The show ended for the night, Deana waited while Justin grabbed a quick shower before getting on the bus. She made sure everything was packed and ready to go as soon as he was dressed. 

He opened the door, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, put on his shoes, and helped carry what little there was out to the bus. Once they got on, the bus was ready to head out. 

“I’m sure you’re tired, go ahead and get some sleep, babe,” he said. “I’ll be up for a while, I can never just sleep right after a show. There’s stuff to review, ideas I have running in my head, that’ll keep me occupied until I’m ready to crash.”

She headed to the bed, closing the door to get changed. She was starting to understand what he meant about doing certain things while the bus was moving. She quickly learned to sit on the bed to get changed after a bump in the road made her fall against the wall. 

Once she successfully changed into her pajamas, she got into bed. She tried sleeping, normally fell asleep on car trips, but something made this different. She opened the curtain on her side, hoping that seeing things move would help. She started to feel claustrophobic, starting to get a headache and feel nauseous. She closed her eyes, hoping to let exhaustion set in so she could sleep, but the more she tried, the more difficult it became and the worse she felt. 

She opened the door, catching Justin’s attention. “You ok, babe?” he asked. She didn’t answer, rushing to the bathroom before throwing up. Justin rushed towards her to make sure she was ok. 

“I’m sure you’ll end up freezing, but can we get some air or something circulating?” she asked. “I couldn’t fall asleep, started to feel like shit. I’m just glad I threw up instead of passing out. It’s only happened twice, but I’ve felt just like this before they happened.”

“Let’s get a cool washcloth on you, if nothing else.  I’ve got you, I’m gonna take care of you,” he said, pivoting to the sink to get the washcloth cool and damp. He carefully helped her back into bed, putting the washcloth on her forehead. She smiled. 

“Why the smile?” he wondered. 

“Just picturing you being the doting father to be when I’m pregnant…”

“I mean, you’re not, are you?” Justin panicked a little. “There were those couple times…”

“I’ll take a test if you want, but I don’t think so. I usually do best in cars if I have air on, right in my face. Even if the air is on but I can’t feel it, I start to feel like this. I haven’t thrown up in a moving vehicle since I was about 6 or 7, but at least this time wasn’t all over the backseat of my grandparents car.”

“Let’s see if the washcloth helps, I’ll check on you every once in a while, change it out as needed. Yeah, I guess I could see myself in that role, though.”

“Well, now isn’t the best time for that to be in our lives. I’d rather avoid throwing up every day while touring.  Hoping this is a one time thing for a long time.”

“Let me know. I know I panicked a second ago, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I know you’re great with kids, you’ll be a great mom someday.”

“Can you hold me til I fall asleep?” she asked. 

“I think I can manage that,” Justin said with a smile. He laid down next to her on the bed. The comfort of being beside her, mixed with the gentle motion of the bus, soon lulled Justin to sleep beside Deana. 

…

The next few days went by, Deana getting used to being on the road, comfortable wherever she was as long as she was around Justin. She was getting to know some of the girls, including his assistant. 

They were in Portland, Deana loving all the green everywhere. She had caught up on all her school stuff for the week, and she had a good 4 hours before she needed to get out on the floor to save her spot. 

There was a knock at the dressing room door. Justin was at sound check, so she wasn’t sure who it would be. She opened the door, seeing his assistant on the other side. 

“You wanna hang out for a bit?” his assistant asked. 

“That sounds fine. What did you have in mind?”

“You’ll see.”

Deana grabbed her purse just in case and walked down a hall. They were soon met with a private car and driver. 

“Justin?”

“He thought you’d have fun, yeah,” she said. They got into the car and rode off. 

“So Justin hasn’t actually told me your name, I feel like that’s something I should know…”

“Caitlyn,” she answered. 

“Any idea where we’re going, Caitlyn?” Deana asked. 

“Not sure, but he said you have one of his cards.”

“Glad I brought my wallet then,” she sighed. 

The car pulled up to a shopping mall. “He said to get stuff for warmer weather just in case, maybe some stuff for the LA house.”

She pulled out her phone. Thanks babe, this feels a little more normal… Anything I should be sure to get?

Maybe some swimsuits for Vegas and Penis…

Um, WHAT?!

Lol. Sorry, I guess I meant Phoenix… Stupid autocorrect.

Deana laughed. That makes much more sense.

Maybe some other pajamas…

I’ll buy sexy stuff, but you bet your sweet ass I’m wearing that *NSYNC shirt every night…

At least add some tour shirts or something, though not sure how I feel about my face all over your body…

You don’t seem to mind when we’re going at it…

That’s different. Anyway, have fun, I’ll see you in a bit. Love you.

Love you too.

“I’m amazed every day that this is my life,” Deana sighed.

“He really missed you that first stretch after going back on tour.”

“How much do you know about that time?” she asked carefully.

“Not much.  Just that there was a definite rough patch for him.  He wasn’t himself.  Whatever happened, I’m glad he got out of it and things are back to normal.  Well, normal for HIM.  I’ve done personal assistant stuff before, but never for someone like him.  He told me how you met and all that, I’m sure that was a big shock when you found out.”

“It was.  He was great when I thought he was Bruce, then I’m admittedly blindsided a bit, but he’s still that same guy I fell in love with.  It was rough those first few days, especially when pictures of us went up online, but I’m not in this relationship for any of that.  I would still love him if he was a crew member, nothing changed how I felt.  The rest of my life is trying to figure this out, figure out my new normal, but I love him the same as I did a couple months ago.”

“A little pre-shopping snack?” Caitlyn asked.  Deana got some waffle cut sweet potato fries, Caitlyn curly fries from a nearby shop.  They stopped in a few shops, looking through what they had.  They got to Torrid, a store Deana had stuff from and thought would look good.  Even then, she hemmed and hawed and didn’t seem to pick out anything.  Deana was particular, but mostly out of insecurity.

“Not finding anything?” Caitlyn asked.

“I have certain colors and styles I like, stuff I know looks good on me.  I kinda stick to what I know.”

“May I make some suggestions, things to try on?”

“I guess it couldn’t hurt…”

Caitlyn walked around the store a bit, pulling pieces based on the sizes Deana was looking at.  Deana got a dressing room and started trying them on.

She  came out in a black woven halter top.  It was almost like macrame, a very open weave, exposing her stomach and back.  She wasn’t sure how she felt in it.

She stepped out of the dressing room.  “Girl, you know this is a get shirt to wear during the tour.  It’s fun, super sexy, and great for the warmer weather months.  You want to send a pic to Justin for his input?”

“I know what he’ll say.  Well, I know what he’ll tell ME.  You texting might get a more PG version…”

“Sometimes buying something for a guy makes you like it.  I say get it, even if you only wear it around him.”

“I could try wearing it tonight.  I could use a couple more pairs of jeans, too.”

“Try on a couple more things,” Caitlyn encouraged.

She put on a maroon colored shirt that had criss cross straps across the front, and a deep v neck.  

“I went with the colors you were gravitating towards, but cuts you might not have chosen.”

“I just worry it’s too sexy…”

“Don’t we always dress up for concerts, especially for someone like Justin?  I think they have a dress in this style too, something for clubbing or a date night.”

“I feel bad at how much this is gonna cost, but I know he’ll tell me not to worry about it.”

“He did tell me to encourage you to get what you want, no matter how much it cost.”

“Well then, let’s go to Tiffany’s and get me some jewelry,” Deana joked.  “No, the stuff he gave me for Valentine’s Day is more than enough for me.”

“Next piece,” Caitlyn directed.

She tried on a black and white striped skater skirt, and was instantly in love with it.  She then tried on a dark denim mini skirt.

“I’m not sure if this is too short, or too tight, or what,” Deana said as she slowly walked out to Caitlyn.

“What are you worried about with this?”

“My thighs, it’s where most of my weight is, it feels like it anyway.  I’m not comfortable in short shorts and stuff.”

“Well, it’s not as short as you think it is, it’s between mid thigh and your knee.  You wanna look at swimsuits?”

Deana nodded, going through their selection.  She chose some high waisted bottoms, with matching tops.  “I don’t need to try these on here, but I do wanna look at some other stuff without you.”

“Gotcha.  I will hang out just outside the store, in case you need me.”

She looked through the lingerie and underwear section, pulling a few pieces she knew she’d feel comfortable in, and some she thought were outside her comfort zone but Justin might like.  She took two armloads of items up to the register.  She felt bad, but also knew Justin would be sad if she was turning down such a sweet gesture.  She knew if he could be there with her, he’d be buying it all for her anyway, possibly more.  She carried two giant bags, one in each hand, out the front of the store.

“Well, I’d say that was successful,” Caitlyn said.  

“Yeah.  I’d say so. Before we go, I feel weird having not gone into any Starbucks since my last day of work.  Do you mind?”

“Not at all.  This is your little trip out, whatever you want.”

They walked around the mall until they got to a Starbucks.  Deana ordered a white hot chocolate, her cold weather favorite.  They made their way back out to the entrance they came in from, their car waiting for them.  

They got back to the arena, Deana getting on their bus and started to put things away.  She kept her outfit for the night in the bag, taking it with her to the dressing room.  As she opened the door, she saw Justin on his laptop, looking intently at the screen, headphones on.  She crossed the room, and he remained focused on the screen.  It wasn’t until she gently put a hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek that he snapped out of focus.

“Hey, how did it go?  Did you have fun?” he asked, pulling her down on the couch beside him.

“Yeah.  I have the feeling that if I’d let Caitlyn pick out all my stuff, I’d have a lot more bags to figure out how to store everything.”

“Well, the bus does have storage underneath…”

“I wasn’t finding much that I liked, we went to like 4 stores and I saw nothing.  We get to the final store, a place I shop at on occasion when I can afford it, and still not much of anything I don’t already have.  Caitlyn pulled a bunch of stuff, had me try it on, and before I know it, I suddenly have two big bags worth of stuff.  She didn’t help me pick ALL of it out, there’s still some I got on my own after she left the store.”

“Why did she leave the store?”

“Think it through, Timberlake…”

“Oh, OH.  Ok,” he laughed, a smile spreading across his face.  His face suddenly turned more serious. “Hey, after what happened a few days ago, did you…?”

“Yes, and no, I’m not.”

“I’m not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed,” he said honestly.

“It’s ok to be both.  The schedule of touring is gonna be rough on me to get used to, then throw in first trimester stuff, trying to figure out doctors for appointments when you’re in a new city every other day…  My super religious sister would have a field day.  Hell, if the press gets wind of it, which they would eventually, THEY would have a field day with it.  To get pregnant so close to the beginning of our relationship, they could paint me as some one night stand that you’re now forced to stay with because of the baby.  Like that’s all I’m after is your money, and got pregnant to get close to you and all that.  WE know that’s not what any of this is, but they would.”

“Would your sister really be upset, even with a baby coming?”

“I want to say no, but the way she’s talked about her friends that got pregnant while they were engaged, like ‘why couldn’t they just wait?’, I feel like she’d be MORE upset because it’s her little sister.  She doesn’t even know I slept with Paul, let alone that he basically lived with me the last few months of everything, once Danielle moved in the J.  She doesn’t know THAT, either.  She thinks Dani lives with me and not with J.  We love her, but don’t want a lecture.  Our parents know more than she does, but they agree the less she knows, the better with some of this.”

“Well, what does that do to our timeline?”

Deana sighed.  “I don’t think she’d cut us off, the boys would be too devastated.  I think she’d support us if we didn't get married first, but she’d definitely be disappointed a bit.  I really don’t know what our timeline looks like.  Your schedule is crazy for a while, so I don’t know when a good time to start trying would be.  For all we know, we do get married first, I don’t know.  I just know we don’t try and have the two too close together.  Once that baby is born, everyone will start counting back to point of conception.  If it’s too close to the wedding, they’ll think that’s why we got married.  We’d either need to have a baby, and then get married like a year later, or the other way around.”

“I’m glad you're considering how to not make me look bad in a hypothetical situation, and save yourself from being criticized; but if WE decide what’s right for us and our relationship, the hell with anyone else.  Sure, there would be tons of people jumping to conclusions.  That’s going to happen anyway.  I’m under constant pressure and scrutiny for every little thing…”

“So why add to that?”

“All I know is I love you, and you’re the one I want to settle down with.  You’re right, the timing isn’t great right now, but it’s something we both want.  I’m not in this relationship for good press, I’m in it because I love you.”

“I’ve been bullied in some form or another until I was 18.  Even then, I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the room, overlooked.  The last thing I need is for the entire WORLD to be convinced I’m some gold digger that trapped you with a baby to marry me.  Yes, WE would know the truth, so would our families and friends.  But imagine the scrutiny I’d be facing carrying what people would whisper as our ‘love child’, a bastard.  Some things change, but others don’t.  This would still be a big deal.  I was telling Caitlyn, I would still love you if you had just been Bruce, but trying to explain that to a world that’s already made up its mind, they wouldn’t understand.”

“So we’ll be careful for the time being.”

“Do you have one doctor that travels to wherever you are, or do you have like a network of them in different places?  I’m suddenly curious what we do if something happens to either of us, or if I need to see a doctor for anything.”

“Why, are you ok?”

She sighed.  “I just want to be prepared.  I’ve been considering changing forms of birth control, but I’m still weighing options.  Even with the pill, if there’s a bad batch, we end up pregnant.  That’s what happened to a friend of mine.  She thought she was done having kids, then bam, ended up pregnant because of a bad batch of birth control pills.”

“I guess I just want kids sooner rather than later, so anything that might push that back farther…”

“Hey, Chris is an older dad.  If he can do it, you certainly can.  I get what you mean, and I don’t want to take that option out of the equation forever, but right now is not the best time; a lot of stress with being on the road, I’m sure you have a few other projects lined up after the tour, let’s slow down a bit.  If anything, it’s ME we need to worry about, not YOU.  Guys can make babies until the day they die, I have a limited window of time.  I’f we’re THAT worried about it, once the tour is done we can maybe see a specialist, see if they can give us any insight on how much longer I have and not be at risk?  I’m already ‘at risk’ because of my age, which is stupid, but I do worry about it sometimes.”

“Yeah, we’ll do that.  That’s just one of the few things I’ve wanted for myself that I haven’t made happen yet.”

“We’ll get there, when the time is right.  Alright, I need to start getting ready for the show, I’ll see you in a bit,” she said, kissing his cheek before getting up to go change.  

She came out wearing the black open weave top, a dark denim mini skirt, and black ankle boots. Her hair was pulled back, and she had a natural eye look. 

“Holy hell, you look sexy as fuck in that,” Justin said. “You NEED to be down in the dance floor area I go into for ‘Rock Your Body’, so that I’m super close to you and eye level instead of on the stage. I’m seriously a little sad there isn’t time for me to show you how hot this outfit is on you…”

“Easy there, tiger.  All in good time.  Do we hop on the bus tonight?”

“Is that a euphemism? If so, you bet. Double check with Caitlyn, but I think tonight is in a hotel and then we take the buses to the next stop. The buses will drop us off at the hotel though in case you need to get stuff from there for tonight.”

“Ok. I’m gonna head out there, but I’ll see you in a bit. I love you and you’re gonna be great tonight.”

He kissed her goodbye and watched as she walked towards the door. 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed that extra swing in your hips. Can’t wait to pull that off you later…”

She rolled her eyes a bit, winking and blowing him a kiss before closing the door behind her.