed beside me. I just shrugged and curled into him laying my head on his bare chest and throwing my arm across his stomach.
“Madi you know you don’t have to do all the coke and shit I do right?” Justin whispered, running his fingers lazily through my hair.
My head snapped up to look at him confused and his face softened slightly, “I just don’t want you to think you have to. I don’t care if you do it with me or not I just thought you wanted to.”
“J stop please,” I pleaded kissing his chin softly, “I’ve never felt pressured to do it okay? And if J.C. made you think that I’m sorry.”
“He just made it seem like you both thought I had a problem with it.” Justin sighed closing his eyes.
“No J please no.” I begged as I scrambled to a sitting position and straddled his waist grabbing his face in between both of my hands forcing his eyes open to look at me. “Baby I love you.” I sighed as a couple tears fell down my face and onto his chest.
“Madi baby don’t cry,” Justin soothed as his hands made their way to my face and his thumbs brushed away the tears, “I love you too and that’s why you need to tell me if you don’t want to do something or if I’m getting out of control.”
“J I’ve never done anything I didn’t want to and sure we were probably both a little out of control today but if it’s anyone’s fault it’s my fault.” I choked out as tears fell freely down my face now. Justin opened his mouth to protest but I shook my head and put my fingers to his lips silencing him.
“I’ve been in this crazy fucked up whirlwind not knowing how to handle C being mad at me.” I hiccupped getting more excited and nervous as I talked.
“You know he’s just worried about you right? He’s not mad at you.” Justin whispered wiping more tears off my face. I just continued to cry not sure what to say or think for that matter.
“Baby please don’t cry,” Justin begged as he tugged on my wrist and pulled me down to his chest hugging me, “you’ll talk to C in the morning and everything will be fine.” I nodded slightly burying my face in the crook of his neck and clinging to him as he rubbed my back. Justin and I laid awake most of the night cuddling while he tried to reassure me that everything would be okay with J.C. We both finally fell into a restless sleep at about four am and I was glad that Mike made it a point to let us stay on the bus and sleep when we got to the hotel instead of waking us up.
Our sleep was short lived however, when Lynn made her way onto the bus at about eight waking both of us up.
“Mom?” Justin croaked out as he sat up and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Morning baby, Madison.” Lynn smiled at us.
“Hey Lynn.” I smiled over at her.
“What are you doing here?” Justin questioned confused.
“Well J.C. called and said you were having a rough time so I thought I’d come visit for a couple days.” Lynn said as Justin and I both looked at each other realizing what J.C. had done.
“Well J.C. should mind his own damn business.” Justin snapped as Lynn glared at him.
“Watch your mouth,” Lynn said as Justin just scowled at her, “and he’s just worried about you.”
“Yeah well he’s going to have to be worried about himself when I get my hands on him.” Justin mumbled as I hit him shutting him up.
“You’re off today right? I was thinking we could do some shopping….” Lynn offered trying to cheer Justin up.
“I would love to, but J.C. and I have to head into the studio so I’m really not sure why he called you out here.” Justin said stretching as he stood up and reached for a t-shirt to pull on.
“He said he cancelled it.” Lynn shrugged.
“Well I’m glad he told me, we only have a couple weeks to finish it,” Justin groaned out in frustration, “Listen I need to talk to C and get a shower and stuff why don’t you go get some breakfast or something and I’ll come find you in a little bit?”
“Okay, but go easy on J.C. he was just looking out or you.” Lynn sighed as Justin and I started to gather our stuff to head into the hotel.
Lynn made her way off the bus and I sighed as I made my way over to Justin and hugged him, “I don’t know if I can spend all day with your mom. I haven’t slept in two days and I’m exhausted and I don’t feel that good.” I knew I was just coming down off the coke but I had planned on spending all day lounging around in bed.
“You don’t have to come.” Justin sighed hugging me back.
“Are you sure?” I asked looking up at him knowing he wasn’t up for a day out with her either and not really wanting to leave him alone.
“Yeah there’s no point in us both being miserable beside you can talk to C since apparently he has the day free now too.” Justin said rolling his eyes.
“You don’t suppose he’ll be over everything and just let me cuddle with him do you?” I asked hopeful as Justin just chuckled.
“See this is why I like you on coke, you are a crazy sex fiend on it and then when you’re coming down you just want to be lazy and cuddle.” Justin smirked as I just shook my head at him and J.C. appeared in the doorway clearing his throat trying to get our attention.
“You’re an asshole.” Justin spit out pulling away from me and pointing at J.C.
“Me? Why?” J.C. laughed obviously appalled by that idea.
“Calling my mom behind my back? Really C? AND cancelling studio time that we need.” Justin said in quick concession his anger slowly rising with each word.
“Yeah well like I said yesterday you were out of control and someone needed to put your ass in line.” J.C. said matter-of-factly.
“What’d you tell her C?” I asked quietly finally speaking up, afraid that J.C. had told Lynn everything that was really going on.
J.C’s face softened as he glanced over at me for the first time, “Don’t worry I didn’t tell her about all the drugs I just said Justin was over working himself and not getting the rest he needed.”
“Well maybe she won’t keep me out all day and I can come back and cuddle with you.” Justin said his voice low as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rubbed his nose against mine.
“Mmm.” I groaned closing my eyes and leaning into him.
“Yeah well you’ve been wanting to talk Madison so let’s talk.” J.C. said interrupting us and causing me to open my eyes and pull away from Justin.
“Let me shower and get Justin out of here first. Why don’t you come down to our room in about an hour?” I suggested softly afraid to look at J.C. not wanting to see anger or disappointment. J.C. just nodded and turned and made his way off the bus followed by Justin and I.
Justin and I both showered and I just threw on one of his t-shirts and plopped down on the bed exhausted and wanting to do nothing more than sleep as Justin started to slowly get ready.
“J.” I pouted reaching my hand out to him.
“What’s wrong baby?” Justin asked sitting on the edge of the bed and picking up my hand.
“I don’t want you to go.” I pouted as Justin just smiled at me.
“I’ll try not to be too long, besides C will be here.” Justin soothed.
“Yeah to yell at me.” I scoffed tugging on Justin’s hand to get him to come closer.
Justin obliged and bent over me, “Don’t take his shit,” Justin murmured against my lips before kissing me softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me and deepening the kiss as there was a knock on the door.
I groaned as Justin pulled away and sat up pulling his shoes on, “Can we just kill him?”
“Not if I couldn’t kill Chris yesterday.” Justin chuckled standing up and making his way over to the door.
“We can kill them both I don’t care.” I yelled out as I heard Justin laugh and J.C. appeared in the doorway a perplexed look on his face.
“You two play nice while I’m gone.” Justin said staring at J.C. as he made his way back across the room to me.
“I love you.” Justin said bending down to kiss me quickly.
“I love you too.” I sighed as he stood back up and made his way towards the door.
When Justin was gone I closed my eyes and threw my arm over my face wanting to just relax and not get right into it with J.C.
“Madison.” J.C. sighed from his spot in the doorway.
“Can we not fight just yet I’m tired.” I asked not bothering to look up at him.
“Well whose fault is that?” J.C. snapped as I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see.
“Please C.” I whined quietly. I heard him sigh as he shuffled across the room and I felt the bed shift under his weight as he sat down.
“I don’t want to fight.” J.C. finally relented and I moved my arm away from my face and looked over at him.
“Then please lay down with me and take a nap.” I whispered out almost pleadingly.
“We’re still going to talk.” J.C. sighed as he moved up the bed stretching out beside me.
“Mmmhmm shhhhh.” I murmured curling into him and closing my eyes.
“Madi your heart’s racing.” J.C. said quietly putting his hand on my back and holding me to his chest.
“It’s just the coke I’m fine.” I mumbled nuzzling my face into his chest wanting him to shut up.
“Get some sleep.” J.C. sighed not fully believing me but knowing there was nothing he could do about it anyway.
J.C. was tired and could have easily fell asleep but he refused to do so because he was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. When I started to toss and turn restlessly however, J.C. decided to get up instead of getting beat up by me. He grabbed his notebook and sat in the chair in the corner of the room where he could keep his eye on me while he wrote.
It wasn’t until about one when I finally groaned out forcing myself awake. I reached out for J.C. and realizing he wasn’t there I slowly opened my eyes glancing around the room until my eyes settled on his form sitting in the corner. I licked my lips nervously as I noticed J.C.’s intent stare on me.
“It’s about time you woke up.” J.C. said quietly.
“How long have you been up?” I whispered taking in his relaxed appearance.
“I never went to sleep.” J.C. shrugged setting his notebook on the table and reaching his hands above his head stretching.
“What? Why?” I asked confused as I finally sat up.
“I was worried about you.” J.C. shrugged again nonchalantly.
“C I’m fine,” I sighed pulling my hair up and away from my face, “I just needed to catch up on some sleep.”
“You aren’t fine.” J.C. growled out slapping his hand down on his knee in frustration as his stomach growled. I looked down at the comforter and picked at imaginary lint to avoid looking at the frustration and hurt etched across J.C.’s face.
I heard J.C. take a deep breath and slowly exhale before he spoke again, “Why don’t we order some food?”
I finally let myself glance up at him, noticing how tired and ragged he looked, “I’m not hungry but go ahead.”
“Madison you haven’t eaten in two days you need to eat.” J.C. said trying to fight back the frustration that was creeping into his voice.
“Just order some food C.” I sighed as I stood up and made my way towards the bathroom not wanting to argue with him.
“What do you want?” J.C. asked as he stood as well.
“I don’t care just get whatever.” I sighed shutting the bathroom door as I made my way in more to try and clear my mind and focus on the conversation that I knew was coming.
I made my way back out of the bathroom to see J.C. sitting on the couch aimlessly flipping through channels. I slowly made my way over to him and sat down beside him cuddling up into his side as I laid my head on his shoulder. J.C. wrapped his arm around me pulling me close as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him close to me.
“For what?” J.C. asked quietly.
“For everything, for making you angry and mad and disappointed.” I whispered our refusing to look up at him.
“I’m not angry or mad or anything along those lines.” J.C. sighed turning the tv off and pulling me up some to look at him.
“Madison please don’t cry.” J.C. said noticing the tears starting to form in my eyes as he pulled me over onto his lap and hugged me to his chest. I let my tears start to fall as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.
“Sweetheart please stop. It’s okay.” J.C. soothed rubbing my back comfortingly.
“I’m so sorry.” I cried out pulling back to look at him.
“Stop,” J.C. pleaded quietly as he wiped the tears off my face, “I’m not happy about what has been going on the past few days but I’m more worried about why you were doing it.”
I looked down and focused on J.C.’s shirt refusing to look at him, “Justin just brought it out and we were all drinking and stuff anyway but then you got mad and refused to talk to me and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“So this is my fault?” J.C. asked clearing his throat.
“What? No!” I exclaimed whipping my head up to look at him as I brought my hand up to his cheek and caressed it softly, “It’s not your fault it’s my own fucked up way of not being able to deal with things.”
“I just don’t get it, you were so upset about Justin using it as much as he was and then you turn around and do the same thing only worse.” J.C. said placing his hand over mine.
“I can’t explain it, I don’t really know,” I sighed trying to find the right words, “I was just hurt and upset that you wouldn’t talk to me and I just didn’t want to feel.”
“So it is my fault.” J.C. said slowly nodding his head.
“No! No, please don’t think that.” I begged resting my forehead on his and closing my eyes willing the tears away.
“But it’s true, if I hadn’t been ignoring you, you wouldn’t have been doing it.” J.C. choked out obviously upset with himself.
“Please don’t put the blame on yourself for my mistakes.” I said my voice cracking as tears began to fall down my face again.
“Please don’t cry.” J.C. croaked out kissing the tears off my face.
“I just don’t know what’s going on anymore.” I cried finally opening my eyes to look at him and noticing the pain etched deep within his eyes.
“How ‘bout this? I promise to always talk to you from now on and you promise to stop using drugs as your outlet.” J.C. said his eyes searching mine
. “I promise I’m done with the coke for good, I don’t need it.” I said vigorously nodding my head trying to get my point across.
Just then there was a knock on the door and I reluctantly slid off of J.C.’s lap and stood up.
“I got it.” J.C. smirked at me noticing I was still only wearing Justin’s t-shirt. I smiled at him and made my way to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and blow my nose. I came back out and saw J.C. sitting at the table with a couple burgers and fries. I made my way over and sat across from him smiling as he took a big bite of his burger and chewed slowly.
“Eat.” J.C. nodded as I just sat there watching him.
“I told you I wasn’t hungry.” I said not even glancing down at the food.
“Madison.” J.C. drew out my name slowly in a reprimanding tone.
“C please if you make me eat that it’s just going to come right back up.” I said disgustedly at the thought of having to eat.
“Sweetheart you haven’t ate in two days.” J.C. pleaded his tone softening as he sat his burger down and reached across the table to pick up my hand.
“And the only way that is getting ate is if you go get Justin’s gym bag and find me a joint.” I said dismissively.
“Madison.” J.C. sighed frustrated pulling his hand back.
“Seriously C I wanna throw up just thinking about eating right now, so unless you wanna smoke I’m not eating.” I sighed sitting back in my chair. J.C. glared at me as he forcibly pushed his chair away from the table and stood up and disappeared into the bedroom. He returned a minute later and threw a tightly rolled joint and a lighter down on the table in front of me and plopped back down in his chair with a huff.
I smirked slightly to myself as I noticed the pout on J.C.’s face. “Come on C, come smoke with me.” I said as I stood up and held my hand out to him.
“I’m good,” J.C. replied rolling his eyes at me, “go smoke, so you can eat.”
“I will but come with me; it’s no fun getting high by yourself.” I said batting my eyes at him.
“This isn’t a game Madison.” J.C. sighed shaking his head at me.
“I know but if I’m going to smoke anyway I might as well enjoy it. Please.” I pouted sticking out my bottom lip.
“Fine.” J.C. sighed placing his hand in mine and standing up. I squealed in delight as I tugged him towards the patio excitedly and his eyes lit up as he smiled over at me.
“You’re going to be the death of me.” J.C. growled into my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind as I lit the joint and took a hit off of it grinning up at him.
Chapter End Notes:
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Story Tags: druggiej roughsex jealous triangles threeway justinandtrace jc justin
