It didn't take long to find Gorgeous You.  Chris pulled in to a spot in the parking lot that sat at the end of the block. He didn't immediately get out; just sat in the car with the radio on and the air conditioner blowing. Not a lot of things made him nervous. This made him nervous. There was a lot riding on what would happen over the course of the next... hell he didn't know. It could take him longer to walk down the sidewalk to the boutique then he would spend in Melissa's presence. She could very well toss him out on his ear the moment he darkened her doorway.

Maybe that's what was stopping him from getting out of his vehicle and going to see her. Sitting in his car, he was like Schrodinger's cat. He was both dead and alive right now. Until he actually saw Melissa, he could still hold out hope for their relationship. Once he saw her and she gave a negative reaction, it was over. The mistakes he made in the past were too much to overcome. There would be no coming back. No happy ending. He would have to live with the regret forever.

Chris almost wished it was high school again. Then he could send one of his friends to see how receptive Melissa would be of him. If one of the guys still lived in Orlando, he could send one of them into the shop. Hell he would even send Rachel if he knew it would get him the information he wanted. Anything that would help him so he wasn't flying blind. Anything that would let him know if he was about to get his heart broken.

Dear Chris, grow some balls.

He bet his younger self would have loved to read that line. He could imagine his younger self snorting and grabbing his crotch giving it a wiggle as if to say, ‘I got some right here'.  To be young and dumb again. Where his dick made all the decisions and his heart stayed out of things. It had been simpler then. The heart certainly had a tendency to make a mess of things. Of course maybe if his heart had been louder ten years ago and drowned out his brain, he wouldn't be in the mess in the first place.

The Florida heat hit him in the face when Chris climbed from the car. He locked the doors using the key fob before pocketing the keys. The sidewalk was clear and for that he was thankful. He wasn't in the mood chit chat with anyone who might recognize him. With one foot in front of the other, it wasn't long before he was standing outside Gorgeous You. The store had windows spanning from top to bottom. He couldn't linger without being seen. The last thing he needed was the cops called on him. Taking a deep breath he opened the door.

"I'll be out in a minute," Melissa called when she heard the bell chime on the door, signaling she had a customer. She was in the back room moving boxes around from the new inventory that just arrived that morning. After Labor Day, they tried to put out more winter stuff for tourists to take back home with them. The majority of the store was still summer items for most of the year since it was Florida. She loved giving the customers options. She always hated walking in to a store in September looking for a new pair of sandals or shorts and be met with snow boots and pants. It was Florida. She and Val didn't want to totally take away the summer gear, but they added an extra rack or two of items their customers could wear in the fall.

One of these years, she would make it back north for fall. She missed being in a place where she could enjoy wearing sweaters paired with leggings and boots. Doing that in Florida made her feel ridiculous. She wanted to drink that hot coffee in front of a fire place while the cold wind blew outside the window. She wanted to see the leaves changing colors. She hadn't been north since her last trip with Chris. It had been one of their things. Traveling to Pittsburgh to visit family, catch a Steelers game, and immerse themselves with fall.

Sliding the last box where she wanted it, she wiped a hand across her forehead. She would have to wait to open the boxes until the customer left. It was exciting when merchandise arrived. She knew how it looked on paper, but it always looked so much better when she could physically hold an article in her hand. Then she could imagine what she'd dress up one of the mannequins with and how she'd change the window display. Brushing her hands, she turned away from the room and walked down the short hallway, past the lone family bathroom and the two dressing rooms.

Melissa spotted the customer immediately. He was browsing through one of the racks of tourist trinkets that no good Orlando store was without. "I'm sorry about that. Was there anything I can help you find?"

"You think this is me?"

Melissa was frozen in spot as the customer turned away from display and faced her. For the first time in since she walked out of his house, she was standing face to face with Chris. Time stood still. She was certain her mouth was open, but she couldn't get her brain to work. The connections between her brain and muscles had shorted out.

"I don't even have to shave my back hair in this," Chris said looking down at the blouse he held up in front of him. "Might need a good push up bra though." He raised his head back up to look at Melissa, who was still frozen in front of him. He knew he'd catch her off guard. He didn't expect to render her speechless.

"I..." Melissa start, trying to get her brain to work correctly again. "I don't...what are you doing here?"

"Shopping," Chris said, trying to keep the conversation light. He didn't want to go deep too quickly. That might not work out for him. On the other hand, maybe he should just jump in with both feet.

Dear Chris, seriously. Grow a fucking pair.

"Shopping," Melissa replied, dumbly.

"Yup. I got this shirt and I thought about this hat." Melissa watched him place a hat she hadn't even known he'd been holding on his head. It was a straw fedora with a black band. "And these sunglasses." He placed the oversized flat top frame sunglasses. He looked downright ridiculous. She wanted to giggle and had to stop herself. They weren't in that place anymore. If they were, she would have grabbed one of the scarves from of the mannequins and wrapped it around his neck to complete the look. That wasn't them. Not anymore.

"What are you doing here Chris?"

"Failing apparently," Chris sighed and took the items off his person and put them on the table holding folded shirts.

"I don't know what you mean?" She picked up his discarded items and started putting them back where they belonged. It gave her something to do. It also allowed her to get away from Chris. He always had some sort of pull over her body. From the moment they first meet, she just gravitated to him. That apparently was still the case.

"I came here to talk to you. I needed to say some things." Chris watched as she started folding shirts that didn't need to be folded. He wanted to go over to her and take her hands; make her stop fidgeting and pay attention to him. Once again he reminded himself that he didn't have the right.

"After ten years, I'm not sure what we have to say to each other."

"You might not have anything to say to me..."

"Oh I have plenty to say to you," Melissa interrupted him.

"I probably deserve every last word. If you want, I will stand here and let you say every single one of them. I won't even interrupt. Not once. I won't even dispute any of your claims. You can even insult my manhood, my Steelers and my dog. I draw the line at my momma. You can't insult her."

Melissa lips twitched and it took all the strength she had not to let a smile appear on her face. "I loved your mom. Probably more than I loved you. I would have gladly taken her in the break up."

"Trust me, she would have taken you over me." Chris's mom had been angry when Chris informed his family that he and Melissa were no longer seeing each other. "After we broke up, she wouldn't talk to me for a month. Even now there's still a look in her eye that tells me I am the biggest dumbass in the world. I know she means it lovingly... Least I think so anyway."

Chris fell silent as he stared at Melissa. He didn't know what to say. Well he knew what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how to say it. Conversation had never been a problem between the two of them. Now, there was so much on the line. The rest of his future was riding on this one moment. If he put his heart out there, would she accept it? Would she take him back? If he put his heart out there, would she rip it in half, toss it to the floor and stomp on it?

Dear Chris, be a man.

"So I, uhm," he rubbed the back of his head. "I did this thing for Billboard... we all did... the group... Joey, Lance, JC, and Justin... we had to write these letters to our younger selves."

"I know."

Those two words took the wind out of Chris's sails. She knew he had written a letter. She didn't care that he poured out his heart, pleading with his younger self to not mess it up, to not lose her. "Oh." He tucked his hands in the pocket of his jeans and looked at the floor. Fuck. Broken hearts really did hurt.

"Why did you come here?" Melissa asked the question again. She clenched her hands into fists in order to stop herself from reaching out. She wasn't ready to forgive him. Just like she had told Val, Chris words came ten years too late. Behind him, she saw the yellow legal pad sitting on the counter next the register. She knew what was on that page. She spent the morning making out her pros and cons before the truck had arrived with the new inventory.

"I came here to apologize for how I hurt you at the end of our relationship and when we broke up. I wish I could say I was young and dumb, but I was old enough to know better," Chris told her truthfully. "I struggled writing that letter. I must have tore through an entire notebook trying to write that letter to myself. Nothing seemed right. I could have written what everyone expected about getting a lawyer, not letting myself get too down for not making it in the Backstreet Boys that something much better would come along. I could have talked about clothing choices and hair choices, even facial hair. There were a million things I could have written about in regards to my professional life. But when I thought of you... none of that other stuff mattered. If was you. You were that biggest regret I had, that if I could only tell myself one thing in the past, it would be to not let you go. I could take all the other regrets I had; could live with them. The only regret I couldn't live with was you."

"Took you ten years to figure out you couldn't live without me?" Melissa huffed and spun on her heel. She reached out, straightening a rack, moving the hangers around until they were back in order by size. "That makes me feel real loved."

Chris sighed and rubbed his face. "I know I don't look good. Nothing about this situation makes me look good. No matter how it's spun, I always come out looking like something a cat puked up. I know that. Everything about our break up was completely, 100 percent, without a doubt, my fault. I own that. I will never refute it. It's my fault. I made the mistake of thinking I didn't want a wife and kids. I made the mistake of thinking you'd always be there. I made the mistake of not realizing I held everything in my hand that day. I could have said the words and made you stay. But I didn't and you didn't. The only mistake you made was love me."

"Damnit Chris," Melissa said, when she felt the tears fill her eyes.

"I know." Chris didn't want her to cry. He didn't want to bring her any more pain that he already had. He wasn't sure if he should keep digging or to throw in the towel and walk away. While she hadn't thrown him out, she hadn't been very receptive of him. She didn't look like the woman who was just going to open her arms and accept him back.

Chris looked around the store while he tried to quickly decide if he was gonna go all in or cut and run. He was proud of Melissa and what she accomplished with the store. When his sister's came to visit over the holidays, he was gonna tell them about the store. He was sure they'd like it. A notepad on the counter behind him caught his attention. He could see his name scribbled on it. He peeked at Melissa, seeing her not looking at him. With a slight step he reached out and turned the note pad around so he could read.

Taking a pen out of the vase, he quickly scribbled a bullet point. Laying the pen down on the pad, he turned away from the counter and started for the door. "I think I should go. I just wanted to tell you how I feel. You have a really nice place here. I'm proud of you." With one final look toward Melissa, he left the store.

Melissa wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. Her heart ached and she wanted to run out the door and chase Chris down. She wanted to call out his name, making him stop and turn around. Then she wanted to run down the sidewalk and jump into his arms. She wanted to hug her arms around his neck. She wanted to feel his arms wrapped tightly around him. She wanted to bury her face in his neck and find out if he still smelled the same. She wanted to thread her fingers through his hair, cupping the back of his head and drag his lips to hers. She wanted to see if there would still be a jolt when his lips touched hers. She wanted it all.

But she didn't do it. She didn't go toward the door. Instead she turned around and walked toward the back of the store, intending to finish the inventory job. When she got to the counter she saw the legal pad had been moved. With trepidation she took a step forward and slowly moved the pen off the pad so she could look. There at the bottom of the page in the pro column was Chris's messy scroll.

Chris loves you and will always love you until the very last breath leaves his body.