Id made it the two weeks in Memphis without wanting to jump over the nearest bridge.

Id done so, on the sole effort of getting completely %++$ faced drunk almost every night. I just didn't want to be myself at that point, had I been I knew everyone would still be asking questions.

So I figured if I was drunk/ hung over no one would notice, leave me to myself.

But then again there was the one night Trace decided to "Confront" me. Right in the middle of the strip joint of all places, while I might add, I was more than three sheets to the wind.

"Dude seriously….what has been up with you lately, your really not yourself."

"Then who am I then? If im not me and your not me and she" I pointed to the half naked Chinese girl "isn't me then who is huh trace? Who is?"

"You know what I mean; you've been weird, distance…with everyone. Your moms noticed, hell even your dad! You mean and moody, %++$ it's like your Pms'ing all the damn time!"

"Look" I slurred "all's I wanna do is sit 'ere and watch the pretty lady dance…you got a problem with dat, then leave…I aint moving from here!"

"Justin, all I wanna do is make sure your okay? Is that bad?"

"Noooo…it's a bit girlie you $#%@% but it's not BAD!" I laughed, even though yeah I know it wasn't funny. "You know all I want is for y'all to just STOP fussin' over me… im find"

"Fine…" He repeated.

"What?"

"You said you were find, I think you meant fine?"

"No I said fin-d…." I pronounced with my slur. Damit! "Fin-d….FIN-D….you know what I mean! Im okay? Im over it, now if you'll excuse me…" I pointed to the blonde "I have a woman to see about booty!"

All I wanted to do was mope, was that so wrong? Id been screwed over, and I know I keep going on and on about it, but me acting like a woman about this means nothing - I was hurt, and more than willing to wallow in it.

"You got everything?"

"Yup, sure do…all packed up for good old en-ga-land, as Trace would say."

"Im so glad he's going with you this time sweetie." My mother sat on my bed as I zipped up my third suitcase - yes not only did I *$$@! like a woman, I packed like one too.

"And Justin, about…that girl…"

Oh here we go again…

"What about her…"

"Im sorry she hurt you, I didn't say that before and im sorry if it looked like I was taking her side…its just you haven't let anyone, no girl…effect you that much in a long time, I just figured that if you had let her in…there must have been something special about her?? That's all…" she trailed off and looked at the floor. I knew what she was doing two weeks ago; I just don't know that she did.

I knew that she thought that, that she knew I hadn't been "intimate" with a woman in a long time - and I don't mean sex. Sex can be incredibly detached when I wanted it to be. One night stands, screwing in bathrooms, limos…been there done that. With her, it was different and that's the real kicker! If I had just treated her like all the other woman that I had done and dusted off, then I wouldn't be feeling like total %++$.

Being hurt like that, it makes you question every move you make. Every woman id talk to, or even look at. Id be thinking "would she screw me over, just like the rest of them?? Sure she's sweet and funny now, but what if I trusted her? Would she change too?"

And as you can imagine that's not the best way to live your life.

The entire flight back to Heathrow I was trying my best to just ignore the images of her that randomly popped into my head, I tried to focus on my scripts and learn my lines and my cues for the filming that would resume in a day after I arrived.

I tried.

"Justin?"

"Yeah…"

"Is that sienna chick single now?"

I looked over at trace, who was stuffing his face with the complementary peanuts.

"Umm, I think so…she and Jude broke up."

"Why?"

"I dunno, I think she found out he was cheating on her I guess."

"How..."

What was he 6 what was with all the one word questions dude?

"Umm the tabloids I think…" I knew, it was Anita James KING that wrote the damn thing but I didn't dare bring her back into any of my conversations with Trace.

"Huh…" he mused.

"Whats so interesting?"

"uh nothing really, I was just thinking if it wasn't for that paper or whatever she would still be living a lie, he would still be cheating on her and she'd be non the wiser."

"So?"

"Sooo, in a way that paper helped her see what he was really like."

Oh sure he'd take her…their side wouldn't he.

"Uhh whatever." I ignored him and concentrated on my script again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching landing, on behave of the captain and the crew we request that your seatbelts are fully fastened and your seats in the upright position, we hope you enjoyed your flight."

That's what came over the PA system.

Well I was here again, and there was no avoiding it.

"Walking in here was really difficult for me Fi, you know that don't you?"

She swayed in her chair, "I suppose, I just really hope you've thought this through Anita. You realise what your giving up don't you? You know how many people in this office, in this city would give their right arm to be where you are at your age!"

"I know, but I also know that I worked harder than anyone else in here for almost two years, I didn't have a life. I solely existed just to write for you…I can't be that person any more. I just can't."

"Anita, if it's about Justin Timberlake…let me stop you now. He's not worth giving up your career for, no matter how charming….hes a player."

I shook my head, "its not…we aren't together any more…" I bowed my head, almost on instinct.

She smirked, "he wasn't exactly pleased when you told him the truth was he?"

"No, what do you think…of course he wasn't. But like I said he is just one of many factors ive considered. I haven't been content here for a while felicity" I used her full name, something I never did.

She shook her head again, as if I was infact insane.

"I see. And there isn't anything I can say or do to make you change your mind?"

"No."

"right." She shoved the front page of the "enquirer" in front of me.

It was Justin, kissing the face of some skinny red head. At a club in London's east end.

My stomach churned, but I played my poker face and just rolled my eyes. "Like I said we aren't together any more, so I don't know what you hoped to achieve by showing me that…"

"I hoped you'd forget this little crush and move on! Anita you are far too talented to just be wasted like this! Ive met him, and I see what you fell for. He's fuckable, he's charming and those eyes…" she smiled "I get it, I do…but he's moved on from you, why let him dictate your career."

"HE ISN'T!" I raised my voice slightly. "I am. Ive just grown tired of this, the same superficial bull %++$ day in and day out. I can't do it any more. I wanted to write because I wanted to reach someone. Make them think! I don't do that here!"

"You don't want to be gossip editor?"

"No, I don't. Look ive been looking into other things if im being honest here fi. Something not so one dimensional, something with a bit of everything, not just who's shagging who, or who's fallen out of china white and flashed their knickers."

She nodded. "Idealism is a wonderful dream Anita, and I wish you well with it…but just in case you fall flat on your arse. Here."

She pushed the cheque in front of me. It had 100-000 pounds on it.

"What the +++# is this for?"

She stood up. "I ran the story Anita, today and it's shaping up to be the second biggest seller in the last quarter."

I felt the tears whell in my eyes "I didn't sign the release of any quotes!"

"No, but you did sign a waver in your contract. That's the same thing dear. Don't worry I made you look good."

"What?"

"I made it look like he'd dumped this "girl" after he'd seduced her. Play up his playboy image." She smiled, so smug it made me sick.

"I can't believe you did that."

"Yes well you should believe it, I told you before I wasn't going to coddle you Anita and I didn't. This story was worth it, and it doesn't even matter, as you said yourself your not even together any more…"

"That's not the %%#$!*! point!! I care! He may not be in my life now, but I still care what he thinks of me!" I was getting more and more upset as the seconds ticked on.

"You were quiet taken with him weren't you?" she seemed shocked "were you in love with him Anita? I thought it was just shagging."

I didn't dare let the tears in my eyes escape.

"I don't want the money…" I pushed back the cheque.

"No? Idealistic and proud…my girl you have A LOT to learn…" she sighed and then she seemed to soften somewhat "Look, believe it or not, I liked you. And you will need this money if your going to be unemployed…take it, as severance if nothing else?"

"I have my pension plan for that." I shot back.

"I know…but take this…Please?"

I think that was the first time she'd said that to…anyone.

"No."

"I know you a/c details so ill just end up putting it in there if you don't. I know you don't want to give me the satisfaction of taking it…but AJ im losing my best columnist here…there is NO satisfaction."

*****

"+++#, +++#, +++#!!" I couldn't believe it, they'd done it, and they made me out to be a total @+@$@*% in the process.

"Justin how did you let this happen?" my manger spoke over the in call speaker.

"I didn't, she….I don't know, she said that she'd try and stop it, I figured she'd have that kind of pull…"

"Well she %%#$!*! clearly didn't!! This is gonna take some SERIOUS damage control you know that don't you?"

"I know…" I went silent and sounded like a sick six year old.

"Ummm…" I knew he was reading what I was."Johnny can y'all fix this?" he was the silent one for a few seconds.

"I can…but just do your job and nothing else for a while. Do you think you could lay low?"

"For how long?"

"Couple of weeks?"

"John, you know the paps are at the entrance of the hotel 24/7 now don't you?"

"So? Move; get an appartment in the city or something? Im sure you and Trace will think of something."

Id been back three days and the third day I open the door to the arrival of the papers. And WHAM, there it was in black and white.

I knew she said she would try and take care of it, but I just assumed they needed her more…So they wouldn't run it. Boy was I wrong?

That meant if she was telling me the truth - and that in it self was a big IF…she'd quit her job.

Jesus. She'd quit…

Or had she? I still had no clue one way or the other?

I decided to find out for myself I called the number at the bottom of the page. A polite man answered.

"Hello, may I speak with Anita James….um King please?"

"Sir?"

"AJ king?"

"Im sorry sir, Miss King no longer works here…That job has been assigned to Mr John Cotts. Do you wish to speak with him?"

She HAD quit…for me?

"Umm no thank you…" as I hung up I just knew, I had to see her again.

AN/ I might have gotten carried away with this manip business!! thoughts on the chapters always welcome lovelies!!