JC went to his liquor cabinet and gave himself a healthy pour of Maker’s into a glass. He was about to take a sip when he heard his phone buzz from where he had left it next to his laptop. He trotted over to answer it. “Hey, I thought you were going to the neighbors?”

“I sent them ahead,” Chris replied as his face showed concern over the FaceTime call. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Is something wrong with what I sent?”

“No, it’s…it’s incredible! I’m seriously beyond grateful it’s just…I know this was expensive. You didn’t have to do all this.”

“Don’t worry about it. I wanted to get it for you.”

“Why?”

JC looked at his phone in surprise. “Why? I told you, you’ve been using the same set up for a while now. Thought you might like something a little more fresh.”

“And you’re gonna come down to Tennessee and help me learn it all, right?” Chris said suspiciously.

“Yeah, unless you don’t want me to?” 

“I absolutely want you to but that still doesn’t explain why.”

“What exactly are you trying to ask me, Chris?”

Chris sighed. “You know I respect your privacy and try not to ask a lot of questions…”

“But…” JC interjected.

“Where’s Colleen?”

“I told you, at work.”

“Where is she actually?”

“I don’t know,” JC admitted, walking back to retrieve his drink on the counter, realizing he was definitely going to need it.

“JC, what is going on with you, man? You meet some girl and you disappear, you show up with some other girl and you seem happy for the first time in a while and now you want to all of a sudden work on stuff when I’ve been begging you for years? Maybe I’m looking the gift horse in the mouth but what has been going on with you?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it for me.”

“You still have to get to your party.”

“Fuck the party. I need to know what’s going on with you.”

JC sat down and was silent for a moment. It took a lot for Chris to confront someone about what they were going through because he hated it when the tables were turned. JC knew that meant Chris was actually concerned, they all were. He was tired and run down and so much of him hurt lately, he just needed to get it out in the open to someone.

For the next 45 minutes, JC unloaded everything on Chris, who patiently listened. JC told him about the miscarriage with the ex and their attempts to try again to their eventual break up. He talked about his fight with Raina and his return to her. He talked about Colleen, how they met and how he fell in love with her and how he didn’t know how things stood after their fight.

“You’re really that angry she’s a fan?” Chris asked as he sipped his drink, having poured himself some whiskey to join JC.

“She lied, Chris.”

“What if she came right out and told you? You wouldn’t have believed anything else out of her mouth and you know it. This relationship never would have gotten as far as it did all because you have this weird hang up about your fame.”

“It’s not a weird hang up. I don’t want to get used, I consider that a pretty understandable line to not want crossed. Besides, she said she thought we’d just screw around and that would be that so why put me through all of this?”

“Did you ever think for a second she actually did fall in love with you?”

“She fell in love with the idea of who I was long ago and she’s projecting it all onto the actual me. I can’t compete with the hyped up version of myself that lives in her head. She’s got all these sex fantasies she’s accumulated…about me. It’s fucking weird.”

“So? Karly’s done the same thing and you don’t see me getting bent out of shape about it.”

“Karly had sex fantasies about you before you guys met?”

“No, she had them about you.”

JC fought hard not to spit out the sip he had just taken. “What?!” he finally shouted.

“Yep. She told me once we started dating more seriously. Didn’t bother me but if you tell her you know I’ll murder you,” Chris threatened.

“I’ll keep quiet,” JC promised, “but, how do I put this…they weren’t about you. Wouldn’t that make you feel weird if you knew she’d been getting off to pictures of you when she was younger? Wouldn’t you be skeptical of her intentions once you found out?”

“First off all, if she had a crush on me before I met her, it would have made things a LOT easier. For real though, I would have loved it. I would’ve made it my mission to fulfill every depraved fantasy she had about me and then I would lord it over her like I just won the Intercontinental Championship.”

“This is where you and I are different,” JC laughed.

“As far as her intentions,” Chris grew more serious, “I’d think about where we were in our relationship and what she meant to me. Was she showing me off to her friends or making every date be somewhere public? Was she constantly posting pictures of me on Instagram? Were stories starting to circulate about what we were doing? If I’m not feeling exploited, then I’m going to trust while she may have come in with lots of preconceived notions, that I either proved them wrong and she didn’t care or I proved them right and having a crush on me in the first place worked out.”

“She avoided her friends cuz of me,” JC told him. “I didn’t want her to do that so I encouraged her to tell them. They didn’t believe her and they lost their minds when I showed up. I thought it was over the top anyways but now I know they knew how she felt.”

“The fact she didn’t want to tell her friends should tell you a lot right there.”

“We realized that day we didn’t have any pictures together and she said she didn’t ask because she knew how private I was. She promised not to post it.”

“Did she?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t follow her, I didn’t want to throw up any red flags to the public.”

“What’s her last name?”

“Lasota. Why?” JC asked. 

“I’m gonna check for you,” Chris said, placing the phone down so that JC could see him typing on his laptop. “Nope, no pictures of you.” He began typing again. “No articles about you two together either. Oh, she was named Top 40 Under 40 in LA this year? Impressive!”

“I had wanted to go to the ceremony but knew if I showed up it would take all the attention away from her.”

“Sounds like, I don’t know, you both care about and respect each other?” JC was silent so Chris continued to another point. “You both also shared some super intimate sex stuff with each other. That alone goes beyond her just wanting to fuck you a few times to say she did.”

“She could have made it all up.”

“Seems super elaborate and weirdly specific to be made up. You’ve always been really open with the shit you like but most people aren’t built that way. I think it took a few years of marriage until I finally felt like I could share some stuff with Karly. It’s fucking terrifying; I don’t know how you do it so easily.”

“I’m careful with who I tell. It’s not like it comes up on the first date.”

“Except with Colleen it did,” Chris pointed out.

“Well, that was obviously a very different circumstance,” JC argued.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Chris sighed. “If having a girlfriend who respects your privacy, indulges your interests, accepts your past, supports your future and on top of all that, understands the relationship between you and the lady that spanks your ass is too much for you, then she’s not the right one.”

JC shot Chris a look. “You know it’s more complicated than that.”

“It’s really not,” Chris countered. “If her being a fan is really a problem, then you need to break up with her. For most situations, I might agree, but for this one, I think you just think it’s a problem due to history.”

“How’s that?”

“Because you’ve had girlfriends use you for your celebrity and then try to ruin your reputation when you broke it off. I get your fear of it happening again but she’s done literally the opposite of the others. Most importantly, she’s encouraging you to continue to be independent, to work on your career, to rediscover the magic you still have in you.”

“I get it, Chris. You’re Team Colleen cuz she wants a reunion just like everyone else,” JC chuckled.

“First of all, I’m always Team JC and I wasn’t directly talking about that but since you brought it up: who’s idea was this gift anyway?”

“Mine.”

“The whole gift?”

“Yes,” JC said. “You’re speaking cryptically again.”

“Ok, let me put it plainly. You had this fight with Colleen where she encouraged you to think differently about a reunion and reconnect with us and suddenly I have new recording equipment and a request to come visit and work on some shit. Do you see the correlation?”

“I, um,” JC started, trying to sort out his words.

“She got to you, C, and that’s not a bad thing. I’m not going to tell you what to do but whatever you decide, I hope you at least apologize for being an asshole about it.”

“Saying how I feel is being an asshole?”

“No, it’s not but that’s not what you did. You unleashed all your fear and hurt on that woman and all she tried to do was tell you that she’s loved you forever. In lifetimes before, probably.”

“I hate you,” JC laughed despite himself.

“No you don’t, you love me, and you love Colleen too. And I love you so I say this with love: you see the obstacles in your life so fervently that you can’t see what’s on the other side of them anymore. You coming down is like seeing you finally start to get out of your own way, like seeing the guy I initially met who had all this ambition, and as your friend, it’s really gratifying to see. As your band mate, I’ll take anything that gets your head out of your ass. As both, if Colleen has inspired any of this, she’s probably a good person to keep around.”

“I thought you weren’t going to tell me what to do.”

“I lied, are you really surprised?” Chris smiled and winked. “JC, next time, don’t keep all this shit in. You don’t have to talk to me, but talk to somebody, ok?”

“Ok Chris,” JC agreed. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go but know I’m holding you to coming down here. Also, you’re gonna need to adopt a dog. Nash asked about seven questions about it before they left.”

“The first part you can hold me to, the second we’ll see about,” JC told him. “Thanks for calling, man. I really appreciate it.”

“Call whenever you need to. I’m not a mind reader but I’ll check in more often. Love you, brother,” Chris said, raising his now empty glass.

“Love you too,” JC returned the gesture and ended the call.

Meanwhile, Colleen sat at her desk, plunging into another late night at the office. In truth, she didn’t need to be there but the distraction was helpful. She kept telling herself she was trying to get ahead of work so she wouldn’t be bogged down when she got back from Miami but she knew in her heart she wasn’t going. Maybe she’d exchange the ticket to go see her parents. She could be back by New Years’ and she was sure Matthew would know the best place to get very very drunk.

Colleen’s phone dinged next to her and she glanced to see an Instagram notification pop up. She grabbed the phone to look at it more carefully. “Why the hell is Chris following me?” she said out loud to herself. Then she remembered the party was tonight. She sighed deeply. She had really been looking forward to seeing all five of them together, even if it was virtually. It was the closest to a reunion she’d probably ever see and she stupidly opened her mouth and missed her chance.

She put her head on her desk and breathed. Colleen knew she should call Mistress Piper but didn’t want to explain about her and JC’s fight. She wanted to be angry. She was getting up at 4:30am to do early morning kickboxing to subside her anger then still had enough time for Pilates with Kyle and get to work to stay into the night. She knew it wasn’t healthy, probably even a bit self destructive, but she didn’t care. She brought this pain on herself so she decided to feed it for a bit.

Colleen was never one to wallow in self pity. She could normally bounce right back after a guy broke up with her, realizing if he couldn’t handle her, he obviously wasn’t worth her time. Only her law school boyfriend Rick had caused her this much grief. Three years together and he threw it all away by bringing some woman from his internship home to fuck in their bed. He finally confessed it had been happening for months but not until Colleen got out of work early one day and caught them. She vowed never to let anyone make her feel so disposable again and she wasn’t about to let that change now.

She went back to her paperwork until her phone pinged again. Colleen took another glance and this time held her breath as she saw who the message was from.

J: Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t called. I needed some time to think.

Colleen put her phone in her desk and refused to look at it until her work on this file was at least done. No way she’d be able to concentrate anymore this evening but she needed to push through this last little bit. About 15 minutes later, she closed the file and allowed herself to look at her phone once more.

J: I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. It was a knee jerk reaction because of the way things have gone for me previously and that wasn’t fair to you to assume the same.

While she was happy to hear from JC and even happier to see his apology, she was still mad as hell and didn’t feel like making this easy just yet.

C: Ok

J: Ok as in you accept my apology or ok as in I can fuck off?

C: Closer to the latter.

J: That’s fair. Can I call?

C: I’m working.

Technically a lie at this point but she was still at work so that had to count for something, she reasoned.

J: Do you want me to order you some food?

C: I can take care of myself, thank you.

JC could hear the sarcasm through the text. She was mad, he didn’t blame her. 

J: I’m sorry.

C: You said that.

J: Do you still plan on coming to Miami?

C: Do you still want me to come to Miami?

JC couldn’t help but laugh. She was not going to make this easy on him. Somehow she always found a way to challenge him, not in an argumentative way normally, but to make him really spell out what he wanted. Right now, all he wanted was her.

J: Yes, I would like it if you still came to Miami. I’d love to ring in the New Year with you and maybe talk about what the future holds for us.

C: According to you there is no future, JC. All because I’m a fan of you. I told you from the beginning that I wasn’t trying to change you and didn’t want you trying to change me so since you can’t accept a key part of who I am, I don’t see what else there is to talk about.

“Fuck,” JC said to himself. He’d overreacted, he’d assumed the worst and now he was paying for it.

J: Can I please call?

C: I told you, I’m working.

J: You obviously aren’t getting much done if you have time to text me.

Colleen gave the screen the middle finger. She hated how well he knew her. She hated that she wanted to hear his voice. She hated that she knew as soon as he asked her to join him, she’d agree. It was safer to keep him at a distance right now.

C: Fine.

She may not have liked it the same way JC did but apparently she was also a glutton for punishment. Colleen took a breath before answering JC’s incoming call seconds later.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hi,” she tried to say evenly but her delivery came off annoyed.

“I’m not sure what to say,” JC admitted. “I just want to make things right with us.”

“You can’t just magically say the right thing, JC. You have to say what’s in your heart, otherwise you end up miserable.”

“How are you so unlike every other woman I’ve dated?” JC said out loud, nearly surprising himself.

“Apparently because you don’t date fans,” Colleen shot back.

“That’s not what I meant. Any other woman would have demanded an apology, probably even told me exactly what to say and expected some form of monetary gift. That’s not your style.”

“Why would I want to pretend everything is ok when it’s not? I’m not trying to manipulate you, I want the real you and I’m trying to give you the real me. If that doesn’t work, neither one of us can force that.”

“I love you,” JC blurted out.

Colleen held her breath. She’d wanted to hear those words from him for so long; she never imagined they’d hurt this badly when she did. “Well, sometimes love isn’t enough, JC.”

The line was silent for a few moments. “I’m sorry,” JC finally spoke.

“You said that.”

“Well, I’m saying it again. I’m sorry I flipped out at you. It shouldn’t be a big deal but it is to me. Exes have loved trying to push me to be the man I used to be, going through my things to pose with various memorabilia they could find, I’ve even had some call the paparazzi so we could get spotted together. The only women who didn’t want to show off that we were dating were ones who didn’t know who I was, who just saw me as a regular guy.”

“JC, anyone who was actually a fan would know you guys sang a whole fucking song about how you didn’t want to be treated like that,” Colleen pointed out. “I should have been more honest from the start and for that, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know you had gone through all that and when I started to realize it was as big an issue as it was, I got scared. I’ve loved you for a long time JC but only recently did I fall in love with you and I needed to come clean, for better or in this case, worse.”

“It’s…weird to have someone so supportive who doesn’t have ulterior motives.”

“Like pushing for a reunion?”

“Yeah…like that. You never once brought it up until the other night.”

“Well, mostly cuz I wasn’t real sure I’d get the chance again so I was selfish and took the opportunity,” Colleen confessed. “Let me go on record that of course I’d love a reunion but I’m never going to push you to do something you don’t want to do. However, I think you do and you’re just scared so, yeah, I’m gonna push you a bit to get through that because I fucking believe in you and your talent. Maybe it never happens and that’s…as a fan, yeah, it would make me sad but if you find it’s not in your heart, then I’d support that.”

“You keep saying that…what’s in your heart. What’s in your heart, Colleen?”

Colleen sat there stunned for a moment, not prepared for the tables to have turned on her that quickly. “JC, I’ve had a crush on you since I was a kid. I’ve tried for a long time to get to tell you and you fell into my lap in the absolutely strangest way possible and, suddenly, it was about way more than that. I can’t dissect what feelings were there prior and which ones came along naturally. What I can tell you is I’ve connected with in a way I never thought was possible with anyone. I love you, JC.”

“I’m sorry I questioned that,” JC admitted.

“What about you? How are you feeling?”

“I hated being alone on that call tonight. Everyone was just so happy and they all have these lives that…when it comes to a reunion, I think of us still as the carefree 20 somethings we were, who could rearrange schedules and make the band a priority. I realize I’m the only one who can do that anymore.”

“JC, it isn’t all…”Colleen started.

“No, I, well, I do still feel like that but right now I’m the one with the most flexible schedule and I’m the one who’s been the most resistant. So I feel like that means I at least need to be the one to get the ball rolling.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“I told Chris I’d come down after our trip and we can spend a few days just fooling around with some stuff. Figured that was at least a place to start. I hope that’s ok?”

“You don’t need my permission. Sounds like he liked all that recording gear you got.”

“He did. You should see what Joey got us, or rather, be glad you didn’t have to deal with any of that embarrassment,” JC laughed.

“Let me guess, the kids are now traumatized.”

“We had to tell Nash you adopted a dog.”

Colleen tried to understand what that comment meant but it clicked soon enough and she started laughing. “So he got you a My First S&M set?!”

“He probably would've done it anyway but safe to say the secret’s out about how we met.”

“Figured that would happen eventually.”

“He also got us a suite at a swanky hotel in Miami for our trip.”

“Wow, that was really nice of him.”

“It was.” JC let the words hang in the air for a moment. “You still haven’t said if you wanted to come down.”

“I do, I just…what happens if I say something about how I know X song, or remember an outfit you once wore or want to wear some of the merch? I don’t want you putting up a front if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t have an all encompassing answer to that,” JC admitted. “What I do know is that you just being you makes me smile so if your enthusiasm over the band and myself is part of that, then I need to accept that if I want to make this work. Colleen, I really want to make this work and I promise if something makes me uncomfortable, I’ll tell you.”

“Ok,” Colleen said quietly, almost scared to believe him.

“You have been so encouraging and accepting of me in a way that’s never happened to me before. Maybe I’m selfish but I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Babe.”

“I love you too.”

“Will you still come to Miami? Will you still give me a chance?”

“Yes, I’ll come to Miami,” Colleen smiled. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to keep seeing me but don’t think for a second that I’d ever give up on you.”

JC felt the weight of the fight with finally leave him as he smiled and wished he could kiss her that second. “I wish I could see you right now.”

“What time is your flight tomorrow?” she asked.

“Early. 7:15am,” JC confirmed.

“Are you packed?”

“Mostly. I’m guessing I need more than hats and t-shirts, at least for New Years’ Eve.”

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll wear the suit if you wear the sequined cocktail dress,” Colleen joked.

“Don’t think I won’t, I got the legs to pull it off,” he teased right back. “I feel guilty leaving you by yourself at Christmas.”

“I’m not alone, JC. I’ll be at Kyle’s with my friends. You haven’t seen your parents in a while, I’m glad you’re gonna go spend some time with them. That’s actually why you need more outfits, your mom will definitely think you are wearing the same thing every day.”

“I made sure they had different designs,” he tried to say seriously but ended up laughing during delivery. “I’ll pack a few nice things.”

“Good.” Silence filled the line. It shouldn’t have been awkward but it was. The first fight had been survived yet there was still an unease in the air. “So, I’ll see you on the 29th then?”

“Yeah. I’ll send you the info for the new hotel.”

“Sounds good.”

“I love you, Colleen. I can’t wait to see you,” JC said sincerely.

“I love you too, JC. Let me know you got in ok tomorrow.”

“I will,” JC promised, then after a few moments reluctantly ended the call. He gulped down the last of his whiskey as he headed upstairs to finish his packing.

Colleen stood up from her desk and walked to close her office door. Even though she knew no one else was there, she locked it shut before sliding down it into a heap, letting her emotions finally break free as the tears she’d been holding cascaded down her face. It ironically felt cathartic as she gasped for breath, feeling like she was actually breathing again since their fight. She was looking forward to the extra sleep in the morning as there was no more need for those kickboxing classes