I tapped my foot on the floor anxiously. It had been a couple hours since JC had gone into his studio after storming out of the kitchen. I had walked to the staircase and back at least 10 times now. I stood up again and walked to the edge of the stairs. 

I took a deep breath and started walking down. As I reached the bottom and started to reach for the door handle the door flew open and a startled JC stood in front of me. 

“Hey, I, um,” I mumbled looking into his eyes and then down to the floor. He started towards me and put his arms around me. 

“I was just coming to find you.” he said softly. Squeezed me in a tight hug, sighed loudly. “I’m sorry.” he said finally. 

My eyes full of tears, the words in a knot in the back of my throat, not really able to come out. I leaned more into the hug and squeezed him tight as I felt the tears coming and my body start to shake from crying, my face buried in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m sorry, too” I managed to whisper. He rubbed on my back softly, and walked me into his studio. He sat down on the big leather couch and pulled me onto his lap. I made myself a ball and snuggled up to him, tears still slowly falling from my eyes. 

“It’s all right pretty girl, please don’t cry.” he kissed the top of my head. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be making plans for you, I really do understand what you are doing here and of course I know you chose to come here so we could be together, and I am so thankful for it.” He ran one hand through my hair, then down my jawline, to my chin, cupping it and lifting my face to see him. “I’m just selfish sometimes and want you all to myself. I love that you’re so passionate about your career, I wouldn’t dare jeopardize that.” 

I sniffled and wiped some tears away. 

“I feel like an idiot crying like a baby,” he smiled and linked his fingers with mine, bringing my hand to his lips. 

“Don’t.” 

“I am sorry, too. I didn’t mean to imply that you’d be-” 

“I know… I’m an idiot.” He smiled so sweetly and kissed me softly. “I would hate to be the reason for you losing yourself. The fact that you’re so independent and driven is what drew me to you in the first place. So never apologize for putting your career first... I have, and you’ve supported me every step of the way.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.” 

“Do you know that I love you?” He said with the cutest smile on his face. 

I grabbed his face and pressed my lips hard on his. “I love you. So much. You have never given me any reason to doubt you, so I’m really sorry if I made you feel like I’m insecure about you or your feelings for me, I’m not. I trust you, like, blindly.” I told him seriously. 

He pulled me into him again, a kiss on my temple. His arms tight around me. “I know baby,” he said.  “I was just upset. I’m the one that gets a little insecure, you know? Before you I had never felt so loved and appreciated. I always felt like people were just trying to get something from me.. And now that we’ve been spending all this time together it feels like you’re a drug and I am totally addicted to you” He laughed, so did I.  

“Can we forget about fighting please?” 

“Yes we can.” I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“You like lilies, right?” He asked. I looked at him confused. 

“Daffodils actually,” I replied. 

“Huh,” he pursed his lips and frowned, I could almost hear the wheels turning inside of his head. “Yeah, that works better actually.” 

“I’m not even gonna ask, come here,” I kissed him sweetly as his arms tightened around me and he deepened the kiss. 

So he left for California in the middle of my first week of work. It already felt like I hadn’t seen him for the better part of it.

For the first day, though, I had tossed and turned almost all night, I was nervous and excited. So when I woke up, finally having been able to fall asleep, I was alone in bed. I hurriedly got ready and when I walked downstairs there was the smell of fresh coffee and something resembling pancakes awaiting for me in the kitchen. A smiling JC, with a ridiculous apron on and more flour on his face and hair than actually was in the pancake batter, greeted me, leaning over the stove. I stood there staring at him, with a stupid grin on my face, as he beamed at me with the cutest look on his face. 

“Just don’t get used to this, because I have no idea what I’m doing,” he said as I flung myself into his arms, kissing him. 

I asked to take the first weekend shift, I had to do at least one every month and since JC was going to be gone I didn’t want to be all alone in that huge house. 

Weekend shifts were brutal. All day on ER duty, on my feet. Running around being a scut monkey was exhausting, both physically and mentally. Residents and attendings were usually ordering you around and asking you all these questions that you had to have the answer to on the tip of the tongue or you felt like a total idiot. 

So on top of 8 hour days, shifts and studying more than ever, I needed to find time to see JC. And look presentable from time to time. The exhausted medical student in coffee stained scrubs look wasn't gonna cut it all the time. Especially because my boyfriend was one of the most handsome men alive. 

So finally the weekend shift was coming to an end. JC was scheduled to arrive at 6pm. I got off at 5 so we made plans to have dinner together. On my way home from the hospital I picked up some sushi. When I got home I quickly jumped in the shower, changed into a tea length mint green A-line dress and my black wedges. I put on some makeup, went downstairs, opened a bottle of wine and lit a couple of candles around the kitchen. 

We always ate in the kitchen because the dining room table was too big. 

I poured myself a glass of wine and sat at the island, checking the clock: 6.30pm, JC must be on his way. I grabbed a magazine and started flipping through it, sipping on wine, yawning, blinking slowly…

I woke up in a startle. I looked around the dark room and recognized I was in JC’s bedroom, a small blanket over me, I was still wearing my dress. I looked over at the other side of the bed and found a sleeping JC, on his side, his back to me. His breathing was shallow and rhythmic. I sighed deeply. I must’ve fallen asleep before he got home. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand, 1.45AM. Damn it, I missed our dinner. I snuggled up to him and put my arms around his waist. He sighed loudly and turned over on his back, opening up his arm and pulling me to him. 

“Hey pretty girl,” he whispered groggily. I quickly scooted closer to him and buried my face in the nook of his neck. 

“Hi baby,” I took a deep breath taking in his scent and smiled. “Ugh I missed you. What happened?” 

He chuckled softly and kissed the top of my head. 

“I came home and you were bent over the kitchen island, snoring and drooling, the whole nine,” he said laughing. 

“Oh no,” I buried my face deeper. 

“I’m kidding. You were peacefully asleep. There was just a little drool. But you looked so precious I couldn't wake you up. I brought you to bed so you could get some proper rest. I bet you’re beat.” 

I kissed his cheek. The scruff from a couple days of not shaving prickling my lips. I smiled and bit my lip. 

“I was,” I ran my hand down his chest. “But I’m awake now.” 

“Oh?” he said, blue eyes wide. Turning on his side to face me, he covered my mouth with his and embraced me in a passionate kiss. 

It had only been a couple of days since we had seen each other but I felt so hungry for him. My hands impatiently and clumsily tugged at his pajama bottoms trying to push them off. I often joked that he was a tease because he slept in nothing else than pajama bottoms, but right this moment it was only turning me on. 

He was cool and smooth as he slowly turned me until I had my back to him, one hand on my thigh, the other one slowly unzipping my dress. As the zipper opened he placed small kisses on my exposed skin, sending shivers up and down my spine. I could feel him smiling against my skin, the goosebumps guiding him, while he enjoyed the effect he was having on me. 

He slid the dress off of me and turned me around again. 

“Hi,” he whispered when we were face to face again. 

“Hi baby,” I leaned in and kissed him. A slow, lingering, sensual kiss. As we parted he sighed, putting his forehead to mine, eyes closed. 

“I can’t believe how much I missed you,” he said softly. “I love you, baby.” He pulled me closer and held me tight. His hands started to roam. “There’s something I need to talk to you about,” he said as his lips grazed my shoulder, then my collarbone. “But it’s gonna have to wait because I can’t really concentrate right now, there’s a half naked chick in my bed.” I laughed as we both gave into each other. 

A drove slowly out of the driveway. A silly grin plastered on my face. The image of JC sleeping peacefully as I placed a small kiss on his forehead before heading out, replaying in my mind. I was feeling very happy and very in love as I pulled up to the hospital’s parking lot. 

I met up with Ana at the entrance, one of the other girls on the program that I had gotten along with from day one. 

“You’re looking chipper today. didn’t you get off the weekend shift last night? Wasn’t it awful?” she asked as we walked through the big glass doors. 

“It was rough,” I said smiling. “But the boyfriend came home last night, so all in all it was a good night.”

“Ha, got ya!” she said bumping her shoulder with mine. “So what does he do again?”

“He’s a musician.” 

“Oh wow, talk about a competitive field. And we complain, yikes!” 

“He does okay,” I replied grimacing. 

“So you guys were long distance, right? Guess it’s good you got that down for when you decide on residency, if it takes you somewhere far.” 

“Yeah…” I frowned. This had been a thought in the back of my mind, but it had been a while since I had really thought about it. 

I sighed as I parked beside JC’s Range Rover. It had been a very long day. I checked myself in the rearview mirror and shook my head. I looked a mess. I had no makeup, my hair was in a very messy bun, my lips were chapped from not drinking any water, my scrubs were wrinkled, I looked tired, like the lack of sleep from the weekend had finally caught up to me. 

I walked into the house and dropped my backpack on the floor. There was soft jazz coming from the kitchen. 

I walked in to find a candle lit room with two beautifully set places on the kitchen island. JC was uncorking a bottle of wine, wearing a black button down, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a pair of tight dark blue jeans that hung beautifully on his hips and his favorite pair of black boots. His hair was perfectly styled to let his curls bounce around but still stay in place, he was wearing his thin rimmed glasses and the scent from his cologne lingered in the room. He was perfect. 

“Hey pretty girl,” he said when he saw me standing there, probably with a stupid look on my face. My mouth open in awe, of him, of what he had prepared for me. 

“I didn’t cook,” he chuckled, “don’t worry. I ordered Italian because I know how you love your pasta.” He flashed me his million dollar smile and I felt my heart skip a beat. He handed me a glass of wine. 

“This is perfect Jace.”

“You are perfect,” he pecked my lips. “And you look beautiful.” 

“Ok so NOW I know you’re lying.” 

We had the most perfect of dinners. So much so, that we decided we had to have dinner together at least two times a week. Which we quickly found out was easier said than done. 

“So I met up with Dallas when I was in LA, you know Dallas? My producer friend?” I nodded as I took a bite of my ravioli. “So he’s working on a soundtrack and is having trouble with the single for it and asked me to come help him.”

“That’s so awesome!” I replied. He lit up immediately. 

“You think so?” I nodded smiling. 

“I’m glad you think so, I agreed and I was kind of struggling with that decision, but I really wanna do it. I had a bunch of ideas on the plane back home.” He grinned a silly grin and took a bite of garlic bread. “He’s coming next week but we’re probably going to LA or New York to record.” 

And that’s how the two a week dinners got complicated. 

It quickly became obvious to me that JC’s job meant he was nocturnal. He also could spend ridiculous amounts of time holed up in that studio of his. 

The first two weeks we made it work. I’d cook or we’d order in, but we quickly started missing dates. Whether because I got stuck at the hospital or JC lost track of time. We’d party together sometimes but mostly, he’d party on his own when I really had to study. I would wake up early and he’d be asleep, I’d go to bed and he’d still be out. I would sometimes wake up and he would still be out. 

We never really talked about it. I always felt I couldn't really complain, in a couple of weeks I’d be back home and he’d be doing whatever on his own. Plus I really was incredibly busy. 

It was after the third or fourth time of sipping wine on my own and putting away cold untouched home cooked food in tupperwares that it hit me and I could just picture our future: spending our lives together… completely apart.