As I walked away from her my heart just tugged me, wanting so bad not to be walking from her, but to her. She looked great too, which made it worse. Here I was thinking since she left that she’d gotten fat and ugly in a month drowning her sorrows from leaving me - aka the biggest mistake of her life. But no, she looked wonderful, rosy red cheeks from the cold and her hair now an appealing shade of baby blonde.

I missed her something rotten, a feeling id gotten to know pretty well since I first met her. Longing.

From the very minute I met her I knew not only was so special, but that in some way, some how she would have an affect on me. I just didn’t think it would be another heart break.

I just figured it might have been different with her.

Guess not now that she had a new boyfriend…talk about moving on at rapid speed? I think that stung more than anything, even more than the fact that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me….

“you ready?” I ask trace as he pondered up to me.

“you okay? You look…pale dude, did you eat today?”

I rolled my eyes. “yes dad I did, can we please just go?”

“what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’ I just wanna go back to the hotel and get some rest is all…you get everything you needed?” I eyed his suspicious “lady” like department bags.

“sure dude whatever….still think something’s up with you though, you’ve been weird since we landed.”
“and you would know this how? You never around…off with these mystery “friends” of yours…”

“shut up…”
“just tell me what’s the big deal??? What’s with all the cloak and dagger? If its some lay….I don’t get it…your usually so open, too fuckin open if im honest!”

“fine, there is someone, and she…look ill tell you eventually but not right now?”

“why?”
“cause, I think you should sort out your own romantic entanglements before getting all up in mine man…”

Again I just rolled my eyes and walked out of the store. Sometimes he was just too damn confusing for me to even care.

“whatever…”

********************

Appling my lippy in the mirror Rachel appeared behind me “you saw him”

“yup…”

“and?”

“and nothing we chatted - awkwardly might I add, I told him I was seeing someone and he left, end of.”
“No, that’s not the end of, not with you two, what was he like? Was he warm, forthcoming? Or cold and distant…”

“he was…sweet I guess but it was so fuckin awkward…it was hard to tell.”

“did he look good?”

I thought back. “god yes…too good, made me wanna jump him into a changing room or something, BAD idea.”

“he still give you tingles when you saw him?”

“Yes…it was really nice….”
“but… okay let me get this straight, you turned down dinner with a man that you love, are still clearly sexually attracted to, to have dinner with a man you don’t love, you don’t want….sure…this makes perfect sense.”

“its not meant to make sense…we didn’t work out, that’s it. My stupid feelings like that don’t matter now. We lost the trust, it just got too hard Rach!!!”
she grabbed her purse, she was her way to see her fancy man…

“AJ, that’s love…its isn’t meant to be easy…the fight is half the attraction.”

“and what’s the other half?”

“the tingles, makes it ALL worth it…”

And with t hat she was out the door. Again, for the third time in a week she’d spent the night out.

And she still wouldn’t let on who he was. And usually she was so forthcoming.

It meant one thing with her….she was the one falling in love now.

I was happy for her, it had been a long time since she’d let herself get close with someone that wasn’t paying her bills as well as his wife’s.

“AJ hi…”

“hello!” I walked into Wills new flat. the smell of fresh paint still hung in the air.

“dinners almost ready. You want some wine?”

“why not…” I smiled as he kissed me on the cheek.

Funny, the same place Justin kissed me, but I just didn’t get the tingles this time….

“How was work?”

“Its…work…boring as hell this last few days trying to sort things out! Seriously, getting paid for a job I did, well!!, how could that be so hard, you know?”

He nodded.

“well, stress aside, you look stunning.”

“thanks” I blushed. As he served the plates, I had to admit everything looked great. So I kept telling myself, he’s a great man, strapping, good looking, sensitive, AND he cooks something more than a pop tart.

But I wanted the pop tart. Literary.

*********

I woke up, and it was around 8:20. I knew sienna and I weren’t on the show till 10. So I had plenty of time, time I just didn’t wanna spent in a TV studio.

So as I was dazed and still half asleep, I realised I left my I POD in Trace’s room.

So I used my key card and slipped in to find it.

Of course with Trace, nothing is where you leave it, so I had to ruffle through his shit before I found it.

I noticed his bedroom door was open, and I figured he was napping - bit like I wanted to get back to.

Then I heard the bathroom door. “Trace, where is your soap?” came an accent, an accent I knew.

And following the accent, was a girl…in a towel.

“Trace…”
“Justin…”

“Rachel?” I added still confused.

Well, I never said I was fast at thinking now did I,

“WAIT she’s the girl!!! SHE’S the one that you’ve been seeing!!”

“well, yeah…so?”

“SO? Why didn’t you tell me? I mean….when, how? WHEN?”

She smiled “well, we spent so much time on the phone trying to sort you an Anita out, that we were fed up talking about you two…”
“So we started talking about each other…” Trace added “and I guess it just grew from there.” he smiled too. And it was sweet, in a creepy “they lied about it” kinda way.

“Oh…nice…but why didn’t you say anything…”

“because…” Rach spoke up gripping her white towel “you and AJ were still all kinds a fucked up, so we wanted it quiet till you two sorted things out…which by the way, why haven’t you done that already?”

Her tone was accusatory now.

“she’s seeing someone! What am I supposed to do for fuck sake…she seemed happy….I don’t wanna fuck with that”

“Coward.” she rolled her eyes “All i’ve listened to since she met you, is how fucking great you are, and how much being with you…just WITH you…makes her happy. Sure you’ve had a fucking rough time with all this shit that seems to be getting in the way, but now? There isn’t anything in the way but yourselves!”

“she’s got a boyfriend!!” I stated again, DUH.

“Noooo, he’s an ex. And he’s just her temporary “get over you” guy…she doesn’t love him…not like she loves you…she still wants you..”
“she does?”

She nodded “told me so this evening…”

“really? I mean even after…”
“you sort of, but didn’t knock up a whore? Yes even after that…”

I was silent.

“Justin, she thinks you didn’t trust her, that’s why you took that hookers side over hers, she thinks that given how you two started out, that the doubt is still there…”
“GOD, that couldn’t be further from the truth!! I totally trust her!!! I just was confused with Melina, I didn’t know what to do for the best, I was so fucked up.”

“I know that…she doesn’t.”

Good point. Girl was smart….what the hell was she doing with Trace.

“I do love her, I do…and I trust her with my life…”

“Justin, tell HER this not me…Im not the one you need to convince, she is…and you better hurry it up…her man is cooking for her tonight…and we ALL know what a cooking man does to her…”

This I knew, she gets all dreamy about ideas of marriage and barbecues and not having to spend her life in a kitchen for a man who doesn’t know a skillet from a saucepan.

For some reason, it turns her on.

“they haven’t slept together?”

She shook her head no. “she says she’s waiting…but I think the only thing she was waiting for was for him to get bored with her stalling.”

“okay…okay ill go, ill tell her how I feel, and that’s all I can do cant I?”
they both nodded at me and I made my way quickly at the door. I popped my head back in again before it closed. As she named the number of the door I was to knock on,

I really liked her, I think she‘d be good for Trace “ooh by the way congrats, she’s great by the way!” I nodded to Trace, he just laughed looking down at her.

“bye”

“do you want dessert?” he asked me as he lifted my plate “I made chocolate soufflé, you still like that right?”

“you remembered?” now that did take me by surprise. Its been years since he and I shared a meal, let alone dessert, “Id love some thanks..” and he smiled and headed for the kitchen.

I took in surroundings, simple paintings hung on the walls, all representing masculine energy it seemed.

Clean colours, all very neat. Just like him in that aspect.
“It’ll just take a minute, I want ‘em to be just right…”

“Need any help?” I shouted in his direction.

“No, just relax…ill be a sec.”

Just then there was a knock at the door. “Ill get it for you shall I?” I shouted again.

“Thanks!”

I walked to the big thick door with the funny “artistic” handles, not something that would be easily opened when drunk, I imagined.

“Hello???”
OH. HOLY. JESUS.

He just stood there looking at me “this is the right address then, I thought Rachel was messing with me…”

Rachel…but she wasn’t home….

I switched my voice to a whisper “what are you doing here…” I shielded the door with my body just as Will called out “WHO IS IT?”

“tell them its carol singers or something…”

“No…”
he just raised his eyebrow “fine tell him its your ex.”

“ITS CAROL SINGERS AND GIRL SCOUTS…SELLING TICKETS….”
“TELL THEM TO BUGGER OFF”

“No…ITS NICE….ILL DEAL WITH IT!” I stepped outside and closed the door till.

“what are you doing here.”
“I came to see you…to…reconsider that lunch offer.”
“What?” we were still whispering. Standing on an empty street with the snow starting to fall heavier as we stood.

“Look I miss you, I still love you…I never didn’t love you…and I never DIDN’T trust you…”
“Justin…” I looked back at the door “this is a REALLY bad time and I think you should go.”
“No”
“No? Jesus…I cant do this now…”
“Look everything with us has been at a bad time, we are the poster children for fucking bad timing, but here it is….what I need to know is that if my feeling are reciprocated….”

Looking at him standing there, in his overcoat and scarf, cute hat and gloves I wanted to say yes…

“Justin…I…”
“AJ?”

Oh god, now here was Will…

“Will…” he looked at us both standing outside his door in the freakin snow…

“what’s…going on?”

Justin stepped up, “Hi…Justin Timberlake…and you are?”

“William Henry…I know who you are mate…what I don’t know is why you’re here?”

He looked at me then “carol singers huh?”

“Will…look this isn’t anything, I just need to talk to him for a second…get things cleared up.

“things?”

“Yes…things…Im gonna get my coat” I motioned to both of them “we” I motioned to Justin “ are going to talk a walk…and ill be right back.” I pulled will into the hallway of the house, leaving Justin standing in the footpath.

“will…im sorry about this, I didn’t know he’d show up here…I don’t even know how he knows where HERE is…Look it wont take long”

“what wont take long?”

“well…ill…ill get rid of him…”

He folded his arms. “is that really what you want to do?”

“what?”

“look I knew getting involved with you, I knew you were on the rebound, but I just wanted to give us a second shot at things, now that we’re that bit older - and meant to be wiser…”

“wanted?”

“but you…he’s the elephant in the room…i’ve seen it…and i’ve felt it…you were a lot of things AJ physically unaffectionate wasn’t one of them…”
“Will…”
“No…Look sort this out…and come back to me…and if you don’t…well…you don’t….”

“Will I…”
he “shh’d” me. “go…”

So I went.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After a lot of shuffling from behind his door, she emerged fully wrapped up, and with an uncertain look on her face.

She didn’t look at me, she just walked past me as she closed the door. Marching on ahead of me through the snow.

I knew the neighbourhood, she lived like a block in the other direction.

“is he your new boyfriend?” I jogged to catch up with her.

She didn’t answer.

“have you had sex with him…”

She stopped abruptly and looked at me “Is that your business?”

“no…guess not.”

Then she started walking fast again.

“will you slow down?”

“No…”

“where are we going?”
“WELL I AM GOING MAD…wanna come?” she looked at me again and then her ramble started “ I mean…what gives you the right to just show up here…looking all sexy and whatnot and disrupt my life again!!”

“im soooo sorry, forgive me for giving a shit!”

“I gave a shit, but it was threw back at me…remember? I didn’t have to “worry” about it!! You IDIOT!! You broke my heart when you took her side over mine…you do know that don’t

You!!”
“Look im sorry…Im REALLY sorry!” she turned a corner that led to some sort of park with swings and a slide…

“Aj…Anita! Would you stop moving for like a second and let me talk to you…”

“YOU DIDN’T TRUST ME, THAT’S ALL IT CAME DOWN TO IN THE END! TRUST, AND YOU JUST DIDN’T!!”

“I did…I did…I DO trust you, I was just scared and I didn’t know what to do for the best, I didn’t want to harm an innocent child…is that so wrong?”

She took a seat on one swing and I on another.

She took one deep breath and finally looked at me. “No its not so wrong…but what’s the real kicker is that you didn’t seem to care that it was harming me. Justin I waited for months, I put my life on hold…just waiting for you to come and tell me, she’s gone…we can go back to being US again. And when you didn’t do that, I was sure I was losing you to her.”

“that’s why you came, tryin’ to fix everything in a day?” I should have saw that, she was a fixer.

“fat good it did me…” she kicked her feet off the snow covered ground and started to swing, the snow fell on her, illuminated by a gold coloured street lap. She looked like an angel lit in the darkness.

“look Anita I get that I hurt you, but I cant spend my life apologising, its just not fair…I made a mistake, owned up to it…and I want to move on, with you, if that’s possible.”

She looked at me then and half smiled “are all Americans charming and cutting at the same time?” she rocked a little forward “I don’t expect you to spend your life apologising to me, I don’t…we all make mistakes, your right, me…of ALL people should know that right?”

“are you in love with that guy?” I tried again.

She shook her head “No, I was once…but…almost a year ago, my little heart attached itself elsewhere…it hasn’t moved from that guy since then.

“and who would that be now?”

She smiled “it doesn’t change anything Justin, you’ve always known my feelings for you…but the fact is, we cant work…not in the long run…not realistically…”

“why not?”

“you mean besides the fact that you live on a different continent? Your work your family, friends…all there…mine…all here…what are we meant to do? Keep a relationship going via email? It’ll never last!”

“we could make it last! This isn’t you…you like a fight, challenges, this is a big one! You should be raring to go!” I almost pleaded, I didn’t want her give up. Cause if she did, that really was IT.

“maybe I don’t want to fight for what I want any more…what if I want it to be easy? Settled, normal?”

“Like boring Will…”

“he’s not boring…”
“then why haven’t you slept with him!” god I hope Rach wasn’t pulling my leg on that one.

But she blushed “what…how…Jesus!!” she stood up “I HATE YOU!!”

“No you don’t, you love me remember?”

She just rolled her pretty eyes at me. “Justin, I cant do this any more…”

I grabbed her arm before she walked past me. “look your right, it wouldn’t work…im busy, I live far away, and a normal relationship has enough stress on it without magnifying it a million percent the way what I do for a living does that…but what if I compromised.”

“what?”

“Moved here? Took time out? Took the time to BE with you, to make the life I want with you happen, instead of just thinking about it…what then?”
she was stunned, I could tell from her eyes, huh maybe this wasn’t it after all..

&&&&&&&&&&&&
I honestly didn’t think “compromise” existed in Justin’s world. He was so the guy that got what he wanted when he wanted, no questions asked.

But he was willing to up shift his pretty perfect looking life, for me? No one had ever offered to do that before.

“you’d do that?”

He took my by my two arms and braced me. Even through my layers I got tingles…or was that frostbite? I couldn’t tell.

“If it meant id be with you, id do it in a second. I love you…” he dipped his head to my ear “I am so IN love with your lil English self, that I cant imagine loving anyone else…”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stayed silent.

“so the ball is in your court now, only one thing needs answered. If you say no, then ill leave right now and you never have to see me again…but if its yes” he smirked “and I really hope its yes….ill buy a place tomorrow if I have to.”

“what needs to be answered?” I inched closer to him as the snow fell lighter now, between us both our breath visible in the cold.

“do you want me?”

I looked him in his sweet but naughty baby blues that seemed ice coloured in comparison with the snow, “I’ll always want you…you should know that by now….I am so in love with you, I cant hardly think straight most of the time…which would explain why we’re dying of cold with icicles hanging from our noses right now…” I motioned around me, trying to lighten the situation. I was never good with being vocal with my emotions, or desires…

But he cupped my chin with his thickly gloved hand. And he bend to kiss me.

And kiss me he did.

And the tingles came back in droves and he softly placed his lips on mine, and even in the cold winter made me warm up instantly.

“thank god…” he said breaking only for an instant “Id a died if you said no…” he smiled “Rachel had be convinced -”

“Rachel?” I pulled away…

He started laughed, “she’s kept it from you to huh? Yeah…her mystery man? Is Trace’s mystery woman!”

“what?”

“trace, they’ve been shacking up…funny huh?”

“Trace? No…but she’s in love?! I can tell! Its Trace??”

“baby, don’t you know by now, you proper ones always love a little bit of country, you cant beat the company…” and with that he kissed me again this time gripping me from behind..

He’s right, a little bit of country made this kingdom a whole lot more interesting, and an whole lot less lonely.

The End.