“I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way, still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday.

If I spilled my guts, the world would never look at you the same way. Now I’m here to give you all my love, so I can watch your face as I take it all away. ” – Just One Yesterday

The week came to an end and quietly crept into the middle of the second one. JC had been taking Justin to physical therapy twice a week. He knew Justin hated it, but as much as he bitched and moaned he knew it was going to help him in the long run. His strength in his upper body was improving and he could even support himself enough to get around on the crutches. Not long distances, but he could make it from the kitchen to the large picture window in the new ‘sitting’ area.

At night he would have nightmares, and JC would have even more trouble sleeping than before. He would coax Justin and lull him back to sleep, leaving himself wide-awake with his thoughts.

The sound of JC’s phone ringing snapped him out of the daze he was in. He was running on very few hours of sleep, and his situation had made him more jumpy than usual.

He glanced down and noticed the name on the screen. His eyes shifted over to Justin who was lying on the couch, watching his newfound usual routine of binge watching Breaking Bad. JC was quiet to make his way out of the room and down the hallway to his own room. Once out of earshot of Justin, he answered.

“Hello?” He sighed into the receiver.

“Hey…how is he?” Jessica questioned with concern.

JC ran a hand through his hair and slowly sat down on the edge of his bed. “He’s getting better. He’s been going to his PT sessions, and can even support his weight on the crutches now.”

“I’m so glad. What about his mind though? Any better at all?” He could hear the hopefulness in her voice.

“ He has his moments of clarity, but they fade in and out.” JC confessed. He listened to Jessica sigh in disappointment on the other end.

“I want to see him JC. The nursery is being painted today, he’s missing so much.” She was on the verge of tears again.

“The doctor said you could um freak him out remember? Just give it this week, he has an appointment with Doctor Clements on Monday.” JC encouraged.

“Okay, I’ll call you later on in the week. Thank you.” She stated quietly before hanging up.

JC hated the overwhelming sensation of guilt that made its way into his conscious. It made him angry. What was he doing? Justin was remarried now and about to become a father. Enough was enough; JC was hurt again and pissed beyond reason. He was tired of ‘pretending’ for Justin’s sake. Nothing was ever completely real with Justin anyways.

He pushed himself off the bed and stalked down the hallway. He listened to Justin’s laugh, as he hadn’t moved from his spot on couch. Looking around the room a moment, the older man grabbed up the remote and clicked off the TV set.

“Hey! I was watching that.” Justin sighed and then dusted a few crumbs of Oreo cookies off the front of his shirt.

“I can’t do this anymore Justin. I just can’t. It fucking hurts too damn much. I never wanted to hurt this much again because of you.” He stood his ground in front of him.

His words caused Justin’s eyes to widen a bit and then he knitted his brows together in confusion. “Hurt you? What are you talking about? Why would I ever hurt you?”

“Stop! Just fucking stop….you are so fucked up right now. It’s not 2008 and we aren’t a fucking happy couple.” JC held up his hand revealing a naked ring finger where a gold band once sat.

His action caused Justin to look down at his own hand, only confusing him more when he still saw one on his hand. “What are you talking about?” Justin asked quietly, starting to feel the onset of a panic attack again.

JC gripped at his hair in frustration. He then hurried to the hall closet and dragged out an electric keyboard that was now layered with dust. He pulled it over to the coffee table and set it down in front of Justin, blowing the dust off he revealed the Yamaha log. “This is yours.” JC stated before plugging it in to an outlet. He then grabbed Justin’s hands in a frustrated effort to get him to wake up.

“I don’t fucking know how to play!” Justin argued, moving his hands away as if JC had burned him.

“Yes you do! You know how…” He practically stomped his foot as he ran his own fingers over the dusty keys. “Play it.” JC demanded.

“I can’t.” Justin shot back.

JC stared at him for a long moment. He then closed his eyes momentarily before parting his lips and humming a tune he avoided at all costs.

Justin watched him with wide on set eyes. The melody poured into his ears from JC’s vocal chords and it sent a chill up his backside. He knew the song, he knew the lyrics, but he didn’t know why.

----------------------FLASHBACK 5 YEARS EARLIER----------------------------

JC had worked long and hard for months on end with Justin. He taught him every trick of the trade. It was without a doubt that Justin was talented at composing music and melodies, but hyping it up to extraordinary boundaries was not easily achievable on his own. That was where JC came in.

JC took everything Justin created and made it even more amazing and beautiful. He spent hours editing and changing vocal arrangements. His creativity was on full blast. He was doing it out of love and admiration. He wanted himself to be present in every bit of Justin’s songs. He wanted him to think of him when he preformed them and know how happy he was for him.

The clock ticked on and 2am crept up on JC. He was glad the studio that was being built in his basement would be done bye the end of the year. Stretching his arms up, he decided to call it a night as he ejected the CD and placed it safely back into its case. He shut off lights and locked up, making his way out into the empty parking lot.

He couldn’t be more excited to go home.

Justin’s album would be completed in a few months. He had already begun promoting it, and making his way back out into the spotlight. Things were going to be hectic, and as much as JC hated sharing his husband with the world, he knew that Justin loved being on top. His music was everything, just like it was to JC. The difference was that JC was happy and content now where he was. He wasn’t running around on red carpets anymore or going to high profile events. Fans weren’t bombarding him and trying to rip his wardrobe off anymore either. He was still able to contribute and compose; he just didn’t care for all the glitz and glam that came with it.

He took the long drive home and parked in his usual parking spot in the garage. Toying with his keys some he then unlocked the door and let himself in. The house was quiet, and he checked his phone to see if Justin had left him any messages about being home late. He really did hate this part of promoting an album, it meant many late nights and early mornings.

JC turned the TV on for a bit of background noise as he heated up some left over take out from the day before. The sound of an announcer mentioning Justin’s name caused him to smile and turn to watch the TV. Justin was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, it was obvious the network was reairing the episode for the night owls. He watched as Justin sat facing the host of the show. JC hadn’t really watched or listened to much of Justin’s interviews. He knew he got overly cocky when in front of the camera. It just wasn’t the full side of him JC knew.

“Tell me …tell me now… Justin where did you get all the inspiration for this album? You’re not dating anyone are you? You don’t have some type of secret little muse running around?” Jay Leno laughed.

“No no ha, no muse cooped up anywhere Jay. I mean it all just sort of comes to me from experiences. Nothing or no one imp articular.” He lied, fidgeting with his fingers as he spoke. His answer piqued JC’s curiosity. The two of them had agreed that this would be the year. It was the perfect time to ‘come out.’ They had been married and living in secrecy for so long now that JC was excited to finally have Justin admit to the world that not only had he written an amazing album, but that it had been inspired from the life he had been sharing with JC.

“So these songs just come from different women then? You know you date one for awhile and say oh this girl makes me want to sing about being up in the clouds and high on just her love is that right?” Jay Leno wasn’t buying Justin’s bullshit act either.

“Pretty much. I mean I don’t have anyone right now… I’m not dating anybody.” Justin shrugged, revealing a coy smile and a very naked ring finger.

“I understand your album isn’t fully finished yet. There are some adjustments being made to it? A little tweaking here and there. Ironing out all the wrinkles I take it?” Jay raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah well I’m a perfectionist you know. I’ve been working with some good people; I don’t want to reveal any names yet. The harmonies are going to blow everybody away. It’s just a new direction for me. Very different and very intimate. It’s going to be great.” Justin smiled.

“Well that’s fantastic! We can’t wait to hear it I’m sure. Now wait a second here this one song here… Reflection. I had the chance to listen to it and it’s pretty deep and intimate. Claiming someone is the Love of your life and you can’t wait to get them home that’s got to be about SOMEBODY special you knew. Come on Justin just a little hint.” Jay was practically begging for it.

Justin was a pro at these interviews by now though. He knew how to pretend to act shy and modest, when really he just wanted to punch them in the face for not dropping the subject. “Oh Jay… it’s no one really. It was just an idea I came up with. Wrote it and composed on my piano…”

“Oh you play piano now? I never saw you play the piano before in your past shows.”

“Yeah well I am fast learner. I sort of just taught myself you know… it all comes easy to me…” More hand fidgeting and lick lipping gave away his nervous demeanor.

JC turned as the front door opened, and he quickly shut off the TV. He had never felt more stupid in his life. He watched as Justin moved into the foyer.

“Hey baby.” He called out, giving away the obvious fact that he had been drinking.

“Can we talk?” JC requested, crossing his arms over his chest.

Justin held up his hands in defense. “Whoa, so serious. What’s up?” He asked, taking off his white blazer and hanging it on the coat rack.

“I caught your Tonight Show interview.” JC stated, crossing his arms over his chest. “What the fuck?”

Justin made a ‘yikes’ face and then side stepped JC as he made his way over to the fridge. “Look I wasn’t ready to talk about us. Coming out is only going to take away the whole point of the album. I want people to love the album not just pay attention to it because I’m into guys.” He grabbed the orange juice and peanut butter out of the cabinet.

“You sat there and told lie after lie. How dare you even say that you taught yourself how to fucking play the piano!” JC was beyond upset.

“JC chill out Jesus Christ. Look… it just came out. I can’t go and say I lied now.” He grabbed a few slices of bread and spread the peanut butter over them.

“Like hell you can’t. You will. Are you ashamed of me?” JC questioned, the hurt obvious in his eyes. “I’ve helped you through this whole process Justin. I’ve spent time and energy and money on this album with you, and you couldn’t even say that I taught you how to play the piano?”

“It’s not that bad. I promise I’ll set the record straight after the promo for the album dies down. Don’t worry…” Justin tried to brush it off as he took a bite from his peanut butter sandwich.

“I want my credits and name in the liner notes of the songs.” JC demanded. “I want my recognition where it is deserved.” He held his head up high at his request.

Justin took a lengthy drink from the orange juice carton and then nodded at JC’s request. “Yeah baby of course.”

JC shook his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell him we were married. We’ve been married for almost 3 years now.”

“I’ll tell the fucking world JC just not yet. Trust me. It’ll be alright.” He smirked, and made his way around the island, grabbing JC by the waist and pulling him against his body. JC stood completely still, not giving in to him at all. Justin was a real piece of work. It was going to take more than a few fucks and blowjobs to make up for the cluster fuck he had just done on TV.

“Don’t be mad at me. I was protecting us. I know you hate all that shit. If I came out right now they would hound you and me. Let the album come out, and once this hype dies down…we’ll do it.” He kissed JC on the side of his head.

JC shook his head and tried to move away from Justin, but the other man held a strong grip on him. As much as JC loved to admire Justin’s fit muscular body, his extra time in the gym was not good for him at the moment.

“I want my name in those liner notes Justin.” JC requested once again.

“What you want you will get.” Justin beamed, letting the sweet scent of the peanut butter and orange juice now mask the still faintly there smell of liquor.

“I’m not going to let you off the hook so –“ JC was cut off by Justin’s finger pressing firmly against his lips. He smiled at him and then began swaying their bodies together. “Hush my darling don’t fear my darling...” He sang as he swayed and attempted to ballroom dance with JC around their kitchen. “Oh almost forgot.” He patted himself down and pulled out his wedding ring from his jeans pocket. Visibly putting it on in front of JC. “There. I’m all yours again.”

JC hated how every time he tried to have a serious conversation Justin always brushed it off and sang him the same fucking line. As much as JC hated it he kind of loved when he tried to assure him that way. It was the littlest and simplest things that made him weak for that man.

“You’re still mine, even when you’re not wearing that ring.” JC pointed out.

--------------------------FLASHBACK END------------------------------

JC had stopped humming the song a few moments ago. He watched with intensity as Justin’s fingers moved over they keys playing the exact same melody. He played clumsily at first but once he closed his eyes he stumbled less, and the melody flowed in a natural way.

Pulling his hands off the keys, Justin allowed his eyes to open as he looked up at JC. They held a stare off for a moment, before Justin grabbed his crutch and pulled himself up into a standing position. “You are going to hate me for the rest of your life aren’t you?” He asked in a bitter tone.

JC set his jaw and shrugged his shoulders. “You hurt me in more ways than I could ever possibly stand. I want to break you like you did me. I want to tear you apart like you did with me because you weren’t man enough to just say you loved me. I can destroy you publically. So much dirty laundry…”

Justin cut him off by pressing the end of his crutch into JC’s chest. “What are you going to do? Tell them we were in love, show them the documented proof? Drag me through the mud and tell everybody I liked to fuck guys?”

“You have to pay for what you took from me.” JC stated quietly.

He was impressed when Justin was rendered silent. For once in his life JC had the upper hand in the argument. There would be no sweet songs to comfort and assure him now. He watched as Justin’s expression began to shift again and he let out a frustrated grunt. “No no no no dammit Justin! You’re such a fucking coward even now!” He rubbed his face paced in front of the now confused younger man.

“What? JC I’m sorry for whatever I did ok? I don’t know what happened sometimes I black out. I’m sorry if I said something stupid.” Justin made a pained face as he limped closer towards JC.

JC held up a hand to stop him from coming any closer. “Don’t. I just need to be alone.” He admitted quietly before quickly leaving out the front door.

Justin flinched as it slammed behind him and he stood alone feeling more confused and frustrated than ever before in his life.