Kelsey was always nervous at awards shows. She always tried to brush it off as though it wasn’t a big deal and she’d been nominated so many times now that she should’ve been used to it, but it never failed. Every time she walked down the red carpet her heart beat against her chest and no matter how calm she appeared on the outside, on the inside she felt like she was going to throw up.

She wore a pink, strapless taffeta gown that hit her just above her ankles. It had been designed by Vera Wang and when Kelsey had gone to get fitted, Vera herself told Kelsey she would look like she stepped right out of the year 1988, the year that Rumors had made its original debut.

She’d had her brown hair done up into a high ponytail and wore jewelry expressive of the early sixties. She waved to the camera and smiled like the pro that she was. But inside, Kelsey wanted to find a bathroom and fast.

“Kelsey! How do you feel about being nominated?” A reporter from CBS stuck a microphone in her face as she was looking at another camera. She hated that question. It seemed as though it was the most uncreative way of asking someone a redundant question.

Kelsey turned on her charm, looked at the reporter and replied, “I feel great! I just love being around all of these Broadway vets and legends tonight so the nomination was the cherry on top.”

She answered a few more questions - all of them seemingly shallow- and went to meet up with her date.

Her date was her friend, Barry Finkel, a fellow Broadway actor who’d just signed on to play “King George” in Hamilton. He met her at the entrance of the auditorium of Radio City.

“You look gorgeous, babe.” Barry winked at her and Kelsey smiled. She was grateful that his boyfriend, Lukas, who was also an actor and filming a movie out in Vancouver, had let Barry go with her to the awards ceremony.

“I’m a nervous wreck,” Kelsey muttered to him and they went to find their seats.

“You’ve been nominated before.” Barry reminded her.

“I know but it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m nervous.” Kelsey took Barry’s arm and they walked into the lobby of Radio City Music Hall. It was swarming with women in beautiful gowns and updo’s.

Kelsey and Barry were seated towards the front just behind Neil Patrick Harris and his husband and in front of Laurie Metcalf and her date. She nervously tapped her foot and sat back, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

~

Sabrina never watched the Tony’s. Not because she didn’t want to, but because it was one of those awards shows she forgot about. Tonight, however, Aria had reminded her that Kelsey was up for a Tony nomination and Sabrina knew that’s what they’d be watching that night.

Kelsey looked pretty in her dress and updo, Sabrina had to admit. She was seated next to someone Sabrina had never seen her with before and Aria informed her that it was a good friend from the theatre world. The camera would pan the audience and Sabrina could spot Kelsey every single time because of how close she was sitting to the front. It had been over fourteen years, but every time she thought about Kelsey, it still made her feel defeated.

She often wondered what it was that Kelsey possessed that had made JC even think twice about her. Of course now she knew that JC was never meant to be with just one person, even if he was engaged again. He was the most non-committal man she’d ever been with.

Except when he had been with her, he’d been committed. When he found out she was pregnant with Aria, it was a shock, but they’d made it work. She would have never guessed him to be the type to fall for the first woman who threw herself at him because she’d seen been there when fans threw themselves at him or when he’d been backstage at Miss Teen USA and all the beauty queens who’d fawned over him and he’d politely declined.

She’d thought about what Kelsey did over and over again. How could she even bear to show her face after JC and Sabrina had divorced? She’d been outed as the “other woman” and yet she seemed to feel no remorse at the fact that she and JC were splayed all over every trashy tabloid magazine.

Then there was the first time Aria had spent time with JC and Kelsey alone and the entire weekend, Sabrina hadn’t been able to sleep because she was scared to death that three-year-old Aria would come home and want to go live with her father permanently. Of course that hadn’t happened and when Aria had come back to Sabrina’s, she’d simply told her mother that Kelsey was nice and she’d had chocolate ice cream for dessert every night.

Sabrina wasn’t in love with JC. She hadn’t been for quite some time now. But he was the father of her child and there was always going to be that bond between them whether he wanted to admit it or not.

~

Kelsey took in a breath and let it out slowly. Her award was coming up soon and even though she had told herself over and over again she wasn’t going to win, she still couldn’t help but be a little nervous. She checked her purse again for her speech and just as she took it out, Renee Elise Goldsberry came out to announce the nominees for Best Actress in a Play. Kelsey squeezed Barry’s arm, but also remembered to look calm and collected for whenever the camera might zoom in on her.

Renee read the names off and when she said Kelsey’s name, there was a huge eruption of applause and cheering. Kelsey just smiled and shook her head, waving a little at the camera.

She was suddenly transported back to 2003, when she and JC had first made an appearance at the Teen Choice Awards together. She had been going through her “edgy” phase and had worn a pair of leather pants that were held together by white string criss crossing up and down her thighs. Her top had been a white kerchief shirt so low cut that she’d had to tape her breasts to the fabric. She remembered walking on the red carpet with JC, freshly separated from Sabrina, and being hoarded by photographers and paparazzi. They had brooded at the cameras together, and at one point, Kelsey had reached up to kiss JC’s lips just as a camera was thrust in her face. That had been the picture that had been splattered on every single tabloid, entertainment, and teen magazine and had ultimately “outed” them, this time for the whole world to see.

Back then she hadn’t cared. She was young, naive, and all she cared about was herself. It had never once fazed her that she was breaking up a marriage. She’d gotten what she wanted and hadn’t thought twice about it.

Kelsey cringed at her past behavior (and her wardrobe). Her thoughts were interrupted as she looked around the auditorium and saw it was hushed because Renee was about to announce the winner.

“And the Tony Award goes to….” There was that long, pregnant pause always given at these ceremonies before Renee continued. She smiled when she saw the name on the card. “Kesley Morrissey, Rumors.”

“Oh my god.” Kelsey almost felt as though she was having an out of body experience. She kissed Barry and felt her legs walking her up toward the stage. She passed Bernadette Peters, freaking Broadway royalty, and nearly tripped on Christine Ebersole’s gown. Catching her breath, Kelsey clutched the speech in her hand as she made her way onto the stage and looked out among Broadway’s finest.

She hugged Renee, took the beautiful statue from her and held it close as if it were her child. She could feel her breath catching in her throat and she was trying her best to find her voice.

Kelsey had often told people that on stage and in front of the camera she was a different persona. It was time for that persona to take over because she had less than a second to start her speech.

“Wow.” It was the first word that the microphone picked up. “Ok. Wow. Um, I have a speech.” The audience chuckled as Kelsey opened the piece of paper now drenched in sweat from her palm. “Ok, I’ll make this fast.” She listed the director, the playwright, the production company, the cast, a few crew, her agent, her manager, her assistant. She took a breath and looked at the camera. “And finally, I want to thank my sweet son, Beckett and my step-daughter, Aria for being my two biggest fans. I love you both so much.”

The music began to play, Kelsey stepped away from the microphone, and was escorted backstage.

And just like that, Kelsey was a Tony Award Winning Actress.

~

“OMG MOM!” Aria was squealing and jumping up and down on the sofa as if she were seven and not seventeen. “She thanked me! She thanked me!”

“I know,” Sabrina was forcing a smile and trying hard to hide the way she was feeling inside. Her stomach felt as though someone had punched her. Not hard. But hard enough. She groaned inwardly while watching Aria squeal with delight over and over again.

Why was it such a big deal? So Kelsey had thanked Aria...so what? Aria wasn’t her step-daughter anymore, that was “what.” Everyone knew JC Chasez and Kelsey Morrissey had been divorced for a long time now. And word was out about him and Tinsley now, anyway.

It was that Kelsey had said “step-daughter” and it brought back that awful, gut-wrenching memory of seeing pictures of Aria with JC and Kelsey on vacation in Maui. Of Aria eating brunch in LA with JC and Kelsey and the caption reading “JC Chasez and Kelsey Morrissey enjoy a brunch in Malibu with their daughter.” It had wrecked her and made her want to throw up for weeks after she’d seen it. Kelsey Morrissey had snatched JC from Sabrina and had taken Aria with her.

It really wasn’t until Aria was about ten or eleven that Sabrina finally came to terms with it all. And even after Kelsey and JC had divorced, Sabrina still found it hard to think about Kelsey in anything other than in a negative light.

“Mom?”

Sabrina looked up at Aria, who’d stopped celebrating and was looking at her mother quizzically. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?” Aria asked and Sabrina knew she never could get anything past her daughter.

“Yes, honey, just thinking.” Sabrina refused to say anything more, but knew that Aria had suspected something because she muttered about the Tony’s being boring now that Kelsey’s award was done and changed the channel.

Later that night as Sabrina crawled into bed, she reached for her phone and scrolled through Facebook looking at pictures of Kelsey and a few of their mutual friends backstage at the Tony’s. Kelsey was beaming and laughing as she held up her Tony statue.

“Congrats,” Sabrina mumbled, and then she couldn’t help but finish with, “Bitch.”