It took about two weeks, an eternity for Jake, but he finally had his medical records in his hands. Much to his surprise, they went all the way back to his infancy, because his parents had requested them when he first got sick. As he was going through them, there was a knock on his door.

“Come in.”

Ron Matthews poked his head through the door.

“Hi, son. May I come in? I have something for you.”

“Yeah, sure. What is it?”

“Something you’ve been asking me and your mother for, for years. Your adoption records.”

Jake’s eyes widened when his father handed them to him.

“What made you change your mind?”

“When you got sick we were terrified. Even more so after your relapse, because we knew there was no way we could help you. That’s a hard thing for a parent to grasp.”

“You could have told me.”

“We were scared we were going to lose you, just like we are now. But you deserve to know.”

“You’re not losing me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“It doesn’t feel that way. Ever since we told you, we’ve felt like you’ve been slowly slipping away from us. Maybe we should have been more open with you, but your biological mother made it clear she wanted no contact at all. We were trying to respect her wishes and protect you at the same time. The only thing she asked was that we not change your name.”

“What do you mean?”

“She named you, we didn’t.”

“Really?”

“Yes. There’s something else I have to give you.”

He pulled out an envelope with Jacob’s name on it.

“She wanted us to give this to you when we thought you were ready.”

My Dearest Jacob,

I don’t know where to begin except to say that I love you very much. It’s breaking my heart to have to give you away, especially since I’m keeping your brother. Please know that it’s not your fault. I just can’t take care of both of you right now. I wish I could. I know you probably have a million questions, so I left instructions with the adoption agency to unseal your records on your 21st birthday, just in case you want to look for me. Maybe we’ll both be ready by then.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. Here are some pictures of me with you and your brother, Joshua.

Jake couldn’t believe it. He had a brother! Not only that, he had a twin brother! She was right about one thing. He had so many questions. How could she give him away and keep his brother? Where was his brother? Had he grown up in Maryland or another state like Jacob had? Did he have brothers and sisters or was he an only child, too? Did she have any more children?

“Jake are you okay?”

He immediately started crying and handed his father the letter and pictures. “No.”

“I’m so sorry, Jake.”

“How could she keep him and give me away? Why would she think I’d want to meet her after finding that out?”

“At least now you have closure.”

Except he didn’t feel like he did.

Kathleen Sawyer. JC stared at the name on the piece of paper in front of him. That was the name on the adoption papers his parents had given him. It had her former address and phone number, too. 

When he’d spoken to the owners of her house they said they hadn’t seen or spoken to her since they bought it. Why would they? Her phone number had been changed as well.

Since they were on a brief break from recording, he was back home in Maryland to spend time with family. He hoped he could find her in the white pages, if she even still lived there.

Much to J.C.’s surprise, there were several Kathleen Sawyers in Maryland. Where was he supposed to start? Should he pick at random or go down the line? Either way, what was he going to say?

“Hi, I’m Josh. I think you gave me up for adoption 20 years ago. Would you like to meet?” That sounded a little creepy to him.

“She doesn’t live here anymore.”

J.C. turned around to see his mother standing at the door.

“Where does she live?”

“Florida.”

“What part of Florida?”

“Orlando.”

“Orlando? All this time I’ve been living in the same city as her and you didn’t tell me?”

“She didn’t want us to.”

“How long has she lived there and how long have you known?”

“Five years ago when her job transferred her. She called to let us know so we wouldn’t be shocked if we saw her in town.”

“Why -?”

“*NSYNC was already in Europe touring. You were gone for two years. There was no need to tell you.”

Now J.C. was the one that felt hurt and betrayed. How could his parents have kept a secret like that from him? A whole new wave of emotions washed over him. He didn’t know what to think anymore. If he couldn’t trust his parents, who could he trust?

“We were trying to protect you Josh.”

It didn’t seem that way to him.