“What are you talking about?” she asked me sitting there at the same wood table we had been so active on hours before.
“I mean, she’s saying things…things that are…damaging.”
“Damaging? Are you joking? Why are you being so vague?”
I just cut her gaze, “she’s saying she’s…pregnant I guess and she’s saying that it’s me, that im the one that’s made her that way.” I just could not meet her gaze. It might just have killed me to see such a sight in those eyes I loved so much.
“You’re joking right? I mean I’ve heard rumours an all but…” she stood up. “But come on! She is€ clearly a slut! You would never….”
The guilt was visible all over my face “under normal cir-”
“YOU DIDN’T’!”
“Babe, im sorry but it was just after we…after that time when we…”
“So you’re telling me that you did shag the second rate Jordan, the poor mans pammy, you did THAT?”
Her hands were on her hips and the look in her eyes told me to be scared, very scared.
“Yes I did, and im deeply ashamed of it, but the fact is - I used her….now that’s come back to bite me in the ass!”
I saw her hold back tears of what I assumed were anger, and I saw her think, think as a PR.
“Whats Ken doing to get this hushed….tell me he’s doing something here?”
“Yeah, he’s talking with her and her people as to what it is they want from this, he’s hoping that they can get it shut off.”
“And you?”
“Me?”
“Yes you, you’re the one that got her….pregnant…” I saw the hurt creep back into her face again as she looked at me.
“Anita, im sorry.” I managed truly, with more emotion in my voice that even I expected.
She shooed my looks off easily, “for what? Being a prat? Please if I did not already know that id be as dumb as you are. What you should be sorry about is trying to keep this from me; I mean really did you think that it would not get out? That no one would notice that this little gold miner is going to work on you…no see I knew something like this was bound to happen” she ran her hands through her hair again, the small proximity of the bus getting smaller by the second “what the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean…you expected this or something?” sure id no right to be mad, but damn…
“No I didn’t but this is me, and my little happiness bubble was bound to burst eventually, and this…this is just the big giant pin.” finally she got pissed off, so much so that she slammed her beeper on the table and walked off the bus and into the arena, leaving me with nothing but my panic and my regret.
I just couldn’t believe him, after everything, we were finally getting to that place, the place where I could tell him anything and the place where I was actually comfortable with the whole “Justin Timberlake’s girl” thing that the media persisted on dragging up on me whenever he and I would be spotted. Sure I was his girl but that’s not all I was, and being defined as such just pissed me off a little…okay a lot, but as you can see I had bigger worries, such as if the former headlines of us being all loved up would be replaced with ones of him and that little slut…
He’d hurt me, but its not like I hadn’t known that he had been with other women after me, id be extremely green if I had for once even thought that he’d just sat around and splurged on and unhealthy selection of Ben & Jerry’s, two men designed never to let you down.
However, no I knew he was a whore and I accepted that, just as long as he was being a whore with me all was good, but this was huge. If the bitch was telling the truth then he was going to be a dad, and that was something I knew he would step up to. Children who come from fucked up homes usually have a sense of responsibility instilled, and as picture perfect as his childhood appears on mmc and on
VH1 from what hes told me it was nowhere near as neat as it’s made out. Divorce is shit and for the child of divorced parents, it’s even worse. Not that id know, I come from the perfect “Walton’s like” family, but instead of brothers and sisters, I got cousins and pets to fill up our house. However, for Justin the scars ran deep and the fact that he flat out told me that he wouldn’t be the kind of dad his biological father is, he’s distant, unemotional, and extremely uninvolved in his sons life, J swore he wouldn’t be like that. The night we talked about that was the night; he told me he loved me for the very, very first time. With the actual phase, “I love you” then he tells me he wants kids, well as you can imagine my heart, and my biological clock skipped a beat.
I did not in any of my daydreaming fantasies think a page three model would be mommy dearest and me and my clock would have nothing to do with it.
“Anita?”
I heard one of the dancers Lilly I think her name was, staring at me.
“Hi” I managed “how are you?”
“Girl, im good, the point is, how are you?”
Id been on more than a few of the dates of this tour now, so id socialised with the crew and dancers
more than once. I kinda sorta knew them.
“Im okay…”
She was 5’’six lean to a fault and her dark coffee skin just glowed underneath her multicoloured hair.
“So then why have you been crying….” she rubbed my shoulder
“I haven’t…”
“Girl….” She sounded out in a way id only heard RICKI guests do before. “Please, everyone’s talking
about what he did….Im so sorry.”
Sure, I did not know shit about this girl apart from the fact that she liked fat frogs with ice and tequila
slammers but I embraced her offered hug and I just let go of all my held in emotion, and I sobbed.
**************
“what do you mean she’s already gone to the papers, shit Ken I give you a lot of fuckin money to keep her from doing just that!!!” I yelled at my PR over the cell id borrowed since mine had gone dead id done so much talking on it, to him…again.
“Im sorry but we offered everything you said but she insists she can’t be bought, and that you have to
pay for being what you are”
“And what’s that?”
he coughed “I quote, “a self centred self righteous egotistical asshole who thinks of no one but
himself”, end quote”
Damn id burned that bitch bad huh?
“Man, this isn’t happening…” I sat down finally “I mean I was pissed that night man, but I
remembered protection, im not that stupid, and she wasn’t even that good…I don’t get how…”
“Well she maintains you were amazing, right up until the point where you kicked her out after you’d
finished.”
Yes, cold I know.
“And now she’s having a baby she says is mine….great, just fucking great”
“She says she wants to talk to you…sort something’s out.”
“Like what? All the bitch wants is money…”
“Justin it might help if you co- operated on this one, its not going to go away.”
I bit my tongue, “well I cant right now, and I have shows for the next two weeks straight. Make it
after that, and please don’t let her spread any more shit? Do it right this time or ken, you’re
done…are we clear?”
He bowed like a bitch and went on his way, as I set off to find Anita and grovel for all I was worth. I
walked my way through all the construction that was going on inside the arena, in preparation for my
shows there for the next two days.
I saw everyone rehearse, but I did not see Anita in her usual front row seat, where she’s usually watch
me do my thing. No one was there except my choreographer ordering the dancers left and right.
I was sure at this stage the news was out, therefore I wasn’t hugely shocked when everyone took time
to stare at me as I passed them in the hallways, not that I wasn’t used to it, but this time I knew it was
different.
The stares had a purpose. I stopped Marty and Sean two of my dancers as I met them
“have y’all seen anita?”
“Nah J I think she left for the hotel…”
“Are you sure Sean? How did she leave?”
He shrugged “I saw Lilly and your girl drive off about ten minutes ago, they waved but that was
it…since the shows in a few hours im guessin lil hasn’t gone that far…”
Good point, “cool thanks man.”
I reached in for my cell, and I dialled nitas number, I knew somehow that she’d have it switched off,
but I left a voice mail anyways.
Then I tried to get through to my room. And after three rings someone picked up.
“yeah?” I knew the New York twang belonged to Lilly.
“Hey Lil, is AJ with you?”
I heard shuffling “she is, but um, she doesn’t want to talk to you man…”
“I know that, but please? Just get on the phone, please?” I heard more shuffling and then someone
cough.
“yes?” came her accented voice.
“baby look we need to talk this through okay…I need you, I mean your smart you can walk me
through this…”
“through what?”
“This, this thing…baby-”
“So wait, you didn’t call to see how I was, or if I was upset or even if I was okay, you just called to
see if I could help you save your own ass?”
I didn’t’ know what to say. “No…obviously I want to know that your okay…you are right?” lame I
know.
“goodbye Justin”
“NO wait, look im sorry…” she didn’t hang up. “I really am, im an insensitive prick and im sorry,
but this has just threw me for a loop Nita, and im not really sure how to deal with it, and im in panic
mode…”
“I know” she said softly, and I noticed then that her voice was all broke up, like she’d been crying.
“but this isn’t just about you, im involved here too you know, I mean Jesus Christ your going to have
a baby…and NOT with me, do you know how that feels???”
I didn’t really consider it like that, I was more focused on what it would do to my stupid image.
“Im sorry, look ill get this thing sorted - I will, and things will just go back to normal, I promise.”
Wishful thinking, I know.
“No you know nothings ever that easy J. I think you should meet this woman face to face, be
reasonable and see how it goes. I mean underneath everything else, there is a baby to be considered
here and it should come first.”
God why was she being so good about all this, if I were her, id dump me.
“I know, but she’s only four months along, and I don’t think I can get my head around the idea of a
baby just yet”
I heard her breathe on the other end of the line.
“Look Justin, I think im gonna go back home. Ill let you finish the last few dates on your own, I think
it’ll give us both some much needed space - to think, if nothing else.”
She was dumping me.
The hallway started to get busy so I lowered my voice “are you leaving me?”
She sighed “No, of course not. I just need some breathing room right now, and I think you do too…”
“I love you, you do know that right?”
“I know” she hung up, and she may as well cut my throat when she did it like that. I suddenly felt very
small, very, very unable to breathe.
I padded back and forth in the soft cream carpet that sank underneath my feet.
“Trace I just don’t get it man, when I did her - I was wasted, I clearly wasn’t doing the best job I’ve
ever done, and yet somehow she got pregnant? It makes no sense to me.”
My friend of too many years looked back at me, “some guys would be kind of proud” he laughed “But
I guess this isn’t the time for jokes…right…well did she say what it was she wanted from you?”
“No, but my guess is either money, attention, fame…or all of the above.”
“you have to see her then, work this out…I mean look at this.” he handed me the paper, it was the
one Anita used to work for, which means that awful woman FI knew all about this, as did everyone
else in the United kingdom.
Shit.
I hadn’t spoken to Anita in two days, since she hopped on a plane and went back home.
Cant really say I blame her, I mean this was a bad situation - heavy and hard not something she should
have to deal with.
“Trace we don’t even know if this woman is telling the truth, this baby shes having. I mean if might
not even be mine!”
“well, that’s where you meet her and ask her and sort this out, cause dude all this worrying isn’t
doing anyone any good, go talk to her.”
Hated to admit it, but yeah he was right, it was time to shut up and take action, action I wasn’t really sure I was ready for.
“you’re joking?” Rachel reacted just id thought she would, “seriously? Hes knocked up that SLUT! Jesus fucking Christ! I hope you smacked him in the balls.”
“Not exactly.”
“then what exactly?” she came over all motherly.
“Look this happened when we weren’t together, so I cant actually be mad at him, he didn’t cheat on
me, he just…”
“Got another woman, who isn’t you, up the duff! Charming….look you may not have the right to be
mad at him, but certainly have the right to be piss off at him. I mean jesus if I were you id’a chopped
his thingy off right then and there!”
Why was picturing that just really funny at that moment. I just had to laugh.
“Look I am mad, I am really hurt and I really want to hurt him, but I cant. Because this isn’t about
me, this is about him, and his baby…”
“If it is his” she pointed out.
“true….true.”
“God Rach what if it is his, what the hell do I do then?”
“leave him” she shrugged
“No…”
“why not, if he wants to go off and play happy families with that whore and a half, let him”
“But he doesn’t, I mean I have to admit I haven’t really talked to him about what went on between
both of them, but he assured me it was a one night thing and that he just used her…”
“Must have been an amazing night”
Thanks, that makes me feel jussst great, sometimes that girl could be so dumb.
“Ahuh…”
“Im sorry babe, look” she grabbed my hand “Im sure it isn’t, and im sure she’s just lying, and pretty
soon you’ll both know it, and things will just go back to normal”
“But they never were Rach, they never were normal between us. It was always one drama after
another, and when things were calm…I just didn’t know what to do with myself.”
“you love him? Despite him being an idiot?”
“very much, too much actually…” I admitted “I shouldn’t love him, hes my opposite. And he drives
me crazy, and he IS a bloody idiot most of the time”
She look over at me, “well then good luck, I think your really going to need it” she handed me my
coffee.
“yeah, I think your right.”
*************
What I didn’t need that morning was a road block, because just about everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.
There I was in a car being driven to a central city hotel in London, being driven to see the woman
that in three days worth of newspaper interviews single handedly fucked my life right up.
I had paps following me every second, everywhere all the time. I had newspapers running stories on
me, from years ago - untrue, uninteresting, all lie basically….but they were there, and they were
happening. So there I was, going to talk to this woman, whom I had no desire to see, to talk to, or to
even think about.
The only woman I wanted to see, talk to and think about was the one woman that didn’t want to talk
to me.
And it was killing me.
“Now, j when we get in here I need you to just be quiet, she’s going to have her lawyer with her so
he’s going to be in on all of what you say…”
I nod.
“okay lets get this over and done with.”
As I reached the room, and the ajar door I took the deepest breath I knew how and I opened it,
closely followed by Ken.
There she was, a little different than the last time I remember her. Instead of the short, short skirt and
the killer heels and the see through tops, here she was as demure as any virgin.
In white, cotton and sporting a tiny bump. Tiny, but significant non the less.
“Justin, nice to see you again.” she smiled standing up.
Ms Melina Watson ladies and gentlemen. “Hey.” I said as I took my seat, with Ken on the other side
of the oak table which occupied the girl in question and her lawyer.
“Justin im so glad you finally agreed to meet me, really its all just been weighing on my mind.”
Your mind, bitch what about mine.
“im sure it has ms Watson”
“Ms Watson? Jesus you’ve changed your tune…last time you and I were in a hotel room like this, it
was a little bit more personal…remember.”
I saw her lawyer smirk, as sleazy as she was I guessed.
“Look im sorry but why did you want to meet? I mean im pretty sure you got a sweet deal from all
those paper articles and magazine spreads I’ve heard so much about…why do you even need me?” I
added bitterly.
I saw her blush “im sorry? But what else was I to do? I had to get your attention somehow, I mean you
wouldn’t answer my phone calls for gods sake! I needed…”
“Attention I get it, so what is it that you want from me.”
“I want you to acknowledge your child…” she patted her belly “and me…”
Was she high?
“Im sorry? Look…” I looked to ken. “would it be possible for us to talk…alone?”
She glanced to her sidekick, and he seemed to agree. And I gave ken the same look
They both excused themselves and left the room.
“So…Melina what do you want.”
She smiled, something that on the outside said sweet, but something in her eyes said something else
entirely. Sinister is what it was. “I want you to pay for what you did to me, the way you treated me,
it was shit…and now I want you to pay for it.”
“So what did you do? Go off the pill, plan it?”
She shrugged. “I was distressed after the way you treated me, I may have forgotten.”
“So you did do this on purpose….” I couldn’t believe someone could be so evil.
“you treated me like shit Justin for no reason, all I did was give you want you wanted…and you just
threw it in my face…”
“Look it was sex, it was a standard transaction of pleasure, that’s IT!!! It wasn’t meant to be
anything…ANYTHING other than sex, and call me crazy, but you didn’t strike as the kind of girl
who didn’t catch that drift.”
She just looked at me “maybe im not the kind of girl that didn’t know what you were after….but it
doesn’t mean Im okay with how it ended.”
“I threw you out, I get that I was a complete bastard, I get that…and for that I am sorry…look I was
going through some serious shit and I just wanted something…someone to take my mind off
things….you did that, and im sorry. I know I shouldn’t have used you the way I did, but it happened
and I really just want to move on from all of this…”
“because the bitch that dumped you, is now your new woman?”
“because I love that woman, and I owe her a shot at happiness…”
“with you? Ha, fat chance….you have to step up to this, you cant Imagine what kind of damage I
could do to your precious little image.”
“you really hate me that much?”
“I really hate you, that much…” she sat back on the chair.
“when is the baby due?” I asked trying to push back my anger.
“do the math, we did it four months ago, its now July almost August im due in November, the 15th to
be exact…”
I had three movies planned for release in the next three months. How selfish was I that that’s the first
thing that came to mind?
“Look I don’t believe that this kid of yours is mine….and that’s the long and short of it.”
She looked stunned “what-”
“No…Im sorry but I just don’t. I believe that you were hurt by the way I treated you, yes and I
apologised for that, but I don’t believe the baby is mine.”
“well then you are as stupid as I thought”
“No I think you think that ill step up to save my “Image” or my name or whatever, you think that ill just accept it and keep it quiet, and just give you all the money that you want or need…But im not gonna do that”
She took a sharp breath. “Im gonna go now, im going to request from you, and your lawyer friend that the DNA of the baby gets tested against mine…then im gonna take it from there.”
“you cant do that, you have NO authority here you realise that!! Im not gonna get stepped on again
by you….This is my call, its my body and I get to say what happens to it!!!
I got up, I just couldn’t stand being in the same room as her any longer, it was as if the air had
suddenly turned toxic.
“if you have nothing to hide from me, or the press, you’ll do it. If not I have no legal obligation to do
anything to help you…”
As I reached the door, she yelled “what about a moral obligation huh Timberlake? What about that??”
“If its my baby ill step, but only for the baby - I don’t want shit to do with you.” and I did it, I walked
out.
When I did I saw the strange looks from both men that sat outside the door.
“ken lets get outta here.”
*************
