I woke up with JC’s arm on my belly as he slept face down beside me. I grinned to myself as I slowly started stretching. Suddenly every second of the previous evening started flashing in my head and I started feeling ashamed again. I closed my eyes hard and sighed loudly. I felt JC shift and grunt. I tried to get out from under his limp limb but the weight of his arm on my abdomen just got heavier and then he laughed softly. 

“Trying to run away?” he said with a hoarse voice. He cleared his throat and turned to look at me. His hair messed up from sleeping gave him a childlike appearance. He turned so he was on his back and motioned for me to come closer. I slid onto his side and laid my head on his chest, he put his arm around my shoulder and rubbed my arm up and down. 

“Hi,” he whispered now and kissed my forehead. “Did you sleep alright?” I nodded. A cotton-like sensation in my mouth, most likely from the light hangover I was nursing.  JC handed me the water bottle he had placed on the night stand last night. I gladly accepted it and drank half of it, then handed it over to him and he drank the other half. 

“So,” I said shyly. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to explain yourself.” he said in a very serious manner. I sat up now with one leg on top of the other. 

“I want to,” I said looking down at my hands. “I don’t want you to think I’m a tease or anything… it’s just that I… have never,” the volume of my voice decreasing with every word. 

“Hey, it’s ok,” he put his hand on my knee and rubbed with his thumb.. “Listen, sex is great… but sex with the right person is pretty awesome. So don’t worry. I’d be honored if you decided I was the one you wanted to take that step with, if you’re not ready, I’d still be honored to get to spend a little more time with you. Ok?” 

We decided to go get breakfast by ourselves because JC didn’t want it to be awkward for me with the guys assuming something had happened last night. He’d deal with them later. They were scheduled for a luncheon with the BMG Ariola Munich people and then a photo shoot in the afternoon. We found a small café not far from the hotel, in the direction of Frieda’s apartment. We settled down, ordered coffee, a bread basket and some jams, nutella and butter. 

“Don’t you miss just having eggs for breakfast? JC asked as he grabbed a piece of baguette and smothered it with nutella. 

“I don’t know, I really love the bread here,” I said taking a bite, “Although, I think I should be concerned that your shorts fit me so well.” I joked with a frown. JC snorted loudly. 

“So I haven’t gotten to tell you what I thought about the album,” I said smiling. JC looked up with a mouth full of food. 

“Well?” he asked without swallowing. I gushed about it. His eyes lighting up with every compliment, he even blushed and had to look away once or twice. 

“You’re only saying that because you wanna get into my pants,” he said, shaking his head, making me blush this time so that I had to cover my face with my hands. 

We found our way to Frieda’s building and as I stood on the step leading to the front door and took out the key, JC turned me around so we were facing each other, eye level. 

“I wish I could stay with you and not go smile at people I don’t know.” he said putting his hands on my waist and pulling me closer. “They talk in german most of the time so I understand nothing. It’s boring” he pouted. 

“Listen, the minute you can get away there will be a nice home cooked dinner waiting for you.” He gave me a half smile and buried his face between my shoulder and my neck. 

“God I like you, so much.” he sighed. “I’m a little crazy about you.” 

“I am a lot crazy about you, sir.” He put his lips to my neck and brushed them up to my ear where he softly bit on my earlobe, then lips brushed against my cheek until they found my own lips. 

Watching him go was always hard. He started walking away, turned around to look at me and winked, making my heart melt. He always acted like he didn’t know how sexy he was, but he knew. 

I walked slowly into the apartment. Whatever had happened there last night I did not want to see. But there was no one in sight, only a couple glasses on the coffee table in the living room. I heard the shower running and I hoped Frieda was in there alone. I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. I sank into the soft cushions, closed my eyes and tried to relax. A montage of last night’s events replayed in my mind. Was I regretting not going through with it? Was it guilt what I was feeling?

“Hey, how’d it go with the hunk?” Frieda startled me out of my thought spiral as she walked out of the bathroom and into the living room wearing a bathrobe and a towel on her head. 

“It didn’t,” I said quietly and proceeded to recount every humiliating detail. 

“Wow,” Frieda said with a surprised look on her face while I grabbed my face in agony. “He’s super cool… I love him. ” 

She walked over to the kitchen and put the kettle on. “let me just get dressed and we’ll have a long conversation about it.”

We sat in the living room with hot cups of tea steaming in our hands. After going through every detail of her night with Joey Frieda asked me what had happened, what had made me freak out in the end. 

“Is he a sloppy kisser?” she asked.

“What? Oh no, he’s a wonderful kisser But I really don’t know what came over me. It all started to feel too real.” 

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you hon, he seems like a nice guy. Joey even said it was weird he had stayed late in the club the night you met them, apparently he’s the first one in bed almost every night.” I shrugged. “Listen, you don’t owe him anything. But really think about how he makes you feel. I mean, my first time was with a wonderful guy, we didn’t last but that’s a memory I’ll cherish forever.” 

How he made me feel was safe, and giddy, and sexy. 

We went down to the nearest store to buy some stuff so I could make JC dinner that night. Frieda quickly ate something when we got back to the apartment and was out the door. There was some book release going on at her job and she needed to be there. “Have fun!” she exclaimed as she ran out the door closing it behind her. 

I spent the next two hours mincing garlic, sauteing onion, boiling water, salting, whisking. Finally a buzz made me jump startled. I quickly jumped over to the intercom and let JC up. I opened the door and waited for him to come up. He walked slowly through the hall, his hands in his coat pockets. He was smiling when he reached the door but his eyes looked tired, less bright than usual. 

“Hi,” I whispered looking up at him. 

“My face hurts from smiling,” he said and immediately buried his face in my hair, between my collarbone and my neck. I chuckled softly. “Your face hurts because you’re too handsome.” 

“Ha!”he exclaimed as he took my hand and led me back into the apartment. “Come on, it smells amazing in here and I’m starving.” 

We dug into the meal I had prepared. Cheese and Spinach ravioli in a creamy basil sauce with leafy greens and cherry tomatoes in a balsamic reduction. 

By the second plateful and glass of wine JC pushed his plate away and rubbed his belly leaning back on his chair. “That was the best meal I’ve had in months.” 

I was hypnotized by him. He had somehow managed to talk for 15 straight minutes about the origin of balsamic vinegar, and I was enthralled. 

I cleared the table and as I took the last glasses from it he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap. 

“I missed you,” he whispered. Eyes closed, forehead pressed to my cheek. 

“I missed you, too,” his mouth found mine, pressing his lips sweetly against mine. His hand resting softly on my thigh and the other one in my hair on the back of my neck. 

I pulled myself back with my eyes still closed, bit my lower lip. “I guess I can clean this up later,” like a gazelle he jumped off the chair and pulled me into the bedroom. We fell down on the bed laughing. He propped himself up on one elbow and turned to me, his hand on my waist. He pushed himself off the bed a little, searching for my lips. We lay there in each other’s arms lost in each other for a little while. I excused myself to go change into something more comfortable. While I was in the bathroom checking my lipstick and changing into my nightie something Frieda said kept replaying in my head: “What will you regret more? Sleeping with him, or not doing it?” I stepped out of the bathroom and tried to put on a seductive look but when I walked into the room JC was sprawled onto the bed, fast asleep. He looked so peaceful and pretty, eyes closed, long black lashes against rosy cheeks. His breathing slow and steady. I grabbed a blanket and put in on him as I crawled beside him, kissed his cheek and went to sleep. 

I woke up huddled up to him. His intoxicating smell filling my nose. I took a deep breath still with my eyes closed and smiled. I felt him move and looked up. 

“Hey pretty girl,” kissed me on the top of the head. “That was the best sleep I've had in months, we should sleep together every night.” I blushed. He laughed. 

After a couple minutes of lazy chit chat we decided to get going. We were going to be tourists today.

We started the tour at the Reichstag, Berlin’s parliament building, where we rode to the terrace and the view of the city took our breath away. JC had picked up a book that had all the places to see. Then we walked into the Tiergarten, an amazing park filled with a lot of monuments including the Soviet War Memorial and the Siegessâule which commemorates the founding of the German Empire. Then we stopped at the Brandenburg Gate. Being surrounded by all this history was incredibly stimulating and JC was geeking out about the architecture, which was incredibly adorable. Walking through the crowded streets stealing kisses and glances, telling jokes, laughing, getting to know each other and enjoying each others’ company, it was heaven. 

We visited the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. It was very emotional standing there, staring at the concrete slabs, all 2000 of them, taking in the emotional meaning of each one of them. 

We stopped for lunch at the Berliner Dom and spent the afternoon at Museum Island. We discovered we both loved art so the one we enjoyed most was the Alte Nationalgalerie. We took a detour to find the Berlin Wall finishing up at Alexanderplatz and rode all the way up the Berlin Fernsehturm. 

As we stood on the observation deck, JC behind me, arms wrapped around my waist, my hands on his arms, he sighed deeply, kissed my neck and whispered, “This has been the best day.” 

We were pretty beat so we decided to take a taxi back. JC had asked me if I wanted him to drop me off at Frieda’s, to which I replied coyly looking at him from under my lashes. “I actually would much rather spend the night at your place,” his eyes lit up a little but tried to remain composed. “Sure.” 

Back at the hotel we walked through the hallway silently, hand in hand. He fumbled again with the keys, he seemed almost nervous. I was. 

Inside the room I threw my bag on one of the chairs and took off my coat and shoes. JC did the same. He walked over to me slowly, his eyes seemed bigger. He bent down to kiss me. I pulled myself up by his neck and deepened the kiss, his hands firmly planted on my waist. 

“We don’t have to-” I cut him off by forcefully kissing him again. I wanted him. I had wanted him since the moment his lips first touched mine and now I was sure of it. His hands started roaming my body, from my waist to my back, to my ass. My hands lost in his hair, pulling on it slightly. A moan escaped my lips when he let them free and started focusing on my neck, my collarbone. He started undoing the buttons of my shirt with one hand while the other hand found its way to the back under the shirt caressing my skin. I pushed him off slightly and started to pull on his shirt, he pulled it off his head with one swift move. I placed both my hand on his chest admiring his skinny but very toned torso, then bent slowly and kissed his pecs. He threw his head back with eyes closed and bit his lip. He picked me up by the waist and slowly carried me to the bed, laying me down softly. He kissed me passionately one more time. I was losing my mind, intoxicated by his smell, by his kisses by his hands on me. 

I remember every kiss, every touch, every part of my skin that came in contact with his. I remember the moans he made, the tenderness of his movements, the little drops of sweat on his forehead. I remember the way he tasted and the way he looked at me and how he made me feel. I felt wanted, I felt sexy but most of all I felt safe. 

“Oh JC,” I whispered as he kissed my neck, my body writhing under his touch, my hands in his hair. 

“You’re incredible Kiki,” he replied. 

At the height of passion he had pinned one of my hands over my head. “Look at me,” he said, panting. Our breaths had found a rhythm. I opened my eyes and found him staring back at me. Lustful yet tender bright blue eyes, and I lost myself in them as we became one.