“Damn,” JC whistled as Colleen slid into the passenger seat of his Mercedes. “Matthew strikes again.” The canary yellow cocktail dress contrasted beautifully against Colleen’s skin and hugged her in all the right places. There was a small cut out showing her right clavicle that jutted from her cap sleeve that JC knew would be tempting him all night.

“Thanks,” she smiled back at JC as she secured her seat belt. “This isn’t the Oscars so I had to actually buy this one. Pretty sure I can get away with wearing it to work so I don’t mind.”

“Dare I ask how much it set you back?”

“It’s from Victoria Beckham’s line so I request to be buried in this,” Colleen laughed then showed JC her hand. “But look what I did get to borrow though.” JC looked down at the shimmering yellow gemstone on Colleen’s middle finger. 

“Is that a diamond?”

“No, it’s a citrine but Matthew talked a designer friend of his into loaning it for the evening.” While Colleen considered herself more minimalistic in her normal jewelry options, she had to admit that this was a dazzler. After so many months apart and their relationship still finding its feet once again, Colleen had been looking forward to this charity gala ever since JC asked her to attend.

“Thanks for coming with me,” JC said, as if he was reading her mind as he pulled out of her driveway.

“Thanks for the invite,” she smiled back. She finally took notice of JC’s dark blue suit that seemed to shimmer slightly as the light hit it. A simple white shirt laid underneath, unbuttoned slightly to leave room for the matching blue scarf with flecks of white and yellow that adorned JC’s neck. No wonder he asked what color dress she was wearing. Tousled hair and his glasses completed the look. “Did you go see Matthew as well?”

“No, uh, haven’t been able to wear this suit in a while. Only bought the scarf to match with you.”

“Who knew you were so stylish?” Colleen teased.

“Hey, I have style! I went through a very aggressive Dolce & Gabbana phase at one point.”

“Yeah, twenty years ago,” Colleen chuckled as she slid her hand over JC’s. “You look gorgeous. I’m really excited we’re doing this.”

“Me too,” JC gave her hand a quick squeeze. They were back together but things still weren’t quite right in JC’s eyes. Sure, they could sit and talk, go to dinner or hang out with friends but despite their mind blowing make up sex previously, Colleen was still timid when it came to their intimacy. She hadn’t brought her stuff back over to JC’s house nor had she even slept over as of yet. When they did have sex, Colleen wasn’t up for any of their normal play. JC was patient, however, and figured she just needed to ease herself back in.

Colleen held JC’s hand as they drove and she watched the tourists mingle down Sunset. She had wanted to look perfect for tonight. Even though all the money was going towards an amazing cause, she knew the tickets cost more than even the dress had. JC wanted to give her a special night out and she was determined to return the favor. They were slowly reconnecting and as much as she vowed she was going to commit to this relationship, something was holding her back. The problem was, she couldn’t figure out what it was.

JC pulled his car up to the valet at the Downtown Ritz-Carlton. A gentleman approached and opened Colleen’s door as he extended his hand to help her out. JC handed over his keys then came around to retrieve Colleen, putting a hand on the small of her back and guiding her inside.

While by no means as lavish as the Elton John party, there was still technically a red carpet to be navigated. This time, JC did a small interview to speak on how much the organization meant to him as Colleen dutifully stood by. It was always amazing to watch JC speak about something he was passionate about, no matter the topic.

The ballroom was spacious and typical of any found in a hotel. Colleen and JC beelined for the bar and a cocktail to start off the night. The event was much more low key but a few famous faces peppered the crowd.

“You forgot to mention Babyface was performing,” Colleen chided JC as she found a program for the evening.

“Really?” JC looked over at the program. “I honestly didn’t even notice when I got the tickets. That’s a great booking though.”

“Well, considering the amount of talented singers I see in the room, I imagine it’ll get particularly fun once the liquor starts flowing,” she smiled as she caught Cassadee Pope and Andra Day chatting. 

“Wish you could have witnessed Clive Davis’s Pre Grammy parties. Talk about talent all stuffed in one room, everybody drinking and singing over top of one another,” JC remembered wistfully.

“I’ve seen some video but I’m sure it’s a completely different experience in person,” Colleen smiled.

The two mingled with their fellow guests as the hors d’oeuvres were passed about. JC caught up with Jesse McCartney while Colleen was happy to get reacquainted with Ian Somerhalder as she had worked with him to get his Producer credit for the last season of The Vampire Diaries. 

Just as their conversation with Jordan Sparks concluded and they were about to grab another drink before dinner commenced, a voice cut through the air that stopped them both dead in their tracks. “About time you finally showed up instead of just writing a check,” the voice teased.

JC swallowed hard and turned around, forcing a smile on his face. He looked down at the diminutive woman with the smug look who had addressed him. “Hi Eva,” he said calmly. “I wasn’t aware you were working with this charity. I’m sure they are happy to have your support.” JC had run into Eva a few times since they broke up but it was always a polite and fast hello and goodbye; it was never a conversation.

Colleen put on her lawyer face as she turned with JC and casually but confidently slid her arm into his, signifying not only her support for him but wanting to send a clear message that they were together. Eva stood in her sequin emerald green gown and made no attempt to hide that she was giving Colleen a through once over as she sipped her martini.

“How could I not? One in every three sex traffic victims are from Latin America. If I can help lend my support to these women in any way, I of course would want to.” Colleen didn’t doubt Eva’s sincerity but she still didn’t trust the woman. “Now JC, how rude. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your date?”

JC kept his composure as he made the introductions. “Colleen, Eva. Eva, Colleen, my girlfriend.”

“Oh, you have a title?” Eva smirked as she extended her hand to Colleen. Colleen caught the passive aggressive move as Eva used her left hand, meaning her large ruby engagement ring and wedding band were prominently displayed for both to see. Colleen wanted to be snarky and say the combination with her dress made her look like a Christmas tree but behaved herself, extending her own jewelry clad hand to meet her. “A pleasure,” Eva oozed.

“It’s very nice of you to lend your valuable time to such a great cause,” Colleen responded.

Eva raised an eyebrow, also catching how Colleen had responded. Meek, she was not and Eva had no issue playing hardball. “Oh, this ring is gorgeous!” Eva exclaimed, examining Colleen’s hand. “Of course, it would be better if it was just one finger over,” Eva lilted her voice.

“Well, Josh and I have only been dating a little over a year so it’s still a bit early,” Colleen smiled politely as she retrieved her hand.

“Josh?” Eva repeated as an amused look crossed her face. Colleen knew she’d played her trump card early but was hoping it would make the conversation end more quickly. “I suppose you can change up the name now that you aren’t working as much,” Eva grinned. 

“Still JC professionally but Josh to those I’m close with,” JC squeezed Colleen’s side as he spoke.

“Gosh, the only person I knew to call you Josh was your dominatrix,” Eva stated, her voice growing a touch louder. “Well, technically that was Joshua, if I recall.”

“She still does,” JC said matter of factly.

Eva’s face faltered just a touch at JC’s remark but she recovered quickly. “Awww, that’s so cute. How nice you still want to be a freak at your age. Most people would have realized a stable wife and a family would be the best thing by now but not you,” she grinned. “Colleen, better be sure you can keep up with his filthy mind.”

“I’m not concerned,” Colleen smiled back sweetly. “It’s mine he has to keep up with…at his age and all.”

“Well, just make sure he doesn’t turn into one of those pervy old men who whacks off in the back corner of a video store,” Eva gave a large laugh.

“Video store…oh yeah, I remember those! Geez, speaking of age…” Colleen giggled, causing Eva to cease immediately.

“Well,” Eva straightened her dress, being sure to show off more of her cleavage. “God bless you, Colleen. JC is an incredibly sweet guy. Poetry, flowers, all that fairytale crap; he’s your man. He’s very into pleasing a woman, if you get my drift,” Eva winked. “It’s nice at first but at the end of the day, I needed someone with a little more…dominance.”

“Oh, I definitely get your drift,” Colleen countered. “I can absolutely see where his affection could be overwhelming to someone who simply couldn’t handle being treated like a queen. It takes a certain confidence to know what you are worthy of and having someone who shows it to you? Well, to me, it’s the best thing ever but I can see where other girls wouldn’t be able to appreciate it.”

Eva’s face was turning red and JC stood in complete awe of Colleen at the moment. The way Colleen was showing her appreciation for the very things Eva ridiculed him for was powerful to watch. Eva saw his submissive nature as a weakness whereas Colleen never once made him feel bad about himself for it.

“Josh,” Colleen turned to him, holding her hand out, “I believe you were going to get me a drink to enjoy during dinner?”

JC picked up on all the cues as he held Colleen’s hand up and kissed the back of it. “Yes, M…uh, yes, I was,” he purposely stumbled. He didn’t care if Eva thought this was their dynamic, he only cared that she saw that he was finally happy. “Goodbye Eva,” he said pointedly, feeling like he was finally releasing the ghost of her from within him as he turned and escorted Colleen to the bar.

“Have a great night!” Colleen called over her shoulder as they walked away. As soon as they reached the bar, Colleen gasped in shock at the previous exchange. “Oh My God, I’m so sorry! Did I go too far? I just…it was so hard not to punch her in her tiny head.”

“You were perfect,” JC smiled at her. As the bartender approached, JC ordered them another round of drinks and each a shot of Maker’s.

“What are we toasting?” Colleen asked as she was handed her shot.

“To soulmates,” JC smiled and clinked her glass.

“Soulmates?” Colleen questioned. “I mean, I was a catty bitch to your ex girlfriend, don’t know if that’s soulmate worthy.”

“Do you not think that’s what we are?”

“I mean, I hadn’t really thought about it but, I suppose if such a thing exists then, yeah, I guess we are.”

“Way to have such enthusiasm,” JC laughed. “Ok then, how about a toast to realizing the dreams we once had aren’t always the best things for us?”

“And that sometimes the unrealistic dreams turn out to be perfect,” Colleen smiled and brushed her free hand over JC’s cheek as they once again clinked glasses and took their shots. They exchanged a brief kiss before heading to their table.

“You realize you called yourself catty and Justin’s going to have a field day when I tell him,” JC teased as they walked.

“Um, I would like to address this flowers and poetry business,” Colleen teased right back.

“I wrote you a song, that counts for something,” JC laughed.

“I can name three off the top of my head I know are about her so try again,” Colleen gave him a look with a smile.

“What’s your favorite flower?”

“Poppies.”

“Interesting…any particular reason?”

“I was way too into The Wizard of Oz as a kid,” Colleen chuckled. JC pulled out Colleen’s chair for her to sit as he thought back to the scene of the characters running through the poppy field in the movie. He gave Colleen a sly smile of recognition as he took his seat and settled in to watch the multitude of speeches for the evening.

Dinner flew by and soon they were both on the dance floor as Babyface crooned to the crowd. “I knew we’d be getting a show,” Colleen smiled as she watched Aloe Blacc climb up on the stage.

“He’s a good dude. Haven’t heard anything new from him in a bit though. Miss his voice,” JC commented.

“Gee, sounds like someone else I know,” Colleen poked him in the rib cage.

“Patience, patience,” JC teased. “Gotta give Lance and Michael some time with the twins first.”

“Have they slept yet?”

“They have a night nurse and lots of Ambien, they’ll be ok.”

“You sure you’re ok?”

“So far I’ve only seen pictures. In person, holding them…we’ll see. We talked, they know it might be tough so we’re just gonna take it one step at a time.”

Colleen smiled as she kissed JC on the cheek. The moment was short lived however as they both heard JC’s name being called. “JC! I see you dancing with that beautiful woman. Get up here and serenade her properly,” Aloe shouted into the crowd.

JC tried to wave him off but Aloe persisted. “See why I don’t normally go to these things,” he chuckled as he gave Colleen a quick kiss and trotted to the stage to a round of applause, embracing his fellow artists.

“JC Chasez,” Babyface properly introduced him. JC gave a small wave to the crowd. “I remember writing for *NSYNC back when you all were huge. You guys were so gracious and humble and it’s great to see the work all of you continue to do in the industry.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind,” JC said back, putting the microphone between his palms and bowing.

“Yeah, but we need to hear you sing!” Aloe shouted, eliciting another round of clapping and shouting from the audience.

“Well, I’m a little rusty so please be kind,” JC told them. The three musicians lowered their mics to talk amongst themselves. Colleen readied her cell phone to capture whatever was about to happen.

“Oh no, I am not singing Beyoncé,” JC pulled up his mic and laughed.

“You have the range,” Aloe reassured him. 

JC blew out a long breath. “Ok, but don’t make fun when it sounds rough,” he said, pulling up the lyrics on his phone as a guide. Sure, he knew the song but performing it live and unrehearsed…his palms were sweating to say the least. His eyes sought out Colleen in the crowd, who gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. He also caught Eva down in front of the crowd, looking like she was just waiting for him to fail. He looked back at Colleen’s bright smile of encouragement and decided to give it all he could.

“Oh good Jesus,” Colleen excitedly exclaimed as the music started and she began recording. Babyface sat at the piano and started singing the beginning lines of “Best Thing I Never Had” as JC bobbed along getting into the flow of it. Aloe took the first verse as all three joined in the chorus. Finally, JC’s verse was up and Colleen saw the singer she fell in love with all those years ago emerge from his cocoon.

So sad, you’re hurt

Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?

You don’t deserve my tears

I guess that’s why they ain’t there

JC was already feeling the passion of the song and fought hard not to sing it directly at Eva as she stared him down. Instead he tweaked the lyrics just slightly to fit the situation. 

So when I think of the time 

When I swore I loved you

You showed your ass and baby yes

I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it

Thank God I dodged the bullet

I’m so over you

Baby good looking out

Again, all three singers joined in the chorus as JC’s runs started to emerge. Babyface and Aloe smiled brightly as JC poured his heart out to the crowd, like he always did every time he performed. Babyface took the beginning of the bridge, Aloe the middle and they gave JC the crescendo at the end, that he let rip like a cathartic scream into the night sky.

Thank God I found the good in goodbye

JC jumped around the stage as he ran right into the chorus for a third time, the smile on his face illuminating the room. Colleen fought to keep her hand steady and her voice silent as she filmed, tears of pride streaming down her face.

The song slowed to the end as the trio sang in unison. As Babyface hit the last key, the room exploded into uproarious applause, shouts and screams of approval. JC dared to look down at Eva to no longer find her standing in the crowd. JC didn’t care; she was gone, she was really truly gone for good.

JC exchanged hugs with both men and the members of the band he could reach. He gave a final wave to the audience as he hopped off the stage and back to Colleen. She lost all sense of decorum as she saw him coming and leapt into his arms the moment she could, engaging him in a passionate kiss.

“You were amazing, baby,” she cried. “I’m so immensely proud of you.”

“Thanks,” JC said, setting her back on her feet. “It, uh, it felt good.”

Colleen didn’t say a word and kissed him again. She didn’t want to push but was thrilled to no end that JC allowed himself to get a taste of performing again. She hoped he’d feel the same way tomorrow as he did right now.

The rest of the evening was filled with dancing and congratulations to JC on his performance. Colleen’s face hurt from smiling but it was worth it. This was all over one song; imagine how the world was going to react when the album came out…the tour. JC was humble as always but Colleen was bursting at the seams with excitement.

After catching up with Babyface after his set, the couple decided to call it a night. Back in the car, Colleen once again watched the nightlife roam down Sunset, her mindset completely different than the drive the opposite direction a few hours earlier.

“Josh?” she asked cautiously. “Do you think it might be ok if I stayed over tonight?”

“Of course,” JC smiled and patted her leg. He switched lanes to head to his place instead of dropping her off. 

Walking into JC’s room felt like coming home as Colleen took it all in. Not a thing had changed since she was last in there months ago, right down to her jewelry dish on the side table. She’d purposely kept to the downstairs over the past month and she was glad she waited for the right moment to return.

JC unzipped her dress and hung it in the closet as he gave her the same t shirt and boxers she wore the first time she slept over. They crawled into bed as JC instantly pulled her into his arms, placing soft kisses on her forehead and down her neck to the tip of her shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” he confessed.

“I’ve missed you too,” Colleen gave him a light smile. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Definitely an eventful night.”

“We seem to have a lot of those.”

“Never as good to retell the story, always better to have someone to share it with.”

The two stared at each other, grinning like teenagers in puppy love. “What do you want?” JC whispered.

“Right now, I just want you to hold me until I fall asleep,” she told him.

“That I can do,” he gave her a chaste kiss as he released his grip on her to let her get comfortable. Once settled, JC stroked Colleen’s hair and began softly singing “Girlfriend”, this time without prompting. Colleen giggled before she dozed off, JC’s voice soothing her to sleep once more.

Colleen awoke with a start the next morning. It took her a moment to remember where she was and then tried not to panic when she didn’t find JC in bed next to her. She knew it; the night before with Eva had finally gotten to him and he was out doing something self destructive at that very moment.

She sprung out of bed and grabbed her phone, quickly finding Justin’s number. She was about to press call when she caught that the French doors to the balcony were open. Colleen cautiously approached as she saw JC sitting cross legged on a mat on the ground, eyes closed, palms up, looking calm and relaxed.

The sun was hitting JC head on so with his back to Colleen, it was almost like his whole body was illuminated by the light. It made Colleen instantly think of another incredible Beyoncé song, Halo.

“Crap, now I’m thinking in song lyrics,” Colleen thought to herself as she watched JC with the song playing in her brain. He smashed through every wall she had easily, burned every rule she’d had in place. They were all for her own self protection but JC inevitably found his way in.

That’s what the hold up had been, Colleen realized. She didn’t want to believe she could truly let loose again with JC. She wanted to be with him but was scared to let him in once more, scared he’d self destruct again at any moment. Watching him last night, how he handled Eva, how he commanded himself onstage and now sitting and reflecting and taking it all in…Colleen finally felt confident he was going to be ok. They were going to be ok. In that moment, her heart finally forgave him.

“Hey,” JC finally said softly, shaking Colleen from her thoughts. “You sleep ok?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Not really. I stayed up for a while and journaled. Lots of thoughts about last night.”

“I can only imagine. How are you feeling today?”

“Good,” JC breathed. “I feel…I don’t know. I just feel like today is truly the start of a brand new day. Like we’ve got limitless possibilities ahead of us.”

“Well then, let’s make this brand new day a good one,” Colleen smiled down at him.

“Do I get to spend it with you?”

“I was hoping that would be the case.”

“Then it’s already a good day,” JC stood and kissed her.