June 2003
Orlando, FL

JC tossed and turned in the sheets, restless, and unable to sleep. Usually, he had no trouble falling asleep; often passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow. But, slmost a month had passed since she left, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a decent night’s sleep.

If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he could almost feel her breath on the back of his neck, her lips brushing so softly that a tingle went down his spine. He could feel her arm wrapping around his waist, holding him as they drifted off to sleep.

He could feel her, imagine her so vividly, and was surprised when he put his hand there to feel nothing but his own hot skin.

He shifted from laying on his back to his side and flipped the pillow over, resting his cheek on the cool cotton fabric. Finally, he gave up and flung the pillow across the bedroom in frustration.

It wasn’t like he’d never spent nights without her before; they’d probably spent more nights apart than together, but this was different. At least then he could close his eyes knowing he was one night closer to being with her again.

On the nightstand, the vibrant green light of the alarm clock reflected 5:00 am – too early to get up, but too late to try and sleep when he had to be up in a few hours anyway.

Next to the clock, his phone lay, red light blinking in the darkness.

Expelling a deep breath, he resigned himself to reality – he wasn’t sleeping tonight.  

Without bothering to turn on the lamp, JC pawed at the phone on the wooden surface. Rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes, he strained to read the messages on his phone – all from the guys trying to check on him.  

Though they were taking a break from the group, they were still his best friends, and he’d told them everything.

Everything except the news she’d given him before she left. He couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone about their baby – it was too much for his already sick heart to contend with. It was hard enough to cope with the loss of the girl he’d loved since he was nineteen years old; it was easier to pretend he never knew about the decision she’d made without him.

He dropped the phone without responding to any of his friends and closed his eyes, expelling a deep breath. He knew it was stupid, but part of him hoped it was her finally returning the countless calls and messages he’d sent after dropping her off at her parent’s house.  

With her already on his mind and unable to sleep, he decided to try one more time. He picked the phone back up, dialed her number, and waited for the same voicemail message he’d heard during every other attempt. It seemed like it rang forever before a sleepy voice responded.

“Josh?”  

His heart seemed to stop at the sound of her voice, but then it went into a gallop. “I wasn’t expecting you to answer.”

“I wasn’t either.” She yawned on the other end. “What are you doing up already?”

“I haven’t really been able to sleep since...”  

Her soft chuckle came through the phone before he could finish. “You? Not able to sleep? That’s funny.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” He smiled a small smile at the sound of her laughter. He loved that light and sweet sound. He could picture the amusement dancing in her beautiful brown eyes. “How are you doing, Court?”

“I’m getting by, Josh.”

“Good.” He nodded though she couldn’t see. “The baby?” The questioned rolled off his tongue before he understood what he was asking.

 “Josh, I – “ She sighed deeply before pausing; he sensed hesitation in her voice and hoped she would say she changed her mind, but that hope quickly died. “There is no baby.” She answered softly.

“Can I come pick you up?” He asked, not caring how desperate he sounded. “Just come home and let’s talk about this.”

For a moment, there was nothing, just silence. He thought she’d hung, but he heard her sniffle and inhale. “There’s nothing to talk about, Josh.”  

It felt like her words ripped the heart right out of his chest, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Just give me some clarity, Court.” He pinched his eyes shut, tried to force out the tears that wanted to fall. But they wouldn't come. His sense of loss went well beyond tears.  “You’ve hit me out of nowhere with all of this.”  

“With you skipping my graduation and finding out I was pregnant, I just - “ Her sniffles had now turned into tears. “I want a normal life and a normal relationship. You can’t give me that – just let me go. Please.” With those words, she disconnected the call before he could protest.

May 2013
North Carolina

The hospital cafeteria was quiet. The long institutional-type tables were empty except for Courtney, two female nurses and male hospital worker, who occupied another table on the other side of the room.

Her scheduled surgery, a quick and routine procedure, had gone off without a hitch; leaving her with some free time before afternoon rounds, unless an emergency case came in – which was rare in the small county hospital. It was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, so she decided to enjoy a cup of coffee, avoiding the stack she need to review.  

She was skimming an old gossip magazine she’d found at the nurse’s station and sipping from her steaming cup when an article caught her eye. It was a brief story about some fancy Oscar’s viewing party in LA accompanied by pictures of the singers, actors, and other big wigs attending. The photo that held her attention was like many other similar photos she’d run across over the years; JC out on the town with some beautiful, glamorous, and leggy woman. Like those other times, she shut the magazine and pushed it away.  

After all the years, she couldn’t handle seeing him with someone else – even if she was the one who told him to move on.  

A tray hitting the table pulled her thoughts from JC, and she looked up just as she was joined at the table by another surgeon in her residency program, Jake.

 “Hey, Courtney.”

He was a handsome guy; nice complexion, smooth skin, large green eyes, dimples in his smile, and the straightest set of pearly whites she’d ever seen. Tall and muscular with dark wavy hair, he was the object of many a nurse’s affection, but he’d had his eyes on Courtney since they began working together.

“Hi, Jake.” She feigned a smile, no more interested in him this time than she was the other times he’d approached her.

He grinned from ear to ear and took the largest bite he possibly could out of an apple. “I’m having a few friends over my place for drinks on Friday night.” He said, swallowing before speaking. “What time should I pick you up?”

“You know I can’t, Jake.” She sighed, recycling the same line she’d given him before. “I have a daughter, and my sitter is overworked as it is.”

“What about her dad?”

“It’s none of your business, but he isn’t in the picture; it’s just the two of us, and I like it that way.” She responded bluntly.

He gave her what she assumed was one of his most charming smiles, leaning across the table. “C’mon Court, it’s just one-“

“Don’t call me that.” She cut him off, her stomach dropping at the name. Nobody had called her that since JC.  

He appeared taken aback by her outburst but didn’t have a chance to respond before Courtney’s phone started vibrating on the table.

Silently excusing herself from the situation, Courtney stood and answered, assuming it was for work. “This is Courtney.”  

“Miss Mills, this is Mrs. Thompson – Harper’s teacher.”

Courtney stopped in her tracks. “Is she goofing off in class again?” It wouldn’t be the first time the school had called her complaining about her daughter, the class clown. “I’ve talked to her about this a million times – I don’t know where she gets it from, Mrs. Thompson. I’m sorry and I-“

“No, Miss Mills.” The teacher interjected. “Harper’s actually been very mellow today. I’m calling because she fell during gym class and broke her glasses. Do you have an extra pair you could run up to the school for her? She’s having a hard time following along in class without them.”

“I actually have an appointment in a few, and that was her extra pair,” Courtney answered, checking her watch. “Can you sit her closer to the board or something? I’ll take her to the eye doctor this evening to get a new pair.”

“No, Miss Mills, I’m afraid that won’t work.” Mrs. Thompson responded matter-of-factly. “The strain isn’t good for her eyes – if you can’t break away, could her father come to handle this?”

Courtney took a deep breath, biting her lip, so fed up with that question for the day. “I’ll be right there.”