Melissa paused outside of the ICU waiting room where Chris was, taking a deep breath. She could see him through the glass and from his side that was facing out, he looked okay, other than the IV's hooked up and the beeping machine monitoring his blood pressure and heart rate. When the orthopedic surgeon came in and told them that Chris was in recovery, they'd decided to let him wake up enough to make sure he could answer a few simple questions and assess his pain level before giving him some high dosage pain medication. Once they could go visit, everyone had decided to let her go by herself.
Stepping inside the room, she looked at her husband. They had shaved his face, and his right side was bandaged and his eye and ear were covered as well. They had Chris' shoulder immobile with a cast that went over his shoulder and wrapped around his torso. His arm was in a cast that traveled all the way down to his hand with his fingers and thumb separated but not able to move. Her husband's leg looked the scariest; a metal halo went around the length of his leg with metal rods coming out of his skin attaching to the contraption. Her stomach lurched, hating to think of how it felt and that she couldn't do anything to make it better.
Her fingers brushed his and she smiled a little when his eyes opened barely. “Hey...” she said softly, leaning in and kissing the left side of his lips. When Chris' hand squeezed hers a little harder, Melissa sniffled, her other hand brushing his hair softly. “I love you.”
“Love you,” Chris said softly, looking at her. He sighed and closed his eyes. Even though he was awake, there were some very good drugs in his system. When he opened his eyes again, he wasn't sure why he couldn't see out of his right one, reaching gingerly to feel around it. He looked at his wife questioningly when she pulled his hand away gently. “Is it bad?” he asked, wanting to know. When she didn't answer right away, he squeezed her hand again. “S'okay baby. Tell me.”
Sucking in a breath, she blew it out and wiped a few stray tears. “Your right side was basically put back together. Your leg, arm, hand and shoulder,” she explained what the surgeons had done as best as she could, watching Chris look away from her and a tear rolled down his cheek. “Your eye and ear took a hit also when you hit the asphalt...You're probably going to be mostly deaf in your right ear. And partially blind...” she wiped another tear that was on his face. “I'm sorry, Chris.”
Chris looked at his wife and pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “Not your fault...” he said and was quiet for a few minutes, lost in thought. He'd never seen it coming, riding through the traffic light when it was green for their lane. One moment he was on his motorcycle, the next he was being catapulted through the air. When he hit the pavement, the impact had knocked him out. He was sort of glad for that, not sure he'd have wanted to be awake when he skidded. Now he was laying in a hospital bed not able to move and... disabled. It was the only word he could come up with.
Then another thought hit him. “I can't play guitar,” he said finally, tears coming again. It wasn't that so much as that he couldn't do what he did before, which was make music and perform. Something that he was proud of, that he loved doing. Melissa was always the first person he'd go to for her input on a song or just to pick up one of his guitars and sing her a song. Now he didn't know if he'd even be able to use his right hand at all. More than music, would he be able to pick up his girls or hold his son. That thought hurt the most; having to not be the same father he was before. Or the same husband, looking down at his leg with the metal coming out of it. “Do you still want me?” he whispered, afraid of the answer and in pain.
Melissa bit her lip and ran a hand over his cheek lovingly. It hurt her heart to see him vulnerable like this. Afraid that for some reason she would decide not to love him. “Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, you're my best friend and my husband. My lover and father of our children...my heart. I will always want you.”
Chris nodded and looked at her, feeling better in that sense. His head was still a mess of thoughts, grimacing when he shifted wrong in the bed.
“Let's worry about you getting better,” Melissa said, leaning in and kissing him once more. “Do you want anything?” she asked.
“More pain meds,” he said. When Melissa got up, he held her hand. He was drugged up and wanted her there. Chris wouldn't admit it, but he was scared that if she left he wouldn't see her again. That they wouldn't let her back in his room. “Can you come back?” he asked, glad when a nurse came in before she could leave.
Melissa looked at the nurse and then at him. “You can have more visitors in an hour. Your mom and sisters..the guys are out there. My parents... You have a waiting room full of people. Even the guys who were riding with you,” she said, watching the nurse change out some of the IV's and a what she figured was a catheter bag. “Right now you need to rest. I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here later. Addy is watching the kids.”
Chris nodded a little and answered yes when the nurse asked if he hurt. When she told him she was going to knock him out for a little while, he just closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at Melissa. “Stay,” he said again.
“I will until you fall asleep, baby. I promise.” Melissa stroked her husband's cheek as he dozed off, glad when his breathing became deep and even. She kissed him again and got up, looking him over once more before she left ICU.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Chris heard the door to his hospital room open and he shut his eyes, pretending to be asleep. That wasn't hard, the pain medication he'd been given was working quickly. As much as he appreciated everyone visiting, he wanted to be left alone. Finally in a private room, it was nice to not feel like he was on display. Somewhere in his mind, he knew that wasn't the case but it was what he felt like. Hearing voices, his heart clenched when he recognized the little whispers.
“Momma, he's sleeping,” Hadley whispered, looking at her daddy. “Is he okay?”
“Yes, baby. He's okay, just hurt... You can go sit in the chair next to his bed if you want and hold his hand. Daddy won't mind,” Melissa said. She'd wanted to wait to bring the kids, but she figured it would be okay if they came for a few minutes. Her mother had come to take them home and leave her there for a little while to sit with Chris.
Chris felt a small hand grasp his lightly and opened his eye a little and saw Hadley looking at him, concern etched on her face. “Hey Hads. How are you?” he asked, seeing Kenna come into his view as well. “Hi Kenniebear.”
“Daddy...can you come home?” Kenna asked, putting her head near his. “We miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he said softly, hating that he couldn't move more. Chris saw Melissa, giving her a small smile before looking at the girls again.
“I won my ball game, Dad,” Hadley said after a moment. “Uncle Joey and Grandpa took me and yelled the loudest. And Cam ate two cotton candies.”
“Really? That's good,” Chris told her, accepting kisses on his cheek from his daughters. “Daddy's gonna take a little nap. They gave me medication before you got here,” he explained.
“Well, they weren't going to stay long. My mom is taking them back to the house,” she told him, listening to the girls make over Chris, giving him kisses and asking him questions quietly. Melissa squeezed Chris' hand. “I'm going down to the cafeteria but will be back.”
“M'kay,” he said softly, mumbling bye to the girls. Chris heard them leave and settled back on the pillow and closed his eyes. At the moment he wasn't in pain and thankful for that, drifting off to sleep.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Melissa sat in the cafeteria, eating a hot ham and cheese sandwich after the girls and her mother had left, trying to give Chris some time to sleep and not have anyone in his room. She knew everyone had the best intentions coming to see Chris: to sit and check on him; to see if they needed anything, but after three days of constant calls and people she was about to go crazy. She figured Chris was as well, although he was drugged up quite a bit. Especially after they tweaked his halo around his leg.
She'd stepped out for that procedure and tears came when she heard Chris yelling and went back in and her husband had tears rolling down his face. They were tightening the whole thing so the bones would line up. Even with the screws there were still small gaps in the bone and the halo kept them all still. It could be moved slightly, but it wasn't pain free by any means.
Getting up, Melissa threw her tray away and made her way back up to Chris' room. Another thing Chris hated was the casts on his shoulder and arm. He said it itched and was hot. That wasn't quite the wording he used with her, but he told the nurse as much when she asked. The doctor hadn't let Chris see the right side of his face yet, keeping the wounds medicated and healing. When she'd taken a peek, it was clear that he was a very lucky man that it was just going to be scarring.
“He's asking for you,” the nurse said who was just coming out his room. She frowned a little and took Melissa's hand. “The doctor said to take the bandages off his face and around his ear and eye.”
They both jumped when they heard a yell and something crash from inside the room. Going in, Melissa found her husband yelling at the other nurse.
“Why the hell did you give me a mirror? Do you think I wanted to fucking see myself? I can't even see out of my right eye!” he yelled, throwing his hospital cup that was full of ice water in the nurse's general direction, along with the lunch tray that landed partly on Melissa.
“Christopher Alan!” Melissa said loudly, getting his attention. It took her breath when he looked at her. A long scar ran from his forehead along his nose and back over his cheek, with more skin healing. She ignored the jello and mashed potatoes and chicken strips covering the bottom part of her legs and feet, stepping over to the bed where Chris' fist was clenched and he was crying angry tears.
“Don't tell me it's okay...It's not okay,” Chris said through clenched teeth, looking at his wife. “I look like some sort of freak,” he muttered, letting more tears fall into his wife's shirt as she held him close. He felt wet on the back of his neck and knew she was crying too. He felt like a failure; stuck in a hospital bed not able to move or do anything like before and now his face looked like it had gone through all five Rocky movies and come out the loser. “Just go home, Mel.”
He felt bad when she looked at him, seeing the hurt in her eyes. “Come back tomorrow or something. Or wait a few days. I don't care...” he said, handing her the mirror. “Tell everyone else to go home. I don't want to see them either.” It was either say that or yell at his wife, which he was trying hard not to do. He looked at her pants and saw the food on her, feeling worse.
“I...They may not listen to me,” Melissa said softly.
“Tell them I don't want to fucking see them. Or you..for a few days. Just go away.” Chris growled, turning his head away when Melissa kissed him and told him she loved him, not replying to her. He listened to her make apologies to the nurses and help them clean a few minutes before he heard her leave. That was when a gut-wrenching sob left him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The chapter title is from a song by Three Six Mafia from the Rocky movies.
Story Tags: chris
