Ok, since i hadnt updated in like a year lol Ive come with two chapter!! I hope there are some people still reading this! If so! I loooove the reviews, even if you think its total crap! Much love, xx



I didn't know where to turn, everything was rolling out of control.

Rumours where flying, people where calling, Melina was milking her "trauma" like she was someone in Desperate Housewives or something. All the while refusing the DNA test, on the grounds that it could kill her baby. Which yeah, is a slight possibility, and no matter how fucked up the situation was, I didn't want a child to die. Mine or otherwise, the baby was the innocent in all this sordid mess.

So we decided to wait it out, five months usually seemed like nothing, a blip on my radar, but this five months I was sure, would be the longest of my lifetime, weeks had to go by until the baby was strong enough to withstand a needle and the trauma, so I agreed to her request and we actually started communicating - a good thing in my book.

My friends said Anita was abandoning me, that she was copping out and leaving me to deal with things on my own. For a second I thought that too, but to be honest I was glad I didn't have to look her in the eye and see her pain.

She'd hurt me at one point, that's true, but a child…a child would be a constant reminder that id used someone in a way I never should. In order to forget the pain she had caused me when we went round the merry go round the first time, id gone an created a whole new set of problems for us by getting a woman I didn't know from jack - knocked up. Poetic justice or what huh? Or is it Karma? Hell at this point I didn't know up from down.

By September Id only called her twice. Just to check in. she was fine, or so she said. The next few times id heard about it her, it was via Trace being my messenger and Rachel being hers. Cowardice possibly but it was just hard. But I realised that as much as I missed her, and missed us, hearing her voice, her laugh, just made me miss her more.

And on top of everything else, I knew I didn't need that. So I stopped calling her. I just stopped, the same old thing, dial all but the last number kind of thing. It wasn't like I blamed her for bailing, im sorry to say it but I guess I would have done the same thing myself. I understood it, and I knew she would be there for me if I asked her too, if I really needed her too. But I didn't want to put her through that - this…Trace hated me since I was using him as my go between, he talked more with my girlfriends best friend than me, his actual best friend. But I think he was growing quite sweet on her "hot English accent" As he put it.

And then there was the media had started to backlash on the lack of co operation I was providing them. In the sense that I hadn't said shit against Melina's comments. And I didn't plan too. Not until the baby came and was tested.

%%%%%%

Id made it till October, and I was still alive. Not something I would have said in August had you asked me. Then all I wanted to do was drown in my own wallowing. Or in my bathtub full of marks and sparks bubble bath - which ever came first.

His absents was like someone took a knife and gutted me, that's how empty I felt.

I miss his stupid smile, his stupid jokes, his eyes, his lips and everything that was attached to them.

I just missed him.

I called a few times, as did he, but the calls where hard. In the sense that they were awkward, our calls were never like that.

We had the pauses, the silence that seemed to go on forever, all of it. Just because neither of us knew what to say.

It sucked, as his American friends would say.

"woman, what are you doing?"

It was Rachel. "drowning in ice-cream, want to join me?" I offered her a tub.

"No…Jesus Christ…" she looked around the flat. and yes she was right with the motherly looks, it

was a shit hole.

"Im not even going to ask."

"fine, then don't okay? Im not in the mood to be mothered today thanks."

"You were doing just fine, I don't get it…what's with the depression, and the return of the snoopy

PJ's?"

"Nothing…" I faked.

Then she shoved some papers off the couch and sat down, noticing the one on top.

"Awe, I see…"she flipped open HEAT.

It was Justin, and that woman…something about shopping…baby's and cuteness…

Needless to say I wanted to be sick all over it. But I didn't, I just got queasy on skinny cow ice-

cream.

"remember you're the one that stopped it with him, you're the one…"

"that's making herself a miserable old maid, yes thank you im aware." I snapped it off her.

"I know." I looked her up and down. "your all dressed up, where are you off too tonight?"

She smiled proudly, "I have a date!"

"With Dave?" her newest conquest.

"Nope…someone else…" she flipped her long black hair behind her ears.

"Who?"

She looked at me, then she looked away, "No one you know, and besides its just the first time we've

agreed to meet, so I don't want to jinks it."

"your not doing the online thing are you, cause that is seriously risky!"

"No, come on, what do you take me for?!"

"an easy slut?" I laughed at her shocked reaction.

"whatever missus, im leaving…don't wait up okay, ill fill you in tomorrow"

And so I was alone….again.

Not that I was having a problem with that its just as I glanced down at the pictures in the magazine I

felt the all too familiar twinges in my heart.

I missed him too much to just let him go through this alone. He needed someone and so did I, why

couldn't we need together?

Having told my mother what was going on, having told my closest friends what was really happening,

I was feeling a little bit more relieved. It didn't stop the inside of my head from hurting from the

amount of thinking I was doing….

Being in LA with Melina was strange. She had agreed to come over so we could do the DNA tests. It

hadn't been the easiest thing in the world, getting her on the plane.

I had to bribe and beg just to get her to come to me, she insisted that she stay with me…needless to

say I STRONGLY disagreed but it was lesser of the two evils and I agreed.

She seemed nice, nicer than when we met in the hotel in London. She chalked it down to "hormones"

and "pressure" and well, a bunch of other shit.

I hated having her in my house, it was like I said extremely strange and uncomfortable. But I was glad

I had trace there to back me up, and to keep her ass in a distance. Though he would disappear with his

passport for two or three days at a time, when she arrived he stuck around, thankfully.

"Justin?"

"yeah?"

she smiled, coming down my stairs in her PJ's, her small bump looking incredibly out of place with

her slim body and ENORMOUS boobs.

"you want a cuppa?"

"um, no im fine thanks…Melina?"

"yes?"

"when do you think you'll be ready to do the test?" she looked at me then, and her happy face faded.

"oh…well I…"

"its just" I butted "you've been here a few days and as much as I appreciate you coming all this way

and all, I really want to just get this over and done with…you know?"

"you want me to go home? You want to get rid of me?"

GOD YES.

"No of course not, you've been nice, and non threatening since you've been here" I tired to smiled to

lighten it if nothing else, " and im glad we're getting along an all, but I have a girl friend and I want to

get things back on track with her as soon as I can, and I cant do anything with her until I know - one

way or another about you and the baby."

She pouted slightly, "well you know I haven't been feeling all that well…" she ran her hand through

her hair, " I think it was the flights if im honest"

It was first class, all the way -I should know, I paid for it.

"well you said everything was fine?? And you were fine yesterday when you met my mom? What

changed?"

Nothing im guessing. She was quite the little actress.

"you know Justin" her tone became harsh "Im really trying here, you know? Im really trying to just be

civil and friendly and to bond with you, cause you know we're gonna need it once we're parents I

just want things to be okay for the kid, you know?"

"I know, and im sorry but you have to see my point here?"

She just rolled her eyes. "what-the-hell-ever."

She stormed off up stairs to the guest bedroom and I heard the slam of the door.

"WOMAN ARE MENTAL!!!" I yelled out of frustration more than anything. I just couldn't fucking

win, one way or another I always seemed to upset her!! And she wasn't even my girlfriend for god

sake.

I climbed the stairs and knocked gently on her door.

She was crying when I walked into the room "Go away…"

"Melina, im sorry."

"no your not, your still that guy Justin, the same self centred asshole that made this" she patted her

stomach " happen, and that's really hurtful"
"but I don't get why you expect me to change, I am who I am - I cant help it"

"you can you know, you can. You can do whatever you want, and I know…or at least I think I know

that you want to be a good dad…good dads aren't selfish…"

"Haven't I been good to you? Haven't I ? I mean i've kept my temper in check, i've given you

everything you asked for since you got here, i've taken care of you when I said I wouldn't! to me that constitutes change, at least a little bit any ways…"

I don't know why I was bending over backwards to please her, possibly it had something to do with

her crying - I couldn't stand women when they cried, or even worse when I was the one that was making them cry. Or then again it could have something to do with the guilt trip my mother laid on me when she arrived to "meet" Melina.

She gave her the once over, she talked to her, and the she yelled at me! Needless to say, shit went down!!!

She wiped her tears and sat up, inches from me. "Justin, you remember when we met in that club?

Remember? You talked to me, like you liked me….NOW? You hate me…and I cant stand that."

"I did like you…" I admitted "but I just wasn't looking for anything serious, and this…this is pretty damn serious - and it was just thrust on me and i've had no time to think…its been one thing after another."

"you think it any different for me?"

"you said you planned it…."

She rolled her eyes, this time more at her self than anything "I was angry at you, but im not stupid.

When you spurned me like you did after all the sweet talking and promises…"

Can you tell my guilt increased ten fold? Yeah, well, it did!

"I was feeling pretty lousy, so I went out for nights after and got completely shit faced drunk,

high…you name it…but I didn't plan on this. When I went to the doctors for that blood test, I was

feeling tired all the time, then she told me? And I swear I almost fell off my chair…."

Hearing her talk, just normally talking…it reminded me what DID attract me to her that night. You

know, besides her looks…she was engaging, for the most part when she wasn't yelling at me.

It was nice, compare to all the hate and mess we'd been going through for weeks.

The contrast was sweet almost. It was like she was almost human!

"Look ill make you a deal…" I opened "I wont lie to you any more, if you do the same? I don't

honestly know how much more drama I can take right now Melina, this shit is hard and im not used

to any of it!

She patted me on the arm, and moved closer. Which I wouldn't have noticed had it not been for the

bump. Her eyes seemed to soften, there was almost a "look" from her.

"Justin, you know, we're both in this thing together so I just think that we should lean on each other as much as possible - you've been good this last few weeks and I think I should return the favour" she leaned in again.

"wh-what?"

she laughed slightly, "Justin" her accent ran out though the room "I can tell that even in

my…enlarged state - there is still an attraction there….I know there still is from my side of things, and look we're both alone right now…So why not take advantage of that" she scooted closer.

See I was still in shock with the whole "civilest, softening looks etc" so being hit on by a heavily pregnant woman, wasn't something I was expecting.

"there was an attraction Melina, but sweetie that ended…Im in love…"

She rolled her eyes "with Anita, who's so damn perfect…yes I know! But she's not here, I am! she's

not having your first born, I am…she left you to deal with this on your own, what kind of woman

does that!" just as she was about to continue I heard another voice, and accent, a yell.

"AND WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WOMAN TRAPS A ONE NIGHT STAND BY GETTING

HERSELF UP THE DUFF! YOU SLUT…"

Anita entered the bedroom like she was ready to throw down, heels on, jeans and a tight black wrap

top.

"wha-" Melina mouthed, "what the hell are you…."

"doing here?

I was still staring in disbelief…she was here…after all this time, she was in front of me…and by the

looks of things ready to do some whacking.

"Nita, you're here"

"Hi…" she smiled at me then turned her mean face back to whatshername.

"Look you stupid cow I don't know what the hell you think your doing, but the man whose leg you

were feeling up just now, he's my boyfriend, you get that? That means you don't touch again…"

"is that right?" Melina faced up to her and I had to stand up. Only for Anita to push me back into my

sitting position.

Damn, as ego rubbing as having two fine chicks fight over me was, I knew then…this had nothing to

do with me.

"what if he wants me to touch him again?"

"He doesn't thank you very much!" Nita yelled

"how the hell would you know what he wants, you haven't been here, you haven't seen him in months for fuck sakes, what kind of so called girl friend does that."

Anita dropped her small bag that she had swung round her shoulder. "you know what? i've been asking' myself that a lot this last few months…" she turned to me then "i've been a shithead and total selfish shit, and im sorry…I love you darling."

See, me, smiling, wide.

"and you…look you may be having his baby, but that doesn't give you any kind of say in his life, your

just…a mistake he made."

"you're a cruel bitch you know that?" Melina spat, huffing now. And Nita squared up to her again.

"and you're a lying manipulative cow, but you've dealt your hand haven't ya…live with it."

With that she picked up her bag and shimmied out of the room just as she arrived.

As you can imagine, I closely followed.

*******************

Jesus, my hands were shaking, my nerves were totally on edge.

When Trace let me in and told me where Justin was, my heart stopped. SHE was living here?

And then I saw her cosy her ass up to him, and knew it was only a matter of time before she made her

move again - snake.

Id dealt with her on a "professional" level before. She had sold a number of kiss and tells on

footballers, actors, and now she's added a singer to her list. When I first met her, she was getting

money off of me, for the paper, and in the process shagging up someone's marriage, the guilt thing

came into play again, and now that the shoe was on the other foot.

I didn't like the fit.

"baby…" Justin came bursting into his bedroom with a massive smile. "what the hell, I had no idea

you were here, that you were coming…." his smile widened and he hugged me. A big giant hug that

was so powerful it took my feet off the ground.

The familiar smell of his aftershave, mixed with his clothes and just the over all scents of Justin (if

that becomes a 'thing' I call copyright,) they all hit me, and I got it right then. I only thought id

missed him, seeing him again just made me realise how much.

"why are you crying sweetheart?" he asked me as we took a seat on his overly huge bed. His hand

never leaving mine.

"I don't know, I just miss you so much and it was ALL my own stupid fault…J, she's right…I should

have been here…Instead, where was I? wallowing in my own self pity! Im pathetic!"

He laughed "you are not, you just needed time to adjust, I totally get that."

"but I should have done that WITH you…"

"Anita, please…im just so glad you're here now." he moved in and tipped my jaw towards him, he

wet his lips a little and fixed his stare on me like I was something he'd been craving all this time.

And then there was his kiss, the needy kind that make you tingle from head to toe - and all the places

in between.

Id thought about this moment for weeks….and what does he do…

He stops?

"Justin!!"

He laughs at me, the shit. "Im just locking the door, remember we have nosy people here now…"

Oh…

The key snaps shut in the lock and without skipping a beat he whips his Lakers top off all the while

heading in my direction.

My heart immediately starts to race, and its like I can feel all the blood flow through my body all at

once.

And my hands start shaking, but this time for a different reason.

"I have missed you so much…"

"we should be talking…sorting things out…" I added flushed as he pushed me gently on my back and

started showering my neck with the softest most torturous kisses along my neck line.

"oooor?" he giggled "we could do this…and talk later…much later…" his voice lowered as did his

hands, right to the bottom of my wrap sliding up and over my head, then just as fast he started in on

my waist.

"talking is important…" I rambled as he finished undressing me and I…assisted on undressing him.

First thought? He'd been working out….big time. His once "all most there six pack" had become

something else entirely. Toned to perfection, firm, hard….

He didn't really need to do anything right then, all I could do was look at him, and id be one happy

bunny.

"Anita are you listening to me?"

Huh, it seems his body actually had put me into some kind of stupor

"huh?"

"you wanna get in?" he pointed under the covers. And I snapped out of it and followed him, and his hot body….NOT that im shallow or anything but come on, months of nun like living had taken its toll. He'd be lucky if I ever let him leave the bed again, ever, even for food….

This time I couldn't help myself and started kissing him, starting with the lips I missed so much and then moving on to his neck, his neck vein was going crazy - which indicated other parts of him were too.

I stared him out as I stood up inside his bed, and finished the job he started, when I removed my panties.

I swear the temperature in the room tripled.

After that no amount of hints to slow down could stop him, and if im honest. I was just as frantic. Feeling his skin against mine knowing that he wanted me just as bad as I wanted him, knowing that each kiss was born out of sheer need and want, and a desperation to just BE with one another, it heightened everything in me.

Just the idea of being that intimate with him again, I knew my…lets say "appreciation" for the sex skills he offered had been a tad - vocal in the past.

Namely, Rachel took upon herself to book herself a hotel room if she knew he'd be staying over…I

was loud, and this time…Knowing we had an audience, well…lets just say I didn't hold back in ANY

way. And come to think about it, neither did he.

Not that we had anything to prove mind you…