The next week flew by, Deana and Justin getting ready to fly out to LA to meet Trace and the girls.  They would get to LA on Tuesday, Trace and the girls on Wednesday, the premiere on Thursday.  

They headed to the airport to get on his plane, bags barely packed. Deana felt comfortable knowing she had everything she needed in her bag or already at the house. 

They were descending into LA, being mid afternoon upon landing. “I want you to go into the studio with me before we get to the house. They’re doing a couple things, and I wanted you to hear something.”

“Ok.  Sounds fine.  Everything going in the film that’s being sung by the characters is already recorded, right?”

“That’s what they’re finishing up, then I still have some stuff to do for the rest of the soundtrack, end credits, that kinda stuff.”

“It’s like doing a whole album, isn’t it?  Did you have to write most of it?”

“Yeah, there’s a team that was working together on stuff.  I also produced it, all of that.  Getting the studio fix without putting out another album of my own, so it’s doing double duty.  I get to be creative, but also not having to do a tour beyond doing press when the movie comes out.  I’m totally bringing you along for that, even if you can’t be in the room for interviews and stuff.  Radio normally you’ll get to hear stuff, not sure about interviews for websites and TV.  I’m gonna push for you being around as much as possible, just to see and understand what I go through, what the process is like.  Also cuz we usually do some press overseas, so if I can bring you with me, all the better.”

They got into his car that was waiting for them when they landed, heading to the studio.  The receptionist nodded as Justin led them through.  Deana saw Anna sitting at the board with what she assumed was one of the other producers.  

“Hey Deana, good to see you again!” Anna said, jumping up to say hi.  Deana smiled, not exactly sure what to do.  “Are you a hugger?  I bet you’re a hugger…”

Anna gave Deana a quick hug, Deana feeling totally awkward.  Are we friends now? Is she being nice because I’m with Justin?  This is the stuff I struggle with.

“So, I wanted you to hear this little bit, maybe even get you to step into the booth and lay down some vocals,” Justin said.

“How would I even know what to sing?” Deana asked.

“For one, I KNOW you pick up on songs quickly, you’ve got a good ear.  So if we play a bit for you a couple times, and play it while you’re recording, so you hear it but we don’t, that’ll help.”

“I guess I could try…  Reminds me of when you texted me as you on the road, saying you wanted me on your next album.”

“We’ll figure that out somehow, I haven’t forgotten,” he smiled.  “This is the version for the film, the soundtrack is all me, but the film we needed Anna’s vocals too.  I think you already know this song.”

The intro sounded familiar, and once she heard his voice, she gasped.  “Justin…”  It was ‘Perfect For Me”, that he’d written when they were in that grey area after everything with Paul.  He’d thought she was done with him, and his seemingly unrequited love towards her.  It made her feel things, reminding her of when she first heard it, but also new feelings.  It was uncomfortable.

‘Well, what do you think?” Justin asked.

She blinked, knowing she had to give an answer.  “It’s great, really,” she lied.

“You wanna get in there and have a go?  I’ll have the words there for you, just relax, this is just for fun.”

I’m glad YOU think it’s fun, this feels like torture, she thought to herself.  “Sure, I’ll at least try.  Do you want me to sing your range, or go up the octave and into mine?”

“We could do both.”

Shit, what have I just gotten myself into?? She stepped into the booth, the music starting, doing well with the first verse. The farther into the song she got, the more emotional she felt, keeping it in our letting it out through her voice. She fought back tears, remembering how she thought he was finished with her, the pain Paul had put them through.  

Justin knew this was just for “fun”, nothing serious, so he let her go through in one go without stopping her. She had gone up the octave first, and was soon ready for the take in the lower register. He watched her face as she sang, hearing hitches in her voice, almost as if she had written it for him, not the other way around. He saw tears form in her eyes, but they never fell. 

“That was great, babe,” he said through the mic on his end.  She was anxious to get out of the booth as soon as possible, wanting to go anywhere and hide. “You wanna hear it played back?”

“It sounded great, I see what Justin was talking about,” Anna said. 

“Maybe another time. I’m getting a headache, I just wanna get settled into the house.”

“We’re taking my best friend’s girls to the Frozen premiere on Thursday, it’s gonna be great.”

“I bet they’ll LOVE that,” Anna smiled. “Deana, I hope you feel better.”

“It’ll pass, I’m sure.”

They got back into the car, Justin looking at her. “You ok? You were feeling fine earlier.”

“Yeah, I probably just need water, maybe some Gatorade, probably a little dehydrated and hungry.”

“We have Gatorade at the house, we can pick up something to eat for you.”

“Thanks, baby.”

Justin grabbed some food for her, making sure she was comfortable once they got to the house. “You feeling ok? My mind is going a million miles an hour, not gonna lie.”

“It’s just a headache, I’ll be fine,” she lied. I can’t have him pull the song because I have a problem with it, they’ve started animating it, it would push everything back. I’ll just have to deal with it. 

“So, you’re not…”

“…pregnant? No. I’m not sure how I feel that you assume that any time I’m not feeling well.”

“Well, I know we’ve still been heavily active, not always using protection besides the pill, so I wasn’t sure.  It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world at this point. We’ve been together a year, Dani’s wedding is in 3 months, you wouldn’t be showing yet…”

“I know.  I feel bad that that’s how I disappoint you…”

“Hey,” he said, pulling her close, “you NEVER disappoint me. I, on the other hand…”

“…have been nothing but wonderful and supportive.”

He sighed. “I don’t feel that statement is entirely accurate…”

“Well, I do. Just last week we were gushing to each other about how great this last year has been together.  Now we’re disappointing each other?”

“Relax, get some rest if that helps. I just want to take care of my baby.  I’ll leave you here for now, text me if you need anything more, ok?”  She nodded, eating her lunch and sipping her Gatorade. 

She was alone, silence overwhelming her. I can’t believe he’s using that song for the movie. All the pain that went into him writing that song, feeling like there was nothing left between us. How could he be ok with using such a personal song… Oh God, is this how Britney felt when he released Cry Me A River? 

Her brain spiraled into dark thoughts, that he hadn’t proposed yet because he had changed his mind.  There were so many times this last week that were perfect opportunities to propose, especially on our anniversary. Is he just keeping me around because it’s better than being single, keeping me around for sex, like Paul did? 

He’s different than Paul in so many ways, at least I thought he was.  Her mind ran unchecked, a knot settling into her stomach. Tears streamed down her eyes, fighting back sobs. She couldn’t risk him hearing her cry and having to talk about what she was thinking. Sleep finally overtook her, giving her mind a break. 

Justin checked on her, seeing her asleep on the couch. He carefully sat on the edge of the coffee table, watching her sleep. He noticed the remnants of tears on her cheeks, curious what had made her cry. He gently kissed her forehead. I hope you can confide in me with what’s going on once you wake up. Clearly something isn’t right.

Deana woke up, checking on Justin in his studio.  The light wasn’t on, so she opened the door.  “There’s my girl,” he said with a smile.  “Feeling any better?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“You took Tylenol, right?”  Deana nodded.  “I’m sorry babe.  Is everything ok?”

“Fine, why?”

“Nothing, something just seems off.”

“I’ll be fine, nothing to worry about.”

“If you say so,” he answered.  I know something’s up, but I’m afraid to press it.  She normally tells me everything, so why is she hiding something from me?  Maybe it IS nothing and she knows it’s not a big deal.  Still, I wish she’d tell me.

They sat down on the couch, catching up on episodes of The Good Place and Superstore, Justin deciding they needed to laugh.  He made a quick dinner, trying to be closer to Deana, hopefully giving her a chance to talk about what was wrong.  She stayed tight lipped, laughing at the show, talking to him about different things, but not admitting anything was bothering her.  

They got ready for bed, Justin becoming more nervous by the second as Deana wouldn’t tell him what was wrong.  He wanted to ask about it, but he also knew if she was ready to talk about it, she would.  He knew the night wasn’t leading anywhere else, to push it that way would spoil things more.  He held her close, thankful she was at leas giving him that.

“I love you,” Justin said, his voice questioning and desperate.

“I love you too.  Are you ok?” Deana asked.

“I’m ok.  Are YOU ok?” he asked one last time.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Today was just an off day.”

“Ok.  No secrets between us, right?”

“Right...” Deana was almost getting defensive.

“Sleep well, baby.  Good night.”  He kissed her cheek, holding her closer in an attempt to have some kind of intimacy and connection.

…

Deana woke up the next morning, taking a long shower, hoping the water would wash away some of the anxiety she felt.  Trace and the girls get in today, I need to shove this down deep.  

She was starting breakfast when Justin came out fully dressed.  “Hey babe, I’m sorry, but they need me in the studio today.  I’ll be there until I go to get Trace and the girls.  I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Ok,” she sighed, disappointment in her voice.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”  He kissed her cheek before grabbing his keys and heading out the door.  

“I need to get out of my head,” she said aloud.  She got changed into her workout gear, grabbed a bottle of water, her phone and earbuds, and went out for a run.  She hoped getting outside with ‘fresh air’ and scenery would do her good.  No one around the neighborhood knew her, so she felt she could run without interruption.  Her music, on the other hand, wasn’t cooperating.

No matter what artists she had on, something was reminding her of Justin.  She finally turned the music off and ran in silence, trying to shove away any thoughts about him, good or bad.  Even the good thoughts would somehow turn into thinking about the bad, so it was best not to think of him at all.  She’d been gone an hour, water bottle empty, and her mind still wanting to travel in a million directions.  Well, at least I got a workout in… she shrugged.

She jumped into the pool, not caring whether her workout clothes would be affected by the chlorine.  It felt nice to cool off, get a little more of a workout in with doing some laps.  Nothing too much, just slow laps back and forth across the length of the pool.  She heard her phone buzz on a table near the pool.  She got out of the pool to answer.

“Hey Dani, what’s up?”

“Pretty good, just checking in.”

“Things could… be better.”

“What’s wrong?”

“So remember that song Justin wrote me while we were on pause?”

“Vaguely, yeah.  Never got to hear it, but I remember you telling me about it.”

“Well, he put it in the new Trolls movie.  He and Anna both sing it.”

“Deana… Are you ok?”

“I feel stupid, I compared myself to Britney last night, having him use a song that’s so personal.”

“I mean, it doesn’t say quite as much as Cry Me A River does, but I could see how you’d be hurt.”

‘I just hope he doesn’t want us to watch it beyond the premiere, even then I’m going to be anxious the whole time waiting for that song.  I made him feel that way, and it tears me apart every time I think about it.  How I almost lost him.”  Her voice caught in her throat.

“But you didn’t.  You’ve been together over a year now, if you include that time apart.  You love him, you know he loves you…”

“I know your wedding is still a while off, but he still hasn’t proposed, I’m starting to think he’s backing off.  Last night he didn’t even try to start anything, just held me as we fell asleep.  We haven’t had a night without since the tour.”

“Must be nice.  I’m sure there’s some explanation.”

“He’s getting tired of me.  He’s in the studio right now.”

“He has a job, Deana.  You knew going into this he’d be called away for the tour, now it’s stuff in the studio for the movie.”

“Then he has another movie he’s filming in December…”

“Deana, I’m sure things are fine.  Have you talked to him about any of this?”

“No.  I can’t tell him I don’t want him using it when they’ve already recorded and animated the sequence.”

“So you’re going to suffer in silence?”

“I have to.  It’s Justin, things have to always be perfect…”

“I’m pretty sure he would not agree on that point.  Things can’t be perfect if you keep things from each other.  The situation with Paul was NOT perfect, it was a huge bump in the road, and you guys made it out the other side.  Maybe this is just another bump.  All relationships have them.”

“I know, but to go from being so wonderful to a bump so quickly, I dunno.  I worry he’s done, trying to find a way to let me down gently.”

“Talk to him, D.”

“I know, I’ll find time.  Shit…”

“What?”

“When he comes home, he’s bringing Trace and the girls.  I have to keep this in until Friday.”

“D, please talk to him, TODAY.”

“I dunno, I don’t want to ruin the trip for the girls…”

“You two need to hash this out.  It needs to happen now before something makes it worse.”

“You’re right.  I’ll find time, maybe before bed when it’s just the two of us.”

“And now you’ve got JC running through my head.”

“Heh, sorry…” Deana laughed, getting the song reference.

“I’m not,” she laughed.  “I gotta go, but please talk with him about this, before it eats away at you.”

Deana hung up the phone, sighing heavily at the weight of everything.  This is Justin, things HAVE to be perfect.  I don’t want us being the next tabloid headline, a couple headed towards a breakup.  They’ll all side with Justin, I’d be the girl who broke his heart, even though he’s the one that is breaking mine.

It was early afternoon, and Deana fixed herself some lunch and watched Friends.  Even then, she had to turn that off when she got to the episode where Chandler is picking out rings for Monica.  Everything was reminding her of one heartbreak after another.  She decided to just sleep and hope to escape everything.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.  “Babe, you ok?  That’s two days in a row you’ve taken a nap…”

“Yeah.  It’s been a rough couple of days.”  She sat up, looking around, not seeing Trace and the girls.  “We need to talk, later.”

“Ok.”  

Trace and the girls came into the living room, Deana greeting them all with hugs.  The girls seemed so much bigger than when she saw them a few months earlier.  Justin ordered pizza, everyone settling in on the couches.  He sat next to Deana, putting an arm around her.  She still seemed distant, even though he was sitting right next to her.  

“While I have you all here, I have something I wanna play for you,” Justin said.  

Deana tensed up as the music played.  It was a finished version of her vocals from the day before.  She tried to ignore the words, listening to just her voice, the notes, the backing track.  It was no use, she was feeling everything rise to the surface.  She got up and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

“I’ll be right back guys, hang on,” Justin said, excusing himself from the room, following after Deana.  He opened the door of the bedroom, finding Deana in a ball in tears on the bed.

Justin sat on the bed, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I think we need to talk, NOW.”