Early morning light streaked in through the window.  Justin’s phone buzzed, waking him up.  It was barely 7:00.  He rubbed his eyes, rolled over, and grabbed his phone.

We need you in DC for rehearsals.  You have a flight leaving JFK at 10AM.  It was his assistant.

Shit, he thought, not NOW!  I thought I’d have at least until she went to work, or even tomorrow…

Can’t you get me a later flight?  I need to pack, I’m in the middle of something…

At 7:00?  Whatever it is can wait, the ticket has been bought, there’s nothing I can do.  They’re already starting to set up to run rehearsals for tech and band.  We NEED you here, ASAP.  Sorry.

He looked at Deana, sleeping peacefully.  We both knew this day would come, but I didn't think it would be right after our first time.  She’s gonna hate me…

He tried his best to quietly get dressed.  In putting on his shoes, he sat on the bed in a way that shifted her.  Her eyes fluttered open.  She reached for him, rolling over when she couldn’t touch him.  She sat up, wide awake.

“What’s happening?  Are you SNEAKING OUT?! What the hell?  Really??  REALLY?!”

“I’m sorry…”  He showed her the texts.  At least I tried to not be a douche and just leave.

“There’s NOTHING to get you a later flight?” she asked, desperate.  He shook his head.

“But you were still just gonna LEAVE?  No goodbye, nothing?  Was last night just you playing the long game, wait around to see how long it takes to get a woman to sleep with you?  I’ve been there, done that, with Paul.  I thought you were different…”

She started to cry, he gently grabbed her shoulders.

“No, I had no idea until just now,” he whispered.  “Please, you HAVE to know that’s not what this was.  I told you I love you…” He said, taking her hands in his.

“Isn’t that the great deception?  Men use ‘love’ to get sex?”

“Deana…”

“I can’t.  You were just going to leave?  When were you going to tell me?”

“I hadn’t thought it through…”

“Exactly.”

“Now that you’re awake, can I go home, pack, and come get you on my way to the airport?  I’m really trying to fix this.  I’m sorry…”  He was down on his knees, his head on her lap.  She stroked his hair.

“Fine.  But I’m still upset with you about trying to leave without telling me.”

“I was in panic mode.  I messed up, but I’m trying to fix it.  I wish you could come with me.”

“We’ll talk once we head to the airport.  I’ll see you in a bit.  You WILL be back for me, won’t you?  This isn’t some lie just to slip away and out of my life?”

“Deana, no.  I would never do that to anyone, especially you.”  She could tell by his eyes that he meant it.

“Go,” she said softly.  I’ll see you soon.”

He put on his shoes.  She couldn’t even walk him to the door, she was still processing everything and needed some space.  He walked down the hall feeling shattered, like his world was collapsing around him, at a time where he should be excited about getting back on the road.

Deana just sat up in bed.  I can’t believe he was just going to LEAVE, she thought.  Though what did I expect?  Typical guy.  He’s probably played the love em and leave em scam so many times.  That’s all I’m good for, apparently.  They somehow find me just the slightest bit attractive, build this sexual tension, then leave once they get what they want, or because they won’t get what they want.  I thought I was ready.  What is WRONG with me that I trust too easily, fall too deep, and always end up getting hurt?  That can’t be all that’s meant for me.  I thought he was different.

She sat in silence, trying not to think.  We knew this day was coming.  The timing is terrible.  He did try to move things around, but then to just get dressed and try to sneak out?  Something he said he’d never do…  But what would I have done if the roles were reversed?  I could understand the panic.  Leave a note or something, I never gave him the chance to really do or say anything, I went straight into fight mode.  We both messed things up.  I could have been more understanding, we both know he wouldn’t have chosen for it to go this way…

…

He texted her as he packed.  I know we’ll talk in the car, but can I get you some breakfast on the way or something?

I guess.  A blueberry muffin or something.

You want anything to drink?

Where are you going?

My Starbucks.

Ask if they still have peppermint syrup left.  If so, I’ll take a peppermint white hot cocoa.  I could use a little guilty pleasure right now.

Got it.  I’ll see you soon, just basically throwing stuff into a couple bags, I don’t even care at this point.

We’ll talk when you get here…

He finished packing, he could always buy something he’d forgotten while he’s in DC.  In all the excitement and rush of packing, he left without his phone charger, his battery at half.  

His driver was downstairs waiting for him.  They drove to his and Deana’s Starbucks, placing a mobile order to get it sooner.  Michele wasn’t in yet, so there wasn’t anything to help lift his mood.  He got back in the car, and they headed for Deana’s.

He buzzed three times, and she rushed downstairs.  They got into the car and headed toward the airport.  

“Breakfast,” he offered, giving her her drink and muffin.  She sipped the hot chocolate, she barely touched the blueberry muffin.  

“Deana, I’m sorry…”

“I know.  If it’d been me, I don’t know that I would’ve done much better.  I didn’t give you much of a chance to explain, do anything.  For all I knew you were getting dressed, then making me breakfast and leaving a note.  I jumped to conclusions, but after being hurt so many times, seeing you get dressed without waking me up, telling me goodbye; well, it brought up old memories.”

“That wasn't my plan.  I admit I didn't HAVE a plan this morning, but I’m glad you’re coming to see me off.  There will probably be other people I’m working with on this flight, we’re probably all scrambling to get there to put things together and run the different rehearsals.  There’s rehearsals with the lighting and sound, the band by itself, the dancers, a full run through or two, all before a show in 2 days.  There’s no wiggle room with that much to make sure it all is working properly.  Again, I wish you could come, spend some time with me when I’m not working.  Then again, with all of that going on, I don’t know that there will be much down time besides sleep.  With you there, I’ll want to forego sleep for other things.”

“You’ll be back in a few weeks, right?  We’ll make it work.”

“Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”

“I wasn’t mad at YOU, I was mad at the situation.  You were trying your best, and I never gave you a chance…”

“Is it ok if I kiss you?”

“Do you really have to ask…?”

He kissed her deeply, one hand cupping her face.  He slowly pulled back.  “Yes, I did.  I don’t want to mess things up by kissing you, thinking things are ok, when they’re not.”

“I just told you I’m not mad…”

“I wanted to make sure.  Maybe I was just being overly cautious.  I really don’t want this to mess things up between us.  Is it terrible timing?  Absolutely.  Did I even know last night would be our first time?  Not until you walked up to me and basically gave me a lap dance in front of a bar full of people.”

“Took you THAT long, did it?  My first number with the little strip tease wasn’t enough?”

“It definitely got me excited to get you home, but no, even then I didn’t expect what happened.  Last night wasn’t even real to me until it was actually happening, and then it was a blur.  I got so hyper focused, I barely remember half of what happened.  I remember how things started, and how things finished, but the middle was just a blur.”

“Well, I remember it clearly and it was, wow.  I just wish I could’ve looked deeply into your eyes towards the end.”

“Next time,” he smiled.

“You’re already thinking about the next time?” she laughed.

“Aren’t you?  When I come back into town…”

“As long as you won’t sneak off again…”

“We have a few days in NYC, I’m not screwing this up again.”

“You redeemed yourself fairly well.”

They pulled up to the airport.  

“I gotta go, can’t even have you walk me to security.  I’m pre cleared, so I just go right through.  I’ll miss you.  I’ll text you, I promise.  I’ll see you in a few weeks.”  He kissed her quickly, but deeply, the perfect gentle goodbye kiss.  She watched him get his bags from the trunk and walk into the airport.  Her heart broke into a million tiny pieces watching him go, the finality of everything.  There was no turning back, he would be on the road until the road led him back.  The driver pulled back into traffic, and Deana quietly cried as he took her home.

…

Justin boarded his flight, seated with other members of the crew.  They caught up on life during the down time, apologizing as if he meant for any of it to happen.  

“I met a girl though, but I might have just fucked it all up…”  He told them the story of how they met, leaving out certain details.  “I get the text from my assistant, it wakes me up, and I scramble to get dressed and leave without so much as a goodbye.  She woke up, we went back and forth a little, but I think things are ok for now.  She agreed to go with me to the airport, so I’m holding on that things are ok.”

“She sounds great though,” one of his dancers says.  “You got a picture?”

He looked through his phone.  He chose a picture she’d sent from New Year’s, a closeup of her face.  “She’s beautiful, Justin.”  He nodded and smiled.

“I miss her already.  The next few weeks are gonna fuck me up, I gotta put all of that into the shows, help me lose myself in the performance before I blank out on everything.  It’s been so long since we did a show, I’m worried about the rehearsals.”

“Muscle memory will surprise you.  Once you hear the music, it’ll all come back.”

He knew they were right, but he couldn’t keep his mind off of Deana. She’d been through so much pain with past relationships, was this bringing everything back to the surface?  He has never intended it to go this way, his heart ached at the thought of hurting her. 

…

Her phone buzzed. She looked at it, hoping it was him. How’d it go last night? He’s still there, right?

She sighed. I don’t wanna talk about it. This morning was awful, I don’t even wanna go to work, but I know they need me. 

D, if something happened, don’t go in. How bad are we talking?

She choked back tears. Bruce is gone. He left this morning. 

Yeah, call out. I’ll be right over. 

Deana dreaded making this call. “Hey, I’m sorry, but I can’t come in. Something happened, I can’t barely think straight…”

“We’ll figure something out. Just as well, your boyfriend Justin was in early this morning. Grabbed stuff for himself and someone else, no idea who though.”

“Thanks for being understanding, it’s been a crap fest of a morning.”

Danielle buzzed before coming up. Deana opened the door and hugged Danielle tight, tears streaming down her face. 

“He got the notice this morning. He tried to sneak out, but I woke up before he could leave my room.”

“Deana…”

“I yelled at him, totally lost my cool. He went home to pack, picked me up and I went with him to the airport.  I’m still a rollercoaster of emotions. I got to say goodbye, but I still can’t believe he tried to just leave.”

“You both knew this day would come…” Danielle said. 

“But to try and sneak out?  He woke me up putting on his shoes.  We finally have sex and he just sneaks out…”

“You didn’t tell me you guys did it…”

“You know that was THE outfit. What happened this morning just cheapens what happened last night…”

“Set aside this morning. What was it like?”

“It was perfect. He made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, a mix of tender and all out passion. He told me he loved me…”

“Of course he loves you. Do you really doubt  that?”

“I do after this morning. Did he do all this just to get me into bed? Did he just string me along until I finally caved?”

“I really can’t believe he’d do that, D. After all he’s done for you, all the things you two shared with each other. Why protect you from Paul just to pull the same shit?”

“That’s what I thought, but he still did what he did. He did try to get a later flight, but they said there was nothing they could do.  But what would’ve happened if I hadn’t woken up?  I’d like to think he’d wake me up, but I’ll never know. He said he hadn’t  thought that far while he was getting dressed. I have mind blowing sex, then he just leaves…”

“It’s not his fault, or yours. You both knew this was coming. I’m sorry it happened the way it did, but if he seemed genuinely sorry, I think you two can move on from this.  When will he be back here?”

“In a few weeks, he’ll be here for a few days.”

"So that's not too bad.  The sex was THAT good though, huh?"

Deana gave her a look.  "You're just gonna focus on that today, aren't you?  It was amazing. As much as I enjoyed sex with Paul, this was so much better than any of that.  I wasn't afraid of what I felt, I felt safe and oh my god it felt amazing. I was hoping for another round this morning, then THAT went to hell…"

"But you were ready, wanting it for YOU, not just him?"

She nodded. “I’d never felt so sure about wanting that moment. He kept trying to give me an out, just in case. I told him I was sure, and if he gave me the chance to change my mind, I’d be overthinking.”

“Do you think he didn’t want to do it?” Danielle asked. 

“No, I could feel how hard he was at the bar, and the things he did, you don’t do those if you don’t want to…”

“Oooh, tell me more…”

“I think you have a decent enough imagination…”

“Oh, come on… please…. did he…?” she asked, sticking out her tongue, raising her eyebrows. Deana’s sudden blush told her everything. “Damn…good for him, good for YOU.”

“I told him to fuck me like it was our only chance. I didn’t actually MEAN it should be our only chance… So when he went to leave, it just felt like all that had happened between us was just for that one moment and then that was it.”

“You need to talk to him about all this. Really clear the air.”

“He’s got rehearsals and stuff so I don’t know when I’ll hear from him…”

“Just text him once a day, that way you’re reaching out, showing you want to make this work.  Text him later today.”

“But what do I even SAY?!”

“Tell him that you miss him and hope he’s doing well. Something like that. When he responds, see if he has time to talk things through.”

Her phone buzzed. They both looked at each other before Deana picked it up. 

Hey, I want to apologize for what happened this morning. I can’t stand the thought of you being mad at me and have no idea what to do right now. I miss you, please know you mean SO much to me…

“I told you, D. He’s not like those other losers. Here, I’ll help you with what to write.”

Hi. I miss you too. Last night meant so much to me, I don’t want this to ruin things between us. 

I don’t either, baby. I’ve got a long day ahead, but I’ll text you tomorrow sometime. I really miss you. Told the crew on my flight about you, how we met. I hope the next few weeks fly by so I can hold you again. I packed the beanie and scarf so you’re always with me…

“See, he’s not just another typical guy,” Danielle said. “Any other guy would forget you even exist. He told his friends about you, bright things with him to remind him of you. Just watch yourself when he comes back…”

“Why?” 

“You thought the first time was great, imagine the make up sex after 3 weeks of being apart…” Danielle teased.