Fall 2007
"Take it from the top?" JC asked into the microphone from behind the mixing board.
"Yeaah..." Teddi replied, staring at JC through the glass of the recording booth.
"Is- is that hesitation I hear?" JC stared at Teddi through the glass window of the recording booth. Dressed in a gray sleeveless vest over a white T-Shirt, a silver rosary necklace, and red skinny jeans that tucked into her leather black high-heeled booties, JC watched as she fidgeted uncomfortably. She'd long discarded her black and white pinstripe fedora, claiming it made her ‘too hot' and took away her concentration. Why was she acting like she'd never been in a recording studio? She did this for a living!
"No," Teddi scoffed, feigning confidence.
"C'mon, Ted, you've got this. It's just you and me here, remember what we talked about?"
Teddi nodded, remembering JC's words. Songwriting is personal and exposing your art to the world is a vulnerable position to be in, but it's worth the risk to put your heart on the line, and have people connect with your innermost feelings. She shouldn't be nervous. She had no reason to be. It was just JC. He'd been with her from the beginning. Since she was eighteen years old and signed her deal with Geffen Records after being discovered by Jimmy Iovine and David Geffen. He was more than her producer and co-writer; he'd become like a big brother. When she made the move from her hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina, to Los Angeles, California right after her high school graduation, it was the first time she'd been away from home and without her parents. She was eighteen, had just signed her first record deal, and was now thrust into Hollywood. AKA, bait to all the vipers and predators of Hollyweird. Then, she'd been introduced to JC at a label meeting through her A&R Ron Fair, who informed her that he'd been enlisted to help write and produce her first album.
"The Two of Us," Teddi said, extending her hand across the round, polished wooden oak table.
"Huh?" JC asked, shaking her hand.
"Your song, The Two of Us," Teddi clarified. What American girl her age hadn't been an *Nsync fan.? "I really like it. In fact, I love it, the whole two-step vibe it has to it. It totally contrasted the lyrics. It should have totally been a single."
JC visibly blushed, always uncomfortable when he was the subject of praise.
"Oh, and Give in to Me?! WOW!"
"Uh- you heard that?" JC asked incredulously.
"Of course, I mean you're an amazing lyricist. When I first heard the songs on the No Strings Attached album, I immediately flipped open the CD sleeve to see who wrote what, and when I saw how many times your name appeared, I had to find out what else you'd written, and well... Oh gosh, now I'm rambling!" It was Teddi's turn to blush.
"No, go on..." JC joked. He was intrigued. Here was this teenage girl who was fanning out over his musicianship, rather than the superficial. He appreciated the compliments, but it was refreshing that someone took an interest in him for his art, rather than what he'd decided to do to his hair, or what he was wearing.
Teddi owed the success of her first album to JC, he was a musical genius. If it weren't for his creative insight and direction, she could have never won Best New Artist at the 2005 Grammy Awards. She'd also won Song of the Year for her second single, More to Life, which JC had written, earning him his first Grammy. Being first time Grammy winners wasn't a bad first to share. They'd both been so elated that night; they were on cloud nine. They'd created something magical together that would bond them forever, and no one could take that away from them. They were musical soulmates.
More than that, JC had become family. He was the only person she truly had when she first moved to LA. His door was always open, and too many times had she'd shown up on his doorstep crying about guys- and there'd been quite a few- along with life lessons and growing pains in general. Having gone through it all before, JC always knew exactly what to say. He'd become her shoulder to lean on in that first year in LA. Whether it was eating Chinese takeout on his couch and channel surfing, having impromptu jam sessions, or making sure she didn't get roofied at a club, he was there for it all. And man, was she forever grateful.
"Why are you giving me that look?" JC asked smirking.
"What if it's not as good as I think it is?" Teddi asked into the microphone, her voice coming out shaky and uneasy.
"Honey, what did I tell you about the what ifs? You wouldn't be here if you paid attention to all the what ifs."
True, Teddi thought. But this was different. This was the first time she'd written an entire album. Her first album, self-titled, Teddi Windsor, she'd co-written on four of the songs. For this album she'd been given complete creative control by the label. She and JC were the only writers, and he'd taken a back seat to showcase her songwriting skills, while he largely produced everything with Dallas Austin.
"But this is different JC; these are my words, my thoughts, my feelings. It just feels so raw."
JC furrowed his eyebrows. "What could be more raw than More to Life?"
"JC, you wrote that," Teddi pointed out.
"That was all you. Sure, I wrote the lyrics, but the soul and the essence? That was you. I could have never come up with those words unless you'd expressed to me everything you were going through."
Teddi thought back to the Summer of 2003. David Geffen had suggested she diet. She had an upcoming photoshoot for a spread in CosmoGirl as well as her first photo session for her album cover. Having a type-A personality, and wanting for everything to be perfect, it was all too easy for her to become hyper-focused on the Atkins diet, triggering a downward spiral and minor relapse into her eating disorder. JC became concerned when her collarbone started to protrude, and he could count the vertebrae of her spine through her halter tops. He'd been the one to give her a reality check and pull her back into the real world before she lost herself. She'd confided in him some of her deepest and darkest secrets. He didn't judge. He just listened, which was a breath of fresh air. Out of that moment, More to Life had been born. It went to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 for four weeks and was the number one song of the TRL countdown or a week straight. She'd received so many letters from teen girls form around the world sharing their struggles with body image and eating disorders. She was made a spokesperson for the National Eating Disorder Awareness Association. Yet, another thing she had to thank JC for.
"You're not giving yourself enough credit," JC stated, starting at Teddi through the glass window of the recording booth.
"Pot meet kettle," Teddi quipped. If anyone didn't give themselves the credit they deserved, it was JC Chasez. If only he knew just how amazing he was.
"Oh, haha," JC scoffed playfully. "This isn't about me right now, this about you. Stop stalling."
"Fine," Teddi sighed nervously. "Let's do this."
"Finally," JC smiled. JC took his finger off the button that turned his microphone on and rolled over to the large, white Mac computer in his black ergonomic chair. He put his hand on the glossy white mouse and, just as he was about to play the track in the recording software program, he was interrupted by the sound of a ringtone.
Please don't mind what I'm trying to say 'cause I'm, I'm being honest
When I tell you that you
You, you're part of the reason I'm so set on the rest of my life
Being a part of you
JC winced at the cheesy lyrics. Teddi had to get a new ringtone. It had been six months, and he couldn't take it anymore. He'd rather her switchback to Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. She'd taunted him with that songs after he and Eva briefly reunited before she got married.
Watching JC, from her place in the soundproof recording booth, she recognized that wince. He hated that song. "JC is my phone ringing?"
"No," JC said quickly. He didn't need her to be distracted. Especially, after he'd spent so much time trying to get her in the right headspace.
Teddi took her headset off and placed it onto the microphone.
Oh, no, JC thought.
Teddi exited the recording booth and joined JC on the other side, behind the mixing board. "Hand it over," she demanded.
JC opened up his palm to reveal Teddi's magenta pink Motorola Razr flip phone. She quickly snatched it from his hand before he could pull it away.
"You were supposed to turn your phone off," JC reminded her.
"I know, Dad. I forgot!"
"I'm not that much older than you."
Teddi playfully hit him across the shoulder. She flipped her phone open and read her missed calls.
JC watched as her face twisted in confusion. "Not him."
"Him," Teddi sighed.
"Don't," JC pleaded.
"I just want to see what he has to say," Teddi replied.
"What makes you think he'll change? It's not worth it, Ted."
Teddi knew he was right. She shouldn't call him back. She shouldn't even still have his number, but it was still programmed into her phone. He was still in her top eight on her Myspace, and still living rent free in her head. It's bad enough she had to see him every time she turned on MTV. Brody Jenner. The love of her life and the bane of her existence. It was bad enough that he had humiliated her on national TV. She never should've agreed to appear on The Hills. Naively, she'd thought it be a great opportunity to promote her new music; MTV's number one hit show. Instead, she'd been used as a storyline by Liz Gately and Sean Travis. She'd been dumped by Brody at Le Deux, the popular Hollywood night club frequented by the latest crop of reality stars. He broke up with her in front of the MTV camera crew, paparazzi, and the entire cast of The Hills. Frozen in pure mortification, she couldn't do anything but cry. Spencer Pratt had called her a ‘Stage Five Clinger' eliciting snickers from the likes of Audrina Patridge and Lo Bosworth. It had been the most humiliating moment of her life. Add to it, that the whole scene had made the final cut of the episode with very minimal edits. Then, cut to Brody leaving the club with Lauren "LC" Conrad. The episode had become the highest rated episode of the second season, and it was in constant rotation on MTV. Seemingly overnight, Teddi had gone from promising young Grammy winner and MTV darling to reality show laughingstock. All because of Brody fucking Jenner.
JC could see the wheels spinning in Teddi's head. "Don't tell me you're still conflicted over this. C'mon Ted, he made an ass out of you on national television."
That should be reason enough to not give his sorry ass any more of her time. But he had this gravitational pull. She could never seem to resist him. "I just need to get him out of my system."
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"JC! I won't be able to go in that booth and record this song until I know what he has to say to me. My heart won't be in it." Teddi didn't understand why he was trying to force his hand with this. He acted like he wasn't the same way with Eva.
JC engaged Teddi in a stare down, challenging her. Headstrong and stubborn, she wasn't giving in. "Fine," he finally conceded. "Ten minutes. That's it."
Almost on command, Teddi's phone began to ring again. "Thank, thank you!" She squealed.
So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around
I'm spinning, while I'm falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you to stay
"And please, for the love of God get a new ring tone!" JC called after Teddi as she exited the room. He sat impatiently, rocking back and forth in his chair. He let his mind wander to all the possibilities of Teddi's relationship status with Brody. Were they on again? Back off? They'd been on this up and down crazy rollercoaster of a relationship for the past year and a half. Every time Brody hurt her, JC had been there with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked, a bottle of Barefoot Sweet Red Blend, a box of Kleenex, and a Grey's Anatomy DVD. She'd been through this cycle so many times, that even JC had become intrigued with the Callie-George-Izzie love triangle. He tried not to be too hard on her when it came to Brody, because he'd been there himself. But it had been pretty hard to sit back and watch as his friend got hurt over and over again. JC was resilient, he would eventually pick himself back up again, but Teddi? It was easy for her to conform herself to whoever she was with, and then she'd be crushed when they inevitably dumped her. And they would always dump her because she'd never been the one to walk away. She wasn't one to wave the white flag in relationships. Since he's known Teddi, she'd professed each boyfriend to be the one. Which was why it was always so painful to see it all come crashing down.
Before Brody, JC had witnessed her go through rocky relationships with some of the most unstable guys. There was Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco, Travie McCoy of Gym Class Heroes, Ryan Cabrera, Wilmer Valderrama (seriously, what in the entire fuck, Teddi?), Tyson Ritter of the All-American Rejects, and Martin "Bucky" Seja from Down with Webster. Save for Wilmer, Teddi had gotten the reputation of being a ‘band groupie', but she wasn't like that. She was just a hopeless romantic. What she failed to realize is that the guys she dated weren't the hopeless romantic type, no matter how many songs had been written about. During one of her many breakups with Brody, he'd tried to set her up with his friend, actor Chace Crawford. Chace wasn't exactly trying to settle down, but he was sure that he'd be the perfect distraction to get her mind off of Brody. An attempt that proved futile.
"What girl wouldn't want to be with Chace Crawford? He's on the hottest new TV show, women are practically throwing their feet at him!" JC reasoned.
"He's nice Jace, don't get me wrong, but there's no spark."
There could have been a spark, but her vision was clouded by Brody. He had to keep reminding himself that she was only twenty-two, and he himself had made a lot of mistakes at that age. It's just that Teddi was so mature, he almost forgot about the nine-year age difference between them. At times she could be incredibly insightful and introspective. But when it came to love? It's like she'd thrown all sense out the window.
JC was distracted from his thoughts when he heard the door to the studio opening. He spun around in his chair to face Teddi. Her eyelids were red and swollen. His heart sank. "Ted, I-"
"No," Teddi said cutting him off. She plopped down on the couch across from where he was seated by the mixing board. "It's fine. I'm fine," she said with more conviction than she'd ever professed before.
JC actually believed her.
"It's just that, it's really over this time," Teddi stated, coming to acceptance. Suddenly, she smiled.
"What?" JC asked.
"You know what? I think that's just what I needed," Teddi smiled, nodding to herself.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"So, what are you sitting there for? Get into the booth and do your thing!" JC encouraged.
Teddi hopped up from the couch, and raced into the recording booth, the heavy door slamming behind her. Once in the booth, she put the headphones on, and nodded to JC, alerting him that she was ready.
JC pressed the speaker button on the mixing board and spoke into it. "You ready?" He asked.
Teddi and JC locked eyes, a look initiating that they were both ‘in the zone'. JC rolled over to the computer, and hit the play button, allowing the studio to fill with the sounds of the R&B/Pop track the duo had worked together to compose. Teddi closed her eyes and began to sing.
It's funny how you think you really know yourself
Like you would never lose yourself to someone else
And I was up to thinking it was all about you and me
Silly silly me
I should have never listened to a word you said
But I was always giving in to promises
I never should have gone for
I should never long for you no matter how hard it gets
And I want this to be over
I so want this to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you
JC had allowed himself to be swept up by Teddi's voice. Just like he had back in their recording session four years ago. Whatever Brody had said to her, it was enough to make Teddi come to the realization that she needed to move on from him. She was putting every ounce of emotion into the song.
Cause everywhere I go
No matter what I do boy
I just can't get you out of my head
So it annoys me
(You wasn't man enough)
To come and tell me
(That I was never the one)
Like you said I was
(You could have told someone)
You knew you didn't love me anymore
As Teddi continued to sing, JC watched proudly, only making minor adjustments on the mixing board when necessary; adjusting the volume so it wouldn't drown out her voice, panning the volume from left to right. Maybe, her breakup with Brody would be a catalyst for change, and she'd start holding herself to a higher standard. Maybe, just maybe she was exhibiting growth.
If you had only told me how you really felt
I could have put my feelings into someone else
But I was busy thinkin' I was where I was supposed to be
Silly silly me
But there was something 'bout you that I couldn't resist
Can't put my finger on it but whatever it is
I never should have stood for it
I know you're no good for me
And that's the way it is
And I want it to be over
I so want it to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you
Cause everywhere I go
No matter what I do boy
I just can't get you out of my head
So it annoys me
(You wasn't man enough)
To come and tell me
(That I was never the one)
Like you said I was
(You could have told someone)
You knew you didn't love me anymore
I tell myself
Get over you
It's over right
Right thing to do
And just when I thought I was done
You pull me in for another run
I can't take this
I won't take this
I can't do this
I Won't do it
Even if I know in the end somehow it always comes back to you
Cause everywhere I go
No matter what I do boy
I just can't get you out of my head
So it annoys me
(You wasn't man enough)
To come and tell me
(That I was never the one)
Like you said I was
(You could have told someone)
You knew you didn't love me anymore
(You could have told someone)
You knew you didn't love me anymore
As the song wrapped, Teddi took her headphones off and placed them back on the mic. "So, how was that?" She asked shyly.
"You killed it, Mama!" JC said proudly.
Teddi smiled, relieved. When it came to her music, the one opinion that mattered to her most was JC's. If he liked it, it was good enough. No matter what, she always sought his approval.
JC smiled back at her. The feeling of being able to witness her talent was indescribable. The fact that he got to be a part of her journey. There were no words to describe how honored he was to be a part of the Teddi Windsor story.
