Lance rubbed at his forehead, trying to will away the headache that was growing in intensity. The ride to the airport had been silent, and then when they'd arrived, the five of them had allowed their bodyguards to escort them through checking in, security, and arriving at their gate. Johnny had even pulled some strings ahead of time to allow them to have the first class lounge at the gate to themselves so they could relax before the flight without dealing with fans. Something that turned out to be a total blessing.

LAX was one of the busiest airports in the country, and it was definitely living up to that today. The large crowd level made it that much harder for the five of them to navigate their way through the airport unnoticed. Their bodyguards had turned away numerous fans who'd tried to approach them throughout their journey to the gate. Normally they would stop and say hi, maybe sign a few things, but none of them were feeling up to it. So it was a relief when they'd arrived at the first class lounge and could hide away from prying eyes.

While the pressure was relieved for the moment, the tension hadn't lessened. The five of them hadn't talked since what'd happened back at the hospital. JC had barely glanced at any of them since then, and there was a lot unsaid between them. Though, Lance didn't know where to start or what to say.

Chris didn't seem to have that problem because as soon as they were all settled, he cleared his throat. "JC..." he started, but JC didn't even let him get another word out.

"I'm sorry." JC lifted his head, looking each of them in the eye for the first time since they'd left the hospital. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

The four of them looked at each other. "We know," Lance said. "We don't blame you."

"Why not?" JC said. "What happened is my fault. If I'd never gotten involved with Sabrina. If I'd never left when she killed Marc. If I'd never let her blackmail me..."

"JC," Chris said sharply. A tone used to get their attention. "We're not playing the ‘what if' game. It won't change anything."

"And we don't need you to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong," Justin added.

JC fixed him with a disbelieving look. "I lied to you guys for years. Don't tell me you're not mad about that because you already made that perfectly clear earlier."

Lance glanced at Justin, remembering the couple times he'd snapped at JC for keeping them all in the dark. Justin seemed to remember too because he sighed in frustration.

"I know what I said, but I also know you were trying to protect us," Justin said. "That's who you are, and you don't have to apologize for that."

JC made a face. "A lot of good it did."

"JC, please don't do this," Joey said. "There's enough to deal with without you feeling guilty."

"I can't help it." JC looked down at his lap, picking at a hangnail. "None of this would've happened if it wasn't for me. I should've told you guys the second Sabrina showed up and started blackmailing me. Hell, I should've said something back when we first started." He paused, frowning to himself. "You had a right to know I was a criminal."

"You are not a criminal," Justin denied vehemently.

"Maybe I don't have a record, but..."

"That's enough, JC," Chris cut in, his voice as firm as his expression. "Justin's right; you're not a criminal. You had no need to tell us legally speaking. But as your friends and band mates, we deserved to know."

JC raised his head, looking at Chris annoyed. "I already said-"

Chris held up a hand, cutting JC off and continuing on as if he hadn't interrupted. "Not because you think it would've changed our minds about having you in the band. You should've told us so we could've been there to help you through it - to help you stop living a lie."

"I'm not proud of what I did," JC said, glancing at each of them. "Even when I wasn't actively lying, I kept you all at an arm's length. I never wanted to let anyone close enough to see the real me."

"JC, we know the real you," Justin replied.

"You think you do, but-"

"But nothing," Joey cut him off. "Justin's right. Maybe you were able to keep a few secrets, but you can't tell us that we don't know who you really are. Not with how much we've been through and the close quarters."

JC frowned, lowering his gaze to his lap as he shook his head. He obviously didn't agree with Joey and Justin, and he seemed distressed that they weren't getting it. Lance felt as strongly as Joey and Justin that they did know the "real" JC, but he was curious what specifically made JC think that wasn't true.

"JC," Lance started, "tell us. Why do you think we don't know you as well as we think? Give us an example."

JC sighed, shifting in his seat. He quickly gave up on finding a more comfortable position, and he looked at them. "The sleeping everywhere thing. I wasn't always asleep. Sometimes I just pretended to be so there wouldn't be an opportunity for you to ask questions."

"We already knew that," Chris said, waving his hand dismissively. "Nobody sleeps that much - even with our crazy schedule. Not unless they're depressed." He paused and then added, "And you're not exactly a pro at faking it."

JC stared as the three of them all nodded, backing up Chris's statement. He looked surprised like it had never crossed his mind that they'd caught on to what he was doing. After all, it was something he'd been doing for years.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" JC asked.

"We agreed we would if it ever became an issue, but it didn't," Chris said. "You never shut us out completely, and we figured whatever was going on you'd talk to us eventually."

JC shook his head. "You're giving me a lot of credit. You still don't know the things I did..."

Justin rolled his eyes, and Chris muttered, "not this again".

"JC, I know exactly who you are," Justin said. "I don't care what you did with Sabrina. I knew you before that, so don't you think if you were a completely different person after LA I would've said something?"

"That's because I realized what a mistake I made and swore to myself I wouldn't ever let anything like that happen again."

"If you can recognize it was a mistake, then why are you so insistent that we don't know you?"

"Because it's part of who I am!" JC exclaimed, his agitation allowing his voice to rise in volume. Though, it was still rather subdued - aware of their public location as usual.

"No, it's part of who you were," Chris corrected. "People change, and like you said, you learned from any mistakes you made with Sabrina. We know exactly who you are. You need to accept that it's true."

"And you mean to tell me you don't think any different of me since learning about everything with Sabrina?"

"No," Joey said, speaking for all of them. "We don't. You're our friend and band mate, and nothing you did with some psycho chick is going to change that."

JC's eyes filled with tears, and Lance could tell by the rough way he swallowed that he was choking back a sob. The strong show of emotion would've concerned him if he wasn't able to see the relief in JC's posture and his face. JC did his best to maintain his grip on them, but when Justin wrapped an arm around him, he lost the battle.

It was indicative of how much JC had been holding back from not only them but himself. Lance had known from the beginning of this whole situation that JC hadn't been allowing himself to fully deal with everything, no doubt trying to be strong and act in control for their sake. But now that the danger had passed and they'd reassured him that it hadn't tarnished their opinion of him, he seemed able to finally let go of everything he'd been holding inside.

Finally, it felt like they could finally leave everything that'd happened behind and head back to Orlando without having anything hanging over their heads.

******************

JC pulled into his driveway and let out a sigh of relief. It felt good to be home, even though the last time he'd been was when this whole mess had started. After he shut off his car, he allowed himself a moment to just sit there. Part of it was to summon the energy to walk up his driveway and into the house, but the other part was reveling in being far away from LA.

When JC finally pushed himself out of the car, he grabbed his bag out of the trunk before slowly making his way up the driveway. His intention was to fall into bed the second he walked inside and dropped his stuff, but all that went out the window when he saw Penny sitting on the front step. She got to her feet as he approached.

He couldn't help frowning at the sight of her. She looked as beautiful as ever, though she was just wearing jeans and a blue sweater that brought out her eyes and highlighted her blonde hair. He'd missed her a lot during the last few days, but he didn't realize how much until this moment with her standing in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" JC asked, leaving a couple feet between them as he stopped in front of Penny. Given what he'd said to her, he'd imagined he'd never hear from her again. Back at the hospital, Justin had thought her showing up was a possibility, but JC'd had no such delusions. Then it hit him. "Justin called you again, didn't he?"

"Chris did," Penny said, giving a little shrug.

JC gave a sigh of aggravation, annoyed the guys couldn't mind their own business. Though, it made sense now why none of the guys had insisted on going home with him. He'd expected them to not want to let him out of their sight - not so soon since leaving LA and before his parents were in town. None of them had though, and now he knew why.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "You can go if you want."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," Penny replied. She took a tentative step forward. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

JC stared at her for a moment. All he could see was sincerity in her eyes, and he couldn't even see any sign that she was holding a grudge against him for their breakup. As usual, she was behaving in a way he never expected was a possibility. It was another reminder that not all girls were like Sabrina.

"You want to come in?" JC offered.

She gave him a small smile and nodded.

He moved past her to the door, fumbling with the keys for a brief moment before he found the right one to unlock it. As he stepped inside, his eyes automatically swept through the room looking for anything out of place. Though, it was a pointless action this time as things weren't going to look right given the abrupt way he'd left the last time he was home.

The guys had done just enough after he'd been arrested, obvious from the TV remote placed on top of the coffee table and the big bowl of popcorn gone. The couch cushions though were smushed and pillows thrown haphazardly on it with a blanket slung casually over the arm. It was still hard to believe it'd just been a few days ago the five of them had been here, relaxing and catching up with each other before the police had come knocking and everything had gone to hell.

"Everything okay?" Penny asked from behind him. He startled a little and turned to see her shut the front door.

"Yeah." JC stepped further into the living room and let his bag drop from his shoulder to the floor next to the couch. He turned to face her and found he didn't know what to say.

Penny, for having taken the initiative to come here, didn't seem to know how to proceed either. They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, neither of them speaking.

"You want something to drink?" JC asked finally. He was stalling, but he was truly thrown for a loop here. He'd never prepared what he would say to her because he'd never expected to see her again.

"Okay."

JC gave a nod and led the way to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with five ice cubes before pouring a can of Coke in. The finishing touch was a straw. He set the drink on the island in front of where Penny was standing, and it was only then it'd hit him what he'd just done. Without thinking, he'd fixed her a drink just the way she liked it - and he hadn't even asked her.

"I'm sorry," he apologized and he reached out for the glass, but she intercepted him, putting a hand on his arm.

"You don't have to be afraid of me," Penny said, her green eyes soft. "I'm not mad at you, JC."

JC pulled his arm away, straightening up and stepping back so as to put some distance between them. "Funny, but that's not how I remember us leaving things."

Penny sighed. "I was mad in the moment. I don't hang onto anger, JC. I was more upset that we'd fought than anything, and that we'd allowed it to break us up."

"I'm sorry for what I said." JC paused. He lowered his head, staring down at his shoes for a long moment as he tried to get his thoughts in order. Then he took a deep breath and forced himself to look at her as he said, "And I'm sorry I'm not the man you need me to be."

"Who says you're not?"

"Penny..." JC shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't say things just to make me feel like less of an ass."

"I'm not." She moved around the island, stopping so she was standing right in front of him. Though, she didn't invade his personal space. "You're not the bad guy you think you are. There's nothing wrong with you."

JC let out a short, dry laugh. "There's plenty wrong with me."

His mind automatically flashed through moments he and Sabrina had shared together the first time he'd ended up in LA, but it didn't stop there. He saw flashes of every time he'd closed himself off or distanced himself from his family, the guys, girlfriends. Ever since he'd left Sabrina behind in LA after Marc's murder, he'd done whatever he could to keep everyone at arm's length.

"I push away everyone that cares about me," he said.

"If you don't like it, then change it."

"I don't know how."

"Well," Penny pushed away from the island and moved closer, "this is a good start."

JC look down at her, frowning. "But this wasn't my idea. Justin and Chris were the ones who called you."

"But you didn't kick me out," she said. "That's something."

"I owed you an apology." He took a breath, trying to swallow back his nerves. "And an explanation."

JC closed his eyes. How much was he supposed to tell her? All of it was the best answer if he was looking to be completely honest with her - something she deserved from him. He was worried that unloading everything on her at once though would make her realize she was in over her head and send her running. And even if he couldn't admit it to the guys, he wanted to avoid that if at all possible.

A hand on his shoulder forced JC to open his eyes. Penny was staring at him with soft, understanding eyes and the corners of her mouth turned down. "You don't have to."

Unlike most girls JC had dated that'd said a similar phrase, she was completely genuine. There was no underlying tone to guilt him into talking before he was ready or a fake show of understanding. It was something he'd seen a lot with Penny, even if it'd taken him this long to realize it.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Ever since he'd broken up with Penny, he'd battled with himself on whether he'd done the right thing or not. He'd tried hard to convince himself that he had, that she had deeper feelings than him and would've just pushed those onto him the longer they were together. Then he'd been arrested and extradited to California, and throughout the whole ordeal the one constant his mind kept coming back to was her. They may not have been together all that long, but he'd come to rely on her support and gentle strength. And he hadn't had it because he'd pushed her away.

JC was certain he didn't deserve her. She could do so much better than him - find someone who didn't have commitment issues and wasn't afraid to tell her how he felt. He had no delusions that they would end up back together, but he had to tell her what went wrong and make her understand it wasn't her fault.

"I want to," JC said at last, looking her in the eye. "I want to explain what happened between us."

"Okay."

Penny took his hand and gently led him to the kitchen table where they sat across from each other. JC appreciated how kind she was being about this, but it just made him feel even worse about what'd happened and the things he'd said the last time they were together. He lowered his eyes, feeling undeserving of such warmth and understanding.

"You were right," he started. "Everything you said about me that night was dead on. I do tend to see the worst in people, and before this week, I'd forgotten why."

JC paused. He didn't know how much to tell Penny about Sabrina and everything that'd happened. She deserved to have the real story and not the one they'd fabricated for the press about a car jacking. But at the same time, he didn't want her running off and sharing the real story with people.

He sighed quietly to himself, having just proved his point exactly. His trust issues ran deep, and it wasn't her fault. If he had any chance of having a relationship - or at least being friends - with her he needed to tell her the truth. He couldn't let his fear hold him back any longer.

"When I was in LA after MMC, I met this girl - Sabrina. She was a few years older than me, and she..." JC was going to say that Sabrina had been nice to him, but that hadn't been the reality of the situation. Something he'd only realized later after he'd left her behind in LA and thought back over the several months they were together. He shook his head and forced himself to continue on. "I wasn't quite ready to give up on LA, but I was getting there. Then I met Sabrina and it felt like finally something was going right."

JC lifted his head to chance a look at Penny and found her looking back at him, her attention fixed solely on him. She didn't make any attempt to say anything or interrupt him; she just waited patiently for him to continue.

"She was demanding and kind of brash, but she could also be sweet when she wanted to," JC said. "She encouraged me to go after every audition I found, and she got so frustrated with the odd jobs I worked saying that I was wasting time that was better spent on music."

"I probably would've acted the same way," Penny put in gently. "You're passionate about music, and I can't see you doing anything else."

"Yeah, but I didn't realize until later she wanted me to succeed not so much for myself but for her. She wanted someone who would take care of her - that would make her rich without her having to do anything." JC paused. "As little money as I had when I met her, she got me to buy things for her. I even paid her rent once or twice."

When JC looked at Penny this time, he saw that she was frowning and there was a hint of anger in her eyes. It was a look he knew he would've seen from his parents back then had he told them all this when he'd returned from LA. Hell, it seemed likely he would still see it from them when they came into town within the next couple days because there was no doubt they'd want a full explanation.

Penny didn't say anything though, and JC forced himself to continue.

"I never thought much of it though. She had this way of turning things around and they never seemed all that bad. It wasn't until I left LA I'd realized how much she'd manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted."

"So she's the reason you don't trust women."

"It's not just women," JC objected. "I realized over the last few days that I don't even trust the guys or my family as much as they want me to. I'd never told anyone about my big secret. Something that came back to haunt me this week."

Penny frowned. "Was she part of the car jacking in LA?"

"No," JC said. Then he winced and corrected himself. "Kind of. Not in the way you're thinking though. She..."

He hesitated. Here was where he was supposed to reveal the whole truth of what'd happened back in LA, which meant explaining how he'd allowed himself to get in such a situation to begin with. The guys had taken everything he'd told them about his time with Sabrina pretty well considering and while Penny had been quiet and gentle so far, JC knew he couldn't expect that same calmness when murder was involved. The fact that he was terrified of her reaction made him all the more aware that his feelings for her were true and not something he wanted to go away - something that also made it that much harder for him to speak.

"You don't have to tell me," Penny said, breaking through the quiet breathing he was doing trying to get his nerves under control.

JC shook his head. "No. I want to. You deserve to know. I just need a minute. I need-"

He cut himself off, unable to vocalize his many thoughts that ran through his head quicker than he could latch onto them. It was a common affliction for him. Either he couldn't give voice to anything going on in his head, or he rambled, spewing out every single thought before he lost them.

"JC, stop. You don't have to do this. I don't need to know."

"But-"

"JC," Penny interrupted, reaching her hand across the table and taking hold of his. "I appreciate you want to tell me, but I don't need to know. Not right now. I already understand what you're saying without hearing what happened this week."

JC frowned at her. "You do?"

"I could tell from the first day I met you that you'd been hurt. Something had happened to make you have your guard up." She paused. "I figured you'd had your heart broken before, and I'd told myself I wasn't going to push you. That's why I'm so mad at myself."

"Why?" JC asked, still not getting it. As far as he was concerned, nothing about their breakup had been her fault.

Penny looked him in the eye. "By telling you how I felt when I knew you weren't ready to hear it, I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do. And it pushed you away."

JC stared into her green eyes, hating the guilt and regret he saw there. Even more, he hated that he was the cause of it. That she had somehow convinced herself that what'd happened between them was her fault when the blame actually rested squarely on his shoulders.

Without thinking, he released her hand and stood up, coming around the table and crouching in front of her chair. JC put a hand on her knee, waiting for her to look at him.

"Penny, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that screwed up. We had something great, and I ruined it."

Penny started to object, but JC put a finger to her lips, shaking his head.

"I did," he said, removing his hand and pushing himself to his feet. He knew he should look her in the eyes for what he was about to say, but he couldn't. He stepped away from the table, turning to look out at the backyard through the sliding glass doors. "Every time things got good in a relationship, that was when something bad happened and it always felt like the rug got pulled out from under me. In a way, I think a small part of me was relieved we had that fight. It let me end things before that could happen."

JC stopped, trying to figure out what to say next. His back was to Penny so he couldn't see her face, but she didn't say anything either, like she could sense that he wasn't done. He shook his head, mad that he couldn't get his thoughts straight and just talk to her. That was when it hit him. This conversation was painful because he was carefully trying to construct every sentence, scared of what she would think of him if he told her every single thought and feeling he had. Except that was exactly what she deserved to hear - what she needed to hear if they even had a chance at having even any kind of friendship.

JC took a calming breath and for the first time, let Penny hear exactly the thoughts that were running through his mind.

"You made me feel things I hadn't felt in a long time," he said. "Sabrina may have done the most damage, but each failed relationship afterwards added another wall around my heart." He paused, forcing himself to take another breath in attempt to calm his rapidly beating heart. "But you...you never stopped surprising me. From day one you knew me better than I knew myself, and you stirred feelings in me I'd long since believed were dead."

JC glanced over his shoulder to see how Penny was handling his raw honesty, and she met his gaze, smiling softly with tears building in her eyes. He should've been able to say this to her face, but he was afraid that he would stop talking if he looked at her. So he turned back towards the yard and continued on.

"That day at your place, you were right. The things you felt, I felt them too. I still do. I just...I couldn't give words to them because I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Then I lost you anyway." JC shook his head. "I've wondered every day since then what would've happened if I'd just told you."

There was a hand on his shoulder, and JC turned, startled. He hadn't even heard Penny get up and come over, but she was standing in front of him looking both hopeful and encouraging.

"So tell me now," she said.

JC swallowed nervously, but he gently took her hands in his. "Penny, what we had was special. I hadn't realized until we broke up that I'd not only lost my girlfriend, but one of my best friends. And all because I couldn't say..." He stopped. What he was about to do was huge - he hadn't told another girl this in years, but what he said right here would decide what happened next. And he was done running from his feelings. So he locked eyes with Penny, inhaled, and said, "I love you."

Penny smiled at him. "There. Was that so hard?" she asked, pulling one of her hands out of his grasp to rest on the side of his face.

"Actually-"

But JC didn't get to finish what he was going to say as she pulled him in for a kiss. It wasn't a chaste one like he might've expected, but rather one that, for it's tenderness, belied none of the passion. He felt the love she had for him even before she pulled away and said, "I love you too."

"Are you sure?" JC couldn't help but ask. "I know a lot's happened, and I wouldn't blame you if-"

Penny put a finger to his lips, silencing him. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. You're not making me do or say anything I don't want to." A small smile hovered around her lips, and she added, "I know you're afraid to let your feelings show, but it's time to let go."

This time JC swept her up in his arms and kissed her passionately, caught up in the feelings that he'd been suppressing the last week. He wanted to show her how much he'd truly missed her and cared for her. It lasted for several seconds with Penny responding in kind, and it was only when they'd begun to break apart that her words caught up to him.

"You did not just quote Backstreet Boys lyrics to me," JC said, narrowing his eyes playfully.

Penny just giggled, and JC felt his heart flutter. It was the same feeling he'd gotten the first time they'd done karaoke together and she'd pulled him onstage - the moment he'd realized he was falling in love with her. Even if he hadn't allowed himself to see it at the time.

JC gave a playful growl and pulled her in for yet another kiss. They'd always had fun quoting and singing lyrics at each other, and the Backstreet Boys song I'll Never Break Your Heart had always been one they'd loved to poke fun at. It was a sweet song, but they'd always cracked up at the intro. Now though, JC couldn't help thinking how fitting it was for them.

No, Penny wouldn't break his heart. She wasn't like any of the girls he'd dated before, and if one good thing came from the last few days in LA and seeing Sabrina again was that truth had been reinforced. Unlike Sabrina, Penny made him a better person and always seemed to know just what he needed. She took care of him in a way no one else had, and he was done denying what a good fit they were.

JC knew there would be an incoming call from the one of the guys by morning to check on him, and he knew they would rejoice in the news and rub it in his face that they'd been right. And JC would give them his heartfelt thanks. Not only for pushing him and orchestrating a meeting with Penny, but for sticking by his side through everything.

For the first time in years, JC felt free, no longer weighed down by the secrets and the stress of Sabrina's blackmail. Finally he could close the door on his past in LA and instead focus on his future. One that looked even brighter now, and one that he was thrilled to be heading into with the guys and Penny by his side.