“This is weird,” Colleen said a few days later as she sipped her Sangria at the outdoor bistro a few blocks down from her office.

“It’s weird,” Raina replied, clinking around the ice cubes in her Cucumber Fizz.

“Veeeeery weird.”

“Fucking weird.”

“Ok, I think we’ve established it’s weird,” Colleen chuckled.

“Sorry, we somehow tumbled into RENT lyrics,” Raina said as Colleen stared at her. “I like musicals,” she confessed.

“Didn’t see that one coming. You know JC’s band mate Joey was in RENT.”

“Really? I actually saw him in Rock of Ages in Vegas. My husband got me tickets for our anniversary a few years back.”

Colleen blinked several times at Raina. “Who knew there was a human under all that leather?”

“Who knew there was a personality under all those blank stares?” Raina countered. “Did you really expect me to show up dressed for work outside in the middle of the day? I still gotta pick my youngest up from school later.”

Colleen hadn’t even recognized Raina when they met for lunch. Seeing the latter in jeans, a cropped faded Van Halen t-shirt, hat and muted makeup was beyond odd. Colleen guessed JC hadn’t even seen Raina like this.

“Well, thanks for agreeing to meet,” Colleen said.

“You know I don’t normally do this, right?”

“Seems like there’s a lot of things you don’t normally do when it comes to JC.”

“When you work with someone as long as I have with him, you get soft, I guess.”

“Well, it is a relationship, even if it isn’t a traditional one. I can respect that.”

“Can you? Because I feel like if you did, we wouldn’t need to have some kumbaya moment like this.”

“On the contrary, I think that’s exactly why we need to do this. I know you love JC…”

“Love?” Raina interrupted incredulously. “I don’t love him. He’s a client, that’s all.”

“Defensive much?” Colleen quipped. “If that were true, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble of setting us up. Just cuz you love him doesn’t mean you’re in love with him. This would be a much different conversation if that were the case.”

“I care about him.”

“Call it whatever makes you feel better. I’m just saying I get the word love covers a lot of ground. Shit, I consider my feelings for JC to be love before I even met him.”

“That’s some Savage Garden shit right there,” Raina laughed as Colleen once again stared at her. “You know, the “I knew I loved you before I met you” line?” Colleen shook her head. “Am I really going to have to explain all my pop culture references to you?”

“Apparently,” Colleen laughed. “My point is we both care for him and therefore have a common goal, which is his happiness. That also means we need to work together to achieve that.”

“I’m not having a threesome with the two of you, if this is what this is about.”

“Oh God no,” Colleen declared. “He can keep that fantasy to himself, thank you.”

“Speaking of, how’d the other night go? Your birthday “I get to fuck the celebrity of my dreams even though I’m already fucking him” thing?”

“It went more than well, thank you, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“I didn’t, actually. I told him to tell me next time he comes in. He hasn’t scheduled anything yet.”

“That does lead me to the crux of why I wanted to talk to you. What the hell happened the last time you saw him?”

“Colleen, I’m not here to spill details about his private time with me. If he doesn’t want to share, that’s a discussion the two of you need to have. You can’t circumvent him and ask me.”

“Ok, let me rephrase. I saw his fucking back, Raina. I confronted him, he said he wanted things a little rougher than normal.” 

“That’s accurate.”

“What night was this?” Raina crossed her arms. “When I sat in with you two, there was no indication he liked anything close to that. Saturday morning he was fine and by the following Thursday night he wasn’t.”

“It’s not my job to know why he wants what when. It’s my job to give it to him and keep him safe.”

“You really consider what you did safe?”

“I do because anyone who doesn’t have proper training would have seriously fucked him up. His back will heal, I washed it when we were done to make sure everything was clean.”

Colleen didn’t know what else to say to that. JC had told her not to worry but then when she had texted Joey as promised, he brought it up, which made her want to talk to Raina about it. Maybe it was just that simple…

“Ladies? Have we decided on food?” the waiter approached and asked.

“Yeah, let me get the Bianca pizza,” Raina stated.

“Hmmmm, that’s what I was gonna get,” Colleen mused.

“Split?” Raina offered.

“I suppose,” Colleen shrugged.

“Great,” Raina turned back to the waiter. “We’ll split the pie and I’ll also get a small salmon salad.”

“A small beet salad for me, thank you,” Colleen told the waiter, handing back her menu. “Would you look at us, literally about to break bread together,” Colleen chuckled.

“The Lord works in mysterious ways,” Raina said, raising her glass, which Colleen met with her own. “Look, I’m sorry I can’t help you more but I did promise not to meddle in your relationship so I’m keeping my mouth shut.”

“Raina, we all need to admit you’re a part of this relationship because it’s true. This isn’t quite what I thought I was signing up for but I’m committed to trying to make it work.”

“What? You wanna play Sister Wives now?” Colleen stared at Raina once again. “Come on, you have to know about the Sister Wives!”

“I do, I just…gross,” Colleen made a face.

“You got a better analogy?”

“Ugh, fair, but don’t think I’m not gonna rack my brain trying to think of one.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m not talking,” Raina doubled down.

Colleen was a little surprised the direct approach hadn’t worked with Raina. Time to put some of her legal strategies to use. “Did you know who JC was when you met him?”

“I did. Who didn’t know who those guys were at the time?”

“Was it weird to have them walk through the door?”

“I hadn’t been working there that long so, yeah, definitely a little awe struck but I certainly wasn’t letting them know that. By now seeing someone famous is old hat; they have desires just like everyone else.”

“What was your first impression of JC?”

“I think what everyone’s is about him. He’s gorgeous on screen but in person…Jesus,” Raina smiled, remembering their first meeting in the lounge all those years ago. “I was single at the time and if we didn’t have that no penetration rule…I have to admit I absolutely would have fucked him.”

“He said you barely touched him at all that first night?”

“It’s true. We got back in the room and he got so shy, it was adorable. All that stage bravado disappeared in an instant. I figured he was just overwhelmed by what he’d been talked into by one of his band mates but when he said coming was his idea, I knew there was much more to it.”

“How so?”

“Everyone comes there for a reason, whether they consciously know it or not. I was determined to figure out JC’s since I couldn't do much else. I told you, part of the fun for me is figuring out what people truly want. Watching them realize some hidden part of themselves is exhilarating.”

“JC told me the story but I’d love to hear your point of view on how that evening went.”

“There’s not terribly much to tell. He came in, I sat him down and I explained some of the things I could do to him. When I mentioned chaining him to the wall, I felt him get hard underneath me so I figured that was a good place to start.”

“You left out the part where you were on top of him.”

“Oops,” Raina smiled innocently. “I told him to strip to his underwear and tied him up. He was trying to stay calm but he was breathing heavy and hard as hell so I just left him there to enjoy himself. He ended up doing most of the work himself by struggling. I could hear the desperation in his voice. He never said his safe word so I knew he wasn’t in actual distress. He never even asked to be let go, he just wanted me to come back over to him.”

“So the secret to unlocking his desires was locking him up?” Colleen raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I guess that’s about right,” Raina laughed, never thinking of it quite in those terms. “He was so used to getting whatever he wanted, whoever he wanted. They all were. He doesn’t see it that way but that life affects you on so many levels. He hadn’t had to beg for anything in years. Once he realized I wasn’t going to run to his beckon call…he didn’t kick and scream and demand, like some others do. Being denied made his need grow and he just needed one time to figure that out.”

“And in a world where he could get any woman he wanted, he wanted the one that wouldn’t let him have her.”

“Sure, I think that was definitely part of it but I eventually did let him have me, so to speak. If that was the only goal, he would have come back a few times then stopped. I think it was more I was the only one who would let him explore that part of himself. Once he got a girlfriend he wanted to share that with, well, it was clear to me he was getting dominated but not in the way he actually wanted to be.”

“Eva,” Colleen surmised.

“Yeah, he ever talk to you about that?”

“No, not really. I mean, it was bad enough watching it unfold from the public point of view. I can’t imagine what went on in private.”

“It was…it’s not my story to tell but it was hell for him. The only silver lining was the music that came out of him during that time and then even that got taken away from him.” Raina wiped away a tear. “I think…I think I was the only way he could get his pain out for a while. The world just saw him going from woman to woman and figured sleeping around was how he was dealing with his heartache and, in part, that was true. Nobody had to deal with him needing to scream out his pain but me.”

“It’s an incredible bond you two share,” Colleen said, reaching out and squeezing Raina’s hand. She was sympathetic and oddly thankful that Raina had been there for him when he had been going through all that. 

“It became about much more than sex and domination then. I felt like I needed to protect him. I still do, I know that. When the world hurts him, I like him knowing he can come to me and we can work that out of him together.”

“Is that what happened the other night?”

Raina looked at Colleen then shook her head with a chuckle, “Fuck you. You set me up.”

“You went down that path all on your own, I just took advantage of the opening.”

Raina sighed, “I asked if you two had a fight and he said no, that’s all I know. He doesn’t ask for anything that rough unless something has got him really upset. I’d rather know something is wrong than when he hauled off and left for a year and internalized all his shit.”

Colleen sat there trying to piece it all together. She knew he and Raina’s blow out was because of the situation with his ex. He was talking to a therapist now so did he really need to go to such extreme measures with Raina or was it just what he was used to? What the hell had happened?

Their salads and pizza arrived at the table and the ladies silently dug in. “So what made Jo…JC “the one” for you all this time?” Raina finally asked.

“It’s hard to explain. Obviously he’s good looking and his voice is fucking majestic. I think a lot of it has to do with his passion for everything he does. It was always evident. I’ve had a crush on him since his Mickey Mouse Club days and he was the reason I got into *NSYNC. I’ll admit, their PR did a damn good job packaging them so there was always one you connected with and, yeah, I was that girl and thought about all of them at some point. Then when he went solo, that sealed the deal. Justin was good; JC was magnetic.”

“Is it because he just sang about sex all the time?” Raina gave a small laugh.

“Honestly, kind of. Here was this guy who wasn’t just like “I like fucking” but gave you all these lyrics and visuals that it wasn’t just about the physical act but he liked all the things that came with that. It’s few and far between he knows he’s hot but he’s never been able to hide his natural sexuality. It just is who he is. Plus, he sang about all sides of it, the good and the bad. If his record label had pushed his ballads first, I think he’d have a much different career.”

“We don’t talk about his music anymore,” Raina lamented.

“Even with the guys working on new stuff, he’s still really gun shy about it. I’ve only seen one song and that’s because Justin showed it to me but I haven’t even heard it, it was just the lyrics.”

“So you went from idolizing this band to being friends with them?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say friends exactly,” Colleen started then thought about it. She’d been over to Lance’s house quite a few times at this point and even though she just met Joey, they were already texting like old friends. She and Justin had certainly bonded over their shared experiences with Piper so the only one she was still missing was Chris. “Well shit,” she said out loud.

Raina smirked as she grabbed another slice of pizza. “Guess good things really do come to those who wait.”

Colleen put her fork down and took a deep breath. “Raina, I’m only going to say this once so you better remember it. I know this is all thanks to you. Nothing I had been doing was working to meet him and even if it did, I’m still not entirely sure it would have turned into an actual relationship. I’m thankful and I’m grateful and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for trusting me with him.”

It was now Raina’s turn to come clean. “When I first got you two together, I did it mostly for him. He was coming out of a bad situation and I thought a chick that already liked him and was into kink was just what he needed. I didn’t expect it to work out so well and, despite knowing you’re a lawyer, I didn’t expect you to be so…smart. You have to remember I only ever saw dumb cute Leena walking around.”

“Awwww, you think I’m cute?” Colleen teased.

Raina shot her an unamused look. “My point is, as a woman and as a partner for him, my respect has really grown for you. However, as much as I’m used to sharing him with the woman he’s dating, he’s still always been mine. You…you threaten that balance and I don’t like it.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to reassure you…”

“I know,” Raina cut her off, “and I’m not gonna lie: knowing he came to me about whatever his issue was the other week instead of you…it made me feel good. I know you don’t like that answer but it’s the truth.”

“I’m glad he does have you to go to but I’m not real keen on being left in the dark, especially when it’s something that is obviously upsetting him.”

“Again, that’s a conversation the two of you need to have,” Raina stated, digging back into her salad. “Do you really think we can make this work?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I think it oddly does work though, at least for now. I do like being in charge of him from time to time but we both prefer it the other way around. I’m pleasantly surprised he likes being in charge as much as he does.”

“Jesus, so am I,” Raina laughed. “Every report I get, his enthusiasm just grows. Guess you unlocked something hidden in him as well.”

“Maybe…still seems unbelievable to me that he actually likes it. I’m not complaining, just sometimes I feel like he’s just doing it for my sake and I don’t want him doing stuff he doesn’t like just to appease me.”

“Oh, he certainly likes it,” Raina reassured her. “I mean, who doesn’t want a partner who will do anything they command at the drop of a hat?”

“You’d be surprised,” Colleen told her. “Most guys want nothing less than me in charge because that’s how my personality is in general. The ones I have been able to tell…well, one just thought it was something to lord over me. He thought talking about how bad I wanted it and denying it to me was somehow a turn on, which I guess to him it was but not for me. The other guy just called me fucked up for it yet this is the same guy who wanted me to spit on his face so the hypocrisy was pretty evident there.”

“Should have sent that guy to me,” Raina chuckled. “I digress. Just know he really does like it. He doesn’t lie to me and I doubt he’d fake his fondness for it anyhow.”

“So you’re in control of him and he’s in control of me? This seems super healthy,” Colleen laughed in disbelief. “Just remember…”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m not in control of you, I got it,” Raina agreed unenthusiastically. 

“What, um, what does your husband think about all this?”

“I don’t talk about work with my husband,” Raina told her.

“The lines blurred on this being just about work a long time ago,” Colleen pressed her.

Raina sighed, “Ron knows there’s a Joshua but doesn’t know he’s JC. When JC left, I was…it felt like going through a breakup and I had to confront a lot of my feelings, to both Ron and myself.”

“And he was ok with JC and you reuniting?”

“He knows what goes on there, in detail. He trusts me and I’ve never given him a reason not to. My feelings are…I don’t want to say they’re one way but it’s not like I’m venting my frustrations about him to JC. It’s not an emotional affair or anything, but it’s a relationship I cherish. Ron graciously understands that.”

“Hell of a husband you got there,” Colleen smiled.

“Yeah, well, you’re being pretty fucking understanding yourself.”

“I’d be an asshole if I wasn’t considering my own circumstance.”

“What happens if you and JC go the distance?”

“I don’t know. We’ve, you know, touched on it but you know even better than I do JC and commitment aren’t exactly synonymous. Actually, you would be the longest relationship he’s ever had.”

“Yeah, I know,” Raina couldn’t help hiding her smile over the fact. “He’s really happy with you, Colleen. He hasn’t talked to me about anything more…permanent but if you do decide to make this a forever kind of thing, you both really need to consider all that entails. I mean, marriage is one thing but if you have babies, it’s gonna be a lot harder to reign back in all the kink once you’ve let it this loose.”

Colleen mulled over what Raina was saying. The topic seemed to keep popping up with them as of late, first with Justin forcing the issue then with Lance and Michael’s twins announcement… “Goddammit,” Colleen exclaimed, sitting back in her chair and tossing her napkin at the table.

“What?” 

“I figured it out…with JC. He came by Saturday night, didn’t he?”

Raina was silent but didn’t deny it. “So what happened?” she asked after a moment.

“Lance and Michael are expecting twins.”

“Okay…what’s the issue with that?”

“The miscarriage…JC should’ve been a dad by now. Instead he’s watching his friend get to live his dream…again.”

“So he’s talked to you about that?”

“Not so much talked as told. I know about it and he said that was one of the biggest reasons he started seeing his therapist in the first place. I figured if we really did want to talk about having kids, I’d bring it up, otherwise just let him broach the subject if he wanted to. Shit, now I’m mad at myself and him.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I should have realized it would bring up some shit for him and instead of talking about it, he lied to me about where he was going.”

“You’re mad he came to see me.”

“No, I’m mad he lied about going to see you. I’m mad he didn’t trust me enough to understand or sympathize or something.”

“He didn’t actually talk to me about anything, if that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t but thanks for trying. That just means he yet again internalized his feelings and decided to manifest them physically instead of talking them out. That’s not good.” Colleen pinched the bridge of her nose. “How often does this happen?”

“Not often. I’d actually consider it pretty rare but it’s how I know something has really got him shaken up.”

“Ok,” Colleen breathed, “so good news is it’s not a regular thing. Bad news is we’re dealing with a problem right now. The question is, how the hell do we help him with this?”

“What’s this we? What exactly do you expect me to do about this?”

“I don’t know, I’m still trying to dissect it all. If I think of something, I’ll let you know though.”

“Ok but this feels like a good time to remind you I don’t fuck with people’s emotions. I’m just a way for people to deal with them.”

“Fair enough,” Colleen said, letting the silence hang heavy between them. Colleen was glad she only had a few bites left of her salad as she had quickly lost her appetite. She hated that JC was having a hard time with his friend’s good news, and for obvious and understandable reasons. She hated more that she hadn’t even realized it. Was she that oblivious or was he that good at lying?

The check arrived and Colleen quickly pulled out her credit card to pay the bill. “You didn’t have to do that. We could have split it. We seem to be sharing everything else these days.”

Colleen couldn’t help but laugh at Raina’s observation. “It’s ok, you were nice enough to drive in. You can leave the tip if you’d like.” Raina smiled and pulled out a $50 that she placed under the salt shaker. “Generous,” Colleen noted.

“I have a few clients that insist on paying with cash. Apparently it’s a nightmare for the accountant but that’s their problem. I like having cash on hand instead of waiting for my paycheck.”

“Wow, I…gosh this is rude of me but I didn’t realize you got an actual paycheck.”

“It’s still a job, Colleen. I shouldn’t be responsible for figuring out my taxes each year. We’ve got a pretty good health plan and Miss Jacky finally started a company sponsored 401K about two years ago.”

“Well damn, does seem like some nice perks to keep you there.”

“Definitely a job where you gotta love what you do but seems to be one of the better dungeons in town from some of the talk I’ve heard over the years.”

“Yet you were willing to put that on the line for JC’s happiness.”

“Told you, I care about him,” Raina smiled. 

Colleen shook her head and stood so they could exit the restaurant. Once outside, the women stared awkwardly at each other. “Are we…should we hug or something?” Colleen offered while simultaneously making a face clearly showing she’d rather not.

“We had one lunch, we aren’t suddenly Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman.”

“Housewives, now you’re speaking my language,” Colleen brightened.

“At least you finally got one,” Raina chuckled. “Hey, do you know if there’s a decent nail salon around here? I could do with a fill.”

“Yeah, there’s actually one on the way back to my office. They can get you in and out in about twenty minutes as long as you aren’t looking for anything too complicated.”

“Just a fill and polish change, nothing crazy,” Raina confirmed as she followed Colleen. “Do you have to get back to the office right away?”

“I got a little more time. Next meeting isn’t until 3.”

“Wanna fuck with JC and get our nails done the same color?” Raina mischievously grinned, holding up a hand and waving her fingers.

Colleen stopped walking and tilted her head at Raina, then matched her grin. “I do…” she admitted. She still had no idea how to deal with JC’s current dilemma but a little petty revenge for lying to her would suit her just fine while she figured it out.