“ Maybe there’s a God above, but all I’ve ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.” – Hallelujah

It usually took JC a good amount of time to get situated before he attempted to drift off to sleep. He had his whole routine planned every night. First he would take a long hot shower, followed by either two glasses of Johnny Walker or one glass and a pretty awesome little blue pill called Ambien. There was a time though in his life when he was much younger and could fall asleep anywhere and any way. Over the years that changed.

Tonight he decided not to take the pill and instead went for the two glasses of Johnny Walker. It was the perfect nightcap for him, and he fell asleep just after midnight. Once upon a time JC was notorious for staying out late with all kinds of company. He would go until the sun came up and even after it did he’d get breakfast at the Waffle House on Fairfax. He lived freely and fully. He was passionate and fun, as well as driven. He had so many hopes and dreams mixed in with ambitions. JC radiated a charisma that drew people in, and he was creative in many ways. He was even cocky about it, which was very rare for him.

But all that was taken from him.

The sound of his ringer going off pulled him out of his well-induced sleep. He sat up quickly and fumbled around on his nightstand until he made contact with his phone. Lifting it up, he squinted in the dark at the number that displayed on his screen. It wasn’t anyone in his contacts, but it was in fact a local number.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes a bit, he then swiped the button on the screen to answer it.

“Hello?” He voiced into the receiver. He looked over at his digital clock, noting that it was just after 2am.

“Hello this is Doctor Clements with Belmont Regional Medical Center is this Mr. Joshua Chasez?”

JC was wide-awake now. “Yeah this is he…” He responded in an uncertain voice. His anxiety was spiking now as he reached over and turned on his bedside lamp filling his bedroom with light.

“I apologize for waking you… it’s just well… he’s awake. You’re listed on the list of friends and family who requested to be notified if it happened.” Doctor Clements explained. He seemed very enthusiastic to relay this message on to JC.

JC was quiet for a moment. He remembered requesting to be put on the list, but at the time he wasn’t thinking straight. He had been overcome with emotion, which he hated. Now that he had actually been contacted he almost wished he hadn’t requested to be notified.

“Thank you for letting me know.” He responded as coolly as possible.

“There’s another thing…” Doctor Clements sighed a bit and JC listened as he sounded to be moving to another room. “There’s an issue with his brain right now. He can’t remember the accident or the date. He’s been asking for you for the past hour. I know you –“

JC shook his head no and swung his legs off the bed quickly. He stumbled about his room a moment and cursed as he bumped his hip into the baseboard of his bed. “Look Doctor Clements I appreciate you notifying me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to see him. It’s been about 3 years now and things well…” JC used sporadic hand motions even though he wasn’t standing directly in front of the doctor at the moment. “It’s just not a good idea. I’m sure his wife and his family are more than happy to help him. Thank you for the call…”

“Mr. Chasez… please listen to me. In sensitive cases like this one sometimes it is best to have the patient see a familiar face. The last memory they can recall. I know it is a lot to ask…but he is very confused. He is only recalling fond memories of you. Please.”

JC wanted to kick and scream. He wanted to throw something. It wasn’t because he was angry though. It was because he knew that he couldn’t say no. He was curious and he hated himself for being so.

“What kind of fond memories?” He questioned with hesitation.

“You will see what I mean once you arrive.” Doctor Clements responded.

JC tugged at his hair a moment before opening his closet door and grabbing a Navy blue graphic T-shirt with a giant Twinkie on it. “Ok…I’ll be there.” He finally confessed.

After saying goodbye to the Doctor, JC made his way into his bathroom. He stood in front of the washbasin and made a horrific face at the man in the mirror. He looked tired, and worn out. Lifting his chin up, he rubbed at the decent amount of stubble on his chin. He would definitely shave before he went to the hospital. It had been almost two months since he’d been notified of what had happened. The funny thing was he got the call in the middle of the day on the 4th of July. He was visiting his parents and grilling hamburgers on his dad’s new grill he and his brother had bought him for father’s day the month before.

It was Justin’s mom who had called him. He recalled how it was hard to understand what she was saying because she was in such a hysteric state. At first JC had thought she said Justin was dead. When that assumption hit, he felt his airway shut off. Justin couldn’t be dead. He was younger than JC, and there just was no way. There was no way that the universe would let that happen. He was Justin Timberlake he couldn’t die like that. After a few more moments though Lynn Harless managed to clarify that Justin wasn’t dead, at least not yet.

Once JC was clean-shaven and fully dressed, he looked himself over again in the mirror. He hadn’t seen Justin in 3 years. The last time he’d seen him was in a judges’ chamber in downtown LA. It was there in that small room with only 4 other people that JC got his heart ripped out completely.

Blinking away the irritation, JC quickly moved down the hallway of his home. He turned lights on as he searched for his missing car keys. He still couldn’t believe he was going to the hospital. He hated himself for it, and he still didn’t know why he was. He didn’t need any type of closure or anything, so why was he going?

Because he had been asking for him.

Spotting the keys on the coffee table, he was quick to grab them up and make his way out into the garage. JC knew deep down he still hadn’t found it in his empty heart to forgive Justin for what he’d done to him. It was even safe to say that he hated him for a long time for it. He usually wasn’t one to seek revenge at all, but some things were just unforgivable. Though he felt hallow and resentful he still got into his white 2012 Mercedes Benz convertible and drove down the hill.