Sunday morning around 10, Danielle buzzed to announce her arrival. She came in, finding Deana knitting. 

“Who’s that for?” 

“Who do you think?”

“That’s an odd color choice…”

“It’s an inside joke. Almost done, then making him something else. That will take a lot longer. I can tell him I’m making it for J and he’ll be none the wiser.”

“Are we going shopping or are you just gonna knit all day?” Dani asked, hands on her hips. 

“I mean, you know I COULD,” Deana replied. “Almost done with this part… there, now I can put it down. Ready to go.”

They went to their favorite brunch spot, a cute little sidewalk cafe. Not too pricy and without the basic brunch bitches. They ate, sipped a couple mimosas, and were soon on their way. 

Deana had done her homework the night before, finding stores that carried plus size clothes and lingerie so they weren’t wasting their time. 

The first store they went to had cute clothes, but the lingerie was more just bras and panties, stuff she already had and wasn’t comfortable wearing alone with him. 

The second store they went to had lingerie that was way out of her comfort zone, fishnet body suits, seemingly pointless bras that had no support and exposed the breasts. “I want something I can feel sexy AND comfortable in…”

The third store had a good selection of sleepwear. “Silks and satins are your best friend, thin material that glides, smooth to the touch. Adds to the sexy factor,” Danielle lectured. 

Deana picked out a black satin button down sleep shirt and shorts, and a red silk tank top and shorts. “The shorts still cover, but give him more to touch,” Danielle said. 

Deana blushed at the thought of his hands running up her legs. She looked through their lingerie, not finding much she liked, until she stumbled across one. 

“Dani, lemme try this one on…” She grabbed it, confirmed the size, and got into a dressing room. 

Her face lit up, looking at herself in it. “D, lemme see!” Deana opened the door slightly, Danielle walking in. Her jaw dropped. “D, this is it. It’s sexy, but beautiful. Just get a matching thong or whatever you like and you’re set. He won’t be able to keep his eyes or hands off of you…”

Deana’s phone buzzed.  I miss you, hope you’re having a good day. 

Deana showed Danielle the text. “Yeah, he’s hooked, D. It’s been a DAY since he last saw you, and he misses you…”

Miss you too. Hanging out with Danielle, doing some shopping. 

Anything good?

You’ll see…???? She smirked, imagining what his response would be. She imagined going into her bedroom, getting changed, opening the door, and his eyes widening at the sight of her. She could almost hear his ragged breathing. 

“D? You ok?” Danielle said, waving her hand in Deana’s face. 

“Oh, yeah, my mind just… wandered.”

“Dirty daydream?” Dani smiled. 

“Something like that…”

“Good for you… no harm in that. Everything is still new and exciting. Do we need anything else?”

“...Condoms?” Deana asked sheepishly. 

“Why do you sound so scared of that word? It’s perfectly acceptable for women to buy them as much as men… It doesn’t hurt to be ready.”

“He used one yesterday, to avoid making a mess,” Deana whispered quietly. 

“Ok. That’s a new idea, but I mostly don’t have that worry, we’re not wearing clothes to worry about a mess.  Wow, that just made me sound like a slut…”

“It’s admittedly been a while since I’ve dealt with this. Each guy has their own way of doing things, I guess this is his?  I don’t know. I’m just glad he’s comfortable with them NOW, that it’ll be instinct to use them once we start having actual sex…”

“That’s true.  We can grab those at a store on the way home. I’ll go in if you’re THAT nervous about it…”

“No, I need to be comfortable with it. I’m a grown ass woman, and I can do self checkout for a little privacy.”

They bought the lingerie and headed to the closest drug store. Deana had no idea how many different types of condoms there were. “How do you know which to buy?” Deana asked. 

“Well, for now you can just get normal ones. Maybe get a variety pack so he can choose?  This box comes with regular, and two different kinds that are ribbed for YOUR pleasure…”

“I’m still new to this, Paul didn’t use them once I got on the pill…”

“And you had two times you thought you were pregnant cuz you were late by a couple days… Don’t leave it up to the guy, he should be ok with YOUR choice.”

She grabbed a variety pack, trying her best to conceal it on her way to self checkout. She put it in the bag and quickly finished the transaction, ready to go home and move on with her day. 

Danielle dropped her back at the apartment, Deana put the things away in her dresser drawer, ready for whenever she would need them. 

She went back to the couch and knit for a while to get her mind back on track. She still couldn’t focus.  While they were out, Danielle got a copy of the paper, knowing Deana liked to read the arts and entertainment section, and a couple other things here and there.  She pulled it out of the bag from the drug store, and started flipping through. 

She knew she should have expected it, at some point, and there it was.  An article in the wedding section about Morgan and Ashley’s wedding.  She looked beautiful, they both looked happy.  Any good feelings she’d had from the day were now gone; it was like the air was sucked out of the room.  She didn’t want to read on, but at the same time, couldn’t put it down.  The groomsman were all friends she had lost in the breakup, friends she’d known longer than he had.  His sisters were bridesmaids, of course, as had been the plan with their wedding.  Her dress was thankfully different than what she had planned, but far more elegant and ornate. 

“He got the wedding he wanted,” she said aloud.  “We were getting married in my family’s church because they wouldn’t charge us, we had zero budget because we had no money to work with.  He got married in a CASTLE, that’s every fantasy nerd’s DREAM.  Here I sit, single and alone.” 

She took out her phone, sending the picture to Dani and Justin in separate texts, with text that read “any good feeling I had today is gone…” 

Dani replied first.  Sorry, D, you at least knew it was coming when you saw them a few weeks ago…  I’d say let’s go shopping some more or something; but J is almost done with some things for work and I want some time with him.

I get it.  It just sucks that he got his happily ever after, OUR happily ever after, and then some.

You will too, D.  You’re with a great guy that is CRAZY about you.  Hopefully it leads somewhere. 

Her phone buzzed again, a smile spread across her face.  Do you need me to come over so you can cry?  We can text if you want, but I think you reached out because you NEED someone. 

If I’m not interrupting anything… 

He sighed at her text.  You are NEVER an inconvenience.  I’m literally at my house whenever I’m not with you, waiting until I see or hear from you.  I fill the time as best I can, but it’s all stuff that can wait.  I’ll be right over.

She rushed to finish knitting the first part of his gift before he came over.  Thankfully, she was almost finished, that was the faster part.  Within minutes she was done, sighing in relief, and putting it in a box with other completed items she was holding on to.  

He buzzed from downstairs.  She looked at her phone, it was a lot quicker than it usually took him to get there.  She buzzed him in, waiting by the open door for him. 

“You got here fast,” she said, giving him a kiss.

I took a cab, wanted to get here as soon as I could.  He pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing the top of her head.

“Let’s sit on the couch, I need to talk this through a bit.”

They sat on the couch, his arm around her as she leaned against him.  “It was beautiful, far fancier than anything we’d had planned.  We were so young, I was 26 and he was 22, I was trying to do school and take care of Gammy, my grandma.  We had no money of our own, neither did our parents.  I felt guilty spending $750 on my dress, because I knew it could be better used somewhere else in our budget, especially on a dress like one that his friend’s sister wore in her wedding.  I’m just glad he called things off before I actually bought the dress.  He got his dream wedding, with someone else.” 

What’s YOUR dream wedding?  What would you have wanted then if you could have done it, or what would you want now?

“Well, our colors then were emerald green for our May birthdays, and pearl and silver.  Now, I could stay with green, or maybe go with a royal blue.  My grandma loved the color blue, so there’s that connection of her being there.  I have a strand of her fake pearls I want to incorporate somehow, whether wearing them or using them to wrap around my bouquet.  I’d want a dress that makes me feel like a princess, long and flowy.  The dress I was going to wear, I loved it, but only because of how it had looked on someone else.  We never got to some of the other details.  I’ve never thought of getting married anywhere beyond my family’s church, but maybe a garden somewhere, I don’t really know.” 

“No roses, at least not for my bouquet.  Roses have always been bad luck for me.  Any time a guy has given me roses, we end up breaking up soon after.  Liles, maybe white tulips, but definitely lilies.  My birth month flower is Lily of the Valley, but I love the look of Calla Lilies, Stargazer lilies.  For the reception, there would be light everywhere.  Candles, or twinkle lights.  Depending on the time of year, maybe an outdoor space with soft twinkle lights for the dance area, candles at the tables.  The whole aesthetic would be soft, beautiful, romantic.”

That sounds wonderful, Deana.  I hope you get that someday, and more. 

She pulled herself closer to him, pulling into his chest to cry.  He rubbed her back, kissing her head, stroking her hair. Just being there for her in this moment.  If you’d let me, he thought to himself, I’d give you the wedding of your dreams, and we’d never be alone again. 

She wiped tears from her eyes, looking up at him.  “I’m sorry.” 

He gave a confused look.  For what?

“For not getting over my exes.  Paul told me the reason I wasn’t going anywhere with the guys I’d go on dates with was that I kept bringing up my baggage.  No guy wanted to date me knowing I was still talking about my ex.  Over three years later, and I still brought him up in conversation.  I’m STILL bringing him up, along with Paul.  I’m sorry.  You’ve been so great, I need to move on and be more in the present.  You’re all I talk or think about, but they still come up…” 

It happens.  You know I saw my big ex, the one that got away.  I have no clue when the baby’s due, but I know it’s gonna get plenty of press.  There’s pictures of other women I’ve dated, been in relationships with, moved on with other guys.  Yours is in your head, mine are in tabloids and magazines.

“Tabloids?  Magazines?  Who all have you dated?” 

Justin kicked himself mentally.  Working in the business, you get close to a lot of different people.  Back then, they were still new to things and not as well known, but now, they’re household names.  He lied to protect that one part of himself he was still hiding from her.  He knew full well they were all A list celebrities, they were some of the big “it” couples at the time.  Telling her he dated stars during their peak would only make her doubt herself.

“Like how Jessica Biel and Chris Evans dated when they were still relative no names, then went on to much bigger fish?” 

He tried not to react to her saying Jessica’s name, it stung more coming from her lips. 

Yeah, something like that.  I have to see them happier all the time.  But I have you, and it helps me focus on the here and now.  If I was still with any of them, I wouldn’t know you, and that would be a tragedy.

“I don’t know about that…” she sighed. 

He sat her up, looking deep into her eyes.  He wished he could tell her everything he was feeling, without having to use his phone to do so.  But at least he could still do it.  You are an amazing human being.  Even if things hadn’t worked out this way, we were just friends, I’d consider it a tragedy not to know you.  You are one of the kindest people I know.  You are an amazing person, inside and out, my world is better for having you in it, as a friend, or something more. 

He kissed her softly, pulling her back into his arms.  There was no expectation of anything more, just holding her, trying to convey how he felt and help her see her worth.