Chapter 10

It’s not a good day. I think I could throw up any minute. I can’t believe I tricked myself into thinking that I could ease my way into Sarah’s head and get her to get us out of this. How long did I think that was going to take? How long did I actually think they’d keep us around? I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid. I tried too hard, I thought I knew everything. I always do that. I always assume I know every answer. And now I’m about to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon. Very soon. I can’t fucking believe it. I’ve done so much shit in my life. I’ve won Grammies, I’ve made music and I’ve got a great family and great friends. I’ve done everything I want in life. Every goal I set out to do, except…except marriage and kids and all that stuff but…but… I don’t even think I want that. I just wanted to live. I wanted to live this great life that I was blessed to have gotten.

And I did that.

But I’m not ready to die. I’m not going to fucking die. Do you hear me?! I’m. Not. Ready!

“Fuck…”

I pull my legs up slowly and rest my elbows on my bent knees, holding my head with my hands. I don’t even have the sickening sounds of cartoons and Disney songs to tone out the morbid thoughts that keep invading my head when I realize that my best friend is gone. No matter how painful it was to see him crumble, to see him cry himself to sleep and stare off into nothing as we sat down here together, its better than him not being here at all. I just pray and hope that whatever they did to him was painless, quick.

No, no…I don’t know that. I don’t know that he’s gone. Maybe, maybe they were negotiating with the police or maybe, maybe they had a change of heart. Yeah, yeah he’s out there with momma and ‘lisha and stuff right now. I’ll…I’ll be out of here soon too.

Right.

“No….no, stop…” I look up and see her, turning softly in her bed, sleeping, having a nightmare. I’d get up and wake her but I don’t think I could if I tried. I’m pretty damn sure she didn’t get the address. I’m pretty damn sure he found out about our little scheme. And I’m pretty damn sure that’s why Trace was taken away. I should have known not to trust her. It’s not that I think she told on us, but when Keem brought her down here, slung over his shoulder, her body limp, pale, with noticeable bruises on her arms and one on her cheek, I knew…uncle knew.

She was put in bed, laying there like a doped up mental patience, drooling, laying on her side, her arms and legs limp, her eyes half closed. I almost threw up. I almost stood up and ripped apart my chains and killed that fucker with my own hands. I could see it, me squeezing his neck until he coughed and choked and turned red. I could see his eyes rolling back in his head. I could see him dying. And I liked it. It made me feel good.

And when they pulled Trace to his feet and pushed him and told him to walk, I almost screamed out at them. I almost got up myself and tried to run out of there. I almost told Trace how much I loved him and how he had to fight. He had to fight!

But I didn’t.

No, I didn’t do a damn thing.

And now he’s…

“No!”

My heart thumps in my chest and I stare at her bed. It doesn’t help the injury that I received from the fucker a few days back. I’m still not breathing right, especially when something scares me. When they took Trace I don’t think I breathed at all. The harder my heart works the harder my lungs work and my side starts to ache, like someone’s stepping on my ribs. She’s just having a nightmare, but still, it’s scary. I see now what Trace saw in her, the fear, the terror. What the fuck was I doing getting so close to her? Liking her? Caring about her? She’s a looney. She’s a fucking nutcase and here I was trying to be her friend.

I hear her moan and then watch as she lifts herself from the mattress, using both of her hands and seemingly all her strength to push herself up. Her hair is a mass of tangles; I can’t even see her face. She stumbles up and trips towards the bathroom. The door slams. I hear something heavy and limp fall.

Silence.

A few hours ago I would have called out to her. I would have gotten up and seen if she was ok. This is the person who I cleaned up when she got her period. This is the person who let me lay on her bed and told me she loved me and drew me pictures. This is my Sarah, was my Sarah. Now, now she’s just a preview, a preview of what my life is going to be.

I bet they kill him. I bet they leave me down here with her. I bet they buy me a bed with Buzz Lightyear on it.

I don’t get up and I don’t care. If she’s gone, if she’s dead, if she’s hurt she’ll be out of my sight, out of my head and I can just die quietly without anything to worry about.

I hear coughing, gagging, more silence, more gagging and then the sound of a toilet flush. The door opens a few moments later and she stares at me. She’s crying quietly, covered in a long t shirt, her arms purple, even yellow at places. Her right cheek is dark red, and her eyes brown and glassy just stare at me as tears slowly flow down her cheeks. Go away Sarah. Just go away. I don’t want to become you. I don’t want to.

She doesn’t go away; instead she walks straight for me. I cower from her as she approaches and wish I had the strength to move from her when she sits beside me. Then she starts to cry harder. She grips my arm and buries her face against my shoulder. I start to break. I feel my eyes water. No, no I won’t cry. I won’t become her. I won’t let him break me. I won’t let him see me cry.

“He promised!” She sobs into my shirt sleeve. Her crying becomes violent and she shakes beside me. I can’t help myself and look at her arms and legs. She suffered a beating last night, a brutal one and it makes me sick cause I know I’m the one that caused it. “He promised he wouldn’t punish me.”

My breath catches in my throat. I shouldn’t want to know. I shouldn’t be curious anymore but that part of me is pressed. That intuition I have about her, about who she is, I know there’s a clue somewhere begging to be found. I can’t help it and I ask her, “Wh-what?”

She looks up at me. Her face pitiful, longing. God almighty, she wants out. She wants out and she doesn’t know how to ask. “He told me he wouldn’t ever punish me again. I don’t remember when but long ago. But he did. He did. He saw me looking on his desk and he got mad. He got so mad.” An expression I’ve never seen on her face flickers in her eyes and her jaw locks, her eyebrows furrow. “He promised me!”

“I’m sorry Sarah.” I take in a breath, it’s shaky and I feel myself start to weep a little bit. I try to check it but it doesn’t help. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked you to look for that address. It’s my fault and now…now…”

“GET BACK IN YOUR BED!”

I feel my skin pull off my body and then slap back on. I look up at the doorway and there’s uncle. Shit. Oh shit I’m in for it. I can hear her move, hear her scrambling, crying, terrified, running as fast as she can to her bed. She covers herself completely in the bed and I hear uncle run down the steps and stalk over to her. He leans over her and starts gritting stuff out at her. I’d move, I’d try to stop it, but I’m frozen.

“What did I tell you Sarah?” He pins her arms down against the bed roughly and yells at her. “What did I TELL you?” I can hear her sobbing.

But my attention on her vanishes when I feel something be thrown down beside me. I look over and my heart stops for a moment. I feel tears running down my and if I could reach out and embrace him I would, but the handcuffs prevent me and I just reach over and grab his arm. “Trace!”

“Shut up!” I pull away from Trace and press my back into the wall as uncle storms over to us. He squats down and I see him staring at Trace with an evil smile. Trace stares back, but there’s something different about him. His eyes look vacant, he’s paler than normal and he looks lifeless. Uncle pats Trace’s face. “Don’t worry kid. She’ll be good. She’ll do what we ask. She’ll buy you guys some more time down here.” I look between the two of them but they don’t look at me. I want to ask what going on, but I’m too frightened.

Uncle and Keem walk up the steps and before they leave uncle turns around and yells at Sarah. “Don’t make me have to punish you again, Sarah.” She doesn’t say anything and when I look at her I just see a mound of covers on her bed.

The door shuts, the light turns red and I just stare at him.

“Fucking shit trace!” I lift my arms and hook them around his neck, pulling him to me in a make-shift hug. “I thought you were fucking dead.”

“I am.”

I pull away from him and smile. He’s fucking alive. He’s alive. “Oh come on man. What did they want?”

But he doesn’t respond. I call him name and he just stares into space, tears spilling down his cheeks. Finally he whispers, “She was hysterical.”

“What?”

I watch as his eyes squeeze shut and he curls up into himself, holding his face in his hands, bawling. “I can’t do this.”

“Trace…” I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what happened when he was up there. He doesn’t look physically hurt. I hate this. He can’t handle much more mental torture.

“They made me call her!”

I stare at him and he stares back, gritting his teeth. “Oh…” And that broke him. They found out and they knew he was the weaker one and knew that if he called a loved one that he’d break. “Fuck.”

“We’re…we’re not gonna get out of here Justin.” He shakes his head, panicked. “We’re stuck. That’s the last time I’ll ever…”

“Shut up!” I cut him off, but as I do I start to wonder how much longer I can keep this up. How much longer can I try to give him a little faith about our situation? It’s only a matter of time until he gives up and when he does I don’t know how much longer I can last. Maybe I’ll get rid of us before that’ll happen. No, no! “We can’t think like that Trace! I thought...I thought you were dead. I thought they had found out about the address thing and were going to kill you, but they didn’t, did they?”

“They found out who she was…” He cries, still hung up on Elisha. Come on man, I had to talk to Cameron, I had to talk to momma, but I made. I’m still alright. “They found out how much I had in my bank account. How the fuck did they do that?”

“Trace…look at me.” He doesn’t and I move onto my knees and bend down so his eyesight lines up with mine. “We’re not gonna…” I stop myself. I’m not going to say that word. I won’t. He lifts his head. “We’re gonna be ok, alright? So our first plan failed. We’ll try another one. We’ve been here for a while, they’re gonna find us. It’s not like he’s moved us around the country. That must mean he’s stuck. He can’t leave.”

“That means he’ll panic and blow out brains out.”

“No it doesn’t.” He won’t look at me. Why won’t you look at me! “Trace…no it doesn’t!”

No glance my way and no words are said. And I’m left all alone.

“Is he gone?”

Except for Sarah. Poor Sarah. My little Sarah. I turn and look at her; she’s still under the covers, not peeking out. All I see is a mound of fabric.

“Yes, he’s gone.”

A hand comes out first and then that pulls down the covers and her head pops out. She quickly scrambles out of bed and sits in front of me and Trace. She stares at Trace for a moment but he doesn’t acknowledge her. He’s so far gone I don’t even know if he notices that she’s there. Finally she comes beside me and rests her head on my shoulder.

“He’s scaring me.”

“Trace will be ok.”

She clutches me tighter. “Not Trace…” I can hear her suck in a breath and she whispers, “Uncle...” I look at her, she’s staring at me. “He’s so mean now.”

I take my hand and turn a little to touch her face, the bruise there against her cheek has started to yellow. I wish I could kill that bastard. “He hurt you.”

“Like he hurt you.” She whispers to me. So it’s done. I don’t think she has any more faith in the bastard. She’s on our side, the only problem is getting her not to be so afraid of him that she becomes paralyzed. Like Trace.

She moves her body so that she’s holding me around the middle and her head is resting against my chest. It hurts a little where she’s pushing her weight into my hurt side, but when I put my arms around her it feels a little better. I know it’s not right. I know encouraging her like this isn’t right but it feels right having her against me like that. I’m not trying to be perverted but she just feels nice. Maybe it’s just having some affection and comfort that’s affecting me, but whatever it is, I’m glad that she’s with me.

It’s silent for a while and I look over at Trace, he’s got his arms against his knees and his forehead against his crossed wrists. Finally I hear her clear her throat a little and she whispers, “I got it.”

“What?”

I look down at her and she looks up at me. “I got it for you.” She pulls away a little, staring at me with those huge child-like eyes. “Why do you want it…?”

I realize what she’s talking about. She got the address. It’s up there in her little brain just waiting to be written out for us. Holy shit, we’re close. We’re…we might actually get saved. I turn to hit Trace and tell him the news, but he’s already looking at her, staring, even more shocked than I am.

“To get out of here, Sarah.” I say.

“But why.”

I can’t think of how to explain it to her. This is the only world she knows. Maybe I should bring up Disney World again. “Because, because…”

“Sarah…” I’m shocked when I hear Trace’s voice. “Remember how Aladdin is locked up in that dark scary place.”

“Yes, Trace…” I cheer him on quietly.

“For being with the princess.” She answers as if we should have known and that Aladdin trivia is common knowledge.

“Right, well they think that he kidnapped her, but he didn’t.”

Her eyebrows connect in confusion. “Kidnap?”

“I’m Aladdin, Sarah.” I say to her and then motion to my best friend. “Trace is too.”

“And I’m Jasmine!” She squeals, asking me.

“Yes, yes!” I hug her and smile at Trace. He’s smiling back. It might be up and down with him but I think, I think from here on out it’s going to be up. He’s got his hope back and that’s the only thing we really have down here. “And, and…we gotta get out of here because there’s this whole other world out there.”

She gasps, “Agrabah?”

“Yes…” I’m thankful I’ve watched Aladdin everyday for the past week or two. If not I’d be clueless to what she was talking about. “And the palace is out there and the cave of wonders.”

“Really?”

“But who locked Aladdin up, Sarah?” I ask.

She responds slowly, a little unsure of where this is going and why we are asking her so many questions. “Jafar…”

“Uncle, Sarah...uncle is Jafar.”

“No…” She shakes her head and starts to cry. I hate this. I hate making her cry, but dammit we have to get through to her. I don’t know how much longer Trace can last down here. How much longer I can…

“Please…” I grab her hand. “Please Jasmine, I need your help.”

She wipes at her face. “Me?”

“Yes..you.”

“But where’s the Genie.”

“Well...um…” Fuck. What do I say? “Genie is outside…”

“His name is Tiny and he’s huge and he’ll protect you from Jafar and he’ll take us away. He’ll protect you from Uncle.”

God, I love you Trace.

“Yeah! And we can go live in the palace.”

"Who’s the Sultan?” She gulps. “Uncle, right?"

"No, Sarah…I’m sorry but Uncle is Jafar..."

“Johnny…” Trace whispers to me.

“Yes!” God, he’s really going now. See this is why I need him to be up until we get out of here. He’s got the brain to think up all this shit that I can’t. He’s always been the brains of anything we’ve done. I smile at Sarah and tell her about Johnny. “There’s a friend of mine named Johnny and he’s the Sultan, he lives in this huge house and you can go swimming…”

"I don’t know how..."

I smile and laugh at little. God, I’d give anything to be able to teach her how to swim. That would mean we were safe. "I'll teach you..."

“What about Abu and the carpet?”

“The Carpet?”

“I wanna fly.” She whispers and then clutches my arm. “I wanna fly, Aladdin.”

I nod slowly and touch her face. "Help me out Jasmine...I'll take you flying.” She’s crying again, but she’s smiling. God, what has he done to her? “I promise.”

“Now all we need is a phone.” Trace says to me as I hold her.

“We need her to write down the address first.” I say to him. “We don’t need her forgetting. Sarah…” She doesn’t look up so I try again. “Jasmine?”

She giggles, “Yes Aladdin.”

“Can you write down what we asked you to do for us?”

“Okay.” She hugs me tighter and I’m so relieved. But then Trace hits my arm and says, “Light’s changed,” in a rushed voice.

“Shit…” I look up and see the light is green. I push her away. “Get in bed Sarah…”

She’s quick, thankfully and I watch as she dives into her bed and covers herself completely again.

A minute later I’m staring at Keem. He smiles at me and bends down to grab my arm. He yanks on it. “Get up fucker…”

He pushes me forward but I take a glance back at Trace. He stares at me but manages a smile. I get a smack against my head and I’m pushed up the steps, but I don’t care. Nothing can hurt us now. And even if something happens to me, at least Trace knows how to get out of here.