Deana woke up first, unwrapping herself from Justin’s arms. She went into the kitchen, started the tea kettle, and put waffles in the toaster. As she waited, she walked back down the hall and peeked at him. His shirt sleeve on his left arm had gone up his arm. She saw part of a tattoo. It looked familiar for some reason that she couldn’t quite place. She saw his face, smiling in his sleep. She sighed to herself, thinking of the night before, when the kettle started to whistle and pulled her back to reality. 

She poured their tea, putting things on a tray she’d gotten from her grandmother. She’d used it when she was sick to have breakfast, or other meals, in bed, and thought she’d surprise Justin. 

She carefully walked down the hall, the tray full with plates, utensils, and cups of hot tea. She pushed open the bedroom door with her foot, set the tray on her bedside table, and got back into bed beside him. She kissed his forehead, and he hummed in response. His eyes fluttered open slowly, his smile widening. 

“Good morning. I made us breakfast. Nothing fancy, but I thought it’d be cute.”  

He smiled and nodded as he sat up. She sat up and carefully moved the tray over to the bed. 

“This is supposed to fit over one person, so I’m not sure how we’ll…”

He took the tray, using the legs of one side to push between her legs, then setting the other side between his legs, one of their legs under the tray so it sat between them. 

“You JUST woke up and are already solving problems. You’re amazing,” she laughed, giving him a quick kiss. 

They ate in relative silence, savoring the moment. For Deana, it was a sign of moving forward, what life could be like if they moved in together. For Justin, it was a feeling of normalcy, the calm before the storm. He knew life would be hectic again soon and enjoyed this moment of quiet, where there were no expectations on him to be a certain place or do a certain thing. He loved touring, but he was starting to feel his age, he needed to slow down. He couldn’t be all things to all people anymore. 

“Whatcha thinking?” she asked, seeing him deep in thought as he held his mug of tea in his hands.

He blinked back to reality.  He waved it off as nothing, but she knew there was something there.  She leaned in to kiss his cheek, and he turned to kiss her lips.  He felt for the tray to put his mug down, so he could put his arms around her waist.  

“I really like all of this, it feels RIGHT, not forced.  I WANT this, ALL of this…” she said, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Me too,” he mouthed.  

“What next?  We can’t be in bed ALL day, can we?”

He laughed a little.  I mean, we COULD…  With you, it’s sexy as hell, and like you said, just feels RIGHT.  Like we’ve been together forever.  It hasn’t even been 2 full months yet, but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.  Like you were a missing piece of me I didn't know was lost.

“Well aren’t you Mr. Romantic, that almost sounds like poetry…”

I’ve written songs, that’s just poetry set to music.  The way I feel when I’m with you, or even just THINKING about you, is like I’m home.  I really do want to move in together, when you’re ready.  New York normally isn’t my home base, but now, with you, I think it could be.  This time together these last weeks and almost months, has been what I needed.  A reminder to slow down, set my priorities in order.  I’m ready to settle down.  It took this happening to make me stop and realize it.  

“You’re not asking me to…”

He shook his head.  No.  Not yet, anyway.  But I do think it could lead that way.  Is that a bad thing that I’m thinking that far ahead?

“No, cause I think it could lead that way, too.  I haven’t felt like this about anyone else.  Not even Morgan, and I thought that was love.  What I feel for you is so much deeper, bigger, fuller, than anything I’ve ever felt before.  Maybe it’s because I really got to know you first?  Because I was willing to let my guard down, be vulnerable in ways I haven’t with anyone else.  No one else knows my story about Poppy like you do.  If they even knew at all.  You want to know me, all of me, the good and the bad, and it doesn’t scare you.  So maybe that let me open myself up to feeling things I’d been afraid to all of these years.  I just know I’ve never felt anything like this before, and it doesn’t scare me, not anymore.”

He held her close.  There was no expectation in this moment, they could just be in each other’s arms.  She’d never felt so close to anyone before, it was like they were part of each other.  They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, in a good way.  It was comfortable, safe, peaceful.  Neither of them wanted it to end.  

We can go watch TV.  You can knit, I can hold you.  I’m not ready to go home yet. 

“I like the sound of that.”  She moved to get up, her tank top drooping to show her breasts.  As she got out of bed, he couldn’t resist staring at her ass.  

Then again, he thought, maybe we can end up back in bed…

She looked at him before heading down the hall.  God DAMN, she laughed to herself, he is SEXY.  And he feels the same way about me.  Who’d have thought all those weeks ago that I was meeting the best man I’ve ever been with?

He tilted his head, raising one eyebrow at her, a curious look in his eyes.

“Just thinking about how wonderful you are,  how lucky I am…”

He smiled, and followed her down the hall to the couch.  They curled up together, and she grabbed her knitting.  He had no idea what she was making was for him, and smiled at the thought of him pulling it out on Christmas.  

I want to know you more.  Let’s watch one of your favorite movies as a kid.

“How far back are we going?  I really don’t think you want to watch Care Bears movies…”

OK, how about one from when you were a little older?…”

“I know just the movie.  It was my favorite in middle school, I would read the book over and over, even try to read it outside to feel like I was really IN the story.  I’ll grab the DVD.”

She looked through her collection, finding the DVD.  She put it in the player.  The Secret Garden.  “The first movie I remember with Maggie Smith.  The woman doesn’t seem to age after this, really.  It’s crazy.  This movie just feels so magical to me in a way.”

They started watching, and Deana started knitting.  She tried to tell him the differences between the movie and the book, but he kept shushing her.  I want to see the movie the way you saw it as a kid, experience it with no comparisons.

She quietly quoted lines throughout, trying her best to mouth them so as not to disrupt his watching it for the first time.  She found herself towards the end of her yarn, and decided to use what was left and finish the piece.  He watched as she moved the needles in a different way, binding it off to complete it.  She pushed it off to the edge of the couch and snuggled into him more.  His hand on her hip, he sighed contentedly, watching the movie as he held her.  Enjoying something so normal, that he’d taken for granted.    

The movie finished, soft music playing through the credits.  I can see why you’d like that movie as a young girl.  Especially living in the city.  The magic of wide, open spaces, being able to connect with nature.  I feel that, too.  Where I grew up there were a lot of wooded areas and things around, we’d go camping or stay in a cabin somewhere.  England is such a magical place to begin with, then you go into the countryside and it’s like a whole other world.

“You’ve been to England?  Lucky…”

On tours.  Never more than a couple days at a time in one city, but I do what I can to see it as we travel.  Maybe that’s why I enjoy touring so much, I get to see all these different places.  Then it feels so good to be home after a while.

“I like learning more about you. The physical stuff is amazing, but I like learning about the man underneath.”

I feel the same way with you. Help me know you better. Favorite Disney movie?

“I have two. Dumbo and the animated Robin Hood. Dumbo is for more personal reasons, but Robin Hood I’d pretend to be Maid Marion.”

Why Dumbo?

“Gammy took my Uncle Dave to see it in theaters. She was pregnant with my aunt. My uncle wanted to name the baby Timothy if it was a boy. She later named my cousin Timothy in honor of my uncle. He died in the Air Force before I was born.  His plane crashed.”

I’m so sorry. 

“I never met him, but apparently there’s things that I do that he used to do. Like how I put sugar on my cereal; it would always remind Gammy of him.”

Broadway musical you wish you’d seen. 

“I’m sad I missed Joey Fatone in Rent and Lance in Hairspray. I LOVE the movie version of Hairspray. I’m really sad I didn’t see Wicked. I’ve only seen Avenue Q, Phantom, and, thanks to you, Mean Girls.”

Favorite song from Wicked?

“It used to be As Long As You’re Mine, but I don’t know that it fits me anymore. It totally did with Paul, knowing it wouldn’t last but totally not caring. But at the same time, I feel it with us; wanting to be with you as much as I can before you have to go back to regular life.”

Favorite non *NSYNC related band?

“Ok, thank you for spelling it correctly, especially the star. You won’t BELIEVE how many people fuck that up…”

Oh, I can imagine… he laughed. 

“To answer your question, my favorite other band I guess would be Switchfoot. They were almost the entire soundtrack to the movie A Walk To Remember. The song Mandy Moore sings? That’s theirs.”

Ok, I know that song. Mandy is a great girl. 

“You know her? Jesus… I have a friend from high school that looks and sings just like her. Like, a complete twin. Like you and Justin, I guess.”

He held back a laugh. Did you do any musical stuff when you were younger?

“I sang in my elementary school choir, but nothing from middle school on with school. In high school and college years I was in choir at church, even had solos, but no formal training. I can’t read sheet music to save my life. But I can fake it after hearing a song once. I’d blow everyone away, memorizing a song after hearing it a few times.”

I believe it, I’m the same way. It lets you focus on the emotion you put into it. I can tell when you’re up there singing that these are personal to you in one way or another. 

“Yeah. Maybe that’s why I pick them, they mean something to me.  Some are just more for fun. What about you? What got you into the business?”

He sighed. Well, my mom I guess. I did stuff in grade school, and my mom was really supportive of things. She helped me find things with kids like me, the same passions. 

“Favorite artist to work with?”

Oof. THAT is tricky. They all have their own vibes, energy they bring to things. I don’t know that I have a definitive answer. 

“Worst thing about the industry?”

How cutthroat it is. People will screw each other over to get ahead. I guess it’s that way everywhere, but the fight to stay at the top and be relevant or you’re done. There’s so much negativity and it’s just bullshit a lot of the time. All these big names lose their privacy, the public feels like they’re owed something because they’re entertainers. Fans will use crew and stuff to get to them, it’s crazy. 

“Biggest regret, personally or career wise.”

OOF. The hard hitting shit. All the personal shit has led me to where we are, so I don’t know that I call them regrets. 

“Be honest. It won’t hurt my feelings if there’s an ex or something you wish you were still with. We’ve already had that conversation, kinda.”

I mean, everything happens for a reason, as dumb as that sounds to throw out there. There’s one that I wonder if things would’ve gone better for her if we’d stayed together even a year or so longer. I dunno if it was meant to last forever, but that she might’ve avoided situations, people that are just toxic. 

Professionally, I have done some things that left a sour taste. I had friends I was really close with and all but cut ties with them for a long time. I regret that, not staying as close and doing more with them. Maybe someday, but I dunno, it might be too late to fix things. 

She saw the look on his face. She’d hit a nerve without intending to. “Sorry…”

He shrugged. Not your fault. You wanted to get to know me better, it’s part of who I am. 

“I’m glad you’re not wanting to keep secrets from me..”

He swallowed hard. If only THAT were true, he thought to himself. There’s SO much I’m keeping from her, and I don’t even know why anymore. THAT’S not even true. She’s been so open with me, but I want to give her this great experience at my birthday show, but I can’t do that being who I really am. 

He snapped back to reality. It’s been nice having someone to share things with that’s not looking for a way to tear me down. I can be open with you and really be myself. I’ve had my own walls up, but I know you won’t use it against me. 

“I’m sorry you’ve had that happen. I’m glad we both can be so open with each other. We all have baggage, why use it against them?”

That’s what I like about you, about us. It’s all so genuine. We LIKE each other as people, learning about each other inside and out, the good and the bad. It’s not just about the sexual connection, which is AMAZING, but there’s more to it than that. That’s just the icing on the cake. If that part were to stop, like when I go back to work, it’s not gonna just fall apart. It’ll be difficult, I’m gonna miss you like crazy, but we’ll still have the deep friendship and affection for each other. 

“I’m gonna miss you too. But you’re right, we spent so much of these last 2 months talking, still talking after things started getting physical. There’s more to either of us than that side of things, as great as it is. I need to stop before I overthink things..”

How so?

“That things are TOO GOOD between us…”

We’ve had bumps. Mostly Paul trying to step in, but we worked through it. He’s backed off. Has he reached to you to make amends?

“No. I honestly don’t know if he ever will. There’s a lot to apologize for.”

Whether he does or not, have you forgiven him for it?

“Forgiven? Mostly. FORGOTTEN? Hell no. That way I don’t fall for it again.”

Justin held her close. He kissed the top of her head and she rested her head on his chest. She could hear the pounding of his heartbeat, strong and steady. She felt safe in his arms, suddenly afraid of when he’d be gone. She knew they could talk, but her home would feel empty without him. 

You ok?

“It’s gonna be lonely here without you. I don’t want you to leave, but I know that’s not my call to make.”

We’ll get through it. We’ll text, that’ll help me remember to charge my phone regularly. This next week will be a good practice run with being with family and stuff for the holidays. I’ll send you pictures from the road, it won’t be 3 months of radio silence and being completely cut off. 

“Yeah. My sister and her family will be in town, I can send you pictures of things. I just gotta get used to it just being me in the apartment again.”

I don’t even know when I leave yet. We have something scheduled for January 4, but until we confirm it, I don’t know for sure. 

“January 4? That’s like 2 weeks away…”

I know. I’m absolutely torn. I’m glad at the thought of going back to work, I love what I do, but it means being away from you. Things are still new, exciting, and it’s scary to think of what it’ll be like. But I’ll see you before we know it. 

“How long have you known about the January 4 date?”

Not sure. Probably a month, but it was still so far out and uncertain. They kept canceling shows day to day so I didn’t want to say anything in case I ended up with more time with you. 

“Ok. I can’t be too mad then. It’s out of your control what happens. We’ll just make the most of the time we have left together.”

What did you have in mind? 

“Nothing in particular. You’re welcome to stay over again, not like Danielle will be here to mind.”

Very tempting. I have an appointment for something later today, but I can come back. 

“Up to you. I’ll be here.”

Let me head home, shower and change clothes. I can pick up something on my way back over. Thinking some Italian, lots of different stuff. 

“That sounds great. What’s the appointment?”

Nothing to worry about, just something I’ve had scheduled for a while. He felt bad lying to her, he’d only gotten the idea within the last week or so. 

“I’ll see you in a bit then I guess. How WILL I fill the time?” she teased. She walked him to the door, kissing him goodbye. She realized she hadn’t changed out of her silk pajama set from the night before. 

What should I wear for tonight? Realized I’m still in my pajamas…she sent to him. 

I’m not complaining… up to you. We didn’t end up doing laundry so if you need to while I’m gone, that’s up to you. 

She put laundry together and headed downstairs. She thought about what she wanted to wear.  Is it bad I want to dress up a little? she asked him.

No, I can definitely do that.  Like we’re out at an actual restaurant having dinner.

That sounds nice.  I’d like to go on another date with you, out somewhere that isn’t karaoke or my apartment.

Once I’m back in town.  Right now is crazy with tourists for the holidays and all that.  I already have the perfect place in mind, with you and that little black dress.

I just wish it was sooner.  

It’ll be worth the wait, I promise.  

“Oh god…” she gasped.  “Is he gonna propose?”