Jake knew he owed his mother an apology. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, but it was a conversation that was long overdue. He decided to surprise her at work with lunch.

“This is nice. What brings you here?” Liz Matthews looked up and smiled at her son.

“I can’t spend time with my mom now?”

“Of course you can. You just haven’t been doing much of that lately.”

“I know. I’m sorry about that. I came to apologize.”

“You brought all of my favorites. What did you do to warrant all of this?”

I hurt you and dad in ways I never intended to. I was selfish and only thought of my feelings without taking others into account. “

They both knew what he was talking about without either saying a word.

“It’s not only your fault. We should have told you earlier.”

“You were trying to protect me. I understand that now.”

“Are you going to look for her? Your father told me about the letter and pictures.”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know if I want to anymore.”

“We’ll be on your side no matter what decision you make.”

“Thanks, mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Jake.”

If his friends thought he was bad BEFORE their break, that was nothing compared to how he was AFTER it. J.C. was an absolute terror both in and out of the studio.

They tried to get him to open up about what was wrong but that just made him close off even more. When they reached out to his family they were told they didn’t want to violate his privacy and he’d have to tell them himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to them, he just didn’t know how. He felt lost and didn’t know who to turn to. So he turned to the only thing he could trust: music.

Lost

Lost in a world all my own

With no one to call

No where to turn

Who can I turn to

I feel all alone

Everything is falling apart

Especially my heart

Crumbling into a million pieces

How do I put it back together when I feel so lost

Lost in a world all my own

With no one to call

No where to turn

Who can I turn to

I feel all alone

No friends, no family

They don’t understand

What it’s like to be me

In a foreign land

I need guidance

But I cannot see

Could it be

Right in front of me

Chorus

Please someone help me

I don’t know what to do

Who do I turn to

I’m afraid of what I might find

Of who I am now

Of what I’ve left behind

Unbeknownst to him, J.C. had a studio audience listening to his recording session. He saved it for later and walked out of the studio.

“J.C. do you?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? It might help.”

“No!”

“Do you mind playing it for us?”

“Yes, I do. That’s not going to happen.”

“Why?”

“It’s private.”

“You recorded it in a public studio.”

“That’s because I can’t afford one of my own yet.”

The look on JC’s face indicated that they needed to drop the subject or there would be hell to pay and no one wanted that. Whatever was bothering him was something he needed to work out on his own.

His biological mother lived in Orlando. And his parents kept it from him. For five years. They gave him her contact information in case he wanted to use it, but should he?

He didn’t want to call her out of the blue. His mom said they were asked not to tell him when she moved there. He was sure there was a reason for that. Maybe she was trying to protect both his and her privacy? Did he really want to interrupt that?

But his curiousness got the best of him. Especially since they lived so close. He didn’t think he could go on tour with his mind as unsettled as it was. He had to try.

J.C. hesitated as he picked up the phone to call her. A male voice answered.

“Hello?”

J.C. froze. He wasn’t expecting this. But he pulled together his composure and responded.

“Um, hi. My name is Josh. I’m looking for Kathleen Sawyer?”

“She’s not here right now. I’m her husband Michael. Is there something I can help you with?”

“No. Well, actually, can you give her this number and tell her I’m in town for the next two weeks if she wants to talk or meet up?”

“Why do you need to meet or talk to my wife?” he asked quizzically.

“I wish I could answer that but I can’t. You’ll have to ask her.”

Michael sounded even more confused by J.C.’s reply, but agreed to pass the message along anyway.

A few days later he got a phone call from her asking to meet for lunch. She had the same brown hair and cobalt eyes as he did and a similar cheek structure. He recognized her right away. She didn’t see him, so he slowly walked over to the table where she was sitting, waiting for him.

“Kathleen?”

She looked up and met his eyes. “Josh?”

They both smiled at one another. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You haven’t been waiting for me long have you?” J.C. asked.

He always tried to be punctual wherever he went, whether it was personal or professional and hated when people were late to meet him.

“No. I just got here myself.” Kathleen answered.

J.C. sat down as a waitress came over and handed them menus.

“I was surprised to get your phone call. I follow your career. I know how busy you’ve been lately.”

It was nice to hear that she cared; even if it was from a distance.

“I wasn’t sure whether I should. Things have been kind of upended in my family since I decided to start looking for you. I didn’t want to do that to you and your family. I didn’t. Did I?” he asked apprehensively.

“Unintentionally, yes. I hadn’t told my husband or children about you or Jacob. He was upset, but my children are excited to have two older brothers.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to . . .I wanted to tell him when we spoke, but didn’t feel like it was my place.”

“You were right to do that. Don’t be sorry. I should have told him a long time ago.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“That was a tough time in my life. I wanted to keep you both, but I knew I wasn’t capable of doing so. Things were hard even when it was just the two of us. Putting you in Roy and Karen’s care was the best thing I could have done for you. And it looks like they raised you well.”

J.C. smiled. “They did. Thank you. May I ask you something? My mom said you raised me until I was five but I have no memory of you. The only pictures I have are the ones with my adoption papers and the letter you left me.”

“As I’m sure your parents have told you by now, I came to visit you a few times after they adopted you, but after awhile it got too painful, and so I stopped. Another reason I stopped coming around was because it would confuse you when I did. You weren’t sure whether to call me or Karen mommy and whoever you did call that would hurt the other.”

That made sense. JC hadn’t thought about that.

“I kept a memory book so that I’d have something to look at when I missed you. I go through it mostly on your birthday. I had it duplicated just in case you wanted one.”

JC slowly opened the wrapped box that had been handed to him. Inside he found a white book with the word MEMORIES on it. On one hand he wanted to open it right then and there; on the other he wanted to do so in private. He decided to wait.

Thank you for this. It really means a lot that you would do this for me.”

“You’re welcome. I was glad to do it and happy that you’d accept the gift. I wasn’t sure if you’d want it.”

“Can we keep in touch?” J.C. asked sheepishly. “I might be able to call sometimes, but not a lot since we’ll be overseas first and that can get expensive. I’m horrible at email, but I’d like to try.”

“Of course you can. I’d love that. Do you . . .May I have a hug?”

J.C. obliged and gave her a hug before they parted ways once again.