Deana flopped down on her couch, her brain still reeling. Did he just admit he likes me? I asked him to kiss me and he gives me one AMAZING hell of a kiss. I didn’t ask him to take it as far as he did. Then those other little kisses on my head and cheek, rubbing my back. I mean, I’m not sure what I expected him to actually DO when I asked him to pretend we were together. But then to say MAYBE he likes me, leaving me hanging? What am I supposed to do now?  How do I act around him, what do I say to him?  

She went to bed, still a mix of thoughts and mixed emotions. Sleep didn’t come easily as she battled with herself on what to do. 

…

Justin started walking home, going back and forth in his head.  Should I have kissed her?  Should I have said more than maybe about liking her?  Should I have not said anything? Ugh, I just don’t know.  I don’t want to rush things, her last relationship was really traumatic.  I don’t want her to think I’m just doing this to get something out of it.  But that KISS, damn.  It felt good to hold her, to kiss her like that.  I think it meant more to both of us than either of us want to admit.  She won’t admit it because things are going too fast.  I won’t admit it because I don’t want to hurt her.  She’s different than anyone else I’ve dated, but we’re not even doing that.  I talk to her through text, even face to face.  Ugh, things would be so much different if I could talk.  Though I’d still be on tour and never met her if I could.  I want her to know ME, the real me.  She’s trusted me with things, maybe I need to open up to her.  I just have to be careful so she doesn’t know who I really am.  I hate hiding it from her, but rushing into things, finding out who I am, she’d definitely think I’m doing this for all the wrong reasons.  

He went back and forth in his head the rest of the way home.  He started rooting through his closet for some ideas of clothes to wear.  He had an idea.  I’ll make that call in the morning, oh this is going to be EPIC.  Sleep came relatively easy once he’d decided to just continue the way things were.  It was the easiest way, he could let his guard down a little without compromising anything, hopefully moving forward with Deana.  He knew he’d be on vocal rest the rest of the year, that still gave them plenty of time to get to know each other.

The next morning, Justin made a series of texts, all in the pursuit of something for karaoke the next week.  He started with Jimmy.  He was hoping Jimmy could help him a bit, especially with their history, but also his ability to talk on the phone.  

Hey Jimmy, I need a favor.  I need a costume for something I’m doing next week, can you reach out to the wardrobe people from SNL for me?  With my vocal rest I can’t exactly make phone calls.  

Sure buddy, I’ll see what I can do and get phone numbers and stuff for you.  Keep an eye out for texts.  Why didn't you ask when you were on my show a few days ago?

I didn’t know about it yet, just came up last night.

Got it.  Yeah man, I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks Jimmy, you’re the best. 

…

Deana woke up and headed to her observation at the school.  She really needed to stop calling it that, she’d completed the 20 hours a long time ago, now going to help out and see the kids.  The day was fairly uneventful, wearing her work clothes so she could transition straight from school to work mode.  

With her new work schedule, she started at the school at the beginning of the school day, instead of after morning recess. She ended up getting more time in the classroom and could work a full shift at work. 

As she walked towards work, she saw Justin walking out with what she assumed was his new normal of tea. He walked away from her, so she didn’t make eye contact, but seeing him made her heart flutter. 

Am I really getting real feelings for Justin Timberlake? I mean, I’ve liked him, in a way, as a fan for years, but I get to see a more normal side of him. He wouldn’t like someone like me, a regular person, someone plus side to boot. But seeing him just makes me smile. 

Her phone buzzed. Good morning. Hope you have a great day. Now her heart fluttered more, reading the text. She didn’t have time to reply before clocking in, but carried her two good feelings with her. 

On her lunch she called Danielle. “So, how did last night go without me?” Dani asked. 

“It was… interesting. Paul showed up…”

“Oh shit. Did he do anything?”

“No, cause I was too busy with Bruce. I saw Paul out of the corner of my eye, looked at Bruce, and asked him to kiss me.”

“You did WHAT?!”

“Dani, it was perfect, except it was to convince Paul of a lie.”

“Well, you did MEET someone, you’ve been SEEING him, you’re just not TOGETHER.  So what was it like?”

“I’ve never felt so safe yet hot at the same time. He used his tongue…”

“Yeah, you’re more than just friends.”

“I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend, and he’d kiss my head or my cheek, he ran his hand along my back… it was nice.  If it actually meant something.”

“Does he know?”

“I told him on the way home. He’s been so great with everything I’ve told him. That’s what makes me wonder about him. Every other guy has turned and ran even without the explanation. He’s being so respectful of my boundaries. It makes me want to just say screw it, but if this is actually gonna turn into something, I’d rather not rush in.”

“That’s great though, D.”

“There’s more. He told me I looked great, that Paul should be jealous and kicking himself for everything he put me through. I told him off he kept talking like that I’d start to think he liked me. He said ‘maybe I do…’”

“Then what?!” Dani asked excitedly. 

“He left.”

“D, he likes you. How can he not? I bet he’s just giving you space, not wanting to rush. He’s a great guy. It’s a good thing I have J or I might be jealous.”

“I keep getting mixed signals. He’ll do or say nice things, but nothing happens.”

“Again, he probably wants to give you time. This is a good thing. A little slow burn could lead to something. I know it’s hard to wait, but he’s probably wanting to be careful. He knows you’ve been hurt and doesn’t want to be the one to hurt you next.”

“I guess. But after that kiss last night, man I wish he’d hurry up.  Speaking of which, my lunch is almost over. Talk to you later.”

She finished her shift and headed home, having some of the leftover pasta she’d made the night before. She reached for her phone. 

Hope you had a good day.  It was simple and sincere. 

I did. Better now that I’m talking to you. 

There you go again… she laughed. 

I mean it. The other people I’m in more regular contact with are all work type people. Talking to you is a nice change. Hearing your voice in my head as I read helps, too.

Well, you know a bunch about me, tell me about you. 

Justin sighed. He knew he’d have to be careful with his words. Well, I’m from the South, so you’re missing out on my slight drawl. It’s not a full accent though, I moved around a bit so nothing like my mom’s Southern accent. My parents split when I was pretty much a baby, I don’t have memories of them together. I barely remember when my mom remarried, I was like 5.  Pretty close with my dad and stepmom, I have two half brothers. 

You moved around a lot? Military family?

No, just different opportunities popping up. I was born and raised in one place, then spent a long time somewhere else, then going back and forth between here and LA with work stuff, or going on tours. 

How long have you been in ‘the business’?  You’re not that old.

Justin chuckled. I’m still pretty seasoned. I’ve done a little of everything. I’ve written songs, produced, done some acting, a lot of the creative side of things. 

I hear you kinda have to in order to be working year round. I have friends on Broadway doing auditions for things close to the end of their run. What’s your favorite to do?

Well, I mean, all of it I guess. I get to use different skills in different ways. I go for projects that will challenge me, or with people I’ve worked with before. Things that mean something to me. I’ve been pretty lucky so far.   It can get lonely though, especially if I have to travel a lot. I guess that’s why I was so willing to kiss you like I did last night, it was nice to have that again. But that’s not enough reason to jump into something. 

She knew he was right. Even if they DID like each other, jumping into a relationship just for that is a recipe for trouble. It had only been 2 weeks, they were still getting to know each other. They both had baggage, hers much fresher. She knew his pain after her engagement fell apart, it took her years before she really felt ready to fall in love again. 

I know what you mean. Most of my relationships happened really fast. My big ex we dated about a week before becoming officially a couple, then jumped into things with Paul. I’m not sure I’m ready for anything yet, I want to get to know them first. 

Well, as a friend, I’m glad to do what I can if Paul is around. Even if it’s just holding your hand, it doesn’t have to be a kiss. 

I’ll keep that in mind ????. I doubt you’d need the same from me, not exactly convincing. 

How do you mean?

Someone like ME doesn’t get guys like YOU...

Come again?  Guys like me? Someone like you?

How do I say this… you’re hot and I’m well… not. You don’t see a tall, hot guy with a fat girl and think “Yeah, that makes a cute couple”.

Justin sighed, sad that she felt that way. That is no one else’s business. 

I’ve dated a couple skinny guys, but I felt like they were ashamed to be seen with me, we would go places where we didn’t know anyone or we’d actually hide our relationship from friends. 

Then they weren’t right for you. I’ll be honest, I don’t think of you like that. Your weight, I mean. Lizzo is a badass bitch that doesn’t give a fuck what people think. She does what she wants, wears what she wants, to hell with everyone else. That’s pretty damn sexy to some people, regardless of her size. I’m not ashamed to be seen with you, even as a friend. 

Deana blushed, tears welling up in her eyes. Thank you. 

I think maybe this is a good place to call it a night. We’ve been talking for a while, not that I’m complaining, but we talked about a lot of different things. My phone’s about to die, I’m terrible about charging my phone. 

Yeah, it was some good, deep conversation. Good night. 

Sleep well. ????

He put his phone down, thinking about what she had said. Is THAT why she hasn’t really pursued anything, she’s worried what other people will think? She’d seemed so confident at karaoke, until last night. I can understand that douchebag chipping away at her self esteem, but when she was on that stage, singing, it just flipped a switch. I know how that goes, performing just has that adrenaline rush. I know that feeling, seeing someone you used to be with, the feelings that come up.  To feel that put off by someone across a room, to ask me to kiss her, pretend to be what I want most, he still has a hold over her.  It’s only been a few months, and with how controlling he sounded, how much he made her believe she needed him…   I really don’t care what she looks like, that voice, the emotions she conveys when she sings, would have drawn me to her no matter what she looked like.  

Is that why she’s been so open with me?  She didn’t think anything would happen between us?  Because I let her be so open, listening like a friend instead of running away?  We’ve put our baggage out there, for the most part.  Enough where we can relate to each other, understand without exact details of things.  I think she’s beautiful on the outside, and pretty beautiful on the inside, in spite of what she’s been through.  I just hope she can see it in herself.

He went to bed, thinking about her, things he could do or say to help her know how beautiful she is.