Colleen sat curled up in JC’s lap in a chair on the deck with Justin sitting opposite them. “Why don’t you just smoke pot for your anxiety?” Justin asked Colleen as she inhaled the tail end of the joint he had rolled her. “Works pretty good for me.”

“Because unlike you I can’t show up to work high all the time,” she said back. 

“Oh shit, you still have to go to work tomorrow,” JC realized.

“It’s fine. I don’t have any meetings scheduled so I’ll just get up extra early to pop back to my place to shower and change. I’ll miss Pilates but that’s life.”

“I still can’t believe I’m out here doing drugs with you,” JC laughed.

“It’s pot, it’s not heroin,” Colleen laughed back. “Besides, if this is one of the more shocking things we’ve done together, one of us is doing something wrong.”

“You two are all cute and shit,” Justin observed, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

“Don’t you have to shoot tomorrow?” Colleen asked him. 

“Call time isn’t until 4pm. Actually, Colleen, can you wake me up on your way out? I wanna be home before Jess and the kids get back.”

“You two having a sleepover and didn’t invite me?” JC joked.

“JC, neither of us can drive,” Colleen informed him. 

“I mean, I was planning to stay in the guest room but we can all snuggle together if that’s what you’d prefer,” Justin offered.

“Tempting…very very tempting,” Colleen said as JC lightly smacked her thigh. “The question is, which one of us would you be spooning with?” Justin shot her an unamused face as she started giggling. “I’m sorry, I just still can’t believe you guys actually kissed. It’s like finding out Santa is real!”

“I’m glad this is so funny to you,” Justin said sarcastically. 

“Justin, I’m sorry, it’s not…it’s not funny,” Colleen reigned in her laughter. “You asked for my opinion on what happened and I gave it to you.”

“You said it sounded hot.”

“Well…cuz it does. Obviously not your residual feelings about it but what actually happened, sorry, it’s hot to me. Don’t ask the lady who has a fetish about it if you want a negative answer.”

“But why? Why do you like it?”

“Why do you like performing? Because you just do. It’s in your blood, it’s who you are.”

“That’s a very apples to oranges comparison.”

“The principle remains the same. Stop worrying about why you liked it and just admit that you did.”

“Were you even listening to what I said or were you too busy mentally getting off to it?”

“Easy Justin,” JC warned.

“I was listening, were you?” Colleen challenged Justin back. “Until you got to the part about kissing my boyfriend, you made it sound like this amazing experience.”

“It was…different. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

“We can,” Colleen agreed, grabbing JC’s own glass of whiskey and having a sip. She could feel Justin’s eyes still on her and re-addressed him. “What?”

“So we’re just done with the conversation?”

“You’re the one who said to leave it at different. I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you. I can’t make you feel better about something that happened to you 20 years ago in one night.”

“It’s just…you two are…and I’m not…” Justin sighed, struggling to find the right words. “I’ve never felt like that before or since. I never wanted to but that night, Jesus Christ, I would have done anything that woman asked me. I felt like a…a…”

“A slave, Justin,” JC finished for him.

“Yeah,” Justin admitted, “and I’ve been trying to reconcile it ever since. That’s not like a thing I want to do and it’s not just me being scared or whatever, I truly don’t, but, fuck, at the time it felt fucking good to just forget all the shit I was going through and get it off my shoulders for a night and just…let go.”

“Justin,” Colleen said softly, “just because you had one kinky experience and liked it, that doesn’t mean you want to go around licking boots. For JC, it clicked in him that he had found something he’d been missing out on. For me, I knew what I liked and was too scared to explore it. For you, maybe it was just one night of abandonment. You can do some things just once in life and enjoy them but never have to repeat them again.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, like skydiving. Some people can do it once and be happy they did it but never want to do it again. Some people it’s fucking terrifying and they wish they hadn’t. Then there’s people who get that adrenaline kick and need to go over and over again. All of their reactions are valid and don’t define who they are.”

Justin sat silently, mulling over what Colleen had said. He got what she was saying, at least in theory, but she was still evading the question he most wanted to understand: why? “Is that what happened to you when you first met Piper?” he asked.

“Nothing that…intense but, I mean, kind of,” Colleen told him.

“What’s kind of mean?” Justin continued, clearly wanting her to elaborate.

“Justin, I don’t know if you want me to go into this in detail,” Colleen said.

“Actually, I do,” Justin sat forward. “I’ve never had a comparison. When JC told me that’s what you liked…honestly, it freaked me out cuz I only have my own experience to go by. I guess, I just want to understand what you are getting him into.”

“You know, I’ve actually never seen Piper hypnotize you so I’m kinda interested in what goes on as well,” JC added.

Colleen looked at JC for a moment, thinking that couldn’t be right but doing a quick replay of the time he sat in with her and Mistress Piper, she realized it was true. “Well, I mean, you’ve seen me when you…”

“I’m well aware Piper is far more skilled than I am,” JC interrupted her. 

“Ok,” Colleen breathed, silently thanking Justin for the pot running through her system that she knew was making her feel more at ease with talking about all this. “When I met Mistress Piper, we talked at first. She wondered what brought me there and what I wanted to get out of it. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping which was also making my anxiety worse which was taking a toll on work…basically one thing after another I had to get under control. When I was done telling her what I needed and what I had tried, she asked me if I’d ever considered hypnosis.”

“Look at you, you said it,” JC congratulated her.

“I told her I hadn’t,” Colleen continued, ignoring JC’s playful jab, “and that was half true. I had wanted to try it but was petrified because I knew I’d enjoy it far too much. She talked to me about the potential benefits and I eventually told her what my hang up was. Finally, I just thought, “You know what? You’ve always wanted to try this, you’re in a position to do so, fuck it.” So, she just started talking to me nice and slow and…it took a while. I mean, every time I started to relax, I’d instantly jerk myself to attention.”

“It’s weird, right? Like why is someone just talking making me feel this way?” Justin added, feeling a small sense of relief in someone else knowing what all those sensations felt like without having to explain himself.

“Yeah but I think for me it was more “I can’t believe this is actually happening!” so it was just harder for me to let it happen because I was too excited.”

“The irony,” JC chuckled.

“Eventually, I don’t know exactly what did it but I just, like you said Justin, let go. I felt fucking amazing but Mistress Piper kept it tame, just gave me some suggestions on how to sleep better and reduce my stress. I went home and had the best sleep I had in months. For most people I’m sure that would have been the end of the story but for me…I wanted more.”

“So you went back,” Justin said.

“I went back and the same thing happened, and the time after that too. She talked, I listened. By the fourth time, she put me under and asked how I was feeling about everything and I spilled. I told her about all the fantasies I had, all the secretive dirty shit I had kept locked in my brain for years just all poured out of me. When what was supposed to be our last session hit, she asked me if I wanted to continue. I did. She then asked me if I wanted to make it sexual, if I wanted to act on the things I had told her and…I did.”

“Really?” both men said at once.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance again and obviously I wouldn’t have if I had stopped going,” Colleen said, gesturing at JC.

“You were ok with it being a chick?” Justin asked.

“I would have been ok with it being a rodeo clown at that point,” Colleen stated. “It wasn’t about who it was, it was about what they were doing to me, how they were making me feel. Besides, I had made out with girlfriends in college, I figured it wouldn’t be that different.”

“Was it?” JC asked.

“It was totally different,” Colleen laughed. “Things went slow at first. I imagine it was probably similar to you and Raina, lots of, ummmm, training. Then, one by one, we started acting out things I thought would be in my imagination forever. It was the first time I realized I could have the fantasy and the reality all at once and I just…”

“Lost your mind,” JC chuckled.

“Very funny,” Colleen responded sarcastically. “I mean, I finally had someone I could not only tell all this shit to but then would say “ok, we can do that.”” Plus, Mistress Piper is a legitimate therapist so it was really helpful to have someone reassure me that the way I felt wasn’t as odd as I thought it was. It was incredibly liberating.”

“Ok, I can see that,” Justin acquiesced, thinking about how hard it was to tell his own wife he just wanted a blow job sometimes. “Now that JC’s in the picture though, are you two still fucking?”

“Actually, not really,” Colleen stated to JC’s surprise. “It was very kid in the candy store. When I first realized I could actually act out all the things I had wanted to do, I fucking went to town. Then eventually the newness wanes and you try to figure out how to sustain it. That’s where we were at when I met JC. I’d go in for a few hours, she’d hypnotize me and I’d just do odds and ends around the club: serve drinks, put away costumes, do the dishes…”

“And doing the dishes is hot?” Justin questioned. “Ok, I really need you to talk to my wife then.”

“No…being made to do the dishes is hot,” Colleen corrected him. “That’s my point, it doesn’t always have to involve sex to be sexual.”

“That’s a great way of putting it, Babe,” JC said, rubbing her back.

“So it’s a control thing?” Justin asked, still trying to understand.

“I’d almost say it’s a lack of control thing,” Colleen said. “JC likes to be dominated, I like to submit. Sure, that sounds the same but it’s actually quite different.”

“JC likes to be controlled and you like being out of control,” Justin said, it now starting to click. “That’s what I felt like, like I was out of control, just floating out in orbit and Piper was there to help me or guide me or something.”

“Exactly,” Colleen grinned. “It’s nice to let somebody else make the decisions every once in a while.”

“Ok, so here’s the part I don’t get then. You two are now together so can’t you just do the kinky shit with each other?” Justin wondered.

“I’m not there yet, I’m just gonna be honest,” JC said. “I don’t know if I ever will be. I like the idea of Mistress Raina being my escape from the world. I also like her influencing my world just a touch, it’s this odd little excitement of knowing how much power she could exert if I’d just let her. Don’t get me wrong, I beyond love having a partner to do things with at home but, she’s exactly that, my partner so at the end of the day, the power structure is just different.”

“I’m actually the opposite, I think,” Colleen said. “I love the idea that JC could at any moment take control of me. I like the surprise of it, the idea of how he’s gonna do it or what he could make me do. Right now, we’re still figuring all that out and I’m easing into telling him everything so we’re going slow and that’s ok,” Colleen smiled and squeezed JC’s hand.

“Oh, there’s more I don’t know about yet?” JC asked, his interest piqued. 

“Let’s just say I’d like to explore more of your evil streak,” Colleen told him and winked.

“So do you think you’d ever stop seeing Piper?” Justin asked.

Colleen thought about it for a moment. “My intention was never to pay anyone to live out my fantasies but that’s how it worked out. I got to a point I thought that might be the only way it would ever happen so I went with it. I would much prefer to do all those things with my partner and the fact that I’m getting to on some level is just…it makes me really happy.”

“Are you saying you’d stop going to Piper if I could do all the things she can?” JC questioned, very surprised by this information.

“The simple answer is yes but there is a lot we would need to talk about first. As I said, part of Mistress Piper’s appeal is actual clinical help. I wouldn’t want you even attempting that so I’d need an actual therapist. With the sex, it was easier to tell Mistress Piper things because, while I do care what she thinks of it on some level, I’m not going home with her, you know. You’re the one that has to live with it.”

“Babe, you let me know whatever you want in your own time, just know I’m always going to listen. I can’t promise how on board I’ll be with all of them but I do promise to never judge you for them.”

“Same, JC. Always.”

Justin stared at the couple as they smiled at each other, for the first time in a while not feeling a twinch of bitterness at someone else’s happiness. He knew that whatever they had worked for them and he didn’t have to understand it to make it ok. “Don’t let that one go, JC.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” JC said, still smiling at Colleen and giving her a brief kiss.

After a moment, Colleen pulled herself away from JC and stood up. “Alright, we’ve been out here for hours and I need to attempt to get some sleep,” she said, cleaning up the glasses and heading inside.

“Shit, it’s nearly 11,” Justin realized as he looked at his watch. He started cleaning up the rest of the small table. He waited until Colleen had closed the sliding glass door before turning to JC, who was staring off into the night sky. “You ok, man?” Justin asked.

“Yeah,” JC said softly. “I just, um, I didn’t think Colleen would ever consider leaving Piper. That’s, I don’t know, a weird pressure I wasn’t expecting.”

“I think it’s a compliment.”

“It is, it definitely is but I…I don’t think I can give her everything that she wants.”

“Well, from the sound of it, you don’t even know everything she wants so don’t sell yourself short just yet. Also, pretty sure she doesn’t mean this is all happening next week.”

“I know but that’s…that’s a serious move. I meant what I said, I don’t know if I’ll ever be there. If she’s willing to give that up for me…”

“She wouldn’t be giving it up for you,” Justin interrupted, already knowing where JC’s head was going, “she’d just be getting what she wants from the person she loves instead of a stand in.” JC tried to speak but Justin kept going. “I also don’t think if she made that change that she’d ask you to do the same. It seems pretty clear she doesn’t want to take Raina’s place on a full time basis.”

“But she wants me to take over for Piper.”

“Think you’re up for the challenge?”

“I honestly don’t know. I like when I’m in control of her…I like it way more than I thought I would but it feels like a lot of responsibility, a lot of…”

“Commitment, JC. The word you’re looking for is commitment,” Justin lightly teased. “Have you two talked about anything else she might want?”

“Such as?”

“Marriage? Kids? Shit, living together?”

“Oh Jesus,” JC rolled his eyes, “this coming from the guy who a few hours ago said he was ready to cheat on his wife.”

“I didn’t say I was ready, I…you know, never mind. Watching you two…man, I haven’t seen you this happy in ages. It’s like she’s pulling you out of this funk you’ve slowly put yourself in the past couple years. It’s good to see you being you again.”

“That’s sweet Justin but I think you’re giving her a bit too much credit.”

“I don’t think I am. I get you’re enjoying the now of it all but you two should really talk about this stuff. She is by far the best woman I have ever seen you with; don’t fuck this up because of what happened in the past.”

“I get it, Justin,” JC stopped him. “I’m sure we’ll have that conversation eventually.”

“That means you’ll avoid it like the plague,” Justin countered. He headed inside and called out to Colleen. “Hey, do you want to get married?”

“You proposing?” she asked him. “Cuz, this is awkward, but I’m kind of seeing your friend.”

“Justin, stop,” JC said, trailing behind him.

“I meant in general, but mostly I meant to him,” Justin said, ignoring JC but also pointing to him.

“Oh,” Colleen said, looking like a deer that got caught in headlights. “I…I don’t know. I mean, we haven’t talked about it. It’s still kind of early to be talking about it, maybe?”

“Thanks Justin,” JC shook his head.

“What about kids?” Justin asked her.

“Oh, wow,” Colleen said, starting to rinse out the glasses from outside. “I think that ship has probably sailed at this point for me, I mean, biologically.”

“Nah, my wife and you are like the same age and we just had one. You totally could, I mean, if you wanted to,” Justin encouraged.

“Ok, that’s enough,” JC said, putting a hand on Justin’s shoulder and turning him towards the stairs. “I think it’s time for bed.”

“We didn’t decide who I get to spoon,” Justin teased. “Does that mean I get the middle?”

“Shut up,” JC laughed as he lightly punched Justin in the arm. Justin shot back by slapping JC on the ass, making JC yelp and run up the stairs, Justin close on his tail. Colleen smiled and shook her head. It was an amazing experience to see these guys revert back to their younger selves and she hoped she would get to see more of that going forward. 

A few minutes later, Colleen entered JC’s bedroom. “Dammit, no three way tonight?” Colleen jokingly pouted upon not seeing Justin.

“Never gonna happen, Babe,” JC smiled and kissed her softly. “Though, if you and Mistress Raina wanna…”

“NEVER gonna happen,” Colleen emphasized, moving to change her clothes. “Did you have a good time with Justin? Your song seems pretty cool, just hard for me to imagine without actual music to it.”

“We made a rough demo so once the other guys weigh in and we clean it up, it’ll make more sense,” JC said, stripping to his boxer briefs for bed. “It was actually great to hang with J. Creating art is always amazing but just sitting down and talking, like really conversing about our lives…it’s been a long time since we’ve been able to do that and it felt…it felt like home.”

Colleen crossed over to JC and put her hands on either side of his face. “I’m really happy you two were able to do that,” she genuinely told him, giving him a long and loving kiss then retreated to now her side of the bed.

“I’m sorry he had so many questions for you,” JC said, slipping underneath the sheet and turning out the light.

“That’s ok. I think we both know what it’s like to feel as though you don’t have anyone to talk to about this type of stuff. If talking it out helps him deal with it, I’m happy to oblige.”

“You’re pretty wonderful, you know that?” JC said, curling behind Colleen and kissing her cheek.

“I mean, I’m no Mother Theresa but I do what I can.”

“It’d be weird if you were,” JC laughed. “I, um, I also feel kinda bad about him putting you on the spot at the end there.”

“Oh, with him trying to plan the rest of our lives together in 5 minutes? It’s cool, just took me by surprise.”

“Well, you saying you were thinking about leaving Piper took me by surprise,” JC confessed.

Colleen sighed and turned to face JC. “I wouldn’t even say I’m considering it, I just know, for me, it’s not sustainable for the long haul. I can’t see myself still seeing Mistress Piper when I’m sixty. I always wanted a man to do all these things with but I’m not gonna force you into a role you aren’t comfortable with. I’m fine with how things are now and if we get to a place either of us wants a change, we can talk about it then.”

JC bit his lip, not wanting to ask his next question but since Justin had brought it up… “Do you just want a man or do you want something else, like a husband?”

“Goddamn Justin Timberlake,” Colleen said in her head, wanting to be honest but concerned how it would be taken. “JC, I, um…yes, in theory, I’d like a husband but I know you, I mean, that’s not your thing so…”

“It’s not that it’s not my thing, I just…it’s not something I’m looking to do until I am ten thousand percent sure. I don’t…if that’s something you want…”

“JC,” Colleen stopped him, “what I want is someone who loves me and supports me through good times and bad. What I want is you. I don’t need a legally binding piece of paper for that.” She leaned in and kissed him tenderly. “Don’t worry about it right now and get some sleep.” Colleen rolled over and snuggled herself into JC’s body as she settled down for the night.

JC laid awake for a while longer, thinking about all the things Colleen and Justin had said. He didn’t want to end up like Justin and Jess. He always worried that’s what could happen when you stayed in a relationship too long. He also didn’t want Colleen giving up on things she wanted just for him. Considering ending things with Piper seemed incredibly unfair when he didn’t think he’d ever end things with Mistress Raina. His mind conjured up the image of the three carat marquise cut diamond ring that was deemed too small by its intended recipient that sat locked in the hidden safe in his office. Maybe it was time to finally sell it, or replace it.