The light hurt JC’s eyes as he finally opened them a few hours later. His mouth was dry and the air smelled stale. JC groaned as his head instantly started pounding. He rolled over and felt the room spin twice as fast. He shut his eyes and waited for everything to stabilize.

He slowly sat up and looked around, trying to figure out where the hell he was. When had he and Colleen gotten a hotel room? He looked around for Colleen and found her asleep on a chair by the window. Had they had a fight? JC didn’t like how little he was remembering of the evening.

JC stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom, closing the door carefully as not to wake Colleen. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw bloodshot eyes staring back at him. His stomach still felt queasy and he definitely knew he was hung over. Too much celebrating?

Turning the shower on, JC started to replay the previous day. It came back in bits and pieces. First, his encounter with Julie. He could still remember the smile on Heather’s face as she looked back up at him. JC felt another round of vomit hit him as he held the shower wall for support. He remembered trying to reach out to people to make sure he didn’t do something stupid. He remembered feeling alone and angry and knew he’d done something bad.

His fight with Justin had fueled him to get a hotel room and find a bar. He’d wanted to go to a strip club but he knew he’d be too tempted. He’d found a hole in the wall spot and set up shop for the evening. Most of the night was spent progressively getting wasted as he swiped and searched on his phone for his exes, finding their Instagrams or reading articles about their successes. One after another, living a much better life without him. He’d even looked up Colleen, finding all the fun pictures and videos she used to post from before they met. She barely had anything from the past year.

“You can’t be sad in Vegas,” he remembered a woman saying to him. He’d turned and there was Eva, only it wasn’t, but God if it didn’t look like her though. She was there with friends and couldn’t believe they’d run into a celebrity. They talked him into a shot then another then another. Eva was flirting with him, just like old times. His heart ached as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. One night, he just needed one last night with her, even if it was pretend.

They’d gotten back to his room and…JC threw up again as the puzzle pieces started moving back into place. He hadn’t just cheated, he hadn’t even just gotten caught; Colleen had seen it with her own two eyes. JC collapsed in a heap under the spray of the shower, sobs wracking his body as the realization hit him. He may not have had sex with that woman but he knew at his core he would have if Colleen hadn’t been there to stop him.

The fight that followed soon returned to his memory. He’d been angry she was there, just wanting one night to stop trying to act like he was better than he was. Colleen, by no surprise, refused. He remembered tearing her necklace off and vowed to get it fixed as soon as they got back home. If only their relationship would be that easy to mend.

The last thing JC could remember was hanging over the side of the tub, Colleen’s fingers running through his hair. He’d treated her terribly yet she was still there taking care of him. She loved him, actually him. He’d been fighting her this whole time about it, convinced he was just confusing her feelings or lying to herself. He knew it now though, he felt it. He also knew he’d realized it too late.

JC finally pulled himself out of the shower and dressed. His t-shirt was damp in a few places but other than the smell of smoke emitting from them, they were intact. JC’s stomach churned again at the smell and realized he needed some food and all the coffee he could consume.

He gently opened the bathroom to find Colleen tidying up the room. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said meekly.

Colleen stopped and stared at him and JC wanted to run back in the bathroom and hide. The look on her face told him if she could murder him and get away with it, she would. “Let’s go,” she said coldly, grabbing her purse.

JC didn’t argue as he quickly checked he had all his essentials and followed her out. As he left, he caught the glimpse of a red lace something in one of the trash cans. Was there more he wasn’t remembering?!

As the elevator hit the ground floor, Colleen strode out and called back to JC. “Go get coffee and the car. I’ll get you checked out.” Once again, JC followed orders and headed to the Starbucks in the lobby.

Colleen approached the front desk with a wary smile. “Good morning. Checking out, room 1342.”

The concierge pulled up the reservation and smiled, taking the room keys. “Chasez, yes. I hope everything was to your satisfaction?”

“Yes, thank you,” she responded, “however someone might have had a little too much Vegas fun last night.” Colleen handed over five twenty dollar bills she’d pulled out of JC’s wallet. “Bill him whatever cleaning fees you need to then please make sure the housekeeping staff receives this.”

“Of course, Ma’am,” she was told as the concierge accepted the money and put a note in the system. Colleen was about to walk away when the concierge spoke once more. “Excuse me, Ma’am? This was dropped off overnight and we were informed this belonged to Mr. Chasez.” The concierge then produced JC’s leather cuff onto the counter.

Colleen picked it up and inspected it, grateful no damage had occurred to it but wanted to throw it in the trash just the same. “Thank you,” she simply said, tucking it into her purse.

JC was waiting for Colleen with the coffee and two breakfast sandwiches out by the valet. “They’re bringing the car around now,” he told her as he offered her one of each item. Colleen sipped the coffee as she walked over to the nearest trash can and threw out the sandwich. JC decided not to even ask.

The car showed up shortly after and as JC tipped the valet, Colleen slid into the driver’s seat. JC once again didn’t question the move and got in the passenger side. He waited until they were out of the city and on the highway home before he spoke up. “Can we talk?” he asked her. Colleen responded by turning on the radio.

JC watched her as she drove. Her full concentration appeared to be on the road but JC knew that wasn’t it. Her tight lips and tense arms let him know she was fighting to keep it together. JC knew the feeling all too well. She was more responsible than him though; she’d find a better way to deal with her anger than he had.

The song they were listening to ended as Demi Lovato’s voice emitted from the speakers. “The day I first met you, you told me you’d never fall in love…” Colleen abruptly turned the radio off and gripped the steering wheel tighter. JC knew it wasn’t just the lyrics to the song upsetting her, it was that they had last heard it at Lance’s club on her birthday. Two short months ago, their lives had been perfect. JC, once again, ruined it all in his eyes.

The remainder of the car ride was spent in uncomfortable silence as they sped through the desert. Arriving back in L.A., Colleen drove to the airport to pick up her car. “I’ll follow you back,” Colleen told JC as she exited his car to get in her own. JC switched to the driver’s seat and breathed a sigh of relief as they left the parking lot. They could get home and talk everything through. It was going to be bad but JC had been thinking the whole drive about what he wanted to say and was prepared if she chose not to forgive him.

Arriving at his house, JC headed to the kitchen as Colleen ran upstairs. It had been a long car ride and she probably had to use the bathroom, JC reasoned as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, feeling it hit his stomach and knowing he still had a while to go before he was rehydrated.

The sound of the front door made him jump and he whirled around to see who was there. The entryway was empty. JC looked up the stairs and instantly knew what had happened.

“Colleen! No!” JC screamed as he threw open his front door to see her backing her car out. He ran as fast as he could, catching her just enough to slam his hand on the trunk of her car as she started down the road. “Please please,” he pleaded, trying to keep up with her car as the distance quickly grew. He stopped running and watched her disappear around a corner.

JC slowly walked back to his house, utterly defeated. He was prepared for her to scream at him, to break up with him, maybe even hit him. He figured he deserved it all. He didn’t expect her to simply leave without a word.

He went upstairs, knowing what was waiting for him, almost wanting to get the torture over with. The bathroom looked the same at first glance but JC pulled open one of Colleen’s drawers to find it empty. He checked the others to find the same. The only thing remaining was her toothbrush in the cup by the sink next to his. JC almost had to laugh, knowing Colleen well enough to know that was an intentional move, wanting to drive the stake in his heart a little deeper.

JC proceeded to the closet and found the same fate with all her clothes gone. He went into his bedroom and looked at the now empty jewelry dish on the end table. He remembered her insistence on finding the one from the capsule collection in one of his many boxes in his garage to use. He found it sometimes odd how much she truly loved celebrating him and the band and he knew how much he was sorely going to miss that positive energy in his life.

He sat down on the bed and felt something roll into his side. He looked down and found his cuff waiting for him. Even though he was looking at it, he still held up his wrist, wondering why it wasn’t in its normal place and growing angry at himself he hadn’t even noticed it was missing. He lifted it up to put it back on when two things fell from inside it into his lap.

The first was Colleen’s necklace. JC inspected the chain and knew it was busted beyond repair. He would have to order her a new one. The gem at first looked fine to him but as he turned it in the light, he could now see a small split forming. It could either be filled in and fixed but never the perfection it had once been or continue to grow and break the whole thing apart. JC knew there had to be a song in that metaphor somewhere.

He grabbed the second item tentatively. He gingerly unfolded the wadded up piece of paper, preparing to read that she was done with him and gone for good. No handwritten words greeted him as he smoothed out the paper and realized it was even worse. He gazed at the receipt from Eva’s ring he’d intended to give Colleen as a sign of his commitment to her. She’d seen it and she didn’t know the context and JC fought the urge to throw up yet again. He flopped back on the bed with a heavy sigh, still trying to make sense of the past twenty four hours. He hadn’t just fucked up his life, he’d incineratored it. Normally he’d lean into those feelings and feel sorry for himself but this time he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to do that to Colleen and he was frankly tired of doing it to himself. He wanted his confidence back, his self assurity, his drive, his passion. He now just had to figure out how to do it.