Colleen forced a smile as they clinked their glasses and she raised hers to her lips. Her nose caught a whiff of the alcohol and her stomach churned in disgust. She didn’t know if it was psychosomatic or not but it didn’t matter as she put the drink back down and made a run up the stairs to the bathroom.

“Babe?” JC called after her as he set his own glass down and followed. He found her on her knees in front of the toilet, wiping her mouth then resting her head on the rim.

“Not today. Not today,” she muttered to herself. “You couldn’t have held off until tomorrow.”

“Colleen, are you ok?” he knelt next to her and rubbed her back. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

“No…just came from the doctor,” Colleen told him, gauging if she was going to puke again.

“Ok…what did the doctor say?” JC attempted to remain calm but his mind was already leaping to the worst possibilities.

“I’m not dying, Josh,” she assured him, knowing that would be his chief thought. “Can we do this tomorrow? Today is about you.”

He almost considered it as Colleen went to stand until she immediately collapsed back down to throw up again. JC wetted a wash cloth and placed it on the back of her neck. He’d only ever seen her with a cold; being sick was new in a way he hadn’t expected.

“If I have to spend the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, I’d prefer to know why I’m here,” he attempted to joke while feeling like he was about to puke himself out of sheer worry at any moment.

Colleen sat back and sighed, looking down at her lap. “Don’t freak out…and I know by saying it that’s exactly what you’ll do but don’t.”

“Ok,” JC lied.

She breathed deep and told herself just to rip the bandaid off and get it out, even though she knew nothing would ever be the same once the words left her lips, no matter how this played out. “Josh, I’m pregnant.”

JC stopped breathing and blinked. He didn’t know what he’d expected her to say but it certainly wasn’t that. He felt like he just got hit by a bus and couldn’t even begin to figure out how to react.

“Yeah, so that’s happening,” Colleen tried to brush off as she stood up successfully this time and made her way to the sink to clean up. Her makeup was ruined between the breakdown earlier and the puking so she decided just to wipe it all off.

“How far?” JC finally spoke up, still sitting on the floor. “I mean, how far along are you?”

“Six weeks,” she confessed, looking at him through the mirror. “Guess we celebrated our not engagement a bit too hard after we left your parents.”

“How?”

“How what? How am I pregnant? If I’m being completely honest, I think the fact I haven’t gotten pregnant before this is the real miracle.”

“We’re careful.”

“I’m on birth control, which you didn’t even know when we had sex, without a condom, for the first time. We haven’t been careful, we’ve been lucky…or maybe we’re lucky now, I don’t know.”

“What do you think?” JC finally looked at her, his own feelings still too numb to be shared. 

“I think the timing is complete shit. I think I’m scared but a little excited. I think I’m more worried about you than I am me.”

“Why?” JC asked in confusion.

Colleen knelt back down and took his hand. “Because I don’t want you making yourself sick with worry that what happened last time will happen again. I’m not blind to it, I know the statistics. I wrote it off long ago as even a possibility but now…Josh, I don’t know. I’m too scared to be happy just yet.”

JC wordless pulled her into his arms and held her. She was right, he was already tense with stress that he’d have to relive that hell all over again. It had been bad with Julie but Colleen…seeing her like that…he feared it would completely break him. He almost didn’t want to believe it could work this time, easier to prepare for the worst than pray for the best. Still, if it did, if they had a baby…

“You aren’t canceling the tour,” Colleen mumbled into him as she saw him go for his phone.

“I can’t leave you here alone,” JC stated adamantly.

“We’ll figure it out if we get to that point,” Colleen protested.

“You don’t sound confident. Did the doctor say…?”

“No, the doctor said everything seems good and come back in a month for a checkup. Yeah, my age is a factor but I’m in good health so…yeah…”

“Did you, um, did they do an ultrasound?”

“No, too early still,” she told him.

The couple sat silently for some time, JC turning his phone to do not disturb to limit the incessant chiming. The world had waited twenty years for an *NSYNC reunion; they could wait a few hours more.

“Ok, no, we aren’t going to do this,” Colleen finally said, patting his leg and sitting up. “We can’t sit here and worry and stress, especially not today. Today is about you, about the band. This…this is a good day and we need to celebrate.”

“Colleen, I’m still trying to process all this,” JC answered honestly when he didn’t budge from Colleen tugging at his arm to get him to stand.

“I know, me too but you’ve worked too hard to not enjoy today. We can freak out and fret tomorrow. Today, we smile and dance.”

“About the reunited band or about potentially being parents?”

“About whatever is going to make you happy,” she smiled at him as he reluctantly stood. She grabbed his phone out of his hand and pulled open his Apple Music. Soon the joyful vocals of Pharrell Williams echoed off the walls as Colleen began to over exaggeratedly dance.

It might seem crazy what I’m about to say

“A little forced,” JC gently teased.

Colleen paused the song and gave him a deadpan look as the next selection started.

I got this feeling, inside my bones

“Turn that off!” JC laughed loudly as Colleen’s face broke into a smile.

“Fine, you choose, Music Man,” she handed the phone over, challenging him.

JC scrolled quickly through his library and grinned as he found the perfect song, setting his phone down on the counter and grabbing Colleen’s hand. A familiar keyboard filled the air as JC began to sing over the vocals.

What I want, you’ve got

And it might be hard to handle

But like a flame that burns the candle

The candle feeds the flame

Colleen laughed and danced around with JC to the Hall & Oates classic, both being absolutely silly and sincere at the same time, letting themselves have a few unfiltered moments of pure joy.

Well well well you

You make a my dreams come true

“Never took you for a cheesy 80s guy,” Colleen caught her breath as the song ended.

“A good song is a good song,” he smiled, panting a bit. “Jesus, if this is winding me, the next few months are going to be hell.”

“Tell me about it,” Colleen rolled her eyes and patted her stomach. She instantly regretted her decision as the mood in the room quickly sombered. “Sorry, I was just…”

“It’s ok,” JC grabbed her hands and smiled kindly at her. “It’s just past 11am and it’s already been a lot of day. I think I’m gonna take a few moments and meditate then see if I can have a chat with Dr. Graham. Doc is already on stand by for me anyway with the announcement today.”

“You do whatever you need to do,” Colleen smiled up at him, proud of him for knowing now how to utilize his resources and not fly off the handle. “I’m gonna catch up on all the internet shenanigans I’ve been missing since the announcement.”

“Actually, can I ask you a weird favor? Well, two, technically.”

“You can ask,” she gave him a sly smile.

“Ok, first one, not so weird but, uh, I know we planned a quiet night but I think, if they’re free, I’d like to go to Lance and Michael’s for dinner, if that’s ok? I really want to talk this through with them since…”

“Of course it’s ok,” Colleen told him. “Hit me with the weird one.”

JC chuckled and picked his phone back up. “I promised I’d hop on Twitter and engage with some fans but I just…I can’t do it just yet.” Colleen rubbed his arm in understanding. “Would it be ok if you posted something and maybe fielded a few questions while I get myself squared away? You can get some of your fan girl out as long as you don’t spoil anything.”

“I never even heard a full song so I’m gonna be just as surprised as everyone else,” Colleen laughed. “Not a problem, baby.”

“I actually have the perfect picture for you to use,” he grinned as he showed her the picture he took earlier.

“You jackass!” she yelled with laughter, swatting his arm. “No, you know what? Send it to me, I’m gonna own this.”

JC did so and smiled at Colleen. His girlfriend, his partner and maybe, just maybe, the mother of his child. His heart was beginning to warm up to the idea. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she kissed him and began to leave but quickly turned back. “So, just to clarify? Sharing your favorite sushi roll is ok but sharing your favorite sex position is…?”

“Unconfirmed since you know I like them all,” JC grinned back.

“So just say you like lots of sex. I mean, they know that but always good to give a reminder from time to time,” she winked and waved goodbye with a giggle.

JC watched her leave and gave a contented sigh. So much had needed to be figured out before Colleen’s news but being away when she would be going through her last trimester would make the distance even harder. He walked out to the balcony off his bedroom with a million questions bouncing around in his head. He knew he couldn’t begin to answer them all right now and decided to do the only thing he knew he could: sit down and acknowledge the feelings he was having in this moment. He couldn’t change the status of the band now and Colleen would still be pregnant tomorrow…he hoped.