Chapter 4

I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. I rolled on to my back remembering that I wasn’t in my room but in Lynn’s. I rubbed at my eyes and sat up looking around; Lynn must have woken up and left me to get more rest. We talked about the pregnancy most of the night and we both decided I needed to tell Justin what was going on before it was too late. I know I upset her last night, telling her how I didn’t want to have the baby that it would hurt Justin’s career if people found out he slept with me. She just hugged me and told me I needed to talk with Justin about everything before I made up my mind.

I told her that if he wanted me to keep it I would but we weren’t going to get into any of that relationship shit. We weren’t like that, we may have fooled around when we were teenagers but that was just two adolescent kids exploring. All the talk caused her to hug me multiple times and tell me that Justin loved me more then I knew.

I shook my head and slid off the bed slowly walking to the door; I heard Justin’s voice down the hall and stuck my head out to see him talking with Lynn about something. I could barely make out what he was saying but it had something to do with me and the news paper he was holding in his hand. I walked up to them and cleared my throat which caused Justin to jump slightly.

“What’s going on?” I asked taking a few strands of hair in too my hand and playing with them.

Justin looked at me the back to his mother who patted him on the shoulder and said she’d be down stairs if we needed her. I felt sick to my stomach; did she tell him I was pregnant is that why he looked so upset? The colored seemed to drain from his face as Lynn went down the stairs; he grabbed my arm and coughed slightly pulling me towards his bedroom.

“J…what’s wrong?” I ask looking at him as he shut the door.

He took a deep breath and handed me the folded news paper. “I don’t know how to say it so you have to read it.” Was all he said as he paced the bedroom.

I watched him for a few seconds before I sat down on his bed and unfolded the news paper. I couldn’t speak and I believe I stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating for a few seconds as my eyes scanned over the words and the pictures of me. That is why they were following me around Memphis; they had been sitting on the story of the year. I married my best friend and didn’t even know about it! How was I going to tell my mother that not only did I marry Randall; as she called him, but that I was pregnant with his child?

“Son of a bitch!” I breathed out dropping the news paper like it had burnt my hands!

“We have to talk about that…” Justin trailed off walking towards me.

He grabbed one of my hands but I pulled it away and stood up off of his bed, I looked at him not sure what to say. What do you say to someone you are married too, to the father of your unborn child, to your best friend? I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say or how I was supposed to react. My head started to feel light and my knees started to feel weak.

My eyes slowly opened to see Justin’s ocean blue eyes staring at me a smile played at his lips as he helped me sit up. I passed out; I fucking passed out how much of a loser am I? I groan and get off his bed walking towards the door. Justin grabs my arm and stops my movement.

“I…I can’t handle this right now!” I stammer out looking at the ground as his hold on my arm got tighter.

He of all people should know I’m a commitment freak; I’ve never had a long term boyfriend. The longest relationship I’ve had was six months; I just got freaked out when the guy wanted to move in, or trade keys. The very second a guy tells me he loves me I break up with them. My mom says it’s just my subconscious telling me someone better is out there for me, I know that I can’t commit because the one guy I did fall in love with never loved me back and I don’t want my heart broken again.

“Tay… I need to know what you want to do.” Justin’s voice was soft as he pulled me tightly to his chest holding me there.

I wiggled free from his grasp and bit my lower lip; it’s a bad habit that I can’t break my self of. I sigh and look up at him; the color has started to come back to his face.

“Since I’m the only one in this room who went to college I’ve got a plan!” I give a weak smile to him causing him to roll his eyes. “We are going to ignore it.” I tell him with a shrug of my shoulders.

Justin’s face contorts for a few seconds looking at me as if I have three heads and five boobs.

“IGNORE IT?” He yells out stepping back from me, “Ignore it? You want to ignore it?” He asks as he runs a hand over his head. “Stop talking like a five year old Taylor Elizabeth, we can’t ignore this. We are married and you are pregnant; you can’t be going out on dates with random people that will ruin mine and your name. What do you want to do? Do you want to get an abortion? Do you want to get an annulment?” He rambled on

I looked at him, my hands shaking as he went off about abortions and annulments and life and how I needed to grow up and make a decision about us about everything. How can he ask me to make a decision this big with out fully processing the news? Who could make a decision like this the moment they found out? I for one am not the type of person to do something spur of the moment, not usually. We did get married in Vegas so something in my life was spur of the moment.

“Shut up Justin!” I yell as I cover my ears with my hands to show him I not listening to his ramblings.

“Taylor I just…”

“I said shut the fuck up!” I yell again taking a step back towards the bedroom door, “I need time to think about all this shit I just found out. It’s up to you if you want to keep this baby.” I tell him as I turn and leave his bedroom shutting the door behind me.

Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do.

“Baby what’s wrong?” She rushed over to me.

Before I could say anything Trace handed her the news paper; her face dropped for a second then turned into a concerned smile.

“So Taylor doesn’t have to tell you she’s pregnant.” Was the first thing out of her mouth.

That confirmed to me that Taylor was in fact pregnant, that I was going to be a fucking father. I got my Taylor Elizabeth pregnant, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I can deal with the marriage issue but the pregnancy issue would be harder. People will think it’s cute that I married my best friend, people will not like that she’s pregnant and they’ll question the marriage.

Being married to her won’t be hard for me at all, Trace was right to say I was giving her the eyes and checking her out. She is hot, I saw her just before summer was over but I was too into Meredith to really pay any attention, when we broke up and I came home for Thanksgiving she was sitting on my moms couch in sweat pants and an old T-shirt reading a book. She stayed at my moms’ house because her bothers had too many kids and there was no more room for her at her moms place.

I shake my head of the thoughts and look at my mom, then to Trace who shrugs his shoulders and sit down across from us.

“So she is really pregnant? I’m really going to be a dad?” I chock out once again feeling like I’m going to puke all over the place. “And I’m married to top it off… mom what am I going to do?” I hold back the burning tears as she takes me into a hug rubbing my back trying to sooth me.

“I don’t know Justin… I don’t know.” She was honest.

Why would she know what to do, she married someone who loved her.

“Momma…how…how do I…tell her I want to be married to her?” I ask in whisper pulling back to look my mother in the face.

She just gave me a small smile as if she has known this whole time that I was in love with Taylor. I look over at Trace who is shifting in his seat and chewing on his nails. I never actually told him I loved her, I let him know I was having more then friendly feelings towards her.

“You have to be honest with her Justin.” My mom answered standing up and walking towards the stairs, “Come on” She added as she climbed the stairs.

My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I stood from the couch, I looked at Trace who was just staring at me like I was crazy.

“You love her?” He asked quietly as he bounced his foot up and down on the ground.

“Yeah…” I trail off looking at him for some kind of reaction, he just gives me a shit eating grin.

“That’s cool.” Was all he said as he got up and went to the kitchen.

I sighed and started walking towards the stairs, now all I have to do is get the nerve up to tell Taylor I love her, that we are married and I want to stay married to her. I just don’t know how to tell her all of that, I’ve known her almost my whole life, and our moms are best friends. This is something both of our parents always wanted since we went to a home coming dance sophomore year of high school. That was also the first year we had sex together; she told me before the dance that she just wanted to get it over with and asked if I’d sleep with her.

We almost got caught by her brother Chris; we went to her house since her parents weren’t going to be home. He barged into her room after we had sex, we were lucky enough to have been half dressed when he came in. Ever since then he’s always given me weird looks.

I stop at the top of the stairs and look at my mom who is holding the news paper Trace handed her still.

“Do you know what you are going to say?” She asks me as she grabs on to my shoulder.

“I’m in love with you and by the way we are married?” I sarcastically smile at my mom who rolls her eyes at me.

“If you can’t tell Taylor then just give her the news paper, she’s a bright girl she’ll understand why you can’t speak.”

The clearing of a throat makes me jump and my eyes land on Taylor who is wearing pink pajama bottoms and a white thank top. I look at my mom and back to her my heart pounding so fast I feel like I’m going to pass out.

“What’s going on?” She asks as she grabs a few strands of hair and plays with them.

I think I’m going to puke. I think I’m going to pass out. I want to run down stairs and drive away. What’s going on she asks, we are married and I love you stay married to me please? I look at mom as she tells me she’s going down stairs and I believe I might just pass out from being scared shitless.