It's been three months since Justin and I had our "falling for each other" conversation, and in those three months a hell of a lot has happened.

He left for LA, to start recording his album - which completely pissed me off because I just didn't want him to leave, but he did, and every time he'd have something new, he'd sing it to me over the phone. Something that I loved and I felt so touched by some of the songs, the love songs I felt especially responsible for….

But it wasn't all bad, every two weeks on the button he'd come see me. And believe me when I tell you that we took full advantage of those three days we'd have together.

They were wonderful. And the hotels of central London were well and truly christened! I hadn't yet got the chance to repay the favour and make a trip or two state side for id been increasingly busy with my new Personal Relations job. At first it started off slow, as I predicted - no one knew me, therefore no one trusted me enough to represent them.

But after I got a few high profile parties under my belt I was beginning to get approached by people looking for representation, mostly reality TV fame seeking losers at first, but I didn't mind. It was work, and it was experience, and that's what mattered.

Then Justin began sending and recommending me to his showbizzy pals, to which I was grateful. My boss just couldn't understand how the members of the crème de la crème of Hollywood was asking questions about me and my techniques.

One such character, whom I won't name - because that would make me a terrible PR shitspinner, asked me to keep his three mistresses away from his wife. Both actors, and the marriage had taken a turn for the worse when she won her Oscar, I simply had to keep his ho's as Justin would call them under control while they played happy families.

It wasn't a problem, he paid me handsomely and they all got what they wanted. The bitches got their money, and he got to keep his image.

Morally though it weighed on me, but that aspect was just one such in my job description.

I mostly loved helping promote clubs or dj's or anything that didn't involve me asking the question "are there pictures of you both in any compromising positions…say naked?"

Enough about that, and more about my honey…well as I said, he left to record and when that was done we spent three weeks just hanging around Britain, taking trips to Scotland, going down to Wales, all involving golf of course….then it was time for him to start promotion.

Which he did very well, and finished just a week ago.

The album release is in a few days and it just so happens his PR "ken the asshole sunshine" was a semi big wig at my company.

Id met him on a few occasions, personally speaking of course and he flinched when Justin introduced me as his girlfriend (I blushed, but you already guessed that) he asked me all sorts of questions, questions Id asked clients when they were fishing for money.

Like I said he was an asshole, till he found out I was on the way to becoming one of his kind, then he was all smiles, smiles because I wasn't a gold digger.

Another person that wore the same concerned look was Mrs Lynn Harless.

When I met her on one of the Justin stops that he pulled whist recording, he brought her over too, we had slightly less "Christening" of hotels that trip….but she was nice, overly nice. Nice in the way you know Justin WARNED her strongly to be so. He was sweet, but it really wasn't necessary.

I could tell he was nervous, when we came face to face. But we talked about everything over dinner at the Savoy, the weather, the war, the prices in Bond Street. But as soon as Justin went to the bathroom, her mask slipped.

She politely informed me that she knew ALL about me, and the lies id told her son, that id really hurt him when I did it, and it made her question me….

I was shocked but at least she was honest, she continued to say that she was never one to judge a book by its cover, and I told her that I was always someone who paid great attention to the covers of books; they gave the greatest hints as to what was inside.

I explained my situation and my reasons, which she accepted graciously. Thank god, is all I can say. I would have hated to have got on the wrong side of a woman like her, but she was warm underneath her desire to protect her one and only, and I respected that.

I vowed that he now knew all there was to know about me, and that I cared very much about him.

Her eyes immediately lost the icy-ness they had held before it. Now things are as awkwardly polite between any woman and the girl their son is screwing, so all is well.

"Anita, line one for you" I heard Anna call out as I had just replaced my handset after talking the ear of a new investor.

"Thanks…Anita James...." I rhymed

"Baby, hey…you busy?" I heard the familiar southern drawl come across the line.

"Im just about done for today, whats your day shaping up like?"

"Better now actually…"

"Oh and why is that?"

I heard him laughing, "Look out your window."

My window?

I walked over, and there he was six storeys down, standing in the middle of the footpath waving like an idiot.

"What are you doing? Do you want to call attention to yourself…?" I warned.

"No, I want to get your attention!"

"Well, you have it!!" I panicked "Now please come up here before the damn sun newspaper arrives!!!"

I heard him laugh again, and hang up.

I knew he was on his way, and as he journeyed, I checked my make up, checked I hadn't acquired any bad smells, and just in case I slipped on a little Chanel no. 5.

I saw his swagger 6ft frame stroll past all the girls answering the phones in reception and each one of them looked up as he past them, with the grin and the cheesy lines he was let in right away. He entered my small office space with an even bigger smile.

"I have missed you so much!" he placed the bouquet of red roses on my desk and came over to my side of the desk for a kiss.

"your not meant to be here for another four hours…" I pointed out smiling.

"I know, but I wanted to surprise you, so I got an earlier plane….why? You not happy to see me?"

"NO! course I am. Its just, im at work and my boss is a bastard and plus I wanted to be showered and nice for you, im in icky work clothes…"

He looked me over, " that trouser suit isn't Icky, I was with you when you got it remember? And I don't think you could call Donna Karen icky." he laughed, and yes he was right it was devine, cream amazing material that looked damn good if I do say so myself.

"I know but you know what I mean."

"I do, so ill go."

"NO! I didn't say that…" I went to kiss him again, but I noticed quite a line of women had formed outside the office, all "walking past" more than once.

It was funny the effect he had on women wasn't it?
"Wait, maybe you should go?"

He raised his eyebrows in shock. "well ghee, thanks."

"No…" I pointed outside the door " id rather welcome you, when we don't have such a crowd…you

know?" I winked. And he seemed happy that my intentions were as immoral as his.

"Okay, I guess I could do that. Will I meet you at your apartment or at the hotel?"

"Hotel, Rachel and her man are there at the minute."

"She finally dumped asshole huh?" he asked as he messed with my desk and the items id lined up in a

very OCD fashion.

"well what did you expect, every time you saw her you made her promise to dump him." I giggled, I mean really, for weeks every time she'd enter the room he'd ask her if she'd done it yet, she got so

nervous with seeing him if she hadn't, she avoided the house.

It was funny, she never usually gave a shit what my boyfriends thought of her, but I guess he mattered now.

"well im just saying, every time she'd call you, she'd be in tears and shit - that's not a good place to

be."

"thank you Oprah…Now go, before you get me sacked" I ordered. He just giggled.

"I plan on "sacking" you later anyways…"

"that's NOT what that means here…"

"yeah, yeah…" he kissed me on the cheek. "see ya later."

And with that he was gone. And I was counting the hours till I got out of here and into his arms.

*******

Having not exactly gotten the welcome id been thinking about I decided it would be best if I went to

my hotel and slept off the jet lag and give her, her time to "get ready" as she puts it. It makes no sense

to me why she cares so much, she gets changed, and dolled up and I just usually wreck it when we

end up doing what we do best. And that's easy, it requires no clothes at all…so all the fuss she makes,

just makes no sense.

But then again she is a woman so, I guess that's why it matters to her.

We had finally set some dates for a the European leg of the new tour. My managers and I decided to

take this one slower, so it would be a few countries then a rest then a few more, and so on and so on

till id covered my turf.

I really wanted Anita to come with me, and I had hoped she'd offer. But she didn't, so id ask her.

Hopefully tonight.

And hopefully she'd say yes.

It approached six when I got back from the trip to the music store. I love music shopping in person,

nothing beats it. The walking around seeing everything from cds to vinyl and just picking it up. it's

the one things I hate about the internet….that and it spreads shit quicker than farmers in planting

season, but I hated that it takes that feeling away from music shopping.

Downloading was boring.

She arrived shortly after I did and we sat down to dinner and a little catch up conversation

And then I finally got round to asking.

"honey?"

"yeah?" she asked as we flipped through various channels before stopping on "living"

"you know how I go on tour in a few weeks?" I paused "Well I was hoping you'd come with me?"

"On tour?" her eyebrow shifted

"yeah."

"well, id love too, but isn't that weird?"

"why weird?"

"Cause you'll be working and stuff, wouldn't I just get in your way?"

"NO!" I smiled "In fact you'd be my saving grace in a way, I hate touring and I hate it even more

alone…so?? You'd really be the more important thing there."

"really?" she smiled finally.

"yeah! So what'ya say?"

"well…" she pondered "If I can swing it at work, then hell yes!" she kissed me again, she was a very

kissy girl, and I liked that.

It took me almost a full week to persuade my boss that I could organise from my laptop and that I wasn't really needed in the office for at least two weeks, since most of my work was done over the phone any ways I said I could manage the same job whilst mobile. He didn't buy it but I got my way, on the condition if I was needed I could make it back, and that most of the days might come out of my holiday time.

I hated my boss, but most of the time he was okay. The day I asked, was clearly not that day.

He gave me this speech on responsibilities and such, but the only responsibility I was worried about was the one packing his bags for France that night.

Needless to say with my slight victory I went home to pack with a spring in my step.

We flew from Heathrow and landed in Paris. I loved Paris, it was so romantic, and not in a cheesy way either, I found both it and Rome two of the most amazing cities, simply because it was so easy to get swept up in the culture of it all and to fall in love with both the cities and the person you shared it with.

Or maybe this is just me being over sentimental.

"you know something Nita?" Justin pepped up as we dawned our tourist caps and headed into the Vatican to look around, we'd managed three days in Paris without over doing the wine and cheese and then we moved on to Rome.

His shows were amazing, and seeing him live on stage - the view was amazing but knowing what he put into it, made it even more special for me.

"yes?"

"I've been in this city countless times, but I've never been here."

I looked at him, "your joking?? How could you come to Rome and not-"

"Well, its just with the band it was always rushed we just shot in did gigs and went back to the hotel."

"and when you where here the last time?"

He looked awkward "well I was with someone who didn't really appreciate art, or culture

or…anything really"

The subject of Diaz never really came up, but sometimes I did wonder about them. They seemed so

different from each other, but then again I guess people say that about us too.

"Oh"

"Yeah…" he rolled his eyes and took my hand "but im glad its you I get to share this stuff with you

first…it makes it like ten times more special."

There was that overly sappy American thing again, im sorry but I just wasn't used to guys being

so…open.

"well thanks…" I blushed.

"you don't like that im so vocal about my feeling do you?" he ask smiling still.

"No, its not that I don't like it, its just that im not really used to it. I mean my mum and dad - the

way they talked about love…well they didn't really. Marriage was made out of necessity and such,

love never really factored into it."

"Marriage huh?"

Shit, me and my mouth "No, not us and marriage I mean for them, its how it was…they got along

well, my dad had a job and he was deemed suitable…then they thought they couldn't have kids, and oops there I come alone 15 years after they were married!"

"But you parents are in their fifties aren't they? When did they get married?"

"My mum was 18 my dad was in his late twenties…it was the late fifties early sixties times were

different what can I say."

He just shrugged and we moved from place to place separately.

Why was I bringing up marriage? Hell, I didn't even think I wanted that for me. I never had. And my

parents why was I bringing them up? He hadn't even met or spoke to either of them yet.

God someone just shut me up!

**********************************************

"What are you talking about, I can see that your pregnant, but you said you had a story for my paper here young lady, and unless you give me details I cant really help you."

"I can't say just now, but let's just say he's very, very well known, hes a superstar."

"Details or no deal." fi stood her ground

"Justin Timberlake. Okay? The father of my baby is Justin Timberlake okay?"

"What?" the wheels spun in her head "are you telling me the truth."

"Yes, we met up at a nightclub one night, he was with a short guy - Trace his name was. Everyone

was practically begging for his attention but im the one that got it. He sweet talked me and I fell for

it. Hes such a player…"

"really?" the older woman questioned.

"yes, he says he was hurt and that I was the only one who could make it better or some shit like that. I

knew he was full of shit but he was a superstar and interested in me, so I just played along."

"and then what?"

"we drank, a lot ill admit, but then…"

"yes?"

"we went back to his hotel, the Hilton in the city is where he was staying at the time, and we had

sex."

"that's it? Sweetheart if you want me to splash this im going to need more than that little teaser. I

need real solid details, points of conversation, what it was like with him, what he said or didn't say…

Now lets start from the beginning and ill see what I can offer you for this.

+++++++++

We'd been touring for a little over two weeks, and I have to admit having her along was nice. More than nice. When I saw her in the crowd during my shows, it helped. It calmed my nerves, yes I still get nerves. Hell right before I played Dublin for the first time I threw my guts up for a good half hour before I felt okay enough to go on.

But with Anita there to calm me, or even to just look in that way she does it just sends all my worries off of me. Plus having her to come home to, or to the hotel at least, makes it a little more homely.

What can I say I loved the girl.

"So you know ken?" I asked her

"Hes an asshole just for the record." she said with a mouthful of pasta.

"yes he is…but you've met him through work?"

"Ahuh, we had this conference thing 'bout six months ago and I can tell you "sunshine" he aint"

I had to laugh at her, she had a way with words "well hes coming into town for some thing with

Affleck, and he wants to 'review' my publicity situation."

"So he basically wants you to whore it up as far as the papers are concerned…"

"I forgot you read between the speak these days…but yeah so be prepared is all am saying."

"Once he found out that I was your girlfriend he was sooo nice to me once he found out that I had a

job and wasn't some gold digging bitch after your money, much like your mother in that aspect…"

Now it was my turn to speak with my mouthful "my mom wasn't that bad."

"Ahuh" she rolled her eyes "you know it's a good job I love you, 'cause your surrounded by nutters."

"well it's a good job I love you 'cause you ARE a nutter!"

"Please, Justin I am the most sane of all the weirdo's around you, I mean some of your dancers are

just plain crazy, I mean we're talking jacko crazy, that penny girl? Jesus.."

"She's fine she's just a little temperamental, that's all…"

"she cries all the time j? I think she's knocked up"

"Penny? No…she's not that stupid, I mean…" well she was dating Riley, and he was known to be a

little rough with all his ladies.

"well im just saying with the weeping and the constant "Im bloated" it all points to baby."

"okay enough about her, please…Im tired, and dinner was amazing." I finished up and grabbed both

our plates.

"Umm what the hell?" she followed me to the kitchen part of the hotel suite.

"what?"

"you just flipped that's what?"

"No I didn't" I rinsed off the dishes and I attempted to smile.

"J there was a definite change of tone, I heard it, it was your pissed off tone and I want to know what

I did to piss you off!"

"baby, im not pissed off okay i've just had a long day and a difficult show and my back hurts, so I just

wanna take a nice hot bath and get into bed…okay?"

I embraced her for comfort. Sure all of the above was true but I also had a little something more

weighing on my mind.

"you sure that's it?"

I kissed her again "I am…you wanna join me?" I offered with a hope she's say no, I really just wanted

a second to take in what id been told in the phone call from Ken. I hadn't been given time to react,

but there it was, spinning around in my brain.

That girl I thought id never see again, was pregnant, with my baby.

Holy fucking shit.

*******

We'd moved from Rome to Germany and I had to admit, that is one language that freaks me out, its like they are all constantly shouting at each other.

But Justin had spent a lot of time in Germany when he was in Nsync so he knew the lingo and the place pretty well.

His mood had changed though, and changed and changed.

He was sweet one minute and then Ken would appear and then he'd change. I was convinced that it

was ken niggling in his ear about me, but he would look so upset sometimes.

I wanted to ask what was wrong but the air around them, it made it awkward and I didn't want to

interfere for once.

I figured that it was maybe the stress from the tour, the demand that was on him, the - hell I didn't

know shit, about shit! All I knew is that the man I loved was keeping something from me and I didn't

like it.

Id looked all over the arena for him, but there was no sign anywhere. I decided that the bus would be

my last best bet.

And wouldn't you know it, there he was in the bedroom at the back lying with his head underneath

all the pillows, windows blocked out and the radio on full blast.

"J?" I said once but he didn't hear me so I switched off the rock station and he instantly noticed that.

"Is it time to get ready yet?" It was only 3pm.

"Nope, you've got a good few hours yet. But you have to eat or something otherwise you'll be ill." I

offered him my sandwiches but he declined finally raising his head.

"you look good today Nita"

"Wait, you mean I don't look good every day?" I laughed.

"no you do, but there's something different about you today? I cant place it…" he shook his head. "its

like you get more beautiful every day."

"is that right?" sweet talker.

"ummmm."

He slowly took the ribbon that tied her blouse together and pulled it out of its bow.

"J, anyone could walk in…I am really NOT doing this here"

"you had no problem with anyone watching when we did it in that clothes store."

Okay he had a point, but it was PRADA in London, and the sales girl kept looking down her nose at

me, as if I didn't deserve to be with him, so I metaphorically told her to F off by doing it - loudly, in

one of her changing room.

Kiss my ass bitch.

But no, this was different.

Although the rules of this sort of thing were getting a little blurred if im honest.

"Jus im serious I think your people are looking for you right now, and to be truthful im not all for

them finding us getting biblical." of course he laughed at that. The boy had no shame whatsoever.

With my defences at an all time low and the fact that he smelled so good from what I was guessing

was a shower, I gave in. Even though we had underlying issues, the fact that we hadn't really had any

kind of conversation in almost 24 hours.

I let him kiss me, I let him touch me, and I reciprocated. But something felt different.

Sure it was great, and it was what it was, like always. But this time, it felt more of a distraction from

talking than it being the act itself.

Its not that it felt wrong when we made love, at any time - even when I was lying to him. That part

always made up for my guilt - always.

This time though, it felt like he was the guilty one. He was overly affectionate, he cared too much for what I was feeling, more so than usual, when he'd get lazy and make me do all the work… and the biggest give away, he NEVER made eye contact!

This time, he was hiding something.

The second day of that particular arena date we spent marginally apart. I had work all day over the phone and on my computer. Making deals with various chefs for a charity cookout that was taking place in London at the end of that month.

Chef's were moody bastards I had to admit.

My boss called and called "checking in" being a nosy so an so if you ask me. Then he found out Mr Sunshine would be visiting with me, he ordered me to "be nice and don't cop and attitude" wanker.

Mr freakin' sunshine was the one with the attitude.

But I gave my best "yes boss" and off I went on a hunt for celeb chefs that were interested in a charity drive on the Themes.

I had questioned Justin on his sudden change of temperament, but he assured me he was "fine" and that it was again, just the stress of the tour. I again just thought that was shit…

But I stayed out of his way, and when he asked me to meet him at the arena for lunch I agreed but I

finished up some emails on his bus.

that's when I found it.

It was a press release, from a Ms Melina Watson.

I knew that name, she was a page three girl for a few years before she "made it big" as a glamour model, id done more than my fair share of exposes on her when I worked at the paper.

In short, she was a slut. Everyone decent knew it, and stayed away from her.

But as I read on, my heart sank….then beat at a rate im sure was off the charts.

She was pregnant, and she was claiming the dad to be Justin.

It was a press release that was a draft, I knew this because I was used to drawing them up for clients.

This was not good at all.

I read the dates, he hadn't cheated on me - one plus. But then again he had (or so she says) slept with her anyway.

Either way, I felt really really dirty.

%%%%%%%%%

I went through my rehearsal in a blur, everything for the past three days had been one big blur.

Ken had managed to set some kind of agreement with Melina, and she agreed, for a price that she'd back off until I could come myself and work something out.

The only thing now that was weighing on me, was Anita.

I mean how was I meant to tell the girl I loved that I was going to have a child with a woman as - cheap as her, someone id used to my own advantage and threw away like rubbish.

The shame I felt I cant even describe. It ran deeper than anything id ever felt.

And it killed me, to know that after all the importance id put into being honest with Anita and her with me, it was all shot to hell over the last few days because I had been lying, every time she asked me who was on the phone, or if I was okay.

I hated to tell her, because I knew if I did she would never look at me the same way again.

I sought her out, finally finding her inside my bus. Sitting staring at her laptop, in a stupor almost.

"baby…I have to talk to you for a second."

I closed the door of the bus behind me and I braced myself.