The legal battle was draining for all of them.

 After confronting the person they had trusted the most for practically stealing from them, they began shopping around for new labels, which led to their current label suing them for breach of contract. All this happening between touring, recording, TV appearances and being in and out of court. This took a toll on the guys. Especially JC. 

It was the first time he had seen the ugly face of the music business. They were being threatened. Everything they had worked so hard for could be taken from them. Even the new music that had already been laid out for the new album. Something broke in him. And it  broke my heart to see it. 

He was being kept out of the studio, which was his haven, because anything they recorded while still under contract could be taken away from them if they lost the trial. 

It killed me being away from him. It killed me that someone else could be comforting him. It killed me knowing he was hurting. Even when he hid it so well. 

He would rarely bring it up when we spoke on the phone, or when we would chat online, or even in emails. But in the letters I could feel the energy had shifted. He would still write me poems and lyrics, but he would always follow them by saying he didn’t know if he would ever record a song again. I never knew what to say. I just made sure to let him know how amazing he was, how much I missed him, and how I hoped this nightmare was over. 

These trying times also shone a light on JC’s loyalty and love for the group he had worked hard to establish. Once or twice he mentioned that while they were shopping around for new labels several executives had expressed interest in him, and only him, but he would shut them down immediately. It was NSYNC or nothing, even if their right to their name was still up in the air. 

After saying goodbye in Cancun the year went by very slowly. The send off was particularly hard knowing what was to come for them. Their tour continued to be successful but as JC pointed out more than once, it was very hard to enjoy everything when things were so uncertain. Of course they never let it show and gave their everything for their fans in every single show. 

On my side things were very normal. JC and I parted ways again with our agreement very much untouched: life went on and we made no promises, no commitments, no expectations. Which is easier said than done. Especially after having confessed our feelings for each other, which made the distance very real, and very painful. 

I still tried to date. There were guys I was genuinely interested in, however when things got to be too real no one would measure up, which made it difficult to start something. 

The internet also made it seem like we were closer. JC would really make an effort to keep our instant messenger dates. I spent every afternoon that I knew he had off glued to the computer just expecting him to show up so I could have a couple of minutes with him. I felt so pathetic. Especially because the internet also made it easy to keep up with every tabloid, and every picture of every girl who ever got close to them. I tried my best to stay away from gossip sites, fan message boards but something would always reach me and I hated the way it made me feel. 

By late 1999 the legal problems were finally over. The lawsuit was settled out of court. JC never went into detail, the only thing he shared was that they could hold on to their name, their music and their career. One thing he said resonated to me for months, “You were the first person I wanted to call, I really wish you were here,” he said through the phone. It wasn’t the first time he had said it, and it wouldn’t be the last but it really planted the thought in my head that he, too, was the first person I wanted to share anything with and it troubled me to know that he would probably never be here and I would probably never be there when important events went down. 

It was great having the old JC back, though. Full of life, full of cheer. Making music slowly brought him back to his old self. He was enjoying the shows, the fans, the studio, the freedom of being able to choose their fate. Everything was coming up great for them and it made me realize how unbelievable it was to even know him. The fact that our paths had crossed and that we kept finding each other was so improbable that I decided to just enjoy the ride. If one week a year is all I had with him I would enjoy it while it lasted, while he still wanted me, while I still wanted him… like I could ever get tired of him. 

So we went ahead and made plans to meet again for spring break. After months and months of work, promoting and breaking world records, a week in cancun sounded like heaven for JC. And after months of months of studying like crazy and missing him even more, a week with him sounded like heaven to me. So when MTV came calling again he jumped at the opportunity and I followed. 

This time I traveled alone. After a short flight and short taxi ride I walked into the lobby of a very chic hotel in Cancun, Mexico. I wasn’t really sure where I was supposed to go, the only information I had was the hotel’s name. I walked around a little and then I saw him. Standing near the concierge desk, looking incredible in khaki cargo shorts, a white tight wife beater and a pink short sleeved buttoned down shirt open to mid chest. I immediately dropped my bag, ran to him and flung myself right into his arms. Every person around us be damned, I didn’t care. He lifted me up as I clung to him, my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck, both of us beaming at each other. He tilted his head up as I tilted mine down and melted into his lips. For a split second we were standing alone in that crowded hotel lobby. My nose full of his scent, my mouth occupied by his tongue, my mind in absolute frenzy. We slowly parted as I slowly looked around and blushed embarrassed about the scene we were making, at the same time noting JC’s bodyguard stiffly glaring at us. I shimmied down his body as he lowered me down to the floor laughing. 

“Don’t worry honey, this crowd is not really our target demo,” he shrugged and smiled. I looked around and laughed at the groups of college kids, half of them drunk as sailors. JC chuckled, grabbed my hand and started towards the bag I had dropped before. He picked it up and looked around. 

“Just this? Where’s your luggage?” 

I shrugged, blushing again. “I didn’t really bring a lot of clothes.” 

“Good, you’re not gonna need them mama,” he said flirtatiously in almost a whisper and softly slapped me on the butt. 

He took me straight upstairs. I really wanted to take a shower and change out of the travel clothes, however my plans didn’t really materialize. We barely made it to the room. The second we stepped into the elevator he was pushed up against me sucking on my lips, making his way to my chin, over my jaw to my ear. His hair was short but my hands were full of it, pulling on it slightly. He grabbed the back of both my knees and lifted me up, pushing me against the mirrored wall of the elevator. His mouth on mine again, devouring me. The door opened with a ding which caused us to break our kiss startled. We got out giggling and walked quickly with him pawing at me. 

Our first encounter after months and months of longing was usually hurried. Like a thirst that needed to be quenched. We tore at each other’s clothes like they were on fire when it was really my skin that felt on fire with his every touch. 

“Tell me what you want mama,” he breathed into my ear as he kissed me again and softly pushed me so I was walking backwards towards the bed until I bumped into it and fell seated on it. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me until almost all his weight was on top of me. “Te quiero solo a ti,” I whispered looking into his eyes. His eyes grew wide when he heard me speaking in spanish and ignited him into a craze, and I just let myself get lost in him.

I laid on my stomach, my head on top of my hands, looking at JC as he drew small figures with his fingertips on my bare back. 

“Tiny’s gonna hate me if we keep making scenes like that,” I told him. 

“I’m well behaved the rest of the year,” he told me smiling. “The other guys make more trouble.” 

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, laughing, rediscovering each other, enjoying each other. We didn’t leave the room until 18 hours later when JC was scheduled to film some kind of music video countdown in one of the rooms in the hotel, they apparently didn’t want them on the beach because of security reasons. 

He had booked me a spa day so I wouldn’t be alone while he was busy. Luckily it was the only work related thing he had to do, so we could relax after. 

They all let their hair down a little when they were done with work. We spent the week frolicking on the beach, laying in the sun by the pool, partying at night, just having fun. They were all lightweights with tequila but could dance the night away. The relaxed environment of spring break did them good, they had earned a little break. 

5 days into our vacation I woke up tangled in the sheets. I scrambled around on an empty bed and immediately opened my eyes searching for JC around the room. I was usually the first one to be up in the morning, so it felt a little odd to be alone.

I found him sitting at the little table by the TV, humming, tapping his bare foot on the ground, deep in thought with a pen twirling in one hand and a piece of paper being held down on the table with the other. He was wearing loosely fitting pajama pants, shirtless. His hair started to show his natural curls without all the products their stylist usually put in it, 4 days worth of growth on his face giving him the most perfect scruffy look. The sun from the window coming into the room hit him perfectly. I laid there in awe of him, basking in his beauty. Every time I laid eyes on him I was surprised by how attracted I was to him, I could never get enough. I smiled to myself, this was a perfect moment. 

He continued humming. It was a melody he had been humming non stop for the last week. It became louder, making me chuckle. He looked up. Wide ocean blue eyes staring playfully at me. 

“Didn’t mean to wake you pretty girl,” he said. 

“Don’t you ever stop working babe?” I asked him, stretching a little with a grunt. 

He chuckled. “When a lyric gets in my head I need to get it down on paper or I’ll lose it.” he told me. “I was actually thinking about you just now.” He walked slowly towards me, with a half smirk across his face. He climbed on the bed and slowly crawled over to me until he was on top of my body. “I’m thinking about you, day and night, I just can’t get you off my mind,” he sort of sang. I grabbed the back of his neck, playing with the little curly hairs on the base of his head. He nuzzled my neck, his facial hair prickling my skin, sending waves of electricity through my body. He sucked lightly on my neck, then moved up to my ear and made his way to my lips. We shared a long luxurious, tender kiss. He then looked into my eyes with a pleading look. 

“I wanted to ask you something,” he said quietly. 

“Uh oh.” 

“No, no uh oh. I just thought about something... I’ve been thinking about something... and since you said that you really had nothing going on... while school was out in june I just thought..” he started rambling. I bit my lip in anticipation and sat up on the bed. 

“We’re kicking off the tour in May, we’ll be full in rehearsal the minute we get back home… so I thought,” he sighed nervously. “I want you there with me… on tour?” He grabbed both my hands in his. “Please?” 

I was delighted about the idea of spending a couple of weeks with him during the half year break from school. But I frowned, causing him to frown in response. I tried to think about how I could afford another trip on a half time student salary. 

I started to open my mouth. 

“I bet I know what you’re thinking,” he said suddenly before I could speak. I glared at him with raised eyebrows. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re thinking about the money.”

“Well, yeah. Struggling college student over here.”

He laughed. A hearty belly laugh I always found so endearing. “Well,” he said, pulling me on top of him now, onto his lap. “Rising pop star over here.” 

I shifted awkwardly and huffed loudly. 

“I don’t need you buying things for me,” I said, starting to get annoyed. 

“Hey, come on. Please let me do this, it’s more for me than it is for you. Let’s just say I need my muse by my side,” he said and bit his lip smiling. 

“I don’t know…”

“Please.”

“JC…”

“Pleaseeeee-uh!”

“Jayce…”

“Please please please please.” 

“Oh my God, you’re so annoying. FIne!” I finally said with my heart beating out of my chest from excitement. 

“Really?!?” I repositioned myself on his lap, smiling, lacing my fingers on the back of his head. 

“Si, si, si, mil veces si, mi amor,” I said. His pupils grew wide, full of fire. 

“There you go again making me crazy with the spanish. Don’t go starting something if you’re not gonna finish it,” and before I knew it we were absorbed in each other again.