JC leaned on the child safety fence his parents installed around their pool when Tyler's oldest daughter, Elaina, was born. He stared at the water watching its movements as the vacuum puttered away at the bottom. He felt off kilter and had from the moment he found out he had to rescind the offer of Rachel joining him and his family for Christmas. It was a lowest of lows for him standing in her apartment, surrounded by all the Christmas cheer, telling her she couldn't come when it was all she could talk about. When she had spent an entire day baking every desert possible as gifts for his family. He could see the containers on her counter. The tins with their Christmas designs. A name tag on each. A festive bow would be placed on them in Florida so they wouldn't be squished from the plane ride. He wondered what she did with the baked goods. He couldn't bring them. He had no room. Jennifer either.

It had been such a relief finding out she was going to Colorado and crashing with Stacy. The thought of her staying in LA all alone... JC hung his head. This was not the Christmas he had been expecting. He expected his friend to be here joining in on the celebrations. Spreading her infectious cheer for the holiday. Singing Christmas carols off key. Being scolded by his mom and aunts for being in the kitchen trying to help prepare the food. Talking legalese with Tyler. Talking football with his father. Laughing with Heather over some inappropriate topic. Talking every topic under the sun with his mother like they hadn't spent the last year talking every week.

JC hadn't seen the big deal inviting Rachel to Orlando for the holidays. She was one of his closest friends; had been for a decade. She had nowhere else to go with the Bass family scattered. He hadn't seen the problem with having her at his parents' as well as having Jennifer's family. Apparently it was something he should have thought of. He didn't. It was an issue he should have seen. He hadn't. Some family members had started to voice their concerns at this extra person. They felt Rachel being there was an intrusion. It wasn't. Not to him. Not to his family. His mother hadn't wanted to cause any friction between the two families. She hadn't wanted to subject Rachel to any ill will. ‘I hate doing this JC. You know I love that girl like my own, but you can't bring her. I just know someone is gonna open their mouth and say something and I don't want her hurt.' His mother had told him over the phone as she explained what was going on. He tried to get Jennifer to intervene and explain to her family that Rachel was a friend. It hadn't worked. In the end Rachel had gotten hurt anyway and he was the one who had done it.

Now he found himself constantly wondering about her and how she was doing in Colorado. Dodging questions from Jennifer's family about when he was gonna ‘pop the question' and ‘what was he waiting on'. He ignored the sympathy looks from his family. He felt them. This had been the first time he had been able to get away and call her. And she hit him with stuff about being alone, no presents to open, a tagalong people felt obligated to invite. If he had been in California and she pulled that, he would have been in his car and at her door before the phone call even ended. But he was in Florida. She was in Colorado.

"JC? Honey? Are you okay?" Karen slipped out the door going to her oldest son.

"What?" JC looked up as his mom came to stand beside him. "Yeah. I'm okay. I just came outside to get away from the noise to talk to Rachel."

"How is she?" Karen asked. "Colorado must be beautiful this time of year. All that snow on the ground. I can't wait until she posts pictures. Surprised she hasn't already"

"Something's wrong."

"What do you mean something's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Not with me. With Rachel." JC sighed.

"Holiday stress could be getting to her."

JC shook his head. "Not her. Never her. Holiday stress doesn't even factor in to Rachel's make up. She lives for this season."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It was the way she was talking. Like she was just an obligation for people. Like Stacy had to take her in not because she wanted too but because she was family. How she's alone in the room because everyone is out with their families. She said it would have been the same thing here."

"Ah," Karen said, nodding her head.

"Ah what?" JC said exasperated when his mother failed to offer anything more.

"I understand that's all."

"Maybe you can explain it to me because I don't."

"Everyone evolves JC. Families evolve. Marrying your father having Heather and Tyler, adopting you. That was my family. Your father. You kids. You guys were all first. We broke off and started our own family traditions. It all didn't revolve around my parents or Roy's. We got together with my siblings and Roy's, but it wasn't a top priority. We wanted to create memories with our little family," Karen explained. "Now we've become our parents. You guys have families of your own.  Tyler is married with kids. Heather is married. You have a long term girlfriend. We're still your family. We're just not at the center circle anymore. We're in the outer circle. Same thing happened to Rachel and her family. Growing up the center of her circle was Jim, Diane, Stacy, and Lance. Everyone's grown. Stacy has a new center. So does Lance. Rachel has shifted to that outer circle. Stacy probably doesn't mean to not include her. She's just trying to create memories and have her family time with her husband and kids before they move off and create their own center. Unfortunately for Rachel, she doesn't have that center circle. She probably never realized it until this year when Lance and Stacy broke off to their own center family thing. She was on the outside looking in."

"That's not true," JC shook his head. "She does have a center circle."

"JC, sweetie," Karen said softly, putting a hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. "If you're putting yourself at Rachel's center think about what that means." She watched as JC's head dropped and his shoulders droop. Her heart went out to her son.

"Yeah." JC sighed.

"If you have feelings for her you're not being fair to Jennifer. Or to yourself."

"I didn't exactly plan for this to happen"

Karen smiled softly. "No one ever does.

*~*

"What's going on JC?" Jennifer asked as she pulled the nightgown over her head and brushed it over her body. It fell to the top of her thighs. It was satin and low cut. It was brand new. And JC hadn't even spared her a glance the whole time she was getting changed.

"Nothing." JC plugged his phone in. He checked it one more time. Still nothing from Rachel. He had tried to call her after dinner but she hadn't answered. A couple more tries throughout the evening yielded the same results. Either she was ignoring him or busy enjoying Christmas night. He would have bet on the latter but after the earlier phone call, he wasn't sure anymore. Sitting the phone down on the bedside table, he pulled the covers back and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Jennifer knelt on the bed and walked on her knees until she was behind JC. She wrapped her arms around his chest and kissed his ear. His long shoulder length hair - that she loved so much - tickled her chin. She nuzzled his ear as she pressed her chest against his back. She ran her hands over his chest and trailed them down his stomach until she reached the hem of his white t-shirt. He was wearing too many clothes with his white t-shirt and blue, green, and black plaid pajamas pants. Her hands slipped beneath the shirt seeking warm skin. She ran her hands over his stomach as she continued to place kisses on his neck. He tilted his head and she smiled against his skin.

JC closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in Jennifer's touches, but it wasn't working. It wasn't her face he was seeing. It wasn't her touch he was feeling. When her hands brushed against the front of his pants, he stopped her movements.

"JC?" Jennifer questioned catching herself on the bed when JC stood up and walked away. She nearly fell face first off the bed when he moved.

"I can't." JC said. He gripped the edge of the dresser with his hands until the knuckles turned white. He dropped his head.

"JC?" Jennifer asked softly. She climbed from the bed and walked over to him, placing a hand on his back. "It's okay. We don't have to. It's been a long day."

JC shook his head. His eyes were clenched shut. He hated this. He hated knowing he was going to hurt her. He hated knowing he had hurt Rachel and continued to hurt her every time he ignored her feelings for him. He didn't want to do this today - today of all days. Jennifer didn't ask for this. She didn't ask for her boyfriend to love two women. He did love her. He did. He just loved Rachel more. He wanted to be Rachel's center circle.

"What's wrong JC? You've been like this since dinner. I know my family can come on a little strong sometimes and I'm sorry about how they kept asking when we were getting married."

"I can't do this anymore." JC raised his head staring at the oval mirror hung on the wall above the dresser. He met Jennifer's eyes in the mirror and saw the apprehension cover her face. "I'm sorry.

"Can't do what?" Jennifer asked slowly even as she knew the answer. A pit opened up in her stomach and she felt a lump rise in her throat.  "JC..." her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer." JC stated again, his heart breaking.

"You're breaking up with me on Christmas." She asked feeling a tear escape and roll down her cheek.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that and tell me why." Jennifer snapped.

"I realized that while I love you, I don't love you enough. It's why I haven't asked you to marry me. I love you; I do. I just..." he sighed. "I love someone else more."

"It's Rachel isn't it?" Jennifer stared at him reading the answer in his eyes. "You told me you two were just friends. There was nothing between you."

"We are just friends.  There is nothing between us."

"Then why now? Why after all these years?"

"My mom said something that got me thinking."

"Unbelievable." Jennifer wiped her tears with her fingers. "Rachel was always better in your mom's eye. I was competing with her even though there was nothing going on."

"No you weren't." JC said harshly. "My mom loves you."

"Not as much as she loves Rachel." Jennifer laughed. "What did she say to make you dump me?"

"That's not what happened." JC said. "I didn't even realize... I didn't know..." he sighed and shook his head. He dropped his head looking down at the carpet. "I just realized something I may have always known. I just didn't see it."

"So it's the ‘its not you, it's me' speech," Jennifer laughing brokenly.

"No." JC said quickly. "Maybe. I don't know." He ran his fingers through his hair. Rachel hated it. She told him many times. Threatened him with scissors on multiple occasions. He pressed the heel of hands into his eyes. "I'm not being fair to you. Where I should be picturing you, I'm not. I thought I just wasn't ready to get married that when I was it would change. I know that wasn't the answer."

"I quit my job this year JC. I moved all the way to California to move in with you. Now you're doing this? You couldn't tell me this before I upended my life for a guy who apparently doesn't see me as his forever?" Tears streamed down her face. "Let me tell you, I saw you. I pictured you in all those moments. I saw you well into my future."

"I'm sorry Jennifer."

"Well that gets me nowhere. I'm at your parents' house, three thousand miles from home which isn't my home anymore." Jennifer tossed her hands in the air and spun away from JC. Going into the bathroom, she shut the door. Burying her face in the hand towel she grabbed from the towel rack, she started to cry.

JC stared at the closed door. His heart hurt hearing the muffled cries. He moved toward the door before he remembered he didn't have the right to comfort her tears. With a sigh he grabbed his glasses from the dresser and put them on his face. Taking his phone from the charger he left the room, closing the door softly behind him with barely a click.

The house was dark. The guests had long since left. His parents had gone to bed a couple hours before worn out from the long day. He and Jennifer had stayed up in the living room finishing "A Christmas Story" before going to bed. In the living room he turned on the Christmas tree. Its lights providing enough glow. He sunk down on the couch and buried his face in his hands, his fingers going beneath the glasses. This had not been the Christmas he had been expecting. The last thing he had expected was to break up with Jennifer. Hell the last thing he had expected was to realize his feelings for Rachel.

It was a mess. Jennifer had been right in one aspect. She had upended her life for him. Quit her job here in Orlando. Left her family and friends and moved in with him in California. Nothing had changed for him. Nothing will change after this. Jennifer, on the other hand, was at her ex-boyfriend's parents' house. Everything she own was 3000 miles away in California. A house she wouldn't go back to. At least to live. The next time she would walk in to his house would be to pick up her things.

It would probably be best for him to extend his time in Florida with his parents. That would allow Jennifer to go back to California and gather her things without him being there. He felt bad enough to go back to California and help her move out and get her things to wherever she wanted them. If only he had realized what Rachel meant to him before he asked Jennifer to move in with him. If he had realized before he started the long distance relationship with Jennifer after breaking up with his previous girlfriend, Kathryn, today would have been much different. Rachel would have been here with him in Florida and not in Colorado. He wouldn't have had to rescind the invitation to spend the holidays with him and his family because she was family. She would have been his family. They would have been each other's center. He wouldn't be plagued with the feeling that something was wrong with her from a phone call. She would have been with him. They would have been with curled together in the bedroom upstairs. Better yet, they would have been laying together on the couch blanketed in the glow of the Christmas tree lights.

2018 was closing out a heckuva lot different than it had started.

JC turned at a sound behind him and saw Jennifer coming down the stairs. She had changed in to jeans and a zip up hoodie. In her hands she carries her suitcases. He immediately stood. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go to my parents." Jennifer said sitting the luggage down by the front door.

"You don't have to do that." JC stated.

"It's for the best. I can't stay here. Not after..." Jennifer's voice wobbled and she tried to bit back the tears. "I'm gonna take the rental... I'll get it back to you tomorrow since you signed for it."

"Jennifer..."

"Please don't JC," Jennifer said softly.

"I really am sorry Jennifer."

"That doesn't mean anything to me right now." Jennifer unlocked the front door and pulled it open. The alarm started to beep. She watched as JC quickly jump to the keypad and enter in the code to disarm the system. Picking up her suitcases she walked outside, aware that JC was following her. "Please go back inside JC."

"Please let me help you."

"You've done enough."

JC bit back another apologize and forced himself to watch Jennifer load her suitcases into the back of the mid sized SUV.

Jennifer pulled open the driver's side door and paused before she climbed in. "I'll call you in a few days to work out what to do with my things." She didn't wait for a reply just climbed into the vehicle and closed the door.

JC watched Jennifer back down the driveway. He watched until the taillights were out of sight. Only then did he make his way back inside where he reset the alarm. When he turned around he nearly jumped out of his skin seeing his mother.

"What's going on? Why were you outside?" Karen asked. "Is everything okay?"

JC shook his head. "Jennifer and I broke up."

"Oh JC," Karen gasped taking a step forward. She stopped when JC held up his hand.

"It's okay." JC didn't need his mother fawning over him. He needed to be by himself. "I'm okay. Just go back to bed."

"JC..."

JC met his mother's eye and forced himself to smile. "I'm okay. I promise. I just need to be alone."

"Okay." Karen relented with a frown. "If you need me..."

"I know Mom," JC smiled and kissed her cheek. "Night.

When his mother disappeared back upstairs, JC collapsed on the couch with a sigh.

*~*

JC pushed the door open to his parents' house. He had borrowed his mom's car earlier. His rental had been sitting in the driveway when he returned and he wondered when Jennifer had brought it back. If she had been the one or if someone else did. Dropping his mother's keys back in her purse he found his parents in the living room. His father sat in his recliner, still in his pajamas, a cup of coffee on the table beside him. Roy had declared it a recovery day. He hadn't planned on doing anything that required getting dressed. Even as he said it, his face was awash in happiness at the memories from yesterday surrounded by all his children and grandchildren. His mother sat on end of the couch closest to her husband, reading glasses on her face, a new book she had received yesterday on her lap. She was already a third of the way through.

"Are you hungry Sweetie?" Karen asked as she looked up from her book when she heard JC enter the room. Her eyes widened in surprise. Gone was the shoulder length hair JC had been sporting for a last year and a half. It was back to the faded style he usually wore cut a little shorter.

"I'm good," JC took a seat on the couch. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation played on TV. He could feel his mother's eyes on him. "I'm fine Mom."

"You sure?" Karen asked, staring at JC unable to believe that he had cut his hair. She'd been after him for months to cut it.

"I'm sure." JC answered as he kept his eyes on the TV. "Who brought back the rental?"

"I didn't know it was back. No one came to the door." Karen looked at him, shutting her book. "They must have left the keys in the car."

JC nodded.

"Do you want to go and do something?" Karen asked her son after they sat in the silence; the only sound came from the TV and Roy's occasional chuckle. "I'm sure we can pry your father out of the recliner."

"Don't count on it," Roy said, his eyes on the TV and his movie.

Karen rolled her eyes affectionately. "Don't listen to him."

"I'm fine Mom. Besides," he turned his head to look at her with a smile. "You know Dad isn't getting out of that chair for nothing today."

"I have my ways." She winked at JC.

JC laughed. He was sure his mother did. The movie didn't hold his interest at it usually did. After a few minutes he pushed up from the couch and walked from the room ignoring his parents' looks. Upstairs he noticed the bed had been striped and remade with fresh sheets. His mother's doing. Jennifer's perfume still hung in the room. The scent was feint, but he could still smell it. He missed her, but not like he should. He caught sight of himself in the oval mirror and stared at his reflection. Since he'd gotten his hair cut that morning he kept running a hand through it shocked that there was nothing left. It was a surprised to reach the end a lot sooner than he anticipated. Cutting his hair had been a snap decision. He's gone out for a drive to try to clear his head. He hit the first Starbucks drive thru he came to for the largest black coffee he could find. Then drove aimlessly through the streets. Seeing a Great Clips, he pulled in on a whim and was in the chair before he could even think. Great Clips was a far cry from where he usually got his hair cut, but they had done a good job.

Rachel hadn't messaged him yet. Not even a simple good morning or GIF depicting what she thought about going skiing again. He had half a notion to fly to Colorado; had driven by the airport twice that morning without even meaning to. Like subconsciously that's what his mind was telling him to do. Her Facebook and Instagram were dark. Except for a generic Merry Christmas posted yesterday, there hadn't been any posts since she'd posted a photo of them during dinner at her place the night before he flew out to Orlando. He found it odd there weren't photos of her on Christmas with her sister or her niece and nephews. She hadn't been tagged in any photos by Stacy or Leighton even though they had posted a lot of photos from their Christmas trip so far. It was weird and further solidified in his mind that something was wrong. What could he do though? He couldn't leave his family and go to Colorado. He'd been looking forward to this trip for months, being able to spend a full two weeks with his parents and siblings.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he quickly pulled it out before sighing. His shoulders slumped in defeat seeing Lance's name on the caller ID instead of Rachel's.

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Where the heck is my sister?" Lance asked in lieu of hello. "Is she ignoring my messages? You didn't let her have uncontrolled access to the wine did you? You know how she is. Is she passed out right now?"

JC frowned confused. "What are you talking about?"

"My sister, JC. Can you please get her for me?"

"Why do you think I'd be able to get her?" He grew more confused.

"Because she's with you in Orlando."

"No she's not." A pit grew in JC's stomach at the silence on the phone.

"What do you mean she's not with you?" Lance asked slowly. "You invited her to Orlando for the the holidays. If she's not with you, then where is she."

"She's in Colorado with Stacy." His answer drew even more silence.

"This isn't funny JC." Lance said evenly. "Jokes over. Ha. Ha. Ha. Now put my sister on the phone."

"It's not a joke. Rachel didn't come home with me. She went to Colorado."

"JC... Rachel is not in Colorado. I know this. I talked to Stacy yesterday. When she told me she had already called Rachel who was having a good time in Orlando...with you. Which is what she told me when I called."

Dread set in. "I called her yesterday and she told me what she was doing in Colorado."

"Hold on," Lance said. "Don't hang up." He pulled the phone from his ear and tap the add call and entered his sister's number. He waited through the rings, his foot taping impatiently.

"Hello?"

"It's Lance," he said quickly when Stacy answered. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, we're just getting ready to hit the slopes. What's up?"

"I got JC on the line, I'm gonna connect us." Lance barely heard Stacy's confused ‘okay' as he took the phone away from his ear and merged the calls. "JC?"

"I'm here."

"What's going on Lance?" Stacy asked after exchanging pleasantries with JC.

"Is Rachel with you in Colorado?"

"This is a joke right?" Stacy laughed. "Rachel's in Orlando with JC. I wish she was here. I love Ford's family to death, but there is a reason we don't spend a lot of time with them. Consecutively. If she is tired of Orlando and wants to come here, I will gladly pick her up from the airport and she can crash on the couch. It will give me a break from Ford's sisters."

"Rachel's not there?" JC asked weakly.

"No." Stacy said and grew serious. "What's going on?"

"Rachel didn't come with me to Orlando," JC said and explained why to the Bass siblings.

"She never told me she wasn't going with you. She never even asked to come along."

"Damnit," Lance cursed. He was angry. Rachel had lied to him. Had made him believe she was Orlando with JC. Made him believe she had somewhere to go for the holidays once everyone had other plans fall into their laps.

"If Rachel's not in Orlando like we thought, where is she?"

‘You're spending the holidays with your family and I'm with mine.'

JC leaned his elbow on his knee as he rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. Using that hand he wiped it down his face.

‘Unfortunately for Rachel, she doesn't have that center circle... She was on the outside looking in.'

Rachel had lied. She wasn't with her family for the holidays. That's why it was quiet during his phone call. It wasn't because everyone was out. It was because no one had been there. She was alone.