Justin was traveling that day, heading to the next tour stop. He still couldn’t believe what Deana had told him. 

They stopped to eat along the way, one of the dancers noticing his change in mood and behavior. As he boarded his bus, she gently tapped his shoulder. “Need someone to talk to?”  He nodded. He’d known her for years, she’d asked about Deana since coming back on tour.

They sat together on the bus. “What’s wrong? You’re not yourself today…”

“It’s Deana. Stuff happened. I think she might have left me for someone else.  She said she wants me, but her actions say otherwise.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her she needs time to think about what, or who, she wants.”

“What about what YOU want?” she asked, putting a hand on his knee.

“What’s going on?”

“Please, Justin. We’ve had chemistry for years. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve hooked up with someone you toured with…”

“No. If she wants to be with me, I’m not gonna jeopardize things.  I love her. I thought she loved me, too…”

“You’re really gonna turn down a chance like this?  Who says she would ever know?”

“I’d know, and that’s enough. Even with what she did, I’d still tell her if anything happened, we have that level of respect for each other. At least she didn’t try to keep it from me.  I can’t even imagine being with anyone else, even if they are throwing themselves at me. It’s too fresh, too raw, too painful. By the time I’d consider it, hopefully she’d be ready to choose.  I’m gonna go lie down, pass the time sleeping.”

He went to his area to sleep, but found he couldn’t fall asleep. He took out his phone, looking at the mix he’d made for her. 

Maybe, he thought, I can use the playlist to tell her how I’m feeling. Let me add a song just to start. Not *NSYNC, this needs to be ME. “Amnesia” is perfect. I thought I knew her, but now it’s like she’s someone else.

Eventually the sway of the bus on the road helped him fall asleep. 

...

Deana and Justin were in an empty town, dirt roads and plain whitewashed buildings. “Amnesia” played in the background, but nothing about any of it seemed amiss. 

He knew she was there, but couldn’t find her. He’d see glimpses of her, run to catch her, only to lose her again. One time he got close, only to see Paul pulling her away. He chased after her, trying to rescue her from him. 

“Deana, just let go! I’m coming for you! I’m here!” he called, hoping she could hear him. 

He saw Paul pull her around another corner, Deana reaching out for Justin. He sprinted to catch her, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards him. 

He could hear the lyrics to the song coming through loud and clear. “I can feel it almost start to change. But then it hurts too much I let it go away…”

He held her close, looked deeply into her eyes, and kissed her, slow and sweet. 

Despite everything, he woke up with a start. “Damn, it felt good to hold her, even if for a minute,” he sighed to himself. “I really hope she meant that she wants me, it’s gonna be a whole new level of torture if that’s all I get, a kiss in a dream…”

…

They bought new bedding for her to take to her place in a couple days, and she decided she needed another cheat day and they had pizza for dinner.   Deana was exhausted from the long day, starting to fall asleep on the couch. 

“Go to bed, you have work tomorrow,” Jonathan said gently. 

Deana got her stuff unpacked in Jonathan’s guest bedroom. She didn’t bring much with her for the next couple of days, but she made sure to pack the essentials. For her, that included the perfume and picture frame Justin had given her for Christmas. 

“If this is all I have of him for a while, I’ll take it,” she sighed. 

She missed him, knowing she’d hurt him was more than she could take. She grabbed her phone and put on the mix playlist. She let it play, reminding her of happier times together. I hope there are more to come, she thought. 

She got ready for bed. Exhaustion was the only thing letting her fall asleep as she let the playlist play on loop. 

...

She felt like she was back in the old West, dirt roads and plain white buildings. She walked around, looking for something, but wasn’t sure what. 

“Amnesia” was playing in the background. Suddenly, she saw a glimpse of something. 

“Bruce!”  She ran after him, but he’d always turn a corner. 

At one point she heard him say, “Deana! I’m here!”

She ran as fast as she could and there he was, standing there. She walked up to him, he took her in his arms, looked in her eyes, and kissed her deeply.   

She woke up slowly, a little before her alarm went off, her earphones still in. 

“Damn, that was so sexy there at the end,” she sighed. “I’d give anything to kiss him again…”

She figured she might as well be awake for the day; holding onto the dream as a hope for the future. 

…

The next few days went by painstakingly slow, or so it felt to both of them. Justin had a show, but that only made a couple hours pass. Everything else seemed to crawl along during the waking hours. He had given her space, not texting her. It killed him to not talk to her like they had before. 

He grabbed his phone, and in desperation sent a text. 

I miss you. 

There was so much being said in three short words. He felt it in the depths of his soul.  Like a part of him was missing.  It was another travel day, so there wasn’t much to occupy his mind.  He hoped she’d answer, that this would all be behind them.  It’s only been 2 days, he thought, is that really enough time for things to settle in for her?  She said she wanted me then and there, could things change again?  I mean, maybe, she went from being nice for niceness sake to sleeping with him.  I can’t really fault her on that, there’s the history there and he is a sociopath.  If not then, he’d have found another time.  She’s getting a restraining order, you don’t do that if you’re going to change your mind, right?

His phone buzzed.  I miss you, too.  He smiled a little, holding out hope.  

How are you?

I’m ok.  Finally ready to go home, if I can even call it that anymore.

Where have you been?

At my brother’s.  I couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping in that bed, knowing what had happened.  Sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about all this, bring it up again.

He sighed.  It’s fine.

We got all new bedding, he even offered to buy me a new mattress, but that was too much.  I’m hoping Danielle will let me in and things can get back to normal.

What’s wrong with you and Danielle?

She’s mad at me for what happened, she’s mad at my brother for letting me stay with him, mad at herself for not staying with me longer at karaoke…  She stopped talking to me because I’m not handling this on my own, needing my big brother to ‘swoop in and save me’, her words.

I hope things work out.  I really do miss you.  I wish this had never happened.

Me too.  Talking to my brother, I should’ve gone on tour with you when you first asked.  We’d still be together, none of this would have happened.

You know what they say about hindsight…  Would you have gone if Justin had told you, directly?

I don’t know, I barely know him.  Maybe not, I’d figure he was doing it as a favor to you.  Hard to say.

Have you decided anything yet?

I thought you didn’t want to rush things?

I don’t.

So two days might not be enough time for you to think I’ve thought it over.

I guess that depends.

On what?

Who you choose.  

If you don’t know who I’d choose, then maybe you need more time, not me.

I want you to pick me, but with how quickly things changed, I’m not so sure anymore.

If I wanted him back that much, wouldn’t I have done it when he first came back sniffing around?  Before we slept together…

Maybe.  You didn't, and I’m glad for it, but, running into our exes brought back feelings.

And we talked about that.  I thought we weren’t going to talk like we used to.

I changed my mind.  I can’t focus, my mind is a blur.  I need you, Deana.

Maybe I need to step back farther, if I’m in the way of things.

No.  Please, that’ll only make it worse.  

I don’t want to distract you, that’s the whole point of why I didn’t want to go on tour with you.  

I’m distracted without you here.  I added a new song to our playlist last night after the show.  

She checked the playlist.  “Drink You Away” was now included.

Have you really tried to forget about me?

Just the pain I feel.

I don’t know that that’s the healthiest coping mechanism…

I don’t know what else to do.  Texting you today was because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I hated not talking to you.  You mean so much to me, but I wanted to give you time.  Maybe it is me…

Will you accept my answer through our usual way?  Karaoke?  Is that enough time for you?  I have my answer now, but if you need more time...

Can we talk, like before, until then?

I’d like that.  I miss talking to you, too.  

I almost added another song to the playlist.

Which one?

It Makes Me Ill…

Really?  Why that one?

Isn’t it obvious?  

I think it’s funny you would choose that one.  I could see why, but there are other songs I’m sure you could have chosen, too.  

Such as?  

Cry Me A River, What Goes Around Comes Around, since you made the deep cut choice- Just Don’t Tell Me That…

Those are all about broken relationships, dead and buried…

We’re not broken?

Just bent, and we can learn to love again.

She smiled.  Hey, that’s my line…

I can feel your smile through the phone…

Must be a powerful smile…

It is.  Unforgettable.  

I gotta get going, hopefully save my friendship and move stuff back into my place, rearrange things a bit perhaps.

Good luck.  Tell her I say hi.

I will.  I miss you.

Miss you, too.  Bye for now, beautiful.

She packed the last of her stuff, and headed back to her apartment.  She didn’t buzz before going up, hoping to catch Danielle there.

She unlocked her apartment door.  “Danielle?”

“Deana, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Um, I live here.  At least, I WANT to live here again.”  She held up her duffle bag and the bags holding new bedding.

“I’m sorry.  You’re my best friend, I should have been more supportive…”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have put you and J in that position…”

“You needed help.  I should have been more willing.”

“I still need your help.”

“With what?”

“Packing.”

“Packing what?”

“My things.  I’m hoping once I tell Bruce the good news, I’ll be going on tour with him, at least as a vacation for a couple weeks.”

“So you’re choosing him?”

“Why does everyone sound so surprised by that?  Why would I pick Paul?”

“Because you feel guilty, it was comfortable and familiar when your life had turned upside down.”

“I talked to him today.  The first time since telling him everything.  He says hi, hope we can work things out.”

“Did you tell him you choose him?”

“He needs more time.  Two days isn’t enough, even though my mind hasn’t changed since all of this happened.  He’s ok with talking, and that I’m giving my answer at karaoke.  I figure that’s always been the way we communicate best, through music.  He updated the playlist.  He almost put in It Makes Me Ill.”

“Going for a deep cut, ok, ok.”

“Are we ok?  Can you help me get started on things?”

“Yeah, I’ll let J know I’ll be staying her a few more nights.”

“Are you still mad at him?”

“No.  It’s been rough not talking to either of you, but I hoped you’d find your way back.”

“It was rough for us, too.  But it helped us bond a little bit, he helped talk me out of all of my excuses for not going with Bruce.  Let’s talk as we pack…”