“Why is he in such a bad mood?” I grumble to JC, who's perched on the edge of the sofa watching me with concerned eyes. If the teddy bear onesie I'm wearing wasn't enough to clue him in on the fact something is bothering me, my pale face and red-rimmed eyes more than make up for it.

“You know why,” he tells me as he shuffles closer and tucks a protective arm over my sagging shoulders. I sniffle, and glance at him out of the corner of my eyes.

Justin, who's pretending not to hear our conversation continues glowering at the wall from where he stands loitering in the doorway. He's been standing there for twenty minutes now, not saying anything and pretending he doesn't care that I'm upset. He's crap at it, and I know it's killing him not being the one to comfort me but I don't care. He's bought this on himself.

“He doesn't have to be such a jerk about it,” I tell JC, who turns his head and gives me a look.

“Yes, he does. You know he does.”

I shrug in what I hope is a nonchalant way, but my heart isn't in it. Nothing feels right at the moment. All the things I would usually do to cheer myself up are barely even touching the surface of my melancholy. Not to mention they all of a sudden feel like complete wastes of time. I can't even enjoy food, thanks to the consistent fluttering of butterflies in my stomach. I hate that feeling, but at the same time I'm so scared of it going away. When the day comes that I wake up without them, that's when I'll know... that's when it will all really be over.

I glance over at Justin, who ignores me, and fresh tears fill my eyes. I know I've hurt him, but I have absolutely no spare energy to try to repair the damage. It's taking all I have to keep myself from falling apart, let alone repairing the damage I've done to his ego.

“It'll get easier,” JC tells me in a warm, comforting voice and I have to swallow hard before I can speak. He has one of those voices that makes everything he says sound so reassuring. He could tell me the moon is pink and I'd want to believe him. “You just need time.”

I nod and try not to say the first thing that pops into my head. That right now I don't want it to get easier, because I'm still not ready to let go. This pain is exhausting, and feels like it's removing all the colour from my life, but the thought of going back to how things were before... that's just unbearable.

“Time,” I repeat weakly and he nods, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

“In time you'll see that this will all work out for the best.”

Internally I grimace. That's another cliché I really wasn't ready for.

“But we were... are... so compatible, Josh. I mean, really compatible...”

I hear a huff from across the room but choose to ignore it. I meet JC's eyes and widen my own, trying to make him understand, to really understand how I feel. I think he does, but that's only because I haven't stopped talking about it for days now. Bless him, he has the patience of a saint.

He pauses before speaking and I realise he's trying to find a way to be honest with me without absolutely shattering my confidence. I know how much he cares about me by how long this seems to take. “You know, sometimes it takes more than that to make a relationship work,” he says gently, and I notice his eyes flick upwards and over my shoulder at his bandmate who is still standing in stony silence.

I sniffle again, knowing that my time of living in denial was bound to have a deadline, and before too long someone would have to burst my bubble for my own good. That time was now, apparently.

“It's helpful if you both are heading in the same direction. If you both want the same things out of life.”

“But we do!” I say, a little too emphatically, and this statement seems to send Justin over the edge. I notice in my peripheral vision him turn to face me, his face scrunched into a deep frown, his blue eyes burning with intensity. I meet his eye-line and try not to cry.

“He wasn't right for you!” He barks at me and I feel JC tense at my side. Justin's not as good as JC at the gently-gently approach. “He wants to be out partying every night. He wants to be free to live the single life, not sitting at home night after night watching movies.”

Ouch.

“How can you be so upset about someone who clearly isn't right for you?” he demands, his eyes blazing, and I sense more than a little of sour grapes. He's been like this since the first day I met... him. I knew out of everyone Justin would take the presence of another man in my life the hardest, but I hadn't expected him to be such a brat about it. It's like he's been trying to punish me for demoting him to number three in my life. To be honest, the way he's been acting he's lucky he's not dropped even lower.

I glance at JC to see if he agrees with Justin, but he's zoned out and stares at the floor, distracted. He obviously doesn't want to get in the middle of the tension between Justin and I. I can't say I blame him.

“I liked him,” I say in a wobbly voice. “He was nice to me.”

“You don't throw your life away on someone who's nice to you,” he snaps.

“Throw my life away?” I mimic sarcastically. That's such a typical over-the-top, melodramatic Justin reaction. “I was not--”

“So you weren't thinking about quitting your job? Or stopping your hobbies because they didn't match his? You weren't questioning your core values because they don't suit his lifestyle?”

“I...er...”

“Some guy steps into your life and suddenly you don't know who you are any more.”

I stare at him with my mouth wide open. I want him to be wrong. I want to be able to defend myself against his accusations but I can't. He's absolutely right, and hearing it only makes me feel worse.

“I liked him,” I repeat lamely. “I thought that would be enough. I didn't expect to fall for him so quickly.”

“It's okay,” JC pipes up and I take the opportunity to tear my eyes away from Justin's face to give him a small smile. He's always trying to make things seem better than they really are. If ever I need someone to tell me exactly what I want to hear, I go to JC.

“You can't help who you fall in love with,” he tells me with a crooked smile and I join in because it feels good and I want to believe him so bad, even though a very small voice in the back of my mind tells me that I knew this would happen all along, and that it was totally preventable. I don't know what made this one get under my skin and past my usually well defended barriers, but somehow he did.

“She's not in love with him!” Justin scoffs as he crosses the room and plops down into the spare seat beside me. I turn to scowl at him over my shoulder, but he ignores my narrowed eyes and grabs my shoulders, turning me in the seat so I have to face him square on. His blue eyes are wide, serious, and I know I'm about to get a good talking to, Timberlake style.

“You're not in love with him,” he repeats, shuffling forward so our faces are close and I'm unable to avoid his stern expression. His voice is gentler than it has been, but determined. I know he's not going to let me leave this couch until he's had his say and he's confident I've understood him. “You think you love him, but it's all in your head.”

I open my mouth to object but he doesn't give me a chance, talking over my mutterings until I quickly admit defeat. Whereas my voice is soft and high-pitched, he's had years of vocal training that prevents anyone from being able to talk over him.

“You liked him and that's okay, but it's time to let it go now. Deep down you know he's not right for you.” His eyes widen and it's almost as though he's trying to force the words into my brain via hypnosis. “You won't get your happily-ever-after with him,” he says sternly.

My chin wobbles but I don't cry, and although he's trying to play the tough guy, I can see this affects him. He clears his throat and reaches for my hands, tucking them tightly inside his own and I suddenly wish that JC wasn't sitting awkwardly behind me. With any luck he's gone back to staring at the floor.

“You don't have to settle because there's no one else on the horizon right now,” Justin tells me in a sincere voice that I've come to expect from JC. Justin's role is to be the one to tell me exactly what I don't want to hear, because he's the only person I can't hate, no matter what. It's a change to hear him predicting my future with absolute confidence of happiness being on the horizon. “Don't settle for a guy who needs time to realise you're special. There'll be someone out there who notices it straight away.”

I offer him a trembly smile as a lump forms in my throat, and it takes all that I have not to throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me. We're not quite back to that point yet. I know he's sore that I was able to throw him aside so easily, and I'm sure as time passes I'll feel rotten about that. After all he's done for me, all the hard times he's helped me through, I allowed myself to be led astray by someone who referred to him as merely 'Trousersnake'.

Ugh.

“We're okay, right?” I ask him, unable to even attempt to mask the neediness in my voice. What can I say, I've been through the wringer lately; an emotional roller-coaster that's left me without even an ounce of self-respect to pretend that I don't need him.

Justin lets out a long sigh, pretending to need time to consider the question, and I hear JC chortle quietly behind me. He's probably rolling his eyes, too.

“Yes,” Justin says after a needlessly dramatic pause. “We're good, little 'un. Till next time.” He pulls me to him and I melt into his familiar arms before his words sink in and I catch myself.

“There won't be a next time, J,” I say vehemently and I both hear and feel his laughter as I press my cheek against his chest.

“Oh, there will,” he says with a laugh. “There will.”

~~~~~*~~~~~