She stared at her phone, not sure what to write.  Just be honest, a little at a time… she thought.

I’ve been better.  I feel like death warmed over.

I wanted to apologize about last night…

I need to apologize, too.  I should have gone with you.  I learned that the hard way…

What do you mean?

She sighed.  So it starts, she thought.  I’m at the courthouse with my brother.

Are they doing a courthouse wedding, spur of the moment?

No.  The opposite.  It’s for me.

What happened…

One word- Paul.

Her phone rang.  She walked into the hall to answer.  

“What did Paul do…?”

“I had way too much to drink last night, upset with how things went with you, and that he was at the bar, mainly him… Danielle left me there alone, and after 6 drinks, I was ready to go home.  Paul asked if he could walk me home so he could make his amends.  I trusted him, way more than I should have…”

“Deana… what happened?”

“I slept with him.”

“WHAT?!  Seriously?!”

“I was drunk, he told me you should’ve stayed here, with me instead of going out on the road.”

“You know I couldn’t do that…”

“I know.  But he told me he’d had time to think, missed me, came back for me, that he was ready to give me everything I wanted.  That things could be good again, like they were before.  He said ‘let me make you feel good again, one more time’.  And I let him.  I was drunk, and he manipulated me to get what he wanted.”

“So why are you at the courthouse?”

“To file a restraining order.  I should’ve done it as soon as you mentioned it.  Then I wouldn’t be in this mess.  I’m shit.  I’ve ruined everything.  Danielle isn’t speaking to me, she and J might’ve broken up, and now I’m scared to death of what this means with us…”

He sighed heavily.  “Not what I thought I’d be dealing with first thing in the morning…  Did you try at ALL to say no?”

“Yes.  Then he asked if we were together, and I didn't know what to tell him.  That I’d been afraid to put a name on things, I didn't want to scare you off…”

“After all we’ve been through, and you didn’t think we were together?!”

“I mean, what do we even call what we’re doing?”

“Dating.  Exclusively, at least on my end…”

“We never called each other anything official…”

“I figured you being ready to sleep with me meant you were committing to this, to US.  I guess not…”

“Bruce…”

“Don’t.  I know you’re filing a restraining order, but what if you change your mind before the hearing?  I thought we had something special…”

“We did, we DO…”

“I love you, Deana, I do.  But I need to know you aren’t just gonna run back to him the second things get difficult with us.  Who were you singing to at karaoke last night?”

“It wasn’t obvious?”

“We had a fight, so I figured it was me…”

“I was singing to Paul, trying to tell him to leave me alone…”

“Fat lot of good THAT did…”

“If I hadn’t been drunk…”

“Keep your excuses.  I’m not saying things are over between us, I’m letting you make that call.  Fuck, we’re Ross and Rachel.  I’m Rachel, oddly enough.  I think we need a break.  Think about what you want, about WHO you want.  We can still be friends and text, but don’t expect the same level of conversation we had before.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve ruined everything.”

“Only if you choose to.”

“I want YOU, Bruce.”

“Too little too late.  Don’t just choose me to make me happy.  Take some time.  If you really want me back in your life, don’t rush into it.  We’ve never been about rushing into things, don’t you dare start now.”

“It’s not rushing in, it’s keeping things how they were…”

“No. If it had just been our fight last night about coming on tour, sure. You slept with someone else, Deana. I’m just supposed to act like it never happened?”

“I was manipulated, taken advantage of, you know what he’s like…”

“Only hearsay. Even still, he has a hold over you.  I won’t be your second choice if you really want him.”

“But I don’t. I want YOU…”

“I can’t do this right now. Give it time, think things over. I don’t want you to rush things just to not be alone. I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. Maybe that’s the difference between us.  I’ll still text occasionally, but don’t expect a lot from me.”

“What happens if I do choose you, after thinking it over?”

“I really hope you do. If that’s the case, we’ll figure things out. Maybe not the same time frame we were looking at, but work towards those things we looked forward to. I want you to choose me, but on your own.”

He hung up, and she felt her heart break into a million tiny pieces. She went back into the office with her brother and the lawyer, waiting to file the paperwork. 

When they finished at the courthouse, Jonathan texted Danielle that they were swinging by the apartment to get a few things.

Fine. You have an hour. 

“She’ll come around…” Deana said, giving her brother a side hug. 

“I dunno, I said some pretty mean stuff…”

“So did we with our fight. Hopefully she takes both of us back.”

“You’re staying a couple days, we’ll go shopping for some new bedding and you’ll go back. If you really need a new mattress, we can do that.”

“No. Hopefully it’ll be a moot point cuz I’ll be moving in with Bruce.”

“Shit, I forgot about that for a second. Did you tell him?”

“Yeah. He’s upset, deservedly so. He says I need time to think about what and who I want.”

“But you don’t want Paul, you want him…”

“I tried telling him that and he said it’s too soon to say for sure. It’s almost like I’m giving him time to forgive me for everything. He wants me to move in and go on tour, I sleep with the most evil person I know…”

“He wants you to go on tour?”

“I told you that at Christmas…”

“I know. I didn’t think it was serious.”

“We fought about it a little last night. He keeps bringing it up and it’s just a big change…”

“What was he wanting?”

“For me to at all but quit my job to be on the road till April. He said he or Justin would take care of my bills, travel, food, even school, everything, and that’s just too much.”

Jonathan quietly laughed. “Is that a bad thing? You’ve always wanted to travel but never had the chance. Now this offer falls in your lap and you are afraid to take it?  To be with the man you think you love, have everything paid for…”

“I don’t want to go just to have things taken care of for me.”

“But they offered when you used them as excuses NOT to go, right?”

“Yeah…”

“What do you have to lose?  You’ve already possibly lost him. If you get back together, what would stop you from going?”

“I’d only know him, I worry I’d be in the way.”

“You’d make friends. There’s probably hundreds of people traveling with them. You’re bound to find one person besides him to hang out with. Try again…”

“I’d miss you guys, Mom and Dad…”

“You’ll miss him more… Try again.”

“What about school?” she asked. 

“What about it? You have one semester left. They offered to pay. You take classes on the road.  You have a laptop, take it with you.  What else?”

“Nothing, I guess,” she resigned. 

“So go for it, if things work out. This is all hypothetical at this point, but hopefully it’s a plan. We can start looking for storage spaces to put whatever you won’t travel with, maybe even ask Danielle to help you pack stuff up.”

“If she’ll talk to me…”

“Once you’re ready to sleep at your place again, I think she’ll come around. You’ve known each other forever. It’s too hard to break in a new best friend… Especially one like you.”

Deana sighed. “I’m happy you’re my brother…”

He gave her a squeeze. “Me too, sis, me too…”