“Hey!” Michael enthusiastically answered the front door. “Good to see you. You’re looking well.”

“Thanks,” JC said as he entered and gave Michael a quick hug. “Appreciate you letting me swing by.”

“Of course, you know you’re welcome anytime,” Michael said as they walked further into the house. “Watch your step, I’ve got glitter everywhere.”

“Didn’t Justin buy you an art studio specifically so you didn’t have to work in here?”

“Yes, and it was great until we started construction on the nursery and all the baby stuff had to go in there for storage.”

JC walked over to view the current piece Michael was working on. “I gotta get an updated piece from you. I love the popsicles but I need one of these glitter ones.”

“Let me know if anything strikes your fancy,” Michael smiled. “You want something to drink?”

“Just a glass of water. I can get it,” JC said, not wanting to take Michael away from his painting. “How’d your art show go?”

“Really great, thanks for asking,” Michael replied. “Sold like half of what I brought so I’d call that a success.”

“That’s awesome, congrats,” JC smiled back as he pulled a glass from a cabinet.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m, you know, hanging in there.”

“You look good. Your skin looks, I don’t know, brighter, maybe?”

“Been trying to be outside more. Some yoga and meditation in the mornings, an afternoon jog after therapy if I feel like it.”

“Keep it up. It looks like it’s helping.”

“Yeah, I think it is,” JC gave a small smile. “You, uh, you heard from Colleen?”

“I have. We actually had lunch last week,” Michael admitted.

“How’s she doing?”

“Same thing, hanging in.”

JC frowned. While he didn’t exactly want to hear if she was thriving, it would have felt better than knowing she was still hurting and he was the cause. “I wish I could just talk to her, apologize. It’s been a month now.”

“Colleen is stubborn and as much as she may even want to see you, she won’t do it until she’s sure she’s ready.”

“Do you think she even does want to see me?”

“I think so but, you know, her defenses are on high alert. She doesn’t want to cave and just get back together knowing this could happen again.”

“It won’t,” JC stated. Michael stared at him. “It won’t!”

“JC, what are you gonna do when these babies get here?” 

JC blinked, surprised by the question. “She told you about…”

“No, Joey called Lance and filled him in on your visit and, spousal privilege, he told me. You know once three of them know something, they gotta call the fourth.”

JC bit his lip but knew Michael was right, having been the one to make those calls about the other guys over the years. “Michael, I’m gonna be here to love and cherish and babysit and cuddle those babies as much as you’ll let me but I know it’s not gonna be easy at first…or maybe ever. I’m working really hard to deal with that…to deal with a lot of stuff I haven’t dealt with in far too long.”

“She knows that, JC. We all know that and we’re all here to support you. Right now, her best support is to let you figure your shit out.”

“I can’t even reach her to tell her how it’s going,” JC lamented. “I just want her to know I’m trying.”

“I told her. Joey’s told her. Justin is blowing up her phone constantly with progress reports on you. You should check he doesn’t have your house bugged.”

“He’s literally called or texted every day since I got back from Florida,” JC chuckled. “I told him to stop worrying so much.”

“Can you blame him?”

“No, I guess I can’t,” JC admitted. “I, um, I’m sorry none of you believe me.”

Michael walked over to JC. “We absolutely believe you and believe in you. Everyone is just concerned and I think we all feel a little guilty in our own way. No one realized how much you were really suffering.”

JC hung his head and forced a small smile. Getting his friend’s perspectives was hard but needed. 

“Sorry, I had a call run late,” Lance said as he jogged into the kitchen and gave Michael a quick kiss before pulling JC into a hug.

“No worries, man,” JC reassured him.

“Let me refill my water bottle and we can head outside and look over what you brought,” Lance said to him.

“Cool cool,” JC said and went into the backyard to wait for Lance.

“How’s he doing?” Lance quickly asked.

“Looks good. Sounds like JC but more…grounded? I don’t know how to describe it. Self-aware might be the correct verbiage.”

“Well that’s something we haven’t had in a while,” Lance stated before giving Michael another kiss and moving to join JC.

“C, these are…these are really good!” Lance said sometime later, putting the last of the music JC had composed down. “You did all of these in the past few weeks?”

“Heartbreak breeds creativity,” JC shrugged.

Lance looked at JC sympathetically. “I don’t like how you’re feeling but I like how you’re writing.” JC gave a small smile back. “What can I do?” Lance asked.

“Got a way for me to win Colleen back?” JC asked and knew by Lance’s expression that he didn’t. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do, really. I need to get a lot of things figured out and that’s on me. The writing is helping a ton but I’m not relying on it like I did last time. It’s a good outlet.”

“You still doing therapy every day?”

“One more week then we’ll switch to three times a week. It’s draining, for sure but I got a lot of shit that needs to be drained,” JC gave a chuckle.

“I’m really proud of you, JC. This is long overdue.”

“Yeah, wish it hadn’t taken a near mental breakdown and drunken stupor to realize it but it, uh, it actually feels good to work on something again. Didn’t think it would be myself but here we are.”

“I’m sorry about the way things went down but if it means you figuring some things out, then at least some good came of it.” JC nodded his head slightly, knowing Lance was right but still finding it hard to admit. “Can I ask you something?” Lance asked hesitantly.

“Sure, man.”

“Why didn’t you…I just…I wish you would have told me about the miscarriage,” Lance confessed. “Michael and I could have at least been there for you for that.”

JC breathed and reminded himself of what his therapist told him: be honest but be thoughtful. “I thought about it, at the time, for a brief moment. Ultimately I didn’t because I didn’t want to add to your grief but I…our situations were different.”

“We both lost kids, JC.”

“We did but the way it directly impacted us was different. I don’t want this in any way to come off as saying I had it worse or something because you’ve been trying hard for years to have these babies and faced numerous setbacks whereas Julie and I certainly never planned to have a kid.”

“Your experience is yours just as ours is unique to us, I get that.”

“Do you get that I had to hold her hand in the ER while they poked and prodded her? That I could only stand by as she’d just sob in the bathroom in pain because we were sent home and told to let “nature take its course”? You didn’t have to deal with that and, again, I’m not trying to play martyr here, I’m just saying it’s different.”

“Jesus,” Lance breathed. “I didn’t really think about that aspect of it.”

“It’s ok, I just…at the time, it would have come out angry and I didn’t want to do that to either of you. I kept it in and that was the wrong call.”

“I’m glad you at least told me now,” Lance said with a meaningful smile, extending an arm to squeeze JC’s shoulder. “I’m gonna say it again and maybe you’ll listen this time: we are always here for you, no matter what.”

“Thanks,” JC smiled back. “Actually, on that note, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Shoot.”

“When’s your next Pop2000 show?”

“Like three weeks from now, I think. I got a calendar on the dining room table I can double check. Why?”

“Would you mind if I tagged along?

“What? I mean, of course, totally fine! It’s a weekend in Texas, two shows. Does that work?” Lance asked through his disbelief at JC’s request.

“Yeah, a weekend is fine. Just let me know the dates so I can confirm.”

“Lisa can handle the travel arrangements if you are in,” Lance told him. “I gotta ask; why do you want to come? Not that I mind at all but…”

“A couple reasons. I’m trying to get out of my house more. If we’re serious about an album, a tour is probably in the cards so being around that atmosphere will be a good test to see how I do.”

“Getting onstage would be an even better one,” Lance smirked.

“Don’t push it,” JC gave his friend a gentle grin. “I also…it’s hopefully a little bit of a way to show Colleen I’m taking steps to, I don’t know, deal with stuff but it’s also good to occupy myself with something comforting at the moment. It’s been so long since I’ve been on the road, seems like a safe way to dip my toe back in.”

“JC, I would be more than happy to have you join me as long as that’s what you want to do.”

“I…I think it is. No promises on how I’ll feel after though.”

“Not that I’m trying to talk you out of this but how exactly is this going to show Colleen anything when she won’t talk to you?”

JC hung his head. “I don’t know exactly. Word gets around when I go to the dentist so I’m sure a fan will spot me and she’ll find out.”

Lance sighed. “JC, I love you and I know she loves you but do you really expect her to take you back after what you did?”

“I just want to talk to her, Lance. I want to explain best I can and if it’s not good enough, I’ll figure out a way to accept that. She deserves an explanation and an actual apology at the very least.”

“Why don’t you write her a letter and drop it off? That way she can digest everything in her own time.”

“I’ve tried writing a thousand it feels like. You know, my therapist actually made me write a letter of apology to myself,” JC gave a sad chuckle.

“Did it help?”

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever written, if I’m being honest. I’m starting to see how hard I’ve been on myself all these years.”

“Well Hallelujah to that!” Lance exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in triumph. “I’m glad you’re realizing it. People send you so much love and you just keep refusing to accept it. Maybe now a little bit will get through.”

“Colleen loved me for me and I didn’t believe her. Even when I said I did, I still doubted it because…I didn’t understand how she could. Now I get it and now it’s probably too late.”

“JC, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. You really fucked up, bad. As your friend, I know where a lot of it came from but not all of it. I think you are right; she deserves to know the grimy details of how you got to this point and what you are doing about it.”

“How is the question? How do I get through to her?”

Lance sat and thought. “Is the club an option? I mean, I don’t know where that stands with either one of you.”

“I saw Mistress Raina last week. We just ended up talking the whole time. All she said was Colleen’s been in contact with Piper, I don’t know more than that.”

“Joey explained the whole dynamic but it’s Joey so I have no idea how much to actually believe.”

“Sorry, I know you’ve been, uh, interested in learning more about, you know, us, I guess,” JC sheepishly replied, not thrilled to know Lance now knew the details of him and Colleen’s sex life but not surprised in the least the secret was now completely out.

“I get your hesitation now,” Lance said. “No judgment, guess, I mean, can you use that to your advantage?”

“I don’t want to dupe her or, honestly, influence her in any way. I just want her to listen.”

“You should know better than anyone that once you start building the wall, it’s hard for anyone to scale it, especially for the person it was designed to keep out.”

JC sighed yet again and shook his head. “I know, I wrote a whole fucking song about the concept.”

Lance pulled out his phone and started typing. “This it?” he asked JC, showing him his phone.

“How do all my demos keep getting leaked?!” he said in disbelief, staring at a YouTube link to his song “Build Some Love”.

“Well, this is over ten years old so you shouldn’t be that shocked,” Lance said before hitting play. The men sat silently listening to JC’s vocals play out of Lance’s phone. It was so bittersweet for JC to hear the song after all this time; he was still proud of the song even though it had gotten shelved. He listened and tried hard to focus on the positive parts of the emotions he was feeling.

Lance let the song play until the end and let out a breath. “You really have no clue how good you are, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” JC simply stated. “People have said it but it’s really hard to believe considering how everything shook out. I mean, I’m still working so I know I’m doing something right but I honestly don’t see it like other people do.”

“Well, let’s see if we can’t put a few pitch axe marks in your own wall,” Lance said, showing JC the phone once again, this time the comments section of the video.

JC needs to put out new music!

It bothers me how underrated he is.

This song came into my life at the perfect time. I don’t think he knows just how deeply his music can touch people.

JC puts 100% into every song he does. A demo isn’t supposed to be THIS good.

“That’s…wow,” JC said, scrolling through other comments, all of which were positive. “I don’t know what to make of all this.”

“At least you didn’t say you were humbled,” Lance smiled. “Are you sure you didn’t write that song about yourself? It certainly fits.”

“I guess it does,” JC chuckled, “and now I guess it fits Colleen.” JC stopped as he thought of something. “Wait, do you think Colleen has heard this song?”

“I highly doubt there are any songs of yours she hasn’t heard,” Lance told him. “Why? You gonna pull a John Cusack and play it outside her house?”

“Too much?”

“Unoriginal and kind of creepy. Rom-com gestures translate poorly into real life.”

“You got any better suggestions?”

“Actually, I think I do,” Lance started to form a smile across his face. “Go home and get your guitar.”

“You’re gonna put me on Tik Tok, aren’t you?” JC laughed.

“Oh, that’s only part of it,” Lance’s grin grew wider. “If I do this right, the so called inventor of the internet is about to break it.”

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Michael said lazily into his phone as he started his evening Instagram live. “How’s everyone doing?”

Once it got to about 60 people, Michael started looking at the comments. “No, this is a filter. I mean my skin is fine but this gives it a little more umph…my favorite movie is Death Becomes Her…yes, we have the baby names picked out but you’re going to have to wait to find out.”

Michael scrolled through some more, going on at least two Real Housewives rants until he found the question he knew would inevitably get asked. “Guys, ok, I know you all think it’s funny that JC lives in my backyard but it’s obviously a joke. Sure, he comes over from time to time but he certainly doesn’t live back there and you know what, I’m going to prove it,” Michael stated, getting up.

Lance had been watching the whole thing from out of view of the live stream and cued JC as soon as Michael stood up. To the viewer, Michael turned the camera to the back view and walked to the back door, sliding it open to reveal the unmistakable sound of JC’s voice.

“See, he’s not…wait, what?!” Michael said in faux amazement as he walked over to a makeshift tent in the corner of the yard that JC sat cross legged underneath, Lisa’s dog Leona asleep in his lap and Dale curled up beside him. Chip paced back and forth in front of the set up as JC strummed his guitar and sang.

We both have some reservations 

A couple fears, a couple doubts

And we both burn with complications 

But those just need to be put out

The insecurities can scream like thunder

But I’ll hold you close to me and then somehow

We’ll tear it down 

And build some love

Build some love

We’ll tear it down 

And build some love

Build some love

And I know we’ll make it to the end of the line

Even if we break it one piece at a time

Let’s tear it down 

And build some love

Build some love…

Midway through the song, Michael turned the camera to reveal his shocked face then returned it to view JC. As the bridge ended, Michael interrupted as was planned. “JC, are those my new sheets from Target you have strung up?”

“You guys don’t let me sleep in the house and it’s supposed to rain later,” JC deadpanned. 

“Well there you have it, folks,” Michael said as he turned the camera back to himself and headed back inside, seeing the view count had quadrupled at this point. “JC lives in the backyard, steals our sheets and serenades the dogs. I hope that clears up any misnomers.”

Once Michael closed the door, Lance ducked and ran over to JC. “That was amazing! I filmed the whole thing from my end as well. People are already losing their minds,” Lance said, having joined Michael’s live to show JC the comments. “Be prepared, this is definitely going to go viral.”

“Great,” JC laughed. “See why I don’t do this stuff. It’s always some huge deal when I breathe.”

“Joey put his entire naked ass on Instagram and it didn’t make the news. You know why?” JC shrugged. “Because it’s Joey doing something stupid, must be a Tuesday. You don’t tweet, you don’t post, you hide. So when you do anything, it’s a big fucking deal. You don’t want it to be a big deal, put more shit out there and fans won’t clamor for it as much.”

“Seems counter intuitive.”

“It’s supply and demand, JC, plain and simple. Give them more, they’ll desire it less, or at very least not bug the rest of us as much.”

JC laughed and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and viewed the message he’d just received. JC pressed his lips together in an effort to maintain his composure. “I guess it worked. Good plan,” he said to Lance, showing him the message.

Colleen: I’m proud of you.

Lance wrapped his arms around JC, nearly knocking him over and sending the dogs scurrying. “Go slow. I’m gonna grab Michael’s footage and have you trending on Tik Tok within the hour. I’ll post it on Instagram too so you can see it,” Lance told him as he got up and went back in the house. “Michael, hurry up, we gotta get dinner for the four dogs.”

“We’re feeding him now too?!” JC heard Michael exclaim before the door shut. JC laughed and was really glad Tik Tok or other social media wasn’t around during their heyday. The amount of footage that had to be edited out of The Reel *NSYNC dvd proved that having access to a live feature would have been disastrous.

JC turned back to his phone and responded to Colleen.

JC: Wasn’t sure if you’d be watching.

C: I tune in for Michael’s Housewives takes.

JC: Surprised you two don’t text each other during the airings.

C: We do but it’s still fun to hear him go off.

JC didn’t know what else to say even though he had a million things he wanted to share.

JC: How are you?

C: I’m not great, if I’m being honest. You seem to be doing ok though.

JC: Looks can be deceiving. It’s been a really tough month but I’m trying really hard to work through it. I’d really like to tell you what’s going on and how sorry I am, if you’d let me.

C: I know you’re sorry. It doesn’t undo what happened, not just with us but everything you’ve let fester for years. People keep telling me how hard you’re working on it and I don’t doubt it but I’m still really angry and hurt and I need to figure out what’s best for me right now. 

JC: I understand that. I owe you some kind of closure on this and I just want you to know I’m here to talk whenever you are ready.

The texts stopped for a few moments after that. JC breathed, relieved he heard from Colleen but regretful he couldn’t do more.

C: I’ll let you know. I love you and I’m worried seeing you or even hearing your voice is going to give me amnesia and I’m going to just leap into your arms at any moment. I can’t do this again, JC. I’m not saying it has to be perfect from here on out but I can’t be with someone who’s going to shut down and run away when things get bad instead of talk to me about them. 

J: I understand and that’s completely fair. I want to show you I am ready to talk it out but I’m not going to push.

C: Ok.

JC: Ok as in I get you and I’ll think it over or ok as in fuck off and go play in one of the wildfires?

C: Moreso the first then the second but don’t think that still isn’t an option.

JC: I consider myself warned.

The phone went silent after that. JC packed up the set up and ushered the dogs inside as Lance was pulling out some vegetables from the refrigerator and Michael was cleaning up his art supplies. “How’d it go?” Lance asked.

“We texted a little. She’s not ready to talk yet but she said she’ll let me know when she is.”

“Call that a win for the day,” Lance smiled. “Stay for dinner, I’m making veggie stir fry.”

“Can’t argue against that,” JC replied. “So, am I a Tik Tok star yet?”

“He only posted it a few minutes ago but it already has…” Michael pulled out his phone and looked, “eighteen thousand views. Expect your phone to blow up in about a half hour.”

JC pulled out his phone and opened Instagram. “Wow, I’m already getting tagged like crazy,” he said, viewing a few stories. He scrolled through his notifications and one in particular stood out from the rest.

colleen.lasota.esq: @jcchasezofficial Looks more like a doghouse than a tent to me.

JC liked the comment then tried not to think of the additional frenzy he was about to set off as he replied.

jcchasezofficial: @colleen.lasota.esq Guess Motley Crüe said it best…

He tried to keep it cryptic but knew fans would start sleuthing immediately and making up theories. For once, he didn’t care, it only mattered that Colleen figured out the clue.

“Why are you smirking?” Michael asked as he caught JC’s expression. 

“Nothing, just, reading through some of these comments.”

The look didn’t sit right with Michael, who pulled his phone back up and scrolled through the growing comments. It didn’t take him long to find the exchange as he looked back at JC and cocked his eyebrow. He showed his phone to Lance who also looked at JC skeptically. “I know you have eclectic taste but I didn’t take you to be a Motley Crüe fan,” Lance stated.

“Chris‘s influence. He used to play their New Tattoo album all the time on the bus when it came out.”

“Inside joke, I take it?”

“No, just appropriate to the situation,” JC laughed and pulled up the track on his phone. Vince Neil’s screeching vocals filled the room as “Treat Me Like the Dog I Am” started playing.

Oh Master, go faster

You’re my bitch and I’m your bastard

At the dog pound, make me beg

Got me with my tail between my legs

Lance and Michael went between shock and fits of uncontrollable laughter as they listened. “Dear Lord, Joshua Scott, what have you done?!” Lance held onto his island counter to keep from falling over. 

“Well, if this was your way of reintegrating back onto social media, nothing is more on brand then you being dirty yet discrete,” Michael offered.

“I’m putting in some good wine to chill. Something tells me it’s gonna be a long night,” Lance stated, wiping away his tears of laughter.

JC went back to Instagram and watched the comments continue to pour in and smiled. So many fans sending love and thanks, a few pointing out his comment to Colleen and vowing to figure out the meaning. He’d been so scared to post things at the risk of it coming out wrong or being taken in a way he truly didn’t intend that it nearly made it him anxious so he’d stopped altogether. This time though, it was almost liberating to share something with the world again. He’d been telling himself he didn’t miss being famous and all the drama and lack of privacy that came with it he was certainly happy to have left behind. He sacrificed performing for a quiet life and it was hitting him how much he missed that, how he missed interacting with fans, how much was still in him to share. So much of his life was getting re-examined as of late and JC felt ready to at least consider adding public life back into the equation.