Chapter 6
I slowly open my eyes, and then snap them shut just as fast as I had opened them; the bright light from the window is blinding. I stretch my arms above my head and roll on to my back; I don’t remember falling asleep last night. I do remember after Justin showed up that I left with him to drive back to my place which is an hour and a half away. I must have fallen asleep on the car ride to Memphis which is a good thing because I have to work today. I look to my right and see Justin’s freckled covered chest rising and falling with each breath he takes. I move my hand to touch him when I feel as if my stomach is folding in on it’s self and I barely make it out of my room and into the bathroom when I throw up.
“Tay, are you alright?” I hear Justin’s voice behind me as I heave one more time into the toilet bowl. “I’ll get you some water and crackers” He says before I can bitch at him for asking such a stupid question.
I pull my self off the bathroom floor then brush my teeth, I can feel my stomach start to ache again as Justin appears in the doorway with the crackers. I snatch one out of his hand and eat it real fast as I pushed past him to go in to the kitchen.
“What time did I fall asleep?” I asked as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.
I look at him waiting for an answer as he stares at me for a few seconds; it makes me a little nervous like maybe I have some vomit on my cheek or something.
“As soon as we were on the road you were out like a light.” He half smiles at me as he sits down at the bar across from where I’m standing in the kitchen. “How far along are you?” He asks looking down at my flat stomach.
I run a hand across my stomach before I turn around the place my now empty bowl in the sink. “About 4, 4 ½ weeks…” I answer turning back to look at him, he is acting very Un-Justin like as he stares at me.
“I have the next few months off and I was thinking that maybe we…”
“I have to work.” I cut him off walking out of the kitchen, “I can’t just stop my life because you have a few months off Justin. You know I don’t work like that, and I can’t work like that. I’m trying to become something in my career field and if I just drop everything for you… then I’ll be nothing and…” I stop talking when I realize he is still sitting in the kitchen shoulders slumped over and his hands on his head.
I don’t feel bad, I will not feel bad for upsetting him, I can’t I promised my self years ago. I’m not saying I’m cold hearted and a bitch, and have no remorse for upsetting him, but he left me years ago and when I finely got over it I promised myself that I would succeed in my dreams and so far I have been doing that. I went to college and I got to intern at this wonderful TV Station in Memphis and now I work there. And I’ve moved on up in the world, now not only do I make the coffee for my boss I even proof read his script for him.
Yes I know that doesn’t seem like much but you have to work your way up to the top, I’m still very new at this I’ve only been at it for 3 years. You can’t expect much more for someone like me at this stage. I grab some clothes out of my dresser and walk into the bathroom, I look down the hall and he is still sitting in the kitchen.
“Justin, go home and hang out with your mom, or Trace or my brothers.” I sigh shutting the bathroom door.
When I finely get in the shower tears slid down my checks as I think about how much my life has changed in such a short amount of time. I’m not ready to have a kid; I’m to selfish and self-absorbed to want to take care of anything other then my self. Being pregnant might even hold me back at my job, I haven’t told them and I won’t until I’m showing so much that you’d have to be blind not to notice.
I was relieved to see that he was gone when I got out of the shower, so I quickly go ready for work and left hoping I wouldn’t get yelled at for being half an hour late. As I rode the elevator up to the floor I work on I smoothed out my black dress pants and pink blouse trying to build some sort of wall up to the many questions I was going to get about the marriage.
“Ms. Love it’s about time you showed up.” Eric my boss states as I sit my purse down on my desk. I’m about to say something when he walks away.
“We need to talk.” Adam, the ex says to me as he grabs my arm after shutting the office door.
“We do not need to talk, leave me alone.” I yank my arm out of his grasp.
“How is Justin?” He asks with a smirk causing me to roll my eyes.
Of course this asshole wants to know about Justin and the rumors of us being married. I can’t believe I dated him, after a few months we broke up, then we got back together but I soon realized all he wanted was some dirt on Justin. When he finely got to hang out with Justin because of me he sold a half true article to a major gossip magazine which made me break up with him for good. I had Trace bitching at me for bringing stupid people around us and not thinking about who I dated.
“That’s not your concern.” I calmly state going through a pile of papers that were left on my desk, I’m trying my best to ignore the fucker but it’s hard when he is breathing hard and staring at me.
“How could you marry that druggy?” He raises his voice causing me to jump slightly, dropping the papers in my hand.
“He smokes pot on occasion, that doesn’t constitute being a druggy.” I correct him as I push past him and out of the office.
‘He won’t love you the way that I do.” I almost choke on my own spit at that one.
Of course Justin won’t love me the way that Adam did, Adam wanted two things, sex and Justin. I turn to face him when I’m struck with the feeling of throwing up again. I push back the feeling and turn back around to walk to where Eric is standing. I will not let this pregnancy stop me from working, I won’t do it, and I can’t do it I just can’t. My hand shakes a little as I stop next to Eric and see him holding tabloid with my picture on it. I figured Adam would hound me about being married and about Justin but I didn’t think the rest of my co-workers would pay attention to the tabloids.
“Taylor you didn’t tell me you got married.” Amanda, a friend and co-worker whispered into my ear as she walked up to me.
“Yeah…” I draw out not sure what to say to her, Justin and I haven’t really talked much on the subject just that we are going to ignore the press. But not what I’m supposed to tell my co-workers and friends, Amanda is one of my closets friends out side of Trace and Justin, she’s met them a few times but we all haven’t really hung out and I’m happy about that.
“Ms. Love I need you to look over these before I go on Air.” Eric said causing me to jump lightly as he handed me a few pieces of paper.
I made it half way through the day before I finely couldn’t take the feeling of throwing up any longer and sat in the bathroom for at least 30 minutes puking everything I had that day. Eric decided that I had to go home which caused me to burst into tears. So far I hate being pregnant, I’ve puked more times than I ever have in my life and now my whole office has seen me cry, Amanda offered to drive me home since I was in no shape to drive.
“Tay what’s going on with you?” She asks me as we drive slowly through the city.
I sob some more before I can sober up enough to choke out an answer, “I can’t talk about it.” I barely get out before crying some more.
She says nothing as we stop at a red light; she looks over at me and twitches her nose thinking of what to say to me. “I’ve been one of your best friends for 5 years and you can’t talk about it. Tell me what is going on, tell me why I’m reading that my best friend went and got married and didn’t tell anyone. Tell me why this friend of mine is sitting in my car sobbing for some reason that she can’t speak of.” She went off griping her steering wheel.
“I’m pregnant.” I whisper as she stops the car in front of my apartment building.
“Preg…pregnant… is this why you two got married?” She asks looking at me with disbelief written all over her face.
“NO! No, no, no I just found out like a few days ago that I’m pregnant.” I rush out looking out the window and taking notice at a few paparazzi snapping some pictures of the two of us. “Let’s go up to my apartment.” I point at the cameras and she nods her head.
When I opened my door I almost pass out at the site before me, there were four or five boxes in the front room and kitchen and I could see a few in the hall way. Was he going to move me out of my apartment, was he expecting me to just drop everything after I told him I wasn’t going too. I give Amanda a look telling her I’m not pleased as we make our way further into the apartment.
“JUSTIN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!” I yell out causing Amanda to jump slightly I hear something break and I take off down the hall.
Justin and Christopher are standing in the spare bedroom putting up baby stuff; I blink a few times trying to figure out what is going on. Chris and Justin working together is a huge shock since Chris isn’t the biggest of Justin fans right not.
After Taylor basically told me to fuck off and leave her alone I left her apartment and drove to my house, it was a long drive and helped me think. Taylor is a stubborn girl and if she says she’s not going to stop everything for me she won’t do it. She’ll make it out to California for a few days at a time when it’s something important like my birthday but if I’m just having some stupid party she won’t show up won’t even request a day off. She’s always been like that and I’m glad that she’s so stubborn, or at least I was until today. Half way to my house I decided that I’d move in with her until I could change her mind and get her to move into my house. I called Chris and talked him into helping me pack some of my belongings so that I could shack up with Taylor as he put it.
“I don’t see why you think this is going to work.” Chris says for the tenth time that hour as I shove some books into a box.
“I know she loves me, you know she loves me she just don’t want me to know she loves me. You know how she is.” I say with a shrug of my shoulders.
“She did love you are one point in her life, about ten years ago but you left and started to date Britney.” He commented causing me to bow my head a little
I did leave and I did start dating Britney after everything that happened with Taylor. But I know she still loves me or she wouldn’t have married me, she wouldn’t have wanted to ignore the press on this.
“She married me didn’t she?” I asked as I carried a box to Chris’ truck and pushing it against a few other boxes.
She married me, I don’t care if we were both so wasted that we didn’t even remember we got married. But she married me and at one point during that night we weren’t too wasted and we did know what we were thinking. I know that I was thinking about marring her, not that soon and not that way hell maybe it was just the fact that she and my mother were so great with each other that I wanted her for ever. Or maybe it was the fact that I’d wanted her for a while, still I thought about it and I’m sure I told her I wanted to marry her. Now that I think about it I can hear her laughter when I said it.
“Let’s get married!”
“You’re so funny!” She laughed grabbing my arm.
I can feel her touching me and leaning against me as we finished our drinks and told my mother we were leaving.
I asked her and we left and got married so I KNEW, I KNEW she wanted it as much as I did. Or maybe I didn’t know, maybe she was so drunk she would have married Trace if he had asked her.
It took us about two hours to pack up what I wanted to move and to haul the boxes up to her apartment. After that we went to do some baby shopping, I wanted to show Taylor how excited I am to be having a baby even though I’m not that excited. I’m still trying to accept that my life is going to be taken over by something that weighs less then ten pounds in a few months.
“How does your mom feel about everything?” Chris snaps me out of my thoughts as we sit in the spare room putting a crib together.
“Oh you know her; she’s very excited to be a grandma she said at least it’s with Taylor and not some psycho fan, Taylor is like a daughter to her, and that everything will work out in the end.” I answer as I grab my beer next to me a take a swig.
If felt good to hang out with Taylor’s brother for the day, I hadn’t done it in a while and I think it helped ease his mind on how I really felt about his little sister and that I really wanted everything to work. We talk about his kids and his marriage or lack there of he had filed for divorce after 8 years of marriage and three kids. They couldn’t make it work, they had different ideas on how to raise kids on how to manage money and those two things are a big part of life and a marriage.
I was placing a Pooh Bear lamp on the dresser when I heard Taylor yell out my name which caused me to drop it on the ground and watch it shatter. Chris and I look at the door to see Taylor standing there chest heaving and her face with red blotches from crying. I step over a few boxes and stop in front of her touching her face.
“Are you alright?” I ask almost in a whisper looking over her face
“Don’t touch me!” She yelled out pulling away from me, “What the fuck are you doing? What is this?” She asks pointing towards the babies’ room.
“Just getting ready.” I smile at her grabbing her hand and pulling her into the room; it’s just a crib and dresser with a few decorations nothing major it took us a few hours to get the crib put together.
Chris excused him self from the room taking Taylor’s friend with him and shut the door so we could be alone. I looked at Taylor and she looked very upset with everything.
“Get rid of it.” She grunts out turning towards the door
“What? NO!” I shout stopping her from leaving, “Why would I get rid of it?” I ask moving in front of the door, a childish thing to do but if I don’t she’ll leave.
“You can’t do this J… you just can’t… not this early in the pregnancy… it’s like you jinxed it…” She rambles on as tears fall out of her eyes.
I pull her into a hug and run my hand up and down her back kissing the top of her head.
“Taylor its okay nothing is jinxed everything is fine.” I murmur into her head kissing it again as she pulls away and look up at me a little shocked at what I said.
“Justin…” She starts and looks down at the ground for a moment, “I’m can’t get pregnant… I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant.” She finished looking at me through tear filled eyes.
I just stare at her for what seems like ever, she can’t get pregnant then how the fuck is she pregnant now? What the hell is she talking about, is the pregnancy made up to make me feel like a fucking idiot or to prove some sort of sick point. I laugh a little causing her to take a step make and push the tears away from her eyes. I start to say something but she stops me and tells me what she meant, she went on to tell me that ten years ago she thought she was pregnant because she hadn’t gotten her period. She was afraid at first to tell her mom that she had been having sex with me but had to incase she was pregnant. Her mom took her to the doctor where she found out she wasn’t pregnant but that she wasn’t able to have kids because her hormones were low and the eggs wouldn’t be released and she’d have to take birth control to get her period to come on.
“How come you didn’t tell me?” I ask taking a seat on the chair in the corner of the room.
“No one but my mom knows, and now you.” I states looking at the ground soon.
I look her over, her blue eyes are a darker shade and her hair is pulled up in a pony tail, she is chewing on her bottom lip and picking at the hem of her shirt. I stand up and walk over to her pulling her into a hug she looks up at me a little confused by everything and I take that moment to crush my lips against hers. She runs her hands up my chest and over my shoulders pulling me closer to her and I take that as a hint to deepen the kiss. I run my hand around her stomach to her back and pull her against me so she can feel how excited I am for her. I can’t help but be excited; she has my baby, my miracle baby inside of her. She starts to take my shirt off but stops and pulls away from me.
“I…I…can’t do this.” She signs looking at me as she fixes her shirt and walks out of the room.
I can’t fucking believe she just did that AGAIN, how many times is she going to deny me before I flip out. I know she knows how much I want her, so I don’t get why she’d turn me on to the point that I can’t even leave this room then stop and leave me hanging.
