It was Tuesday afternoon, and Deana was coming home from work.  Deana was excited to see Justin again, hoping he’d agree to stay the night. Her phone buzzed.

Hey, I can bring Chinese and we can eat before karaoke.  If Dani wants to come, she can, you know I order enough for like 5 people…

Sure, be over around 7:30?  Gives me some time to unwind from work and get ready before you come over.

Sounds good, can’t wait to see you.

She had a few hours to kill.  Her paper was almost finished, the due date quickly approaching.  She gave it another read through, checking for wording and if there was something else she could add.  She checked her Works Cited list, that she had everything in the right order, hadn’t forgotten to cite them in her list.  A lot of technical stuff that was a little painstaking.  She stopped after about an hour, wanting to give herself time to relax.  

She turned on the TV and put a DVD in.  She figured she needed a little guilty pleasure right now, starting to watch Friends With Benefits.  She watched, imagining it was herself and Justin, Bruce, whoever he was.  She reversed to watch certain scenes a couple times to see her favorite parts.  OK, I think I need to stop, she thought.  This is really making me want to break all my rules and just jump into bed with him.  I miss sex, and I’m sure wiht him it would be AMAZING.  But I don’t want it to be something cheap.  We have this great connection, I’m almost afraid to ruin it with sex.  But god, to have him make me feel things I can only feel during sex?  Yeah, this is really tempting…

Danielle came over first to help Deana get ready.  “Nothing TOO hot, but more than just a plain old t-shirt.”

“What about your mulberry colored top, like the sage green one you wore?  Paired with jeans, boots, and a jacket, you’re great.  Hair can be simple, just pin back parts so it’s not in your face.  You can play with makeup a bit, do a light silver eye, black liner.”

“If you think so.  You’re not allowed to move, I need my beauty guru…” Deana laughed.

“You do well enough on your own… He likes you, I doubt he cares what you wear.”

The buzzer buzzed three times. “Damnit he’s early…” Deana sighed. 

“I’ll take care of it. You get ready, shouldn’t take that long.”

Danielle let him in, opening the door for him. “Wow, she wasn’t kidding when she said you’d bring a ton of food. She’s finishing getting ready.”

Justin put the bags of food down on the kitchen table. Danielle got plates and silverware. 

Soon Deana was ready and came into the kitchen. Justin gave her a kiss in the cheek. He made a couple hands gestures, one circling around his face. 

Deana’s eyes softened and a smile widened across her face. Danielle looked confused. 

“Unless I’m wrong, he used sign language to tell me I look beautiful,” Deana explained. Justin smiled at her. 

“Ok, your brother needs to up his game…” Danielle sighed. Deana laughed a little. 

You’d look beautiful no matter what you wore. I think I can say that after seeing you in your pajamas…

They sat down and ate, Deana and Justin stealing glances at each other. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Danielle asked. 

“Well now you know how I’ve felt around you and my brother, but at least we’re not all over each other…”

“I’m glad you’re happy, D,” Dani sighed. “I’ve been spending more time with you away from J. Junior partner has meant he’s now doing research, he’s been going over notes and other studies. He’s wanting to stay at the top of his game with new techniques, all kinds of stuff. It’s been a lot more work for him, and more lonely for me.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here, I mean, you’re still paying rent…”

They continued to eat, then watched a little TV before heading to karaoke. They got a table towards the back, Justin went up to get drinks. 

“It looks like things are going well,” Dani said. 

“Yeah, I think so too. I need to ask him again, but he said he’d stay over from now on after karaoke.”

“I can get myself home ok, or have J come get me from your place and I’ll just wait inside the lobby. Even if all you do is snuggle, you need that privacy.”

“Thanks for being understanding, Dani.  I wasn’t gonna ask you to do that but thanks for the offer.”

“Alright everyone, throwing a twist at you tonight. Let’s see how many different Disney songs we can get in tonight, you know you know and love em!” the DJ announced. 

“Let me check the books, not sure what I wanna sing now…” Deana said. 

“Pick one, and I’ll pick one to sing with you,” Dani suggested. Deana nodded. 

She walked over to the binders listing all the songs the DJ had in his catalog. She went to the section with all the Disney songs and started looking. No, she thought, most of these are love songs. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Wait… I love this song. I’ll do this one, I think it’ll be just perfect. She filled out a slip and handed it to the DJ. She took the binder and brought it over for Danielle. Danielle browsed the book, quickly jotted down a song on the slip and took it up. 

“So what’re we singing?” Deana asked. 

“You’ll find out once we’re up there. I know you know the song, even if it’s been years since we watched the movie.”

It was Deana’s turn to sing. Piano music started playing, her voice warm and rich. “I’ll be your candle on the water, my love for you will always burn…”  She looked at Justin as she sang, he found her words comforting. In so many ways she had made this time of frustration meaningful. She has inspired him in ways even he didn’t fully understand. 

She finished the song and returned to her seat between Dani and Justin. “I’m happy he had it, it’s a fairly obscure song. I remember listening to the Classic Disney CDs they put out, and that song was on one of them. I’ve never seen Pete’s Dragon, but I have such a fondness for the song.”

You are my candle on the water. I’m so glad I’ve met you, gotten to know you. With everything going on, you’ve been the silver lining. Like all this was meant to happen just so I could have you in my life. 

She took his hand in hers, kissing his cheek. “I just wish I’d found you before Paul, so I’d be ready for more.”

I’m in no rush. Even when I go back on tour, I want to talk, see you if I have the chance, even if it’s just for a few hours. To see you, hold you, talk with you. I’m hesitant now about going back out, but I have a contract to fulfill.  I can’t just back out because I met a smart, beautiful woman and want to spend every moment I can with her.

“You have?  Where is she? I need to meet her…” Deana said playfully.

I’m glad I can tell you’re joking.  I’m looking forward to having you in my arms tonight after I take you home.

“I wasn;t sure if you’d remember that.”

How could I forget?  Last time was great.

“I have to be up at 7:30, though, to go do my time at school and then my shift at work.”

Where DO you work, by the way?  I feel like I should know that by now.

“I’m at Starbucks, not too far from my place.  It’s not what I want to do forever, but they’re helping pay for my school stuff.”

I guess I need to change which one I go to, see you more often…

“I’d be too distracted with you there, as nice as that sounds.”

Good, I’d hate to feel like I’m cheating on my location just to see you…

They sat as the rotation continued.  Soon it was Deana and Danielle’s turn.  They got up on the stage, and when Deana saw what song it was, she gave Danielle a look.

“If there’s a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I’ve already won that.  No man is worth the aggravation, that’s ancient history, been there, done that.”

Danielle came in as the backing vocals, trying to convince Deana to admit her feelings.  

“It’s too cliche, I won’t say I’m in love…”

Justin tried not to smile as they sang, both of them getting animated as they sang, as if they were having a conversation set to music for everyone to see.  They finally got to the end of the song.

“At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love…”  The girls ended the song with their foreheads touching.  The mics picked up Deana whispering “I love you, bitch…” to Danielle, Danielle laughing in response.

As they walked back to the table, Justin got up to pay for their drinks before they left.

“You REALLY had to pick that song, of all the songs they have?” Deana asked.

“Come on, you can’t keep hiding how you feel about him.  He’s spent the night at your place.”

“He’s staying over again tonight…” Deana confirmed.

“You really can’t tell me you don’t love him?”

“Not LOVE, but it’s getting there…”

“I hope he knows that.  I figured this song might get some of that out of your system, out into the open.  That way IF Paul is still around, he knows you feel it for another guy.”

“I haven’t heard from him in a while, so hopefully that’s all over and done with.”

“Good.  Then you can move on and under Bruce.”

“Dani…”

“Just saying, this much buildup, when you finally do it, it’s gonna be crazy hot.”

“I watched my guilty pleasure movie, and imagined it was the two of us, and I had to stop myself before I asked him over to get it over with.”

“Yeah, don’t use the words ‘get it over with’, it’s a blow to the male ego.”

“You know what I mean, it made me want it, made me miss sex, and wonder what it would be like with him.”

“It’ll mean something, I know you.  This isn’t Paul, you mean more to him than a name on his list of conquests.”

“That was rough when I found that up on my laptop…”

“Well, then he shouldn’t have left his email up where you could see it.”

Justin returned to the table, the girls got their jackets. Danielle texted Jonathan to meet her at the apartment and she’d go home with him. Then they walked out of the bar towards the apartment. 

Justin held her hand gently in his, glancing at her as they walked. 

She could have picked any song tonight, and she chose one that really spoke to me, he thought. Then the one with Danielle, like she was trying to get Deana to admit her feelings. I’m not pressuring her, but Danielle is trying her best to encourage her. Even if it’s a bit upfront. 

They arrived at the apartment. Jonathan wasn’t there yet. “Do you want us to wait with you?” Deana offered. 

“I’m fine just waiting inside the locked doors. I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Danielle assured them. “Good night,” she chirped. Deana waved her off as they headed upstairs. 

She unlocked the apartment door, turning on the light as she entered. 

“Do you wanna just go to the bedroom?” she asked. Justin’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Ugh, sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that… I just meant so we can get comfortable.”

Justin chuckled lightly. Why don’t you get changed first?  I’ll wait outside your door. 

Deana nodded, heading down the hall. Justin found himself watching the sway of her hips as she walked. Nothing saying I can’t enjoy the view…

She soon opened the door, wearing a grey t-shirt and blue and green plaid lounge pants. Her hair pulled back in a braid, her hair cascading over her shoulder and resting on her collarbone. They laid down on her bed, lying next to each other on their backs. 

What other song/songs would you have wanted to sing tonight? he asked. 

“Well, I thought of one, but then remembered it’s a duet.  Wouldn’t work out as well.”

What song?

“I can play it for you if you want.”  He nodded. She took a moment to find it on her phone, but it finally started playing. 

He smiled, knowing Mandy Moore’s voice. “All those days watching from the windows. All those years outside looking in. All that time never even knowing just how blind I've been. Now I'm here blinking in the starlight. Now I'm here suddenly I see. Standing here it's all so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be.”

He heard Zachary Levi’s lines, a smile on his face as he listened. As the song finished, he started to type. 

Why that song?

“Well, I feel it describes where I am.  I’ve felt on the outside for so long, never finding something REAL.  Feeling like I’m riding someone else’s coat tails, along for the ride because I wasn’t good enough by myself.  Then you come into my life, and everything changes.  You make me feel things I haven’t felt towards someone in a VERY long time, and you’re not in a rush to make things physical.  It seems apparently that’s all I was ever good for, just someone to use to get off and go.  It scares me, but in a good way.  I hope you feel that way too.”

I do.  I wasn’t looking for anything until the night I heard you sing.  I was so wrapped up in my career, you’ve helped me slow down and see the important things in life.  I’ve had to reset my expectations on things.  I think we’re both used to things going fast before they fizzle out, but with US, taking things slow is what I’ve needed.  I’m used to being this arm candy, but not many people know the real me, deep down inside.  You do.  You’ve taken the time to get to know me, not many women I’ve been with have done that.

“Rough numbers here, how many women HAVE you been with?”

Justin froze.  Well, it’s not like I’ve kept a list or anything, I don’t really know.  I didn't care about the deeper connection when I was younger.  As a teen and in my 20s, I had this reputation of being a player.  Not exactly true, but there’s always a bit of truth in things.  But that’s my past.  More recently it’s been almost nonexistent because of work.

She sighed a bit.  “Is the list thing something guys really do?” she asked.

Maybe a mental one in our heads, especially if they mean something.

“Paul kept a list, he left it up on my laptop one night, I saw it the next morning.  I felt dirty and cheap to be the newest name on his list.”

I’m afraid to ask how many were on there…

“I was over number 200, that’s all I know.  I’ve tried to put the whole thing out of my head, that caused one of our earlier fights.  His justification was ‘you get tested, so if you’re clean, there’s nothing to worry about’.  All so he could keep sleeping around.”

Justin cringed.  I’m so sorry.  Jesus, this guy really is a monster.  Have you heard from him lately?

“No, thank god.”

I wasn’t going to tell you, but I think I should.  While you and Dani were out dancing on 80’s night, he approached me.  Tried to scare me off, but once I locked eyes with him and stood up, I think I was the one that was more intimidating.  He said you couldn’t resist him, and that we’d see how long we lasted before you went back to him.  I’m glad he hasn’t bothered you since.  If he starts back up again, I can help you get a restraining order, legally keep him away from you.  I just hope it doesn’t come to that.

“Let’s get back to the here and now.  Sorry I brought Paul into this.”

He was a big part of your life, for better or worse, it’ll take a while to get it all out.  I’ll stop bringing him up too.  You are so much more than just someone to take advantage of.  Taking it slow, I have more of a connection with you than just the physical.  Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think about the physical side, especially when I’m with you, face to face.  

“Yeah?”

You are beautiful, Deana.  Inside and out.  I’m getting to know you so well, who you are as a person, and it makes me like you more.  That if you decide you are ready, it will be perfect, almost like out of a movie.  A deeper understanding and connection than just getting it out of our system to break that tension.  It’ll be because we really know each other, and want to take that next step, not jump in there and play catch up.

“But you really think I’m attractive that way?”

I do.  Why shouldn’t I?  Don’t you want me to, at least a little?  Physical attraction is part of a relationship, even if it builds over time.  It’s been almost 8 weeks, I’ve had plenty of time to get to know you and build that.  But honestly, the first time I saw you, I was blown away by how beautiful your voice was, but also by the person I saw up there singing.  The more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I notice little things that make you more and more beautiful, attractive, sexy.  Do you want to know what I really said to Danielle?

She nodded, almost reluctantly.

I told her that if you’d let me, I would make sweet love to you and take my time showing you all the things I think are beautiful about you.

Deana stared into his eyes.  “That sounds, amazing… But I’m not ready.  I think about it, too, but is it bad that I like where we are?”

No.  I like being able to hold you, if nothing else.  Though I do feel like I need to apologize again…

“For what?”

Well, all this talk has kinda got things going in my head, and well, I’m really turned on right now.  I’m afraid to hold you and have it scare you off that I’m expecting anything tonight.

Deana laughed a bit.  “I think you’re the only guy I’ve dated, or whatever this is, that has apologized for being turned on.  It’s actually really endearing.  What do you find sexually attractive about me?”

Another conversation for another night, I’m really fighting all my instincts here.

“Yeah?” she teased.

OH yeah.  I mean, it would be amazing, but if you’re not ready, I’d feel like garbage afterwards.  

“You really are something else.  In the best way. I promise you won’t scare me off if you hold me. I’m even ok if you want to get under the sheets, no need to put a barrier between us.  I figure it’s baby steps of increasing our intimacy.  Before we know it, I’ll be ready for the amazing, perfect night you vaguely described.  And it will have been worth the wait.”

He kissed her cheek before getting under the covers with her.  It was a strange feeling for him, but once she curled up against him, his body cradling hers, it felt so right.