While Colleen did get a good night’s sleep, JC was up until 2:30am trying to turn his thoughts into some sort of melody but to no avail. Frustrated, he finally went to bed and didn’t wake up until after 10am the next day, a rarity for him to sleep that late no matter what time his head hit the pillow. After making his coffee, he went back in the studio to try to pick up where he had left off.

He hadn’t written anything in nearly a year at this point so he wasn’t exactly surprised it was a struggle but it was aggravating nonetheless. He wanted to write about how he was feeling but since he was so confused about how he was feeling, it was coming out very disjointed. He tried to pivot to work on his set aside musical but spent most of the time just refamiliarizing himself with it that no work really got done.

The growl of JC’s stomach made him finally look at the clock to see it was just passing 6:30pm. With a sigh, JC closed up the studio for the day and headed toward his fridge. “Dammit, I need to go shopping,” he muttered to himself as he surveyed the bare contents. He grabbed a yogurt to tide him over as he wrote a fast list on his phone and headed out the door.

Halfway to the store, JC’s stomach told him waiting much longer wasn’t going to be an option so he changed direction at the next light and headed toward his favorite sushi joint. It sat just off the beach and with the temperature cool and the sunset coming soon, it would be a great spot to unwind. It also would have been a great spot for some company.

JC went through a mental rolodex in his brain of who to call. Lance was probably headed to Rocco’s, he didn’t know if Justin was in town, Autumn was busy on a shoot. He quickly tried Kevin but he got voicemail. He tossed the phone on the passenger seat and sighed. He knew he wasn’t alone in the world but he hated the moments he felt like he was.

Then he remembered the one person he should call. It would be too soon though, wouldn’t it? JC bit his lip, debating. He sat at the light toward the beaches and decided to throw caution to the wind as he grabbed his phone and hit talk to text.

Hey, I know this is crazy last minute but would you like to join me for some sushi? I’m starving and could really use the company.

Colleen glanced up from her files at her phone as it buzzed and practically fell out of her chair as JC’s message lit up. It was happening! JC had not only texted back but was now asking her on a date?! She wanted to run around and scream with joy but knew she had to pull herself together to respond.

Sure, I’ve been working the past few hours and could use the break. Where at?

As soon as it was sent, Colleen threw open her closet and quickly pulled out a few outfit choices. She guessed there would be no time for another shower so she plugged in her curling iron in case she needed it.

JC’s radio cut off as the text from Colleen came in over the sound system. He smiled at the casualness of her response, making him feel like he’d made the right choice.

It’s called Ryu’s off Manhattan bitch. Not sure how close that is to you so cool if it’s too far.

Colleen laughed out loud at JC’s misspelling. She quickly googled the restaurant to get an idea of the atmosphere. “Fuck, this is romantic,” she thought as she swiped through the gallery. She looked over the clothes she had pulled out and elected a light yellow plaid sundress with spaghetti straps and an asymmetrical cut that would flow nicely in the breeze and not come off too formal. She found some neutral wedges, a white jacket to keep warm and dug out a wicker style handbag to complete the look.

It’s not too far. Can you give me about 30?

The response came through to JC as he was turning on the street headed to the restaurant. His stomach decided to remind him once more just how hungry he was and he gave it a swat. “Shut up, you. I’m getting there.”

That sounds great. I’ll get a table in the meantime. 

Shit, was he already there?! Colleen didn’t have time to spare as she put a few soft beach waves in her hair and applied the barest amount of eyeliner and eye shadow and grabbed a handful of lipsticks she’d sort out on the way over.

Thanks. Heading out the door now. See you soon.

Colleen bounded out of the house and into her car. So far, every interaction with JC was far removed from what she had ever anticipated. It was exciting but she kept having to recalibrate at every turn. She wanted to be who he wanted her to be but also wanted to still be herself. Colleen wasn’t sure yet if or where those two intersected but was hoping they did more than just their general common kink interest.

God was on Colleen’s side that night as she breezed through nearly every light as she drove. She pulled into the parking lot and recognized JC’s Rubicon instantly and parked as close to it as possible. She still wasn’t sure this was actually happening and didn’t know how to test out if she was actually in a coma for a brain injury because nothing seemed real anymore. Colleen pulled out a light pink lipgloss that she quickly applied and exited her car, wondering what other unfathomable interaction awaited her.

JC was keeping an eye on the door so he saw Colleen as soon as she entered. “Wow,” he mouthed to himself as he waved his hand to get her attention. This was by far the most casual he had seen her and he wasn’t sure if this was closer to who she truly was or she was just a chameleon to her environment.

Colleen’s smile beamed bright at JC as she walked over to meet him. He stood up to greet her. “Well, I feel severely underdressed,” JC joked as he showed off his canvas sneakers, dark jeans, black long sleeve t-shirt & bright blue baseball cap. 

“You look perfectly fine,” Colleen reassured him. “Thank you for the invite.”

“Thank you for accepting.” They both took their seats as JC continued. “I would have ordered you a drink but I realized I wasn’t sure what to get you.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Colleen told him. “I appreciate you waiting for me. I got really lucky with the traffic to make it as fast as I did.”

“Well, if I’m being honest, I’ve already had two shrimp egg rolls,” JC admitted sheepishly. “I really was starving.”

Colleen laughed and forgave him as she perused the menu. Within a few moments, they were ordered and JC was asking her all the typical first date, getting to know you questions. She grew up in Carson City, Nevada with a dentist for a mom and a college professor for a dad. Her brother Vincenzo was 7 years her junior and was a coach at a camp teaching kids to ride dirt bikes after having made a decent go of a professional career on the circuit. She went to the college her father taught at for undergrad and got accepted to Stanford Law for grad school. Despite graduating in the top ten of her class, it was tough for her to find a job as a lawyer right away. She bided her time as a file clerk for a divorce attorney for a while and was finally promoted after piping up with a solution to a particularly volatile case. From then on, she worked up the ranks and when she had enough credibility, switched to entertainment law as it was far less depressing.

JC shared about his family and upbringing and Colleen did all she could to keep from saying “Yes, I know” with some of his stories. It was so bizarre to have a leisurely conversation with someone that you knew so much about their life already. It was the tidbits she didn’t know that made the conversation for her. He talked about going back and forth to Bowie during his MMC days and how that affected him. He mentioned his move to LA after the show and his intent to “give it a year” to see if he could make it before enrolling in college. “But then, you know, the band,” he joked, whirling his head to indicate that his reason for not going was obvious. He regretted not getting the traditional college experience but knew how privileged he was to have the journey he has had. Even so, he’s been taking online college courses here and there when he sees something worth learning.

“That’s how I ended up with the subject of the musical I’m working on,” he said after a bite of his spicy tuna roll. “I took this amazing course all about Greek tragedies and my writing partner remembered some from his college days and we got to talking and, boom, here we are, trying to do some kind of justice to 7000 year old text.”

“Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you aren’t ambitious,” Colleen pointed out as she grabbed another pot sticker. “I don’t know much about musicals. What’s that process like?”

“Honestly, I don’t either, other than that I enjoy them. We’re just writing songs based off how we think the characters would be feeling at a given moment in the storyline. I had set it aside for a while and actually just picked it back up today. My writing is a bit rusty.”

“Is it finding the words or the tone or the melody or...sorry, I don’t know the first thing about song writing so I apologize if I’m asking really silly questions.”

“No such thing as a silly question,” JC smiled at her. “The process of every song is unique but in this case, I’m having a hard time getting in the headspace of the one character.”

“Am I allowed to ask for more details or are you someone who keeps their art close to the vest until it’s complete?”

JC hesitated. She had read him right; he wasn’t very comfortable sharing his works in progress with anyone he wasn’t collaborating with. He always valued his colleagues input when he asked for it however so maybe Colleen’s perceptive would prove helpful.

“Ok,” JC stated, wiping his mouth with his napkin and returning it to his lap. “So the main character is this guy who’s this very revered war hero so well known by everyone. The character I’m writing for is a woman who lives in an adjoining farmland and sees him all the time coming & going from his adventures but she’s never spoken to him because even though she knows all these things about him, he feels so out of her reach.”

Colleen blinked hard at JC. “And this concept is confusing to you how exactly?”

“I can’t remember the last time I had a crush on someone. I mean, like a long term one. If I’m interested in someone, I might not rush but I’ll eventually do something about it.”

“Hopefully like tonight,” Colleen thought to herself before speaking. “How long has she had this crush on him?”

“A long time, like years and years. He’s been riding by her house since they were teenagers to train. His notoriety catapulted after he got back from war because he led this successful sneak attack against the enemy and the empire expanded due to it. She never knew what to say to him before and now she feels like he’s just unattainable.”

“He’s actually fucking with me at this point,” Colleen was starting to deduce as she studied JC. “So the issue is you don’t know how to write about pining for a love you can’t have? I’m familiar enough with your work to know that’s a lie.”

JC blushed, “Well, thank you but it’s not that exactly. It’s more like, every time I try to write it, I can’t get past why she just doesn’t go talk to him. I know it’s the character and I can’t change it but I don’t understand it.”

“Maybe she’s scared. She’s got this idea of him and meeting him either proves she was right and she’ll fall head over heels for him or he’s nothing like she imagined and her fantasy is ruined. Or worse yet, if he’s amazing and he just doesn’t like her.”

“But then she’d at least know instead of all this wishful thinking.”

“What’s so bad about wishful thinking?”

“Nothing in general but if you can turn that thought into action, at least you tried, right? I’d rather know if the person I had a thing for was the real deal or not.”

Colleen put her chopsticks down and spoke to JC. “Let’s think about it as though it were modern times. Think of your hero as a famous...actor. And she’s a fan from the middle of nowhere. Take away her ability to meet him and what do you have?” JC shrugged so Colleen continued, “You have a girl who took interest in this guy for one reason or another and has watched him and his career grow over the years. As he gets more famous, she learns more about him and she forms this one sided emotional connection because she feels like she knows him now even though he doesn’t know her.”

“So what she knows, she likes and she’s guessing on all the rest? That sounds more like imposing your ideals and aspirations of a partner onto someone based off crumbs of information and finding them attractive.”

“Perhaps a bit but that person is already demonstrating so many of the things you’re looking for, it feels like an easy and logical leap to believe that if it’s proven they do X, they probably do Y.” JC still looked at Colleen quizzically and she let out a loud sigh in response. There was only one way to get this through his head so might as well get it out of the way now before she was in too deep.

“When I was about 9 or so, I saw this boy on my tv and thought he was cute and talented. Soon his picture was in like Tiger Beat or Bop or whatever it was and there would be the silly getting to know you questions that fueled my crush. Fast forward a few years and there I am screaming at his concerts, his posters plastered on my walls. I’m watching every interview and getting to know him as a person. Yes, it’s through a tv or a Rolling Stone article, but I’m connecting all these little nuggets of who he is and I’m liking more and more what I’m discovering.”

“I feel like I have a good guess who you are talking about,” JC smiled slyly.

“Based on how this conversation is going, I can already guarantee you are wrong,” Colleen deadpanned before continuing. “Anyway, college senior year, he released this album that just...it was more adult and deep and vulnerable and aggressive and sexy then anything I’d heard from him before. It resonated with me in this way I can’t describe.”

“Sometimes music just speaks to you, you don’t have to rationalize it,” JC interjected.

“Well, that’s how emotion works too. You fall for who you fall for. Now the music and the interviews and such were so much more personal. I felt like if I met this guy, we’d hit it off and that fueled me through lonely nights and bad breakups.”

“So you have a thing for Jus….I mean, this guy. Ok, I get you can’t just walk up to him and ask him out.”

“Exactly. This guy, who is not Justin Timberlake by the way, has meant a lot to me over the years. He introduced me to so many new artists, he showed me what persistence and passion looked like, he helped me discover my sexuality just by being himself. How do you tell a stranger the vast impact they’ve had on your life without freaking them the hell out?”

“Hmmmm,” JC pondered, sitting back in his chair, his index finger coming to rest on his lips. He thought about the times fans had approached him and told him how much he meant to them. It was always very sweet and well meaning and he was happy to be some part of those memories for them and to pose for a picture. Yet even after so many years as “JC”, he still didn’t comprehend how the sight of himself reduced some grown women to fits of tears. It was the same idea; they thought he was more special than he actually was. The fact was he was just an ordinary guy who lived through a very extraordinary and public experience. 

“Clearly I need to change my mode of thinking about this,” he finally said.

“I get it,” Colleen said, finishing the last sip of her Riesling. “You haven’t been on the other side of it since you were probably a kid. If you start liking some model, you could easily get a hold of her for a date.”

“So did you ever meet him? This not Justin Timberlake singer guy you got the hots for?”

Colleen stifled a laugh, “I did actually, against all odds, it did happen.”

“Did you tell him how you felt?”

“In a roundabout way, yes. Didn’t want to scare him by coming on full force with it.”

“And how’d he react?”

The amusement of the conversation was practically making Colleen’s eyes water. “I’m pretty sure he didn’t get what I was saying. Perhaps for the best so things didn’t turn awkward.”

“Was he everything you hoped for? Like, he lived up to the hype in your head?”

“He vastly exceeded it.”

“That’s really cool. I’m always afraid I’m not gonna be what people expect and like, I don’t know, I don’t want to taint their memories by being just boring me.”

Colleen reached across the table and grabbed JC’s hand. “JC, you don’t have to put on a show for people anymore. People who have been your fans for this long just want you to be you and hopefully see that you’re happy.”

JC smiled at Colleen until it nearly made his eyes twinkle. “You wanna go for a walk?”

“I’d love to,” Colleen smiled back. JC paid the check and the two were out the door shortly.

“You ever gonna tell me who this mystery guy is?” JC asked as they started to leave.

Colleen couldn’t hold her laugh in this time and replied, “I have a feeling you’ll figure it out….eventually.”