"She's late, you know that right?"

"Yes Eric, I know, thanks…" I looked at my watch for the fifth million time that hour.

"Should you call her?"

"No, she'll be here okay?"

You know and besides, I packed my cell already. But I didn't want to admit I was that dumb.

"Justin man we gotta leave soon, this plane won't wait."

"Well you were the one that couldn't get the private jet."

"They only had one in the airport and it was reserved for the damn royal family, and im sorry but im not in the habit of arguing with royals just so you can just impress some chick!"
Ok, someone was pissed.

"Fine, ill call her okay, but your gonna have to help me." I walked into the room again.

"Why? You can't dial her number without help?" he sniggered.

"No, it's in my case."

"#%%% man, #%%%!!!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever just hurry up!" I sniggered as he threw my large case on the table.

"She better be worth this #%%% man…"

When I finally got up the courage to dial his number the phone went to voice mail, having gone through over and over in my head what exactly it was that I was going to say to him. I decided that I needed to leave a message, if he wasn't going to answer, then maybe it was a sign…or maybe I was just chicken.

Either way, I began to ramble as I tried not to let my emotion show in my voice.

"You called me so I assume you know who this is, you know the drill…" was the message. Then there was a beep.

"Justin, its Anita…." My mind went blank….

"Look Im not with you right now, clearly you know that…Justin I can't go with you…I want to, believe me! But I just can't, see the truth is. You don't really know me."

What exactly did I say?

"I mean you know ME, you just don't know all of me. What I do for a living….im not a manager in any book store, im not….the truth is, Im a journalist….Im junior editor of the "SUN" newspaper. I didn't tell you, because I knew what you'd do if you knew…but now, well things have gotten difficult. There are photos, and a story my boss wants to run…I don't want her too…but…well…"

I paused.

"Look, I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I get it…but I need you to know that I am sorry, so sorry if ive hurt you or...well im just sorry."

I clicked off. There I did it. I told him, sure I did it in the most chicken way possible…but I just didn't think that I could take the look on his sweet face when he found out what a truly terrible person I was. I didn't want to have to see it in his eyes, the hatred. I didn't think I could handle it.

No.

Its better this way.

Better.

"Rachel!!!" I yelled loudly from my bedroom.

"What? Jesus woman, where's the fire!"

"I think I need a hug…." I looked at her with my puppy soaked eyes. "And perhaps a strong drink or 10"

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Im a %!#$#, that's what…."

"I have scotch?" she volunteered.

"That'll do the job!" I got up and out of my sad state. Fully willing to get completely pissed.

I needed to numb my brain, for if the only thing - to forget.

I just needed to forget.


******

I stood there, in the centre of hotel suite. The same suite that she had shared with me hours before…Numb, in total and complete shock.

I just didn't get it! Not that she could have lied to me, all women were capable of that weren't they? But what I didn't get was just how on gods green earth, I could have been so gullible.

As I listened to the message over and over again, it slowly began to sink in, what she was saying. It was for real.

She was that writer, she was AJ king.

I felt sick to my stomach at the realisation.

She'd lied to me; she'd….deliberately done this. Made me feel for her, let her in…

It was never easy for me to trust many people. I mean I can count on one hand a group of people that still to this day I would trust with my deepest darkest secrets.

Before her, id gone through quiet possibly the worst year of my life. Trust and women just didn't go in the one line of phrase…

But I saw something in her, something that led me to believe that maybe, just maybe - she was different.

It turns out, that yeah she was different, in the sense that she was an even more calculating manipulative ++%@# than the others.

Was this all just a joke? Was it just so that she could run her newspaper, getting another headline?

Was I a job?

I had so many questions, too many to just let it go.

"Justin man? Is she coming or not? We're gonna miss the damn plane." I heard Eric call in from the door.

Still in a daze I just flipped the cell shut.

"#+@% the plane; get the car I need to be somewhere first…"

I ignored his quizzical glances, as he swiftly agreed with me, and got the hotel's car.

I rhymed off the address, and sat back, alone in the car - calming my self down just a touch before I faced her.

I wasn't just gonna let her be a coward, she had done something so irretrievable that she needed to face it, and if nothing else I needed to see her eyes when she told me face to face, the truth about who she really was.

For the entire car ride over to her part of town, her street, I deliberated over as to what id say when I came face to face with her.

Would I be as irate as I felt, would I want to thump her? Would I just want an explanation? Would she ever offer me one? Or just simply dismiss me and my feelings right away?

When the car pulled to a halt. I took the deepest breath I could take and stepped out of the car.

And I knocked her door, twice with a good solid "Im angry" knock so she'd get the drift.

Only the shocked person that opened the door wasn't Anita, it was who I assumed to be the faceless Rachel.

"Uhh, yes?"

"Um, hi…"

"Justin Timberlake?" she squinted gasping.

"Whats left of him…." I muttered under my breath "Um, is Anita in?"

She closed her mouth, and her eyes widened, as if she just realised who I was - to her roommate.

"Um, yes she's in the shower though…but um, come in and ill….yeah..." she became flustered and closed the door behind me.

"Anita! Someone's here to…see you…" she knocked on the solid wood door and I heard a faint "Ok" from the other side.

She looked at me as I stood at the door "Come in, sit…"

"No im fine thanks" I answered sternly so much so that I think I scared the poor girl. "But thank you…" I offered.

"Bloody annoying weather isn't it?" she came up with and I just played along.

"Yeah, it rains a lot her doesn't it? Shitty…"

"Yup it does…and yes it's insanely shitty." She sipped her beverage in her black coffee mug.

And I waited.

The door lock snapped and a burst of steam came out first.

"Who is it Rach?" She then took the towel from her hair, letting it fall wet around her.

"Justin?" her face went white, whiter than even the walls behind her. In fact id go as far as to say it was almost grey.

"Anita do you mind telling me what the #+@% is going on?"

"You know him?" Rachel interrupted.

"Yes, I know him…." She directed to her friend. "Justin, what are you doing here, the planes meant to be in the air now. Why aren't you on it?"

"Is he the guy? Is he the rowdy bedroom guy Nita?" her friend intruded again.

"OH for #+@% sake!!" I exploded, all the while my eyes never leaving hers "YES, ok im the guy, im the one she's been seeing, or didn't she tell you? She makes a habit of that doesn't she Rachel? Lying, forgetting certain details…"

Her friend looked back and forth between us both.

"Justin…"

"NO! Okay, you know why Rachel….she told me she worked in a store or something, not that she was the highest paid gossip columnist in the #+++%#+ country! She told me that she wanted nothing to do with the media! What a #+++%#+ joke! SHE IS THE MEDIA!"

"I can explain, if you'd just calm the #+@% down and let me talk!"

"Why? So you can lie to me again? I don't think so!"

She folded her arms, her hair still dripping all over her wooden floor.

"Then why did you come here then? If you didn't want to hear what I had to say, why didn't you just get on the bleeding plane?"

I didn't answer her.

She rolled her eyes and aimed them at her friend. "Rach, could you give us some privacy…like leave for a little bit?"

"Oh, of course…sure…" she placed down her cup and picked up her jacket.

"Um, it was uhh nice meeting you Justin." She said in passing.

"You too…and for the record, your boss is playing you…cut him loose…"

"What?"

"He's using you for sex, I know the deal…your better than that… leave him."

She just looked at Anita, and then at me, still dumbfounded.

"Ill leave you alone now…"

Her arms were still folded, so I did the same.

"Anita… Or is AJ KING? Which do you prefer?"

"Justin, look I know what you must think of me and I really don't blame you, I don't! I lied to you, I know that was wrong…but…I…"

"You what? You needed your story so you went along with it? Ill bet you couldn't believe your luck could you, the same old, same old, thick-headed American willing and eager to get his heart stamped on, for the amusement of the nation, is that it AJ King."

She sat on the chair I stood beside. "NO, that's not it at all…I met you, and I liked you. That was the extent of it. Yes I knew you, Ive written about you, ive bought pictures of you in order to sell papers. But when I met you that night I was just me. I wasn't working and I wasn't looking. I was just being me. And I liked that you just saw that…." her voice broke, but I wasnt feeling sorry for her.

"Its just…here…everyone in the business knows my face, so when they see me they automatically shut down, and give me that look…the look your giving me right now…" her eyes welled up. "And the answers they've been programmed to give from their PR. You didn't."

"So what you just…" I sat on the couch, too tired from over thinking to even fully stand.

"I just liked it…that's all. I liked seeing you for you…and if you remember you were the one that pursued me okay, it's not like I came chasing after you…"

"But you still LIED! If you know SO much about me, then you'd know that that's the one thing that I cannot stand, anything but that."

"I Know! But look, this is the last thing I ever thought would between us happened okay? At first I told myself that you were just a fling that the sex was great and that's all it was, end of, close the book, story over….but then…"she closed her eyes" then I got attached to you. I waited for you to call; I looked forward to hearing your voice."

I almost softened towards her then, mainly because that's exactly how I felt.

"Justin im sorry I lied to you, but for what its worth…you made me happy for a little while, and I id like to think that I made you happy…at least for a little while…you made my life less lonely. And for that im not sorry I lied, because if I hadn't then I would have never gotten to know, such an amazing man….the true man, behind all the bullshit."

"Anita, look I just…you hurt me." I finally got to it, "you hurt me! I opened up to you in ways, Ive never…I mean it's taken me a helluva long time to be able to trust…anyone! And when I do, this is what happens!"

"Why did you trust me?"

"What?"

"Why? Why did you trust me?"

That was a good question; #%%%…she was a journalist after all.

"Because I needed to" I answered honestly. " I needed to trust you, because I was attracted to you, I wanted to be with you, so yeah maybe I set myself up for this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."
"I know, and like I said I am sorry. I don't know how else to say it to make you understand just how badly I feel…."

For a while we just sat there, immersed in the deafening silence. The kind that consumes you to the point where anything said is a good thing.

"Are you running a story on us…me?"

She shook her head vigorously.

"No, my boss got wind of it…she has all she needs. She says she's going to do it. Use things, like us in a hotel…rendezvous, sex, but she says she wont out me. Ill be a "mystery" woman, she still says it'll sell like mad"

"So you're fine then…" I added sarcastically.

"No, ive tried….ive pulled every favour with her. But she seems set on it. Ive told her ill quit."

Wow, for a lowlife snake maybe she did a soul after all.

"You will…"

"If she runs it ill walk. Believe it or not Justin. But I did…do care about you…this isn't in any interest to the public."

"Now you know how I feel."

"Huh?"

"Its my life, everyday I face #%%% like this…its good to know that you can see what my side of things are like."

"Look, im well aware of what your side of things is. But this is your life; you worked for this level of fame since you were what? Eight years old? I didn't, I didn't want this..."

"So then why not just be honest from the out set? You lied to me Anita, and you continued to lie every time I saw you, I can't forgive that…I mean from the very first night…you knew the drills with the pap's, cause they were yours weren't they?"

She wiped her eyes, turning away from me.

"yes I knew the drills, it was an instinct. But no they weren't from my paper…not that time"

"That time at the movie theatre, were they?"

she nodded wiping her eyes again "yes, that's why I didn't want to go out…I knew someone would get the photo, and I really didn't want that to happen. Not for your sake, and not for mine…."

I was so unbelievably frustrated, on the one hand I hated her so much because of what she did, and the way she made me feel that second I heard that message.

Then on the other hand, I thought about what I saw, the ways she's made me feel for weeks now? Was it all just a show?

"Anita, Im not completely unreasonable. I understand why you lied…."

"No you really don't…" she countered. Finally facing me again. Her eyes at this point were red and puffy.

"What?"

"You don't REALLY know anything…I lied to you because just this once I wanted to allow someone in - to me. Just me…not my job not my responsibilities, nothing like that. Just myself. And when I did, you liked that person; I didn't have to hide behind any preconceived ideas of what AJ king was meant to be like."

"So are you saying you began seeing me, because I made you feel normal?" I chuckled, I couldn't help myself.

"Yes. Weird as hell, I know."

I didn't say anything, neither did she? We just stood there, looking at each other.

"What now?" she spoke up. Moving in front of me, closer than she had been since she saw me come in.

"I don't know Anita, I really don't know." She nodded.

The chemistry between us was electrifying still….that couldn't be denied.

"Well then I guess there isn't anything left to say is there…"

I tired to concentrate on the feeling of hating her, I really did. But things took over.

The way her wet hair smelled, the way her lips looks all pink and swollen like that, how even after she cried her eyes still sparkled like diamonds….that and I really wanted to kiss her.

So I did. Against every judging bone in my body I leaned in and I kissed her. With such intent passion that I wrapped my arms right around her tiny frame, intensifying the kiss to such a degree it shot straight through my body like lightning. For moments that seemed to last forever, I held her...But then the reasons why not to, flooded my brain.

"No, no, no wait…" I pulled away from her, as she put her fingers to her lips.

"What?"

"I can't, im sorry Anita. I just…I shouldn't have done that." I backed away from her slightly "I know that you're sorry and I know that you mean it, I do…but it's not like I can't just accept that, you and your job and just carry on like nothing's happened…I can't do that, this…" it was her turn to look hurt then. And my heart sank. Why I have no idea? I guess my actions were finally listening to my head for once, my heart just didn't agree.

"I see, well…then you have to go. Justin, I really loved this with you, and you have to know that my job is the ONLY thing that was fabricated with us, the only thing…" she said as she began to tear up again. "This last month has been hectic - so much has happened in like zero time, but I don't regret it."

I knew what she meant. And I just couldn't - and believe me when I say I tried this - I just couldn't hate her.

"Me either….but that doesn't change…"

"I know…" she offered me a weak smile. "I know…doesn't make it hurt any less …"

She walked me to the door, and she just…let me go. She let me leave, I half expected her to protest, to try and stop me. My ego took a tumble ill tell you that much.

"Goodbye yank…" she smiled forcefully.

"Bye Nita…"

I walked out her door, out her gate and into the pouring rain, as I made my way to the awaiting car.

As I took another deep breath, I tried to get my head around everything that just went down. I went there with the sole intention to %!#$# and cuss her ass out for what she did to me, for lying.

But the minute I saw her, it was just fell apart. I didn't want to hate her; I just wanted to be with her.

Lies or not, she made me feel so good when I was with her, she made me feel like me again.
And I hadn't realised how much I missed just being myself again.
But the one thing that just stuck with me, was the fact that her lies and our - relationship, or whatever it was….it was about to be smeared all over the British/world press.
Had she stopped it? Was she even going to now?
I mean she said she'd quit, but was that all just an act too?

I really just didn't know what to believe any more….the only thing I knew, it was one of the worst birthdays id had.
25, it's all down hill from here on in baby.
Im almost 30 for #+@% sakes!!!
That's never good.

$$$$$$$$

The second he walked out and I closed the door; I just let it go and began crying all over again.

Something I had to shower out of me, at least through the sound of the water no one heard me sobbing.

I just couldn't help it.

He was gone, that was it. That little tiny piece of happiness I was developing with him was shredded, and it was no ones fault but my own.I think that's what made my pain that much worse. I had no one else to blame it on, only me.
I had lied; I was the one who knew that this day would come. Only it came a lot sooner than I expected, and that was it. I would have to just adjust and move on.
And that was that.

"What the hell was that???" Rachel came in trough the front door, coat in hand a second later.

"That was the man, you know the one I WAS seeing." I just walked into the bathroom to find a hair tie.

"And? He didn't know that you're a -"

"NO! Ok, no he didn't, cause I knew if he did then he would want nothing to do with me, and guess what - I was right! So that's it…"

"Are you sure? He seemed really upset"

"Thanks rach, that's what I need, more guilt!"
"No," she rolled her eyes "what I mean is, if you and he were just a fling, do you think he would have let what you did get to him so much?"

"What?"

"He was visibly heart broken, which means his heart felt something for you….Not just fling material…"

"Are you saying he was in love with me?" she was bizarre, I was officially convinced.

"Id say by the hurt in that mans face, he was getting there real fast…do you think that's something you really should just give up on?"

"It doesn't matter Rachel, I #*!#+% everything up…my job means that, he and I even if id been truthful…we can't be together. It's impossible."

"You believe that?"

"What else do I have to believe in at this point…?" I looked at her; I knew she was like me in the sense that she wanted to believe that love in its various forms, shapes and sizes. That it could in fact conquer all.

At that second I really just, didn't.

"Im really tired, I think im just going to go to bed…Night."

"Yeah, night."

Id try, but I knew that id be getting no sleep that night.

**************************************************************************************************************
Thoughts?