JC knew he was in trouble. He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t keep denying it.

“Honesty,” he thought to himself as he drew in a deep breath. “We always promised honesty.” JC was finally being honest with himself at least but that meant it was time to come clean.

JC closed his laptop & turned off the lights in his recording studio as he made his way upstairs. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Instead of heading for the bedroom, he opted for the bathroom & a late night shower to buy him some more time to gather his thoughts.

He’d been good for so long, nearly a year. He’d been more social as that helped, gave him other things to focus on. Things that helped inspire him. Seclusion wasn’t good for that & being left alone with his own thoughts, well, that always became a slippery slope. By no surprise, it had again, though he’d lasted longer than he thought he would. Maybe he was getting better….or maybe the distance meant he’d get sucked back in even harder.

JC finished up his shower and towel dried off his hair as he slipped on a fresh pair of boxer-briefs. He inhaled deeply and held it for a moment, steeling himself, before heading to bed.

His body slipped under the single top sheet as he turned on the side table light & pulled his phone off the charger. He tapped into his contacts & scrolled down to find the name he was searching for. He selected the message icon & immediately felt the sting of a new blank message pop up. He’d deleted the history after their last conversation; after saying he was done & wouldn’t be back. Even as he stared at the empty screen, he could still see the last message ingrained in his memory: You Will Be.

JC hesitated. A part of him didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of being right but more of him just wanted the angst to be over. It had been the same routine the past 3 nights in a row, fingers hovering over the keyboard, wanting so badly to give in & reach out but either being too scared or too proud to go through with it. Always putting the phone back down & reasoning that he’d do it the next day if he still felt the same way.

Well, it was evident JC’s feelings weren’t going to change so he sucked in another mouthful of bravery and simply typed “I want to come back.” He hit send before he could even think about it & let out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. Now, his whole body was on alert with anxiety. He threw the phone on the other side of the bed then quickly retrieved it to turn up the volume so he’d be sure he could hear if it chimed & threw it back down again as he leapt to his feet and began to pace the room. There was no telling when he’d hear back….or if.

JC’s heart was beating too fast for his liking. He opened up one of the French doors off the side of his room and walked out onto the deck. Normally he’d be fully dressed if he was coming outside, even onto his own property just in case some paparazzi were around, but he was already flirting with danger tonight so caution was taking a back seat. JC walked out to the railing and gripped it loosely. He looked out over the expanse of land, letting the slight breeze cool his fevered body. It felt good. In fact, it felt freeing. JC shut his eyes and tried to quiet his mind. He felt his heart rate steadying as the air played through his short curls. He felt a sense of calm and a small smile moved across his lips as he allowed himself to enjoy the moment.

A tingling sound from inside brought JC back to reality. It took him a moment to realize it was the text tone he had assigned to only one number that he hadn’t heard in many months. JC forced himself not to run & jump at the phone as he released his now tensed grip on the balcony railing and walked back inside. He picked up the phone and gave a silent prayer before unlocking the screen to view the message.

“Joshua”.

JC felt a lump form in his throat that quickly dropped to his stomach. He was instantly flush & took the phone back out with him onto the deck, needing to feel the cool breeze to keep him calm. He sat in one of the padded chairs as he reread his name over & over, trying to gauge the tone behind the text. He wasn’t sure exactly how he should respond until the phone trilled again. 

“I’ve missed you,” the phone beckoned.

“I’ve missed you too,” JC typed quickly, his eagerness getting the better of him.

“I knew you would be back,” came the reply. JC could almost hear the devilish voice in his ear as the next text came in. “What took you so long?”

JC debated how to answer this simple question that had such a complex answer. He remembered his vow of honesty & let the words flow out of him. “I realized I was wrong,” he typed. “I thought I was too dependent on you. That walking away made me a stronger person but it didn’t. I’m tired of denying what I want for fear of people’s judgement. I get that now & if you’d let me, I’d like to come back.”

Three ominous dots filled the left side of JC’s screen as he waited for them to be turned into words. “Pretty sentiment but do you indeed “get that”?” the message taunted him. “You will have to prove that you do.”

“I understand,” JC responded, feeling a mixture of remorse & anticipation build up inside him. The phone fell silent after that & JC felt the lump at his throat again. He laid the phone on his bare stomach & relaxed back in the chair, shutting his eyes and again letting the air ease his body. He didn’t know what the response would be back but he knew he’d have to accept it, no matter what.

A few minutes past until JC felt the vibration of the phone against his body as the distinct chimes of the text alert rang ominously in his ears. This was it. He was more scared than excited now. Scared of being turned away & scared of the price he’d have to pay if he was allowed to return. He knew it would be steep but he wanted that part of his life back more than anything. JC sent another silent prayer to the heavens as he viewed the message.

“11pm tomorrow night. You know where.”

JC’s fear gave way to acceptance & resolve. He was being given a chance, he couldn’t ask for more than that. He typed back his reply slowly, watching each letter appear on his screen, more sure than ever this was what he wanted, what was missing from his life that he had denied himself for too long. He soaked in the two simple words and finally felt a peace sweep over him as he sent his reply.

“Yes Mistress.”