December 1995

Orlando, FL

It was a beautiful Florida morning, warm and sultry with cloudless blue skies overhead. None of it found its way into JC's box of a bedroom; they'd lowered the air conditioning by several degrees the night before, and the room was freezing, but Courtney didn't mind. She loved a cold room to sleep in and mornings like this - in his bed, completely tangled with both him and the blanket.

The mornings when she would wake up in the wee hours, before the rest of the town (and her parents) began to stir, and the first thing she registered was the warmth radiating from behind, wrapping around and embracing her.

She sighed, and leaned back a bit, further into the warmth.

Her movement caused him to start fidgeting, pulling her even closer, and nuzzling her dark hair. He let out a contented sigh of his own and casually draped a leg over hers.

Courtney smiled and let him completely latch onto her. It was nice, comforting, and oh so warm. She snuggled herself deeper into the comforter and him; she wasn't looking forward to leaving the warmth of his bed and rushing home before her parents woke up and realized she was gone.

"Do you have to go?" His voice was soft and raspy with sleep. She was attracted to, and loved, almost everything about him; His sleepy voice was no exception.

"Uh-hm." She hummed in return, and he tightened his arm around her.

"You could hang out with me and the guys today." He offered.

She turned in his arms and looked at him. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing through his nose. Deep, calming breaths.

"I would love that." She returned his embrace with all the love she felt for him. The feel of his bare skin, his smell, the heat generating from his body made her feel so inexplicably happy. It seemed her whole world was with him; just him and all she wanted to do was hold him and hear his voice every day. "But what should I tell my parents when they ask why I wasn't in my room this morning?"

"You'll be eighteen in a few months, Courtney." He said, brushing her hair out of her face and tenderly tucking it behind her ear. "Tell them the truth."

The absurdity of his thought made her snicker.

"Hey, guys, I just want you to know that I sometimes sneak out of the house to have sex and spend the night with my older boyfriend." She mocked.

Of course, her parents knew they were a couple, and they were fond of her boyfriend. Despite the two-year age difference between them, the down-to-earth, well-mannered young man won her parents over the first time she brought him home. But, just because they approved of the two teenagers' relationship, Courtney wasn't sure even her usually laid-back parents would be so accepting of their midnight rendezvous..."

He smiled, and she felt her heart skitter. It always did. Every time. Without fail. She loved to watch his smile transform his face, to see his brilliant blue eyes light up over something she'd said. She couldn't even pretend to concentrate anytime he flashed that big, goofy grin at her. "But, seriously," He continued. "We've been dating for a few months now; they have to know that we're doing more than just going to the movies and the mall on date nights."

"I'm their only child, sweetheart." Leaning up, she planted a soft kiss under his chin. "I think they choose to remain blissfully ignorant."

He ran his hand over the back of her head, tunneling his fingers through her hair. Without thinking, she lowered her head, so he could reach her neck, allowing him to press his fingertips into the muscles he found there. "Well, they better get used to the idea of their little girl being grown up, because as soon as you finish school and the group takes off, I'm going to marry you, Courtney."

A soft moan escaped her, and she arched her neck against his hand. "Are you sure about that?"

She looked into his eyes, saw his love and earnest resolve. "Do you love me?" He asked.

"Of course, Josh. More than anything - you know that." She nodded, watching him, waiting. When he only stared at her, his eyes darting between hers, she leaned forward and kissed him. Slowly, thoroughly, leaving no doubt in either of their minds.

When she pulled away, he smiled at her again. "Then, I'm sure."

September 2004

Long Island, NY

JC sat alone in the corner of the ballroom.

Elbows propped up on the table, he watched his friends on the dancefloor with their significant others and the rest of the wedding attendees as he nursed the last drops of his beer – contemplating the sad tale of events that led him to be there right now.

Ruthless memories assaulted him.

The problem with trying hard?not?to think about her was that it meant he usually thought about her even more.

Even after almost a year and a half, learning to be without her was weird.

He could be fine for weeks, but some mornings, he would wake up, and his heart would feel heavy for no reason at all.

It would feel like he lost her all over again.

He reasoned that was the hardest part of their breakup; not saying goodbye, but rather trying to fill the void, the emptiness that she left inside of his heart.

When he received the invite to Joey's wedding, he knew it would be hard for him; to stand in witness of another couple's love. Love they'd captured, mastered, achieved and nailed down. The love he'd lost.

Weddings were supposed to restore hope and the belief in love, but it just made JC's feeling of loss that much more palpable.

Even his chest hurt as if he'd been pummeled by love; as if a broken heart were an actual physical ailment. And there was no question that his heart was still broken after all the time that had passed; there were still days he couldn't bring himself to eat or sleep.

But, push came to shove, he couldn't let Joey down. Missing his best friend's wedding would have been the coward's way out. He was going to look his demons in the eye and support his friend on the happiest day of his life.

So, alone, he sat.

A sigh left his lips before he picked up the bottle and virtually threw the contents into his mouth, but they barely touched the orifice; instead the liquid cascaded straight down his throat; the bitter, hoppy-tinged flavor not registering as JC sat the empty bottle down and lifted another bottle to open it.

His head fuzzed, and he knew he was well on his way to being inebriated – one beer closer to drowning his sorrows.

The sound of a chair being pulled out prompted him to look up from his beer. His own drink in hand, Lance had sat down across from him. "It's a wedding, not a wake, JC." He light-heartedly teased his grim friend.

"I'm just minding my own business, man." JC forced a smile even though he thought his face might crack with the strain.

Lance assessed him with a strangely knowing look before offering a sigh. "It's been over a year, JC." He shook his head sadly.

JC's fingers tightened around the bottle. As if he chose to remain lovesick over the woman who'd walked out on him over a year ago? "Lance, I know this is Joey's day, and I'm super happy for him, but it's hard for me..." He paused to take a sip of the beer, then glanced at Joey and his bride out on the dancefloor – just a stark reminder of what he had lost and what would never be.

Lance turned his head and followed JC's eyes to where they'd settled. Shaking his head once more, he pushed his glass aside and leaned across the table towards him. "I get it, JC, I do." He reached out and laid a gentle, reassuring hand on JC's wrist. "It should be you and Courtney; we all thought it would be, but it's not. She's gone, JC, and you need to get out there and live your life, brother, go have some fun. I can point you to a table full of drunk, desperate, and single bridesmaids."

JC snickered a little before he said, "Thanks, but no thanks, Lance."

He pondered Lance's words as he took another swig of his beer. Even if just for one night, no other woman could ever replace her.

"I wonder what she's doing right now..." Speaking more to himself than Lance, the words slipped from his lips as he sat the bottle back down on the table.

"Probably nothing; she never has time to do anything," Lance muttered, bringing his glass to his lips.

"What?" Though barely audible, Lance's words caught JC's attention sharply. "Have you talked to her?" He asked, not that it mattered. Even if Lance could tell him how she was doing, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"No, I mean, I'm just assuming she doesn't have the time, JC." Lance quickly sputtered and, after a few moments of silence in which he opened and shut his mouth many times in a row, he continued, "Like, she's a doctor now, right? They work long hours, and they're always on call..."

JC just nodded and stared past his friend into the crowd of people on the dancefloor, not really seeing any of them.

All he could think about was how much he missed her.

He missed her smile, her laugh, her deep velvet brown eyes.

And he missed her kisses.

He missed her often, and he missed her hard. He missed her more than he, or anyone, would ever understand.

June 2013

Los Angeles

"Have you seen her yet?" Joey asked JC as the two men sat on the former's patio, watching a rosy California sunset.

The grill was smoldering a few feet away from the swimming pool, and Joey's two daughters were running through the backyard, laughing in the twilight of early evening.

Watching the little girls twirling and squealing, JC felt a pang of loss thinking of all the evenings he'd missed watching his own daughter playing.

"Courtney and Lance sent me some pictures, but I won't get to meet her until next week when they fly back with Lance." He responded, instinctively reaching for his phone in his pocket. "Do you want to see?"

He pulled up his gallery and scrolled through the dozens of pictures he'd received of the little girl over the past two weeks. He decided on the photo Courtney had sent to him the night before; the dark-haired little girl with warm olive skin like her mother and bright orange glasses sitting on a pink bicycle in a driveway, grinning from ear to ear.

JC couldn't help but marvel at the little girl every time he received a new picture, or Courtney let him talk to her on the phone. He'd looked at her pictures over and over since learning the truth, trying to get the idea of fatherhood to sink in while simultaneously trying to understand why he wasn't told there was another life on this earth that he'd helped create.

"Sure, let me see this kid." Grabbed the phone out of JC's hand and began to swipe through the pictures, "How did Lance not know this was your kid?" He snorted. "The poor girl has your nose and your ears; she's the spitting image of you." He tossed the phone back to JC. "What's her name again?"

"Harper." JC passed his hand, like a caress, over the picture on the phone's screen. "Harper Scott Mills"

Joey turned his attention to his daughters – tutted and smiled. "This is crazy, man, how're you feeling?"

"I don't really know, Joey, I'm not sure how to feel," JC answered, honestly. He felt so many emotions at once, and at the forefront of all of those was anger; at Courtney for hiding Harper from him for so long, but mostly at himself for not being there. "I just hope the kid can forgive me." He sighed, sadly.

Since he'd found out about Harper, a feeling suspiciously like guilt curdled unpleasantly in his stomach.

"For what, man?" Joey asked, incredulously. "You didn't know."

"Didn't I, Joey?" JC's hands flailed with a kind of helplessness, then fell to his lap, and he gave a groan of frustration. "Courtney told me she was pregnant, and I just let her go."

"She also told you that she wasn't going through with it and fell off the face of the planet; you're not to blame." Joey lifted an eyebrow, and the look he sent his friend was decidedly arch. "She’s the only guilty party in all of this - how are you mad at yourself?."

Part of him knew Joey was right, but another more stubborn part of him was sick thinking of how he'd spent almost ten years of his life moving on while, all that time, there was a daughter who needed him out in the world.

Yes, Courtney was the one who'd decided to leave, but he was the one who chose not to fight it. They had both made separate choices all those years ago, and now they were paying the price.

Rather, their daughter, Harper, was paying the price.

JC shook his head, emphatically. "When she told me that she was pregnant, I should have fought harder for her to come back. I should have been there to raise my daughter."

"You can't beat yourself up over this. Let me give you your first lesson of fatherhood, man." Joey offered gently. "Listen to me, the dad guilt is real, and it will never stop. You'll always feel like you're not doing enough, but you do the best you can, JC." He reached over to give his friend's shoulder a reassuring shake. "I know you would've been there if you'd known the truth."

"Does Harper know that, though?" Joey's advice wasn't very effective; JC's guilt remained and, like the tides of a hurricane, threatened to swallow him whole, tearing him apart from the inside out.

All Joey could offer was a shrug. "Probably not, but now it's on you to show her."