“Shhhh...Daddy's sleeping,” Kenna's voice stage whispered as she and Hadley came into the living room. They were awake early on a Tuesday morning and wanted to watch cartoons. She grabbed the remote and turned the tv on.
Chris heard the girls and tried to ignore the noise. He'd not slept well at all, his leg and right side hurting and he wasn't able to get comfortable. The halo had come off, along with the cast that had been around his shoulder, arm and body. The longest three months he'd ever been through and he'd been looking forward to sleeping in his bed, except that it hurt too much when he laid down. The doctor had said it would hurt and ordered physical therapy to start the next day.
So he'd gotten up and moved, albeit slowly, to his chair. The cast on his hand had come off, but his fingers barely bent at his knuckles. That had pissed Chris off as well; not able to grip anything, pain causing him to not be able to hold both of his daughter's hands. Someone would have to be left out. And Cameron had come earlier that evening and wanted Chris to play with him, not understanding that he couldn't use both of his hands to catch a big bouncy ball. It broke his heart when Cam got frustrated when Chris let it go past him, yelling at his sisters who tried to play.
“This show is stupid,” Hadley told her sister, grabbing for the remote.
“No it's not, I want to watch it,” Kenna said, raising her voice and holding the remote away. “You're not the boss of the tv.”
“You always watch this.”
Chris barely opened his eyes and looked at the girls, who were now about to get into a physical fight over the control to the tv. “Girls..” he said, not opening his eyes more. “Give Daddy a little peace and quiet. Go watch tv in the playroom.”
“We don't like that tv,” Hadley said, wrestling the object away from Kenna.
Chris heard Kenna whimper and the channel change. He'd listened to them fight the last five minutes. Melissa had been up with Cameron early that morning, so he figured she was asleep with their son in the bedroom. “Hads, what did I say?” he opened his eyes and looked at the blonde who sat there and ignored him. He'd tried not to notice the attitude she was getting, most of the time letting a lot of things slip by thanks to his own issues, but he'd caught that. “Hadley Nicole, come here.”
Hadley got up and trudged over to Chris, sighing and crossing her arms at him, avoiding his leg and right side in general. “Yes?” she asked, not happy.
“Did I not tell you to knock it off and go watch television somewhere else?” Chris asked. “I didn't sleep well...”
“Why didn't you sleep in your bed with Momma?” she asked him. “You're always in here. We can't do anything without it being noisy...” she huffed. “And you don't even play with us anymore. You're no fun.”
Chris swallowed hard and tried not to let it hurt, but it did. He knew that things had been hard on all of them. “I can't play with you a lot Hads. You know that...Daddy hurts all the time.”
“Then you shouldn't have ridden the stupid motorcycle!”
Chris opened his mouth to start to say something, not hearing the bedroom door.
“Hadley Nicole Kirkpatrick!” Melissa halfway yelled, causing them all to jump. “Go to your room and when you've decided you can be nice, come apologize to your Daddy. No tv for the rest of the day. Do you hear me?”
Chris watched his oldest glare at his wife but go to her room and slam the door. He looked at Melissa who was trying not to cry. “It's okay, Mel...” he said softly, trying to get out of the chair, going slow. “I'll go try and lay in the bed again,” he told her.
“It's not okay, Chris. Hadley can't yell at everyone because she's mad. And it's not your fault-”
“Technically it is,” he said after he groaned, getting up. “If I hadn't ridden that damn motorcycle I wouldn't be fucking handicapped. She's just saying what everyone is thinking. Even if you don't want to admit it,” he muttered as he passed her.
“That's not fair and you know it,” Melissa told him. She watched Chris stop, leaning on his cane and then turn to face her.
“So you're saying you like me like this? Unable to do anything...can't drive myself anywhere or get dressed on my own,” he watched her face redden and she looked away. “Thanks a fucking lot, baby. You'd rather me be like this-”
“I'd rather you be like this than dead! Yes Christopher, I would!” Melissa yelled at him, surprising herself at her outburst. Her hand went to her mouth and she stared at her husband, not sure of what to say.
“You wouldn't be saying that if you were me,” he told her, glad Kenna had gone to her own room. “The last three months has been Hell. And it doesn't look like it's getting any better. And don't get on to Hads ;she doesn't understand. And you getting mad at her doesn't help...”
“So you want our daughter to think it's okay to say whatever she wants?” Melissa asked.
“When she's right.” He shrugged. “Just..lay off the girls. And me.” Chris was pissed off and he wanted an outlet. Something to make him feel better and right then it was the person standing in the living room talking to him that would get his wrath. He held up a hand before she could say anything. “You're not a damn physical therapist and surfing the internet for exercises for me to do doesn't make you one. You cook, you clean...make sure everything is taken care of. That's what I need you for. Not to drive me bat shit fucking crazy about every damn thing you think I need to be doing or not doing.” Momentarily, he felt bad when he saw her face fall but figured that he'd apologize later. Right now he was exhausted, going to their room. He frowned at the piles of laundry that were at the end of the bed and on the dresser.
Chris did give a smile at the sleeping baby on their bed, clinging to his *NSYNC marionette. He sat down on the bed gingerly and then laid down. Grabbing one of the decorative pillows off the floor, he propped himself up a little. The door opened and he watched Melissa come in and not even look at him, going to their bathroom. The bathroom door shut and locked and Chris sighed.
“Fuck,” he muttered, grabbing another pillow and trying to move his right leg enough to get it propped up as well.
Melissa sat with her back against the bathroom door and listened to Chris curse and the noises from him moving around. She held the balled up Kleenex in her hand and let tears fall. The last three months had felt like a roller coaster that didn't have an off switch. Between Chris and the kids, the house had been neglected. Joey and Lance had helped take Chris to a few doctor's appointments and Addy and Kelly had watched the kids, but for the most part, she had done it all. And her husband had never talked to her like he had a bit ago. Chris used to be mild tempered and so loving. Now he was just...angry...about life. She jumped when she heard a loud thud and a yell. Getting up quickly, she opened the bathroom door and didn't see Chris on the bed but Cameron was sitting up, watching him.
“Daddy fall,” he said, looking at Chris.
“Don't touch me,” Chris said, seeing Melissa come into view. “Take Cam out of here and leave me alone...”
“Are you hurt?” she asked him, seeing Chris lay there on his right side, breathing hard.
“For the love of God, shut up and leave me alone. Can't you listen to me at all? Jesus Christ, Mel..” he half yelled. “I'll get up on my own.” Chris was hurting enough he would have done something bad if he could have moved, closing his eyes as tears came. His body wouldn't have bounced even ten years ago, but now the metal that was holding him together didn't give and there was no bounce in anything. He heard his wife whispering to Cam and leaving the room. Rolling over a little to his back, Chris stared at the ceiling, wondering if God was playing some sort of joke on him as his mind wandered.
“Nurse Ratched, I need some assistance,” Chris yelled as he came in the door of their apartment, dropping his bag. “Wade tried to kill us tonight. Even Justin told him to lay off a little,” he huffed, kissing his girlfriend's cheek as she came and helped him limp to the couch. “A couple of pain pills and Gatorade. I'm dying,” Chris groaned, wincing as he straightened out his legs. “And ice packs.”
“What about dinner?” Melissa asked him, bringing him the pills and drink first, then the ice packs. “The roast and carrots and gravy are still warm in the crock pot. With mashed potatoes.”
“I'm surprised Joey didn't try to come home with me,” Chris said with a tired chuckle, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “Tell me I'm not too old to be doing this. I feel too old...”
“Not old. Experienced,” Melissa said with a smile, kissing Chris softly as she sat his dinner down on the coffee table in front of him.
At the time he hadn't hurt his knee much less had major surgery to one whole side of his body. He wasn't sure how long he'd been on the floor, but he saw the door open and heard Joey's voice. Chris figured his wife had called their friend, watching the younger man come in and shut the bedroom door.
“You want help getting up?” Joey asked.
Chris sighed and closed his eyes a moment. “If that gets people to leave me alone and some pain meds, I guess so.” He saw Joey frown. “Yeah, man. Help me up so I can fall out of bed again since it was so fun before.” Reaching up with his left arm, he gripped Joey's hand and grimaced when the pain hit him.
“I'm driving you to physical therapy, so you better get your ass up.”
Chris didn't ask about Melissa and Joey didn't offer an explanation. He saw Melissa stick her head in and look at the two of them as Chris sat drenched in sweat from the exertion of just getting up. “We'll be back before you get him home, Joey. Thanks again.” He frowned more when she didn't even say goodbye to him, the kids saying goodbye and Cam coming to hug his 'Uncle Chewy'. He watched Cam run off and looked at Joey. “Thanks..for coming I mean.”
“When your wife called me, she was in tears and wouldn't tell me why,” Joey said after a moment. “You know how I am about women crying. So do I need to beat the shit out of you or what?”
Chris looked away, hearing Joey's accent come out more. He could take his anger out on his wife, but he knew his friends wouldn't let him get away with it. “I...” he sighed. “I jumped Mel's ass earlier. And then again when she wanted to help me up. I told her to leave me the hell alone.”
“Yeah, because that's just what she needs from the man she loves. Not like she spent 8 months hearing she was a piece of shit from another guy,” Joey muttered.
“That was what? 8 years ago?” Chris said, defensive. “And like you're the official guru of marriage. You're like a damn doorknob. Everyone's had a turn...” When Joey didn't answer, Chris looked at him. Joey was pissed and he knew he'd hit below the belt.
“Let's get you to your appointment,” Joey said, getting up and offering Chris his hand. “I'll let it slide this time since obviously your brain has disconnected from the rest of you and you're being a fucking asshole to everyone.”
Chris didn't reply, getting up and getting around. Joey helped him get dressed and get his shoes on. “Do you know where Mel and the kids were going?” he asked as he went to the living room to grab his wallet and cell phone. It had been an adjustment to see out of one eye, depth perception was still a struggle but had gotten better thanks to occupational therapy.
“Back to school shopping,” Joey said. “They were having some good sales at Old Navy and Target. She said something about Cam going to pre-school for half a day since he was potty trained,” Joey watched Chris and prayed things would get better. He hurt for Chris, missing his happy go-lucky friend who saw humor in everything.
Chris nodded, remembering Melissa mentioning something about Cam going to pre-school. He hadn't thought about school starting for the girls either. If he was honest with himself, the last three months had been sort of a blur.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Coming in the door, the Kirkpatrick household was at normal, for the kids anyway. Kenna was watching television and Hadley was busy on her tablet with Cameron banging on the coffee table with drumsticks. He was exhausted and even more sore than when he left with Joey. And he had some news that his wife wouldn't be happy with. Even though he'd been a complete jerk, Chris realized that this was a big deal.
He could hear music coming faintly from the kitchen and went in there to see Melissa cooking dinner a little earlier than usual and smiled at hearing Britney Spears playing. “What's cooking good looking?” he said, his smile falling a bit when she didn't even look at him. “How was shopping?” he asked, hoping for an answer from that.
“It was fine, Chris. I'm fixing shrimp tacos and rice,” Melissa replied, chopping up some onion to cook with the shrimp. “How was therapy?”
“It hurt like a bitch...” he told her. Chris handed her a paper, looking sheepish. “Those are the exercises they said to do.”
Melissa looked at the paper and swallowed a lump of emotion. They were the same ones that she'd told him about. Her eyes flicked to his and then back to the paper. “That's good,” she responded simply. She wouldn't admit it, but she was exhausted. Dinner was going to be early and she was going to bed after getting baths and the kids settled. Her heart hurt from what Chris had said earlier, replaying his words over in her mind. She sprinkled a little taco seasoning on the shrimp and tossed them in the skillet with the onion, checking the rice.
“Joey gave me a good ass chewing for making you cry,” he told her, watching his wife try and ignore him. Chris didn't hear a sniffle but he saw his wife reach up quickly and wipe a tear. “Come on, Mel...Let me apologize. I had no right to bitch you out. I just..You were there.”
“So that makes it okay, Chris? I've spent the whole day wondering what the hell I'd done...I'm exhausted and you seem to think it's okay for me to be your personal punching bag.” Melissa wiped tears again and stirred the food, moving to put the tortillas in the oven. “I'll take a lot of it. I can't imagine what you're going through but if you think for one moment that I like hearing you talk like you'd rather be dead...” she pointed at Chris, trying to keep her voice down. “I can't deal with that. And then with Hadley-”
“I was wrong,” Chris interrupted Melissa. “I mean, she has right to be mad, but I'd already gotten on to her and then you did and it was...easier to yell at you. You always take it and never say anything. You have for three months. I'm sorry, Melly.”
She sucked in a breath and looked at Chris, reaching up to stroke the right side of his face. When he put his hand over hers, she shook her head a little. “You're still my husband. No matter how you see yourself, I love you.”
“I may never be able to use this hand for much,” Chris said, barely gripping her fingers with his right hand. “The physical therapist said I could gain back almost all of the strength in my leg and my arm and shoulder. There's more we need to talk about, but later..” he told his wife, letting her to go finish getting the food ready. “Need any help?” he asked, watching her.
“Just get the kids to wash their hands and come sit down,” she told Chris. When he left to go into the living room she sighed once more. It made her feel better that he'd apologized but still. A part of Melissa wondered if things would ever be like they were. It was sad to think about, figuring that it wouldn't.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
“How's that?”
Chris nodded, feeling foolish laying in a sea of pillows, propped up in bed. However, he felt comfortable enough to try and sleep in his bed. A glance at the clock said it was just shy of 8:30. The kids had all went down without a fight, much to his and Mel's relief. They'd all been more tired than they let on. Also, Lance had come by after dinner to take the kids all to the park for a couple hours to run some of the energy out of them. So while they were gone, Melissa cleaned and Chris did his physical therapy exercises and took a shower. He'd smirked at his wife looking at him as she washed his legs. “You keep looking at me like I'm some hot commodity.”
“If I didn't think I'd hurt you, I'd try to ride you like a ten cent pony,” Melissa replied, causing him to groan.
“Baby, as great as sex sounds, I'm not sure I'm up for that. But the sentiment is noted,” he said. “Are you still mad at me?” Chris watched her pause a moment before she pushed him back under then hot water to wash the soap off.
“Not mad..just trying to appreciate the moment where you're in a good mood.” She moved and grabbed the towel when Chris turned the shower off. Standing still, she let him use her to step out of the shower, his limp more noticeable in his leg. “What did the doctor say?”
Chris hadn't replied and now as he laid in bed, he looked over at his wife. “He was recommending that we move somewhere warmer so that it won't aggravate my arthritis even more. Winters here would make everything a lot worse because of the cold and all of the metal I have in me. He said there was a good place in Orlando for physical therapy. And the weather is warmer.”
For a moment, Melissa wished she'd heard wrong or that Chris was kidding. “So..we need to move?” she asked quietly, looking at him. She wanted to argue or refuse; not wanting to leave New York City. She felt safe and her friends were here. Swallowing hard, Melissa rolled over away from Chris, letting tears fall.
“You don't have anything to say about it?” he asked, looking at her back. Chris felt bad when she turned back over and looked at him, tears streaming down her face.
“Don't make me out to be the bad guy. Do I want to move? Not really. I love our house and our friends...I feel safe here. And if I said no, that makes me seem like I don't care about you getting better. So we'll move. The only people I know in Orlando are Joey's parents.”
Chris sighed, not sure what to say. “I'm not trying to take you away from your friends, baby. And the kids have to switch schools. There's a lot to think about.”
“I know...” Melissa wasn't sure what else to say, feeling heartbroken. She felt like nothing that was happening was anything under her control. She'd want to move soon, before school started so the kids wouldn't have to change right after it started. Hadley would want to be involved in sports, so there was that to look at, and Kenna would adjust fine. Cameron wouldn't mind one way or the other. And Chris still had friends in Florida. The only one who was going to not be happy was her. And she'd have to just deal with it. Rolling back over, Melissa laid there in the darkness. Usually on nights where they went to bed early, Chris would hold her, singing to her softly. Now she listened to him try to get comfortable as she cried. Melissa felt like life was falling apart again and she was just along for the ride.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here is the last of the chapters I had written/posted before I brought this story back. I am working on the next chapter.
Story Tags: chris
