Tuesday rolled around again, the days were getting easier to handle away from each other since they went back to talking and flirting. Justin had another show, but said he would watch the playback later. 

Jonathan and Danielle came to Deana’s for dinner, a healthier version of chicken Parmesan. “After last week, I’m not drinking for a while…” Deana said, pouring herself a large glass of water. 

“You ready for tonight?” Danielle asked. 

“Yeah. You?  I’m more worried about you…” Deana replied. 

“I’ll be with her, just in case,” Jonathan said, his hand on hers. 

“I’m gonna hang back, best to not be too close,” Deana said. They nodded in agreement. 

They headed to the bar, Deana’s stomach in knots. “After tonight, everything is gonna change,” Deana sighed. 

“What songs did you choose?” Danielle asked. 

“You’ll have to find out. But he’ll know they’re about him…”

Deana only had water, not even opting for soda. “Too much sugar, gotta slim down for your wedding…”

It was her turn in the rotation. She’d sung this song a million times in her room, but she knew tonight, recording it for Justin to see, it had to be perfect. 

“There’s a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend. There’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend. And you’ll never know til you reach the top of it was worth the uphill climb. There’s a fine, fine line between love, and a waste of time “

She marked certain words with more emphasis, belting out one section towards the end. When she finished, she sat down, chugged her water, and sighed. “One down, one to go, then wait for him to watch.”

“Once your song is over, I’ll do what I need to do, then we’ll go,” Danielle said. 

“I’m still more nervous about you, even with J.”

“No clue why, it’s gonna help make stuff like last week never happen again.”

“I’m just nervous on how he’s gonna react…”

“Fuck him and how he’ll respond. He made his bed, he needs to lay in it,” Danielle said firmly. 

It was soon Deana’s turn again. The song has a long spoken intro. “On my own, pretending he’s beside me. All alone, I walk with him till morning. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is him and me forever and forever.”

She got to the end of the song, the words hitting her hard. “Without me, his world will keep on turning. A world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.”

Bruce is doing what he loves. Without me, he can still do that. He’ll be fine without me, but I can’t live without him... she thought. 

“I love him…” the words hit her like a ton of bricks. “I love him…” Tears welled up at her realization of just how strong she felt for him. “I love him, but only on my own.”

She saw Danielle and Jonathan head to the back. Deana followed behind at a distance. 

“Paul?” Danielle said. 

“Yeah? What do you want?” he sneered. 

“I have something for you,” she answered. She pulled out an envelope. “From Deana…”

He took the envelope. “You’ve been served. See you in court, asshole.”  She kneed him in the groin, Paul doubling over on the ground. 

“At least no one else will be screwed over by him tonight,” Dani said, walking past Deana towards the front to leave. 

“That was technically assault,” Jonathan said. 

“It was deserved, the slime ball…” Danielle said with a smile. 

“One less thing to worry about. Now to wait for Bruce to watch the playback…”

Deana still felt a knot in her stomach, nervous at when Justin would get to watch the songs. She walked back to her apartment, said goodbye to Danielle and Jonathan, and got ready for bed. 

Her phone buzzed. Another great show done.  But enough about you… ???? 

You haven’t even watched it yet, I’m sure…

No, but I know you did great. 

We’ll see once you watch. 

You home already?

Yeah, just getting ready for bed. 

Which pajamas are you wearing tonight?

Who said I’m wearing pajamas? ????????‍????

Are you teasing me?

Maybe a little. I know you think I’m sexy no matter what I wear. 

Very true. I’ll let you get to bed, it’s late where you are and you’re with the kiddos in the morning. Tell Ms. S. I say hi. 

Good night. Glad the show went well. In just over a week you’ll be back here. 

I can’t wait. Sleep well, beautiful. 

…

The next day was a travel day for Justin, so he had lots of time to kill. 

As soon as he got on his bus, he turned on his iPad and began to watch the playback. He fast forwarded through the other singers, only concerned with her songs. He finally got to her first song and played it. 

It was a nice enough song in the beginning, but the repetition of the line “There’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time” kept throwing him. He noted the intonation and expression of words that she forced for effect, like “lie” and “goodbye”. 

Then she got to the bridge. “And I don’t have the time to waste on you any more. I don’t think that you even know what you’re looking for. For my own sanity I’ve gotta close the door and walk away.”

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. “This is what she chose?!” he said aloud, confused. “Things have been going so well, she flirted with me even last night… so then why sing this?  Is she really closing the door and walking away from us, and she’s just been  toying with me this last week?”

He couldn’t bring himself to watch the second song, thinking everything was over. 

“Well, this is the inspiration I needed for something I’m working on, just sucks it has to come from her…”

He started writing down thoughts, a stream of everything he’d been feeling the last week or so just pouring out of him.  It was the catharsis he needed, with a situation he hoped he wouldn’t need to deal with.  

…

Deana was a nervous wreck.  It had been 3 days since she thought Justin watched the playback, and they’d hardly said a word to each other, not for her lack of trying.  

“Did he not watch it yet?” she asked Danielle during her lunch break.  “I don’t understand what’s going on…”

“It is a tour, maybe he’s having issues with his phone, maybe he’s just busy.  You keep texting, minimally, which I know is REALLY hard for you…”

“It is.  I remember not hearing anything from an ex in 3 days, I sent over 20 texts to check in.  His phone had died.  I figured he’d watch it right away, be happy after hearing the songs…”

“Why?  What did they mean?”

“That I chose HIM, not Paul.  I still think it’s crazy he EVER thought I would choose Paul over him.”

“Don’t get me wrong, they were great songs, but how did they say you chose Bruce?”

“The first one, he was the positive aspects of a relationship, Paul was the negative.  Like I was singing to both of them.  Then I send Paul on his way with that one section, going after Bruce.  The second song, that with him on tour, I’ve been pretending he’s next to me, that any other relationship was just pretending before him.  I know without me he’d be ok, there’s his world he’s a part of, but ME, without HIM, I can’t imagine it.  I truly, deeply love him Dani.  With everything I am.” 

“Text him, asking if he watched, and what he thought.  I know you’ve been trying to avoid bringing up the topic so you aren’t nagging, but bring it up and see what happens.”

“Once I get home, I will.  If I remember correctly stalking Justin’s website, today’s a travel day, thank goodness.”

“Hopefully it goes ok.  It’s hard when stuff happens that I can’t help you fix.”

“You’re trying, Dani, and I appreciate it.  But isn’t that what you yelled at J about doing with Paul last week, taking me in and all that?”

“I guess, but this is different somehow.  Don’t ask HOW, but it is.”

…

After work, Deana sat on her couch, nervous, her phone in hand.  Hey, did you get a chance to watch the karaoke video?  I haven’t heard from you about it, so just curious.

I did.

And you didn’t say anything?

I’ve been trying to figure out WHAT to say.  I worked on a little something for you, kind of an answer.  Just rough, it would need more editing and stuff, but go ahead and listen, if you think you’re ready.

He sent her a file.  A song started to play.  Quiet piano.  She knew the voice He got Justin to sing the vocals for this? she thought, before the verse started.

“I know your favorite song, I hear it every day.  Whoever made your smile, made it to get in my way.  And every time you laugh, you make that little sound.  It’s just the hardest thing, to love you but not know how.”

She went from feeling happy to sad as she listened.  Tears welled up, streaming over her eyes, down her cheeks as she heard the line “and it hurts the most just to know that you don’t feel the same, the same.  So sometimes I get down on my knees and I pray things will change.  But life is what happens when things, they don’t work out our way.”

It’s beautiful, but sad.  Why send that?

I wrote it about you.

ME?  But, oh, you mean, the songs I sang.

I couldn’t even watch the second one, the first one hurt too much.  

Hurt?  Why?  

I was just a waste of your time, you closed the door and walked away.

Babe, no.  OK, now it all makes sense.  Let me explain…

She told him what the song meant to HER, how she was trying to convey the meaning.

Yeah, I took it the other way.  I guess I should have clarified that with you.

The song you wrote is beautiful, and Justin did a great job on vocals.  But yeah, that wasn’t my intent.  Please listen to the second song, and then we can continue talking about things.

He grabbed his iPad to see her better, though he knew he really only needed to hear the song.  He was just as confused by the second song.  He knew it was a love song, but he knew how she felt before, she knew how he felt, so it wasn’t as one sided as the song lyrics suggested.  He saw the tears trickling down her cheeks at the end of the song, so he knew this must have had some kind of importance to her.

You did a beautiful job, Deana.  Before I say anything, what did it mean to you to choose this song?

She answered with how she felt her whole life before him was just pretending, and at the same time, feeling like he could easily keep living his life without her.

Babe, I choose you.  It’s always been you.  I can’t imagine my life without you.  I guess my songs didn't really say that well, did they?

I’m sure it made sense in your head though.  That can happen, you mean something one way, and it gets twisted once it leaves you and what YOU put into it.  So I wrote that song for nothing?

I wouldn’t say for nothing, it’s beautiful, but definitely sad.  

I just feel I’ve wasted 3 days that we could have been happy.  

So where do we go from here, with us? she asked.

Well, I’ll be back in NYC next week, in just a few days.  I think with travel we get in on the 30th.  There’s a show in Denver on the 28th, then taking the buses back will take a bit.  So I’ll see you soon.  Otherwise, we just go back to the way things were.

You’re sure?  I know the whole thing with Paul was a big test of everything.

You chose me, so I could care less what happened now.

I wish I’d gotten video, but Danielle served him the court paperwork for the restraining order at karaoke.  Then she kneed him.  

I wanna say ouch, but given who it is, good for Danielle.  So you have a court hearing to confirm everything, yeah?

Yeah.  Thankfully it’s sooner rather than later.  Once it’s done, I wanna go on tour with you.  Dani’s even helped me pack up a bunch of stuff.  Most of it is at my parents’ house, the rest can go in a tiny storage locker.

Or you can just move it into my place in the meantime.

You still want to move in together?

Now that everything else is behind us, yes.  You can stay at your place until you’re able to come on tour, I’ll give you a key to my place, sorry, OUR place, so you can put things in before you leave.  No worrying about getting a storage locker, just pack what you need on the road.  I can help give you a better idea of all that later.  

I’m glad I texted you, I was worrying a lot.  

I’m glad you did too, I didn't want to have to continue without you.  I was afraid to come back, to run into you somewhere.  We’re in NYC for a few days, so it was possible.

Well, now we have that time to be together.

That was my biggest fear, never holding you again.  I had a dream about you, and it ended with this great kiss, I was afraid that was the last chance I’d ever get to do that.

I had a dream about you, too, ending with a great kiss.  It was like a music video…

Amnesia?

YES!  How did you know?

It was in my dream, too.  I was looking for you, but you kept being out of reach.  Paul was dragging you away from me, I yelled for you to let go.  I finally caught you, held you close, and kissed you.

That was my dream, but I was looking for you, and there was no Paul.  I’d see you, but then you’d disappear around another corner.  Then I heard you yell, I rounded a corner, and there you were.

Almost the same dream.  Does that even happen in real life?

Apparently so.  I’m glad it did.  And that it was just a dream, I never want to have to try and search for you again.

You won’t have to, baby.  I’ll be standing right where you can see me.