He looked at the figure beside him. He was home finally and she was actually there. It was hard for them to find time to stay at home together. It was a treat to be able to spend a few days in his own bed, but it was even more of a treat to have her there with him. She looked so peaceful there beside him and he was thankful for that. She had been stressing out the whole day because of some business deal that fell through and she ended up somehow being the blame of it. It was strange though. Normally on nights at home in his bed, especially with her there, he knocked completely out and went into an almost coma-like state. But tonight he laid there, thinking about his life and her life and watching her sleep.

It was thundering outside, and he could slightly hear the patter of rain, which was very unusual for this time of year, especially in Los Angeles. But it calmed him and soothed him and he closed his eyes in pleasure and comfort and took a deep breath.

“I’ve missed you.”

His eyes popped open.

That wasn’t her voice. That was her voice.

He sat up and she was there, looking out the bay window in his bedroom, sitting on the small cushioned bench. She was in a thin, white dress that maybe was a nightgown, but he really didn’t know. It was her. She hadn’t been there in about two weeks, and he had thought that maybe he had finally rid himself of her.

And now, on his first night home in months and his first night with his girl in what seemed like forever, she decided to appear.

“What are you doing here?” His voice came out breathy, like he was in the middle of being pleased beyond words. Truth was, he was terrified. Both their eyes looked over and she was still laying there, silently sleeping in peace.

He looked back at her and her large dark eyes were still on the figure sleeping beside him. “I can leave.”

He rubbed his forehead. He really thought he was rid of her. He had gone for years having visits from her off and on, sometimes three nights a week, sometimes every three months; but it always happened, whenever he would go the longest time without her, whenever he thought that maybe she’d finally decided to stop haunting him, she’d come back. “No, I just--I thought you were gone.”

“Me too,” she whispered.

It wasn’t that he hated her. In fact it was quite the opposite. He was becoming slightly obsessed with her, finding free hours in the day to take a nap just in hopes that she’d visit. It was affecting his mind and his work and his life. And whenever he’d have a dream about her and then wake up next to his girlfriend, he always got a feeling in his stomach like he was going to vomit. He had never cheated in his life and even though she wasn’t real, she was just a dream, just someone he made up in his mind, he always felt like he was betraying his girlfriend. “Why are you back?”

She shrugged her shoulders and the spaghetti strap of her thin nightgown fell off. His eyes couldn’t move away from her skin that seemed to be glowing. She looked away, out the window again at the rain and fixed the strap. “I don’t know. You tell me. You bring me here.”

“Oh, I do?” He smiled at her as she nodded and he could see her blush as she lightly tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, this time flowing down her back and wavy, not a short, straight shoulder length cut like last time.

He moved to get up and approach her but when he did the other person in the bed shifted and let out a small sigh, turning away from him and curling up on her side. It scared him. What if she woke up and saw her there? Of course that was impossible, but he didn’t think of that at the time. “Maybe you should leave.”

“She doesn’t know.”

He looked over at her again and rolled his eyes. She didn’t see him, her still looking out the window and all, but he was a little annoyed with her comment. Of course she doesn’t know. It’d be stupid to tell her—stupid to try and explain it to her. “I would like to see how I would explain you to her.”

“I don’t mean to be a problem, Justin.” Her angelic head tucked into her chest a little and her hair shifted forward, blocking her from him. She felt ashamed now and he hadn’t meant to hurt her.

Silently, he lifted himself from the bed, walking toward her, amazed by how the chill in the room on his barely clad form seemed so real. It was all so impossibly real.

She took in a shaky breath and he put his hands on her shoulders, giving them a bit of a squeeze and trying his best to memorize how it felt to touch her, how solid she felt, how real. “You’re…you’re not a problem.”

She looked up and he could see her reflection in the window. His hands moved down the length of her slender arms and he grabbed her hands. His arms wrapped around her making her arms wrap around her as well, in a double hug. Her soft, small body fell back against his and he felt right and safe and whole. He breathed in the smell of her hair and then dipped his head down and nuzzled the skin of her shoulder. She always smelled the same. He didn’t know what it was, whether it was her soap or shampoo or perfume or lotion but it smelled good. He smiled to himself, realizing she probably didn’t put on a fragrance. She didn’t do anything. She didn’t sleep, didn’t wake up, didn’t dress herself.

But she possessed him and made him crazy with want and need and lust.

Yet it wasn’t rude or inappropriate. Their time together was always simple and yet so complex. It was peaceful and relaxing and passionate. It was the stuff out of movies and books. It wasn’t reality. She wasn’t reality.

But she was his.

“Will you go on a walk with me?”

“It’s raining,” he chuckled against her neck.

“So?”

“I…I guess.”

He pulled away from her and she sat down on the window seat, watching him pull away from her and bend down to pull up the drawstring pajama pants he had discarded earlier in the night, knowing he’d be burning up with a warm body beside him in bed.

He felt her eyes on him as he walked to his chester-drawers and pulled out a white tee-shirt and a pair of socks. He pulled the shirt over his head and then softly padded over in the darkness to the closet, it momentarily being flashed with light from the storm outside. Thunder lightly boomed as he bent down and pulled out an old pair of shoes, scared to mess up any of his news ones in the rain. He couldn’t believe he tried to be rational in these dreams. He’d wake up in a little while, and his shoes will have never been outside the room for the past 24 hours, his pants will still have been bundled on the floor and he’d be in bed, probably laying with Britney half on top of his underwear-clad form.

“You don’t need those.”

“But…” His blue eyes looked up and she was extending a hand out to him from where he was sitting on the floor, pulling on a sock.

She silenced him and he slid his hand into hers as she whispered, “Come.”

They floated, or it seemed like they floated, out of the room, down the stairs, to the foyer. He moved to go to the coat closet beside the door, but she tugged his hand back and said in a voice low and sweet, “Justin, no.”

He sighed and let her lead him. The door opened and she stepped out into the outdoors, immediately becoming drenched. She pulled him after her and smiled at him.

He watched her as she let go of his hand and walked out into his gated front yard, twirling and lifting her face to the rain clouds. He white gown was clinging to her and he found a small smile appearing on his face as he slowly walked out onto the soft wet grass to meet her.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He sighed and pulled her against him. It was warm outside in the dark, but somehow he could still see everything clearly. It seemed almost more like dawn or dusk, it wasn’t bright by any means but the atmosphere had a blue tint to it and it definitely wasn’t the same lighting as it should be at three in the morning. Her eyes shone up at him. Rain trickled down her face, dripping off her small nose and chin. Her lips were wet and he couldn’t control himself anymore.

He kissed her, thoroughly, letting his tongue dive into her mouth and swim inside of her. He had to have her. He pulled away breathless asking, “God, what are you?”

“Whatever you want me to be.” Her arms were around his shoulders, her fingers massaging his neck.

He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of her hands on his skin. “I should want you to stop. I should want you to go away…”

“But?”

He opened his eyes to look into hers. He sighed, rubbing his hands up and down her back. “I missed you too. We do all these amazing things. And you, you know everything. You just get me.”

“Cause you let me.”

He pulled away and walked off to the side. He couldn’t look at her anymore, not while his girlfriend still slept in his same bed, beside him every night, dreaming of him, as he dreamt of her. “But I feel like I’m cheating on her.”

“You need to deal with that. But how would you tell her? Would she believe you?

“No.” He felt hopeless. He was caught in a trap. He didn’t want to hurt Britney, and he couldn’t hurt his dream lover, but he was afraid of what would happen to him.

He chuckled to himself. An hour ago he was shocked and almost disappointed that she was back and now he was terrified she was going to leave again.

“And you call me here, you control this Justin. You can stop it all.”

“I don’t know how.”

She touched his shoulder and rested her chin on the other. “I don’t want you to think I’m haunting you. I’m not a ghost.”

“But you’re not real.”

She smiled at him genuinely and reached for his hand, locking it with hers. “I’m as real as you make me.”

“You say I have all the power, that I control this relationship…” He squeezed her hand tightly afraid she was going to let go and disappear. “…you have total control over me.”

“Because you let me. Come.” He followed her to a hammock he didn’t remember having in his front yard. He watched her body sway under the soaked thin cotton, wanting to be with her more and more. The grass was slippery beneath his feet and he was thankful to lay down in the hammock with her. They rocked in silence for moments, her protectively snuggled beside him with her head on her shoulder and her hand on his chest. He ran his fingers through her silky, drenched hair and closed his eyes, ready to just relax next to her. “Do you remember when we first met?”

He smiled and sighed at the memory. “I was 18 and I was driving and my car got a flat.”

“And you were in the middle of the beautiful countryside.”

He glanced down at her and raised his eyebrows making her giggle. “I was in bum fuck. And I didn’t have a spare and no one was in sight so I decided I’d walk.”

“And instead of staying on the road the whole way to the next town…”

He finished for her, “I veered off onto a gravel driveway for some god knows why reason.”

“What did you think? A witch lived back there?”

“Worse. Some time of backwoods redneck who shot anything that moved on his property besides the pit bulls.”

Her laughter was like fine wine, rich and smooth and seemed to coat his insides and warm him like a fire. “You have such an imagination.”

“Yeah…”

It was quiet for a moment and finally she asked, “What you’d find?”

“You. A beautiful cabin with a lake behind it and you, just you, sitting on the front porch swing listening to classical music and reading.”

“I was listening to Rachmoninov.”

She always listened to classical or jazz and he always felt in-superior for not knowing who the composer was. She was classy, sophisticated, a woman through and through. “Yeah yeah, whatever. You were so beautiful, though.”

“And you didn’t say a word, so I said nothing back until you were standing a couple feet in front of me.”

“I was speechless.”

Their eyes met and she whispered, “So was I.” Her eyes were watery and she looked so serious.

“You hadn’t even looked at me yet.”

“I knew who was there. And when I did look up...”

He closed his eyes, remembering how it was that first time when he met her, how his world flipped. He had never experienced such a feeling before. “I fell.”

“And I caught you.” She was smiling.

“And then…” His smile met hers but she tucked it away into his chest. He chuckled beneath her and pulled her head up with his palm. “Why are you blushing?”

“Because…” She looked away. Yes, she was all woman but still innocent and timid at times.

Perfect.

“Because we made love for hours.”

When she moved her eyes to look at him again, all shyness had faded and she was peering into his soul. “…days.”

It made him loose his breath.

But he had to keep this light or he’d loose all his breath together and that wouldn’t be good. “We’re such experts now.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“Wanna?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she stared at him quizzically. He ran a wet hand over her wet arm, pushing the rain off as more gently fell down on them.

“Do I want to what?”

“You know…” He licked his lips at her. “Make love…”

“I think you should go back to bed.”

That wasn’t a normal response.

He wondered, if he was in control of this relationship, of what she said, why’d she just say no? He wanted her. He wanted to remember her skin and her taste and her feel. This was odd. She’d never refused him before. “But…”

She lifted up a bit and kissed him tenderly on his lips and then kissed the top of his head. “Remember who sleeps next to you tonight.”

“I want you beside me every night.” She was pulling away from him and he reached for her but she just waved and turned around. He watched her sashay away from him, coming out into the yard again, away from the trees and the hammock and him. She twirled and twirled and let the rain fall down on her.

He watched her, calling out to her, calling some name that he couldn’t hear, couldn’t remember, couldn’t recognize.

It was pathetic, really. He was totally enraptured with her and she was only in his mind.

“Justin…”

He shook his body and looked up.

She was still twirling.

“Sleepy head…”

He shot up. He looked around. His chest heaved.

“Bad dream?” He jerked away at her touch and when he looked at her, her eyes were wide and brown, like hers. Her hair was blonde though, not brown. She was wearing a tiny tank top and panties, not a long thin white night gown. Her skin was smudged with creases of the pillow and sleep in her eyes.

She yawned, her mouth widening and taking over her face and then it snapping shut and smiling, “You alright?”

He eased his body gently back onto the bed. “Yeah, fine.”

She plopped down on top of him and started to nuzzle his neck and kiss it lightly. “Mmmm, I slept so good…”

“Yeah?”

“The BEST dreams. And then I woke up and they were a reality.” She kissed him and moved to straddle him. He had to admit it was a fine way to wake up and he almost had completely forgotten about his dream escapades. He smiled at her, but it faded when hers did. “What…what’s this?”

“What?” She was looking behind her and down.

“You get cold last night?”

He looked down to see that he had his pajama pants back on. He had taken them off before they had got into bed last night. He was confused. He didn’t remember waking up and putting them on. He hadn’t remembered being cold that night.

He’d only put them on in his dream.

His forehead bunched and he sighed. She came crashing back into his mind, haunting him, consuming him, once again invading his every thought.

He gave up and realized right there, with his girlfriend on top of him, that he’d never, ever be rid of her and it was pointless to try and think otherwise.