“When do you have to be wherever for whatever we’re here for…” Deana asked, having no clue what he was working on.

“Tomorrow.  It shouldn’t take that long, but just in case.”

“What is the project?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“Trolls 2.”

“They announced that a while back, not exactly a surprise…”

“I’m going in to record my lines.  Sometimes it’s just me, sometimes it’s me with other parts of the cast, actually reacting to what someone has said, how they said it.  I can’t have you in there with me, unless you sign an NDA on what you hear.  They don’t want anything major being leaked.”

“What will I do while you record?  I could just stay here I guess.”

“I have a driver here, go shopping, get clothes to keep here for whenever, anything to help you feel like this is your place, too.”

“Well, since that’s not til tomorrow, I’ll figure it out then. What do you wanna do for dinner?”

“You wanna go out? It’s LA, so there might be cameras around, but I have nothing to hide. Besides, I know some great places where we can get in through the back.”

“That sounds dirty…”

“You took it there, not me,” he laughed. “Since you brought it up…”

“No,” she said firmly. 

“Anyway, you wanna go out for dinner? I know a great little Italian place.”

“What should I wear?”

“Your black dress from our second date and Vancouver. It’s fancy without being over the top, you look great in it, it’s my favorite dress of yours.”

“Black dress it is then.  Do I need to get ready now or do we have some time?”

“After the tour I took you on, I think we both need a shower, that’s for sure.”

“That was quite a welcome, I will say that. I know my way around now.”

They showered, Justin getting ready in the bedroom while Deana got ready in the bathroom. Justin wore a white dress shirt, black suit  jacket, grey slacks, and black dress shoes. Deana pulled her hair into a low bun at the base of her neck, just a hint of eye makeup and the jewelry Justin had bought her.  She slipped on her black kitten heels as they headed for the garage. 

He drove, pulling up to the restaurant’s valet station at the back of the restaurant. This avoided the cameras sitting outside in front, at least for the moment. 

“Odds are, someone is going to see us and tip off the photographers, some out front or out back. In case they do catch us, I say we walk out holding hands and I’ll kiss your hand, or straight up give you a quick peck on the lips. Something sweet, showing how happy we are.”

“I mean, it’s not lying, this is the happiest I’ve been for a long time.”

They were seated in a private area, Deana could see other celebrities there having dinner. “Is that Jennifer Aniston?” Deana whispered. 

“Maybe. Try not to freak out. Think of this as practice for  when you go with me to award shows, movie premieres, whatever.  I missed Jay Z’s birthday party last December, that was a banger…”

“Oh god, I’d meet Beyoncé?”

“Odds are pretty likely, yeah.  Then there’s the people I’m working with on Trolls 2…”

“I know Anna for sure, who else?”

“Can’t tell you, not yet anyway.”

“Fine,” she pouted. 

They ordered their food, enjoying a round of drinks and appetizers. 

“Sorry about earlier, freaking out over people I haven’t even met.  I’m sure I look like an idiot fan girl.”

“I get it. It’s an adjustment, for both of us. I guess after my dating history, I forgot what it’s like not to have the same circles as the person I’m with. I love Danielle, she’s great, but I don’t really know the rest of your friends. You’ve met Trace and Samantha, they’re the most ‘normal’ of my friends. I forgot what it was like to not be famous. My time as Bruce was just hiding my celebrity from you. In some ways it’s been refreshing, you wanted ME, not my lifestyle. Even now, you still have a problem with how I live, trying to get used to things. I can’t go to places you might consider fancy, we’d be too exposed. It’s overwhelming…”

“I just don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends.  It’s bad enough I look like this, not anyone’s idea of a celebrity girlfriend, especially you.”

“You really expect them to not like you because of your weight?” he asked, a little exasperated. 

“If regular people do it, why wouldn’t they be the same way?”  She sunk down in her chair, she was fighting back tears.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up feelings like this…” he apologized. 

“Truth is, I don’t HAVE a lot of friends beyond Danielle. The karaoke crew is one night a week, we don’t hang out beyond that. I don’t really hang out with anyone besides Danielle. I love my coworkers, but with school I’d become so hyper focused, even when I went to a real college, I had Danielle.  I still talk to friends I had growing up, but it’s all surface level stuff. We’re friends on Facebook, but if anything were to happen to me, I don’t know how many would even care.”

“Deana, you have to know that’s not true…”

“I’ve felt alone for a very long time, just put up with because we work together or whatever. When Gammy died, no one reached out to make sure I was ok. When Morgan and I had our engagement party, it was all his friends, and some of the older people at my church.  When something big happens, good or bad, I can’t think of anyone else to talk to about it besides Danielle. She’s all I really have. Even then, I feel like she would rather be with other people, especially once she and J got back together. Your concert was the first time I’d really spent with her for a while, then life got… interesting. I almost feel like she stuck around cuz she wanted to see what happened.”

“Deana… I… I don’t know what to say…”

“That’s why it’s been so hard to believe you actually want to be with me, even after all we’ve been through. I’m not used to anyone genuinely wanting to be around me. Now I feel like I’ve ruined our whole evening…”

“I’m glad you’re being honest with me, Deana.  That’s one thing we’ve always had, open and honest communication. I, for one, think you have so much to offer. You’re funny, kind, compassionate, just to name a few.  You didn’t ruin anything. We can still have a nice dinner. You look absolutely beautiful, I’ll say it over and over until you believe it.”

“Sorry, this kinda comes in waves.  Ever since being on the road, I’ve only been with you.  IN hotels, on your bus, in your dressing room.  Except for the shopping trip with Caitlyn and talking with your social media person, I haven’t really interacted with anyone else while on tour, so it’s feeling even more lonely.”

“OK.  We can fix that.  If you don’t have school stuff to do, we can have you on some of the different buses, get to know the female dancers and singers.  I don’t trust any of the guys around you without me.”

“Methinks you have too high of an opinion of me…” she laughed lightly.  

“No, they’re just as lonely. Some of them have hooked up throughout the tour.”

“Still, they know I’m the boss’s girlfriend.  I’d give another reason, but, well… we’ve gone there already.”

“Let’s talk about this later.  I’m enjoying being here with you, I hope the opposite is true.”

“I am, it’s just a little overwhelming sometimes.  I feel like I don’t belong.”

“I love you, you belong with me, so anyone else can just deal with it.  Maybe it was easier for me because I had the guys to navigate all of this with.  There were times we all were pinching ourselves at things that were happening, and we could all process it together.  I’m so far removed from that after all this time, that I forget what it’s like.  I’m trying my best to help you.  I’ll see who I can put you in touch with that’s in a similar boat.  Jimmy’s wife is a film producer, so she’s used to some of this, but might be able to help.  Joseph Gordon Levitt’s wife works in robotics in Northern California, maybe you can see her when we’re there on tour coming up.  I can only do so much, I’m used to all of this.  Hell, Meghan Markle went from a briefcase holder on a gameshow, to an actress, to marrying a prince.  I don’t have her number though, I think she’s a bit busy…”

She sighed.  “Thank you.  I know you’re trying, and my automatic response to all of this is ‘I’m sorry’.  I’m sorry I’m acting this way, that I’m not really adjusting…”

“It hasn’t even been a month since we’ve been on the road.  You’re getting used to being on the bus, the traveling part, it’s other parts you’re still getting used to.  I’m getting other ideas in my head on this, sorry, my brain is stuck now on who to help you with this.”

“Can we reset, finish the rest of the meal, maybe just in silence? It seems like anything I say takes us down a rabbit hole…”

“Not in silence.  I like hearing your laugh, seeing your smile, talking to you.  Any word from Dani on wedding stuff?”

“They have a date set.  February 15, 2020, they want you available as my plus one.  She’s also curious if she needs to get security for the event because of you being there.”

“As for the security part, no.  I will put the date in my calendar, that way if something comes up I can tell them I’m booked and work around it.  Any other details?”

“I haven’t really asked.  I’m sure she’ll wait until I’m back in town to do anything with dresses, for her or me.  I don’t even know who her other bridesmaids are, just that I’m maid of honor.”

“See, of all of her other friends, she chose you to be the most important.”

“I also make her look more beautiful standing next to her, so there’s that…”

Justin sighed.  “I’m all for self deprecating humor, but it’s like you actually BELIEVE what you’re saying…”

“Every wedding has to have that one dumpy bridesmaid.  I happen to be hers,” she said, very matter of fact.

“No, you don’t.”

“Like I said, maybe silence is best right now…” she said, suddenly shrinking down again.

“I just don’t like seeing this side of you.  I wish you could see you the way I see you.  How beautiful, downright sexy you are.”

“I don’t know that I’ll ever see myself exactly the way you do, but that’s ok.  You love me, I love you, that’s enough.  I don’t want my whole identity to be wrapped up in what you think of me, but at the same time, I shouldn’t care about what anyone else BUT you thinks.  Maybe I’m trying to overcorrect after HIM.  I’m trying to not put my worth in what you think of me, even though that’s the only person I should really care about.”

“You’re trying to not be codependent, I get that, but it feels like you’re trying to push me away at the same time.”

“I definitely don’t want to push you away.  There’s just a lot to figure out all at once, with no one that can relate.  Even your crew is probably used to this, performing and working with big names like you for a living, getting to know you.  Like you said, it’s only been a couple of weeks, I’ll get used to it all eventually.”

They finished their meal and headed home.  Deana was drained from their conversations at the restaurant, and was ready to go to bed.  She changed into pajamas and crawled under the covers.  

“Can I hold you for a while, until you fall asleep?” Justin said, turning the bedroom light off.  He closed the bedroom door, her eye seeing something she hadn’t seen before.

“Maybe it’s just because we had the door open during our little tour earlier, but what is THAT on the door?” she asked, pointing to what appeared to be a series of loops and straps.

“Shit, I forgot that was here…” Justin answered.

“What IS it?” Deana asked again.

“NOW I’m suddenly feeling awkward about things…?” he said aloud.

“Why am I freaking out, Justin?”

He sighed.  “It’s a sex swing,” he blurted out.

“I’ve never actually seen one before.”

“Well, I have one, and I have no idea why I’m embarrassed by it, but I am.”

“By that I’m guessing you don’t use it all that often.”

“Well, I’ve been single for a while now, I haven’t really had anyone to use it WITH.”

“Why are you embarrassed about it?”

“With as much fun as we have together, I’m still not really opening up with you on things like this, cuz I don’t want you to think something is weird.”

“I mean, this makes me feel like we could be more adventurous.  Not that our sex life is boring, but once we explore more options, see what I like, show me what you like, we can go from there.  Not tonight cuz I’m mentally and emotionally pretty tired, but I’m willing to try.”

“There are people that feel like stuff like this means you’re not satisfied with your sex life, that you need something more.  I wasn’t sure if you’re one of those people.”

“We don’t need to use stuff all the time, there’s plenty of times it’s just been us, not needing anything else.  Sometimes you just wanna spice things up, no harm in that as long as both people are ok with it.  The only thing I don’t want you having around is porn.  I want to be the only woman you fantasize about, the only woman to turn you on.”

“Consider it done.  I have plenty up here to work with, but since you’re with me on tour, I doubt I’ll need any of it.”

“Good to know.  You have stuff in the morning, are you gonna stay in bed with me, or get up in a bit and come back to bed later?”

“I can stay here with you.  Goodnight baby, I love you.”

“Love you too, Justin.”

She melted into his arms, settling in to sleep.  She felt safe in his arms and drifted off.  Her slow breathing helped him relax, and soon he was sound asleep as well.

Deana woke up the next morning, Justin’s arm still wrapped around her.  She got up, and got into the shower.  She didn’t feel she needed one, but that the water could maybe help relax her in a way.  It was a small form of self care for her, something she was trying to be more mindful of including in her life.  She definitely had the time for it.  

The sound of the water running gently woke Justin up, his alarm not having a chance to do its job.  As the water turned off, he got up out of bed and walked slowly into the bathroom.  

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said softly, trying not to scare her.  He kissed her on the cheek as he got out his toothbrush.  “Any plans for today?”

“No, I think I’ll stay around here today, get used to things, maybe use the gym or take a dip in the pool.  I’ll venture out tomorrow, once I know all the things I want or need to get.”

“Sounds like a plan.  I have time for a quick breakfast before I go in for the day.  Meet you in the kitchen in a bit?”

“Sure,” she smiled, drying herself off and getting dressed.  Even though she was staying home, she did her hair, putting it in a braid that went over her shoulder.  She opted for comfort, wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  She wasn’t going anywhere, expecting anyone, that she didn't feel the need to do anything extra.

Justin made some scrambled eggs and toast, something easy with his schedule for the day.  He was soon ready to go, kissing Deana goodbye before heading to his car.  He got in his car, let the bluetooth get started, and started a phone call.

“Hey, J, what’s up?” said a voice.

“Yeah, it’s early, everything ok?” said another.

“Yeah.  Hey, I was wondering if you guys were free later today, I have an idea…”